


Before You Go -NaruSasu-

by AlyssIsBadAtWritting



Category: Naruto
Genre: Collage, Fanfiction, Gay, Japan, Love, M/M, Music, School, Sex, Singing, Sports, beforeyougo, maturenaruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 98,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssIsBadAtWritting/pseuds/AlyssIsBadAtWritting
Summary: “Stinky Sasuke!”“You big Dummy...” he whispered, blush staining his cheeks as he did..~.Sasuke loved Naruto with every atom inside his body. Naruto himself was too young to see it at first, but he too loved the raven with all his heart. They spent every moment together. And when they were separated for even a day, they would have been placed back together again for they could never bear to be apart from one another.But Itachi got himself thrown in prison, and Sasuke himself thrown into foster care. Only to be adopted and flown to America without any explanation to his little sunshine. He waited for his friend until he himself forgot the reason for waiting. Sasuke never forgot, but Naruto did, losing a piece of himself as the memories of Sasuke left him.But when they finally meet again. It's a fucking mess.And Sasuke walks a line of tread as he tries to regain Naruto's friendship.While trying not to fall for his recovered sunshine again.And Naruto?He's almost unreachable it seems.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 18
Kudos: 77
Collections: NaruSasu





	1. ~Prologue~

((⚠️TW⚠️  
Sex  
Drugs  
Death  
Homophobia  
Suicide  
Self Harm  
Rape  


'.~.' Means time skip!!!)) 

Naruto wasn't necessarily defined as a good child or even a bad one. If he had to be summarized in a few words, many of the adults around him would describe him as loud, extroverted, and loud. He never saw himself like this. He almost saw himself as quite away. Or more in the sense of when he was in public. When he was at home, he was more energetic than ever. At age five, he had single-handedly made the entire neighborhood aware of his existence. And he lived in a vast neighborhood, from his mini concerts with the clean pots and pans to his elaborate chalk drawings that stretched from his sidewalk to what seemed like half of Japan, and mostly from rumors.

The rumors had a range, from petty little things like his oddly colored hair and love from drawing whiskers on his face to his beloved Mother and Father, and how they were poorly raising their child.

Of course, the Mother and Father knew about these rumors, but they saw no reason to pay attention. For it was their son, and since he was only a child once, why not let him be one? What was wrong with allowing him sometimes to have three cookies instead of two? Or letting him watch T.V past his bedtime?

They didn't need to be perfect parents; in their opinion, perfect people were as attractive as a bottle of water. They were right in some ways, like the things they could do. But in the end, perfect people were as tasteless and the first sip of water, because there was no difference. So if Minato and Kushina could be that one different water flavor, they would do it proudly.

They were encouraging their son to do things that made them happy, as well as Naruto. So when he was told one Wednesday to head to the local park for a little while. The seven-year-old instantly obeyed and sprinted out of his house, most likely not wearing socks underneath his old dirty sneakers. As he ran to his favorite place, the local park. One that was the hot spot for children and passing University students, who sometimes walked from their school to the small park.

The park had been built a long time ago, and almost everything in it was either a second from breaking or a pubic safety hazard. But it was a safe place for Naruto a place where he could just run wild and free. Fearless of the judgments of other people.

When Naruto arrived at the park, the first thing he did was rush to the top of the play structure. One that probably had more germs on it that people on earth, but Naruto still climbed it. Perhaps it was because he felt like he was at the top of the world when he did. He could see everything from up there, and he felt like someday, when he grew taller and maybe stronger. He could perhaps see more. Naruto wobbled at the thought of that. As a child, he always found himself fearing growing older and having to give up things to become an adult. Not that he hated the idea of having enough money to buy ramen every single night, but the idea that he had to work to get said money was not a very pleasant one.

The boy shook his head to remove those kinds of thoughts, as he climbed down from the structure and made his way over to the parks only swing. It was a ratty old thing, with a strained and old rope, and a splintered seat. Yet Naruto loved it. He loved to turn sideways on it in the shade, feeling like a bird in away.

But that day, when Naruto had hoped on the swing and taken to the air. Letting out small yelps of joy, he felt the rope on his left side tug, making it halt the swing entirely. Which in return, launched Naruto off his dirty swing and threw him into the dirt.

Naruto winced as he felt a sting on his freshly scraped knees. But he instantly jumped up and turned around to discover the reason for his sudden halt. And he didn't have to look very far.

Perched upon the branch that the swing was tied too, sat a small boy. He was crouched like a small animal next to another figure, which was hard for the blond to make out due to the branches surrounding it. The boy who he could see, however, was very distinct. He had long raven, duck-like, hair that blew gently around his pale face as he glared intently at the blond below him. His arms looked frail and skinny, as well as his legs, which were as bruised as Naruto's. His eyes were a darker shade of grey than any Naruto had ever seen, and they looked hollow and dull to the boy.

"You big stinky!" Naruto cried out as he pointed at the unknown boy. Who in response, threw a stick at Naruto, who let out a very loud and dramatic 'Ouch!'.

"Shush up, you big Dummy!" The boy called back. His voice was low but high. And he was not happy with seeing Naruto. For whatever reason. "My Big Brothers sleeping! And he won't be able to if you don't keep your big fat mouth shut!"

"My mouth is not fat, you meanie! And how do I know your brothers really up there? How can I tell that you don't just want me to go away?"

"I do want you to go away! Your annoying!"

"Well, I don't wanna stay with a big jerk like you anyway, so there!"

"Great! Then leave!" The boy shouted.

"No!"

"Why not!"

"Because you want me too, and that would take away the point of me leaving!" Naruto called back, in his most smart-sounding tone.

"That doesn't make any sense- Whoah!" At that very moment, however, the black-haired boy began to sway on his perch. He flapped his arms like a bird in a humans grasp, but he leaned too far forward. Naruto let out a cry as he (Without thinking) began to rush below the tree, believing that he could catch the boy. However, he never needed to. For in the last second, a pair of strong-looking arms grasped the boy's waist, preventing his fall.

A second later, Naruto was not alone on the ground. Two people were there with him. The same bratty boy, and what Naruto believed to be his older brother. He had the same dark hair as the boy, and cold eyes; however, looked softer? He also had long lines running down his face, most likely from a lack of sleep. Naruto's Father sometimes got those when he stayed up late watching weird movies.

"Are you alright, Sasuke?" The older boy asked as he placed his younger brother, who's name was Sasuke, down on the ground. Sasuke gave a small nod as he turned away with pink cheeks. The older boy gave a little grin as he then bent down to Naruto. Turning away for a moment to give a little cough. "Your knees... you need to treat the cuts."

"Why?" Naruto asked, curiously. He was always being cleaned up from his parent's adventures, but he never really understood why they had to do it, especially if it stung so much.

"Well, if you don't treat your wounds, bad things can happen to your body. So that's why you need to clean them."

"Because if you don't, then a bunch of worms will crawl into your body and eat up your-!"

"Sasuke," The older brother said warningly. "Please get the bag so we can help...?"

"Naruto!" The blond said happily as the boy led him to a treatment bench. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki!"

"That's a nice name. My name is Itachi, and that is my little brother Sasuke."

"Don't tell him that Itachi!" Sasuke snapped as he slammed a small bag down next to his brother. "You are not supposed to tell strangers your name!"

"Sasuke, be nice. Naruto was going to try and catch you if you fell from the tree I saw him..."

"You weren't asleep?" Sasuke cried as he jumped up in surprise.

"Ouch!" Naruto cried as Itachi began to dab Naruto's wound with an alcohol wipe.

"I'm sorry, Naruto, just take a deep breath, and it should feel better," Itachi whispered as he placed a large bandaid over Naruto's kneecaps. "There we go, all done! Can you walk, okay?"

"Un-huh!" The blond said joyfully as he lept from the bench.

"Alright then..." Itachi said gently as he packed up the medical supplies that had just been removed from the bag. The older boy then turned his head to see his brother kicking the woodchips and looking very ashamed. "Say, Sasuke... why don't you play a game with Naruto?"

"Eh?" Sasuke questioned with an annoyed tone. "Why should I play with him?"

"To make up for calling him a Dummy.", Itachi responded with a raise of the eyebrows. Sasuke's cheeks went red as he sighed and turned to face Naruto, who had himself crouched like a squirrel. He was picking at the woodchips like they were the most exciting thing in the world, and Sasuke would have to play with him. The boy groaned and turned to face Itachi, with a pleading look in his eyes. But Itachi shook his head back at Sasuke; he was not getting out of this.

"Hey..." Sasuke murmured. But not loud enough for Naruto to hear him, which only infuriated Sasuke more. "Hey!"

"Huh? What do you want?" Naruto said grumpily as he stood and faced Sasuke. "Eh? Why are you so red?"

"Because Dummy-!" Sasuke began to say, but he stopped himself, knowing that Itachi was still watching. "...Because it's hot out. D-Do you want to play a game with me?"

"Hmm, nope!"

"Why not!?"

"Because you called me a Dummy! And you said I had a fat mouth! And you-!"

"I'm sorry!" Sasuke cried as he interrupted Naruto wishing for this humiliation to end. "I shouldn't have said those things! So can you please play with me...? Just one game..."

Naruto tilted his head to the side as he looked into Sasuke's eyes. He was analyzing them in a way and looking to see if he meant his given apology. Sasuke turned his head away from Naruto's gaze, partly from embarrassment, and because with every second that passed, Naruto took more steps towards Sasuke.

However, after a few more steps, Sasuke found himself pressed up against a tree, with Naruto in front of him. His head still tilted to the side. Sasuke closed his eyes for a brief second, perhaps in fear of what Naruto would say. Or maybe even because Naruto's blue eyes had shaken him to his very core. But they snapped open once again when he felt a jab on his shoulder.

"Your it!" Naruto cried as he suddenly took off like a bullet. Racing around the park like a wild animal and calling out to Sasuke, daring him to catch him. The raven-haired boy stood still for only a second more. Before he too took off at top speed, chasing after the blond with everything he had. "You can't catch me, Stinky Sasuke!"

"We'll see about that!" Sasuke cried out as he continued to chase after Naruto with a large smirk on his face. Naruto turned his head slightly to stick out his tongue at Sasuke to find his foot hitting against a stone in the park. Sending the blond flying in, god knows what direction before he landed in a heap of woodchips.

"Plea! Ew!" Naruto cried as he frantically wiped his tongue free of dirty of woodchips. "Yucky!"

"Naruto! Are you okay?" The boy turned his head to see Sasuke frantically running towards him. Stumbling over his feet and nearly falling on his face as he did. But when he finally did reach Naruto, he took his face in his hands. Turning the blonds cubby cheeks side to side, checking for any scraps. "Are you hurt anywhere? Itachi! Itachi help!"

Naruto's jaw was nearly hitting the floor. Who was this? It certainly wasn't Sasuke! But it did look very much like him! "Pfft!"

"Eh? What's so funny?"

"Are you worried about me, Sasuke?" Naruto said teasingly as he heard footsteps approaching them.

"Ah, no!" Sasuke cried as he jumped up and quickly turned his back on Naruto. Naruto giggled as he too stood up and walked up to Sasuke once again.

"Can we play again?" The blond questioned playfully, bouncing up and down. Not lacking any energy. "How about hide-and-seek?"

"No, dummy! Don't you see the adults? They're coming for us!" Sasuke said in an annoyed tone as he stamped his foot. Naruto, at that sentence, readjusted his gaze.

"Hey! That's my Mom and Dad!" Naruto said proudly as he turned once again to face Sasuke. But the blonde's face fell once he caught sight of Sasukes. Which had suddenly turned even duller than before? "Sasuke?"

"What?" Sasuke responded quietly.

"Um, were are your parents? Is Itachi babysitting you for them?" Naruto asked gently placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"That's none of your business!" Sasuke snapped. "Your such an airhead Naruto! Your prying in my business and we've only just met! So keep your big mouth shut and... and...!"

But Sasuke could not finish his sentence; his throat constricted the moments he caught sight of Naruto's hurt face. His lower lip was trembling, and his eyes seemed to be welling up with tears. Sasuke instantly felt regret for shouting at Naruto. He knew that he hadn't meant any harm when he asked about Uchiha's parents. And now he had made a boy, who had been kind to him, cry. As overdramatized as it was.

"W-W-Why, are you so mean, Sasuke?" The boy sniffled as he brought his small fist up to his face to wipe away his falling tears. "I-I was just asking you s-s-something!"

And with that, the little blond turned his back on Sasuke. He was running to his parents, chatting with Itachi. Sasuke went pale the second he saw Naruto open his mouth to his questioning parents. He was going to get in trouble! He knew that Itachi would be disappointed in what he had said. But he hadn't meant to last out! He was scared! And angry!

'That big blabbermouth!' Sasuke thought angrily as he made a run for the tree that the swing hung on. He sank behind the tree, panting heavily, fear pumping through his veins. He expected Itachi to come soon and scolded him, but when he did come. He only looked as calm as usual. "Sasuke, come on, let's go home..."

"Eh?" Sasuke questioned as Itachi picked him up and placed him upon his back. "Just like that?"

"I know what you said, Sasuke," Itachi said quietly, making Sasuke flinch. "And I'm not going to scold you, but you are going to apologize to Naruto tomorrow. He will be here tomorrow after lunch."

Sasuke wanted to argue, but at the same time, he didn't.  
.~.

Naruto wandered to the park the next day for two reasons. The first one was because his mother had told him it was either play outside or clean the house with her. And the second reason was that he wanted to think. Now Naruto himself had never been fond of thinking, or maybe just sitting back and thinking. He could believe in a tight situation, but he never found himself comfortable thinking just to think.

But today felt different for the boy. It was like his gut was telling him to go to the park, and for some reason, his heart also told him to go to the plastic tube. The only connection between the two play structures. It was always hot in there, and it often smelt like concrete and ice cream snacks. And the insides were sticky and dirty.

Naruto could not understand why his gut told him to enter the tube, but he still listened to it as he sat down inside the tube. His hands were instantly getting sticky from the popsicle juice left behind from the other children that had stayed in the tube.

Naruto sighed as he pulled his knees up to his chest and placed his head on top of his arms. What was he even supposed to think about? Sasuke's comments? But, what had Sasuke said to him that he could make out? He had called him names and told him that he was prying in his business. But why had he said that? Naruto had only asked him a question!

"Stinky Sasuke!" Naruto huffed.

"Nosey Naruto."

"Wah!" Naruto cried as he tried to jump up from his crouched position. In return slamming his head into the top of the tube. "Ow!" He screamed as he sank back down, clutching his head, which was pounding so hard it felt like there was a monkey in his head. He then turned his head in anger to give the evil eye to the black-haired raven that sat next to him.

Sasuke however, did not waste time considering what had just happened. He quickly pulled Naruto into the grasp of his pale skinny arms. Rubbing the blonde's head gently and carefully, and whispering to him that he was sorry.

Naruto blinked. Stunned by this sudden action. "Sasuke?" He asked as he carefully as Sasuke let go of Naruto. Clenching his shorts and hanging his head.

"I'm sorry!" Sasuke said as he bowed his head to Naruto, who stumbled backward in surprise. "I shouldn't have yelled at you... it wasn't nice."

Naruto turned his head from side to side, looking over Sasuke's clenched face with wondered eyes. Sasuke was shaking with fear, for Itachi had given him quite the lecture about how it was not kind to shout at people and about how he shouldn't be mean to people he had only just met, especially ones that could be friends with him.

"It's okay! Can we play something? Oh, how about we go on the swing? Can we, Sasuke?"

"Eh?" Sasuke questioned as he opened his grey eyes in confusion as he gazed up at Naruto. Who wore a sheepish grin on his face and had his hand on Sasuke's. "Why aren't you mad-?"

"Come on, Sasuke! Let's go on the swing!" Naruto groaned as he pulled Sasuke by the hand out of the tube and to the old swing. With it's worn out rope and splintering seat that could fit both Naruto and Sasuke. "Sasuke! We gotta make it go super high!"

"Dummy!" Sasuke cried as he pumped his legs backward. "You think I don't get that?"

"Nope!"

"Why?" Sasuke asked as he leaned backward on the swing at the same time as Naruto.

"Because your heads so thick!"

"Your's is thicker!"

"No, yours!"

"Yours is thicker! End of discussion!"

"No! Mine is super thin!"

"That's not a good thing, Dummy!"

"Yes it is Stinky Sasuke!"

"No, it's not! Nosey Naruto!" Sasuke cried back as the two swang through the sky, with huge grins on their faces.

.~.

"Hey, Naruto? Are we friends?" Sasuke asked curiously one day as the two slid down the slide together.

"The best of friends, Stinky Sasuke!"

.~.

"Naruto!" Sasuke groaned as the two trudged through the woods. Their school backpacks stuffed to the brim with snacks, papers, and lots of toilet paper. "This is a bad idea, Dummy!"

"No, it's the best idea ever!" Naruto disagreed as he hopped onto a log. Nearly losing his balance as he tried to stand on one foot. "We need to build ourselves a fort! It's a thing!"

"But is it alright to do it in a tick-infested woods?" Sasuke mumbled as he stepped over a mud puddle. "Itachi says that if they bite you-!"

"Sasuke! Look!" Naruto cried as he pointed to a large tree. "We should set up our campsite here!"

Sasuke tilted his head to the side as he observed the place Naruto had picked out. It was in the shade, and it had comfortable-ish looking roots. And Naruto appeared to be happy with his choice in the matter. So Sasuke didn't see any harm in deciding to stay.

"Hey, Dummy!"

"What?"

"Good choice!"

.~.

"That was a bad choice, you two!" Itachi scolded as he took a final look through Naruto's hair for any blood-sucking bugs that might get his brother's friend sick. "Your lucky I haven't found any bugs yet!"

"Sorry, Itachi..." The boys murmured at the same time. "Jinx!"

Itachi gave a small laugh at their childish behavior, never had he expected for them to grow this close in such a short time. Sasuke had never had many friends, so when he had come home that day and told his older brother that he had made one, Itachi was more than surprised. He was thrilled. "What were the two of you even doing out there?"

"Our swing broke!" Naruto said in a pouting tone.

"You're swing? Do you mean the swing in the park?"

"No, it's our special swing!" Naruto said enthusiastically, as Sasuke nodded his head. "And someone broke it!"

"Well, how about I make you guys a new one?" Itachi asked as he sat Sasuke down and began looking through his hair.

"Really?" They both cried as the turned around, their eyes glittering with happiness.

"Sure," Itachi said kindly as he ruffled Naruto's hair, and jabbed Sasuke on the forehead. Naruto lept up into the air with happiness. Sasuke too jumped up to hug Naruto in the air. Both boys were thrilled to get their swing back. Itachi gave a smile as he saw the two of them hug.

For his brother had made a friend. One that Itachi hoped he could count on.

.~.

It was raining one day. Raining so hard that the ground soaked and the small flowers nearly tore up. But Sasuke knew that Naruto would run his way to the park, rain, or snow. So when he told Itachi that he was going to take Naruto back to his house, the older brother chuckled and instructed the raven to put on a raincoat.

"Naruto! We need to get back to our houses! We're gonna catch colds!"

"Not if we don't get caught by it!" Naruto teased as he stuck out his tongue, which made Sasuke ruffle the boy's hair in frustration. "Besides, we play have to play every single day! Because we're best friends! And if we aren't together every day, we'll get lonely!"

Sasuke smiled at that, looking into those pure blue eyes of Naruto's. How full of wonder they were... and happiness. Sasuke's eyes are nothing like that. But when he was with the little blonde boy, his eyes almost did sparkle like that. But when Naruto would hold his hand or tell him how they would always be friends.

His eyes glowed.

.~.

"I was going to ask you too to eat everything but I didn't expect you two to lick the plates!" Kushina said with a laugh as she helped the raven and her son to more rice and dumplings. "Did you boy's like the curry?"

"Yes, Mommy!" Naruto said, resisting the urge to say he had wanted ramen instead.

"And how about you Sasuke?" the mother said kindly as she placed the boys empty bowls into the sink.

"It was very good! Thank you!" Sasuke said with a bow before his hand was snatched up by the blonde who dragged him towards the TV room.

"Sasuke! Wanna watch a movie?"

"Dummy! I have to go home! It's still raining out and Itachi's gonna get nervous!"

"Don't worry! Look! I have Wallie! Dad bought it in Japanese!"

"Robots? That sounds boring!" Sasuke snorted.

"Stinky Sasuke! You haven't even seen it! Come on let's try!"

So they sat in front of that one TV, mesmerized by the glow of the screen. Which was so full of color and stars from the movie. They cuddled close to one another as the movie played. Sasuke resting his head on top of Naruto's, with their arms around one another. The sounds of the movie passing through their tiny innocent ears, flowing into their minds like water. Words about the earth, the solar system, and love.

"Why... did she put her face on Wallie's?" Naruto asked lightly as his father placed a blanket around the boys.

"Well, they were showing that they loved each other, and I think that was their version of a kiss," Minato said with a smile as he left the room.

"Sasuke! Do you know what he meant?" Naruto asked childishly which made Sasuke roll his eyes.

"He meant a kiss Dummy! Like this!" Sasuke explained before taking the little blonde's face into his hands before bringing his close. And pressing a small peck on his lips. Before quickly moving away and covering his face with a blanket.

"Sasuke?" Naruto said after a moment of silence, before poking the blanket repeatedly. "Sasuke! Come out!"

Sasuke shook his head under the blanket. Embarrassed but also happy.

"Stinky Sasuke! Are you gonna hide in there all night?" Naruto groaned as he threw his thin arms around the blanket bundle. "If you don't come out right now I'm gonna tickle you!" But even after that earned him no response, Naruto began to quickly tickle the boy under the blanket. Making him laugh and sequel.

"S-Stop it! Dummy!" Sasuke cried in between laughs. But Naruto only continued until the raven decided to try and take control of his tormentor. But trying to tickle him back. This continued back and forth for so much time that after ten minutes the two boys had curled up next to one another fast asleep.

Which made Itachi and Kushina smile warmly.

.~.

"Sasuke! Sasuke! Sasuke-!"

"Stop yelling Dummy!" Sasuke shouted back as the two flew higher into the sky. Their new swing was a beautiful thing. Its seat was smoother and nearly white, for it had not to be subjected to years of dirt yet. Its rope was also smooth, and clean. And the seat could fit Naruto and Sasuke perfectly. "What's wrong?"

"We should jump off!"

"Why would we do that?"

"So we can fly!" Naruto cried childishly as he threw his head back with Sasuke's causing the swing to nearly reach the level of the branch that it hung on. "Don't you want to fly Sasuke?"

"No Dummy!" Sasuke snapped back as he pumped his legs forward.

"Why not?" Naruto pouted.

"Because when we hit the ground again you might get hurt!"

.~.

"We should get married Sasuke!" Naruto said one day as the two of them munched on crackers in the tube. "So we can be together forever!"

"Dummy, you aren't a girl! And besides! Why do people need marriage to stay with someone?"

"Well, my Mom says that marriage is very special! Something for two people who love each other so much, that without marriage! They just don't feel as close!"

"Don't we have something special like that? We're best friends, right?" Sasuke asked curiously as he plopped a cracker into his mouth.

"But best friends don't give each other kisses like you gave me!"

"Dummy! I only did that because of that movie! Not because I wanted to marry you!" Sasuke snapped as he went very pink.

"I wanna marry you Sasuke! Best friends can get married, right?" Naruto said with sparkling eyes.

"No, um, yes...? Wait no!"

"Yes! We're married now Sasuke!" Naruto cried as he tried to attack Sasuke with a hug. "We need to get rings for our marriage!"

"We are not married!"

.~.

"Itachi! Can we please get popsicles?" The two boys whined one afternoon. "It's super hot out!"

Itachi went stiff at that request. For he knew that in his pocket, there was only enough money to purchase Sasuke dinner for the night. And if he was to buy any sort of treat, Sasuke might not eat that night. And Itachi had not been able to feed himself a proper meal for months. For he had run out of books and useless furniture to sell. And he refused to sell any of Sasuke's things. So money was tighter than ever. But Itachi hated disappointing the boys.

So he told the boys to stand outside the corner shop as he ran inside quickly and emerged a few seconds later with two popsicles hidden under his shirt.

The boys were of course too young to understand why.

.~.

"Stinky Sasuke!" Naruto shouted as he ran towards his best (And only) friend. Who stood alone in the middle of the park. Which was odd in a way. Itachi had always come with Sasuke to the park, to watch over him and Naruto. And Sasuke looked, fearful. "... Sasuke? What's wrong?"

"Itachi was gone this morning," Sasuke whispered. "These... men were dragging him outside! A-And I don't know why! But they asked me a bunch of questions! A-And I-I... I didn't know what to say!"

Naruto was stunned by this, he had never expected for something like this to happen. Who had taken Itachi? Had the boy done something wrong? Why had Sasuke been questioned about it? And where was Itachi? Naruto had no idea what to do. Well, what could he do? He was a powerless seven-year-old in a mess he didn't even understand.

But he knew that Sasuke needed him.

Just like Naruto needed Sasuke.

"Sasuke... don't worry!" Naruto said cheerily as he threw his arms around Sasuke and hugged him with all his might. "It's gonna be okay!"

"Naruto..." Sasuke murmured as he buried his head into the blond's shoulder, holding on to him with everything he had. "Do you really think so?"

"Of course!" The boy said as he dragged the raven over to their swing. "If I say so! Then it's definitely true! Also, look at what I brought!"

"A knife?" Sasuke exclaimed as he jumped away from his friend. "What's that for?"

"We need to carve our names into the swing! So everyone knows it's ours! I saw it in a movie!" Naruto explained as he beckoned Sasuke back over to the swing.

"You're not supposed to repeat what you see on T.V!" Sasuke snapped as he fearfully watched Naruto etch his name onto the wood of the seat of the swing. "And you could get hurt!"

"Hey, Sasuke..." Naruto whispered as he put the knife down and looked Sasuke dead in the eyes. "Are we friends?"

Sasuke blinked at that. In shock, if that was to correct thing to say. He then plopped himself down next to Naruto, and carefully took the knife from his hands, and quickly scratched his own name down upon the wooden surface.

"We're the best of friends Dummy..." He said, with all the sincerity of the world. "And we'll always be friends."

"Always? Stinky Sasuke?"

"Always and forever, Dummy."

.~.

After that day, however, Sasuke vanished. Just like that. Gone. And practically everyone in town knew why. Except for the ignorant blonde. Who thought that his friends had simply contracted a cold and was staying home for a day or two. But after those few days, Naruto found himself once again sitting in that old smelly park.

Naruto would wait for hours at that park. Swinging on their swing, and humming under his breath. Thinking of jokes to tell Sasuke when he finally came back. He even passed time by picking up coins in the park to save up for popsicles. Weeks passed by in what felt like seconds. Time was fast for Naruto when Sasuke wasn't there to slow it for him.

"Naruto sweetheart, how about I take you to the book store tomorrow? You've spent so much time at the park!" The Mother suggested one day at dinner after her son had come home, a little too late for her liking.

"No Mom! I have to go to the park tomorrow! What if Sasuke comes back to the park and I'm not there?" Naruto responded as he slurped his pork ramen and ran upstairs for bed.

"We should tell him Kushina," Minato whispered as he set his bowl in the sink. "He can't spend his whole life waiting in that park."

"Sasuke's been given a foster home in America..." Kushina said to avoid the statement from her husband. "And poor Itachi's been placed in Juvenile."

"He should have asked us for help, a smart boy like him shouldn't have been forced into stealing. They're both so young too..."

"Sasuke begged to stay with Itachi, but they called him a criminal! It's awful!" The wife said as she slammed her sponge down on the countertop in anger. "The poor child will be alone in that awful place! They are cruel to people like him there!"

"You know as well as me that we can't do anything about it..." Minato whispered as he placed a hand on his wife's shoulders. "Sasuke will be alright, and I'm sure Itachi will be released soon. But what about Naruto?"

"What are we going to say to him Minato?" She hissed as she placed her head in her hands. "They were so close... how do you tell your child that their best friend is gone?"

"I have no idea..." Minato whispered as he sank into a chair. "No idea at all..."

Upon hearing those words, Naruto threw his blanket over his head to silence his cries. He clutched his pajama bottoms with all his might as he sobbed into his pillow. What if his parents were right about what they had said? Was Sasuke really gone? Why was he leaving! It wasn't fair!

Sasuke and he were best friends! It couldn't end like this! It just couldn't! "I don't want it to end!" Naruto sniffled as memories of his raven came to his mind. Memories of his snarky comments, nicknames, puffy cheeks. It all seemed to be slipping away!

"Don't leave me!" Naruto sobbed as he curled into a ball. "Come back Sasuke!"

So he waited more. Being the stubborn little thing he was. He sat at that park until his eighth birthday. But by then, his reason for sitting at that park, and swinging on that swing, became foggy. It was almost as if, he sat there not even knowing why. Why am I even here? He asked himself, did I forget something here once? He didn't understand why, and when he asked his parents about it, it almost looked painful to discuss. So he decided not to pry in his mind or his parents.

So the hours he spent there, began to reduce. He didn't have a clue why he kept going, so why should he even go? It was a waste of time if the reason wasn't even real. And over time, Naruto stepped going to the park entirely. He came to see how boring it was, just sitting there. With no one to pass the time with.

It was all a waste of time for him.

But something that seemed to consume his time as he grew older. Was a feeling of complete loneliness. A feeling that made him feel like a dying dog. A feeling that he was carrying with no way of fixing it. He couldn't remember what had done it to him. He didn't know wh he felt so empty, and sorrowful. He could never fix something if he didn't even know what the problem was. Because how could he find a solution without it?

And he almost didn't want to remember.

But a million miles away. Someone did remember.

And Sasuke never forgot.


	2. ~Chapter 1~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is a goddamn mess.

Loneliness is only real to many when they come to terms with it. For some, it can take years to realize that they are lonely. But for some, it's easy to know that they are lonely and unloved some can realize it from the second they wake up and take a breath. They breathe in knowing that today will only be as lonely and sad as yesterday. And they also know that the next day will be the same. Or do they know that? Or do they only think that because they have already come to terms with their state of solitude and numbness, that they are scared to know the touch and warmth of another?

Well, I couldn't tell you, but I can tell you about a boy. A boy who even through his greatest smiles, knew he was as loved as a rat. A rat that almost died of an unknown cause when another had offered him cheese that was not poisoned in the slightest.

.~.

Naruto knew that he couldn't dream; he knew that every time he fell into sleep, he would only see darkness. But maybe that was a nightmare. Being in the same state of mind, even in sleep. But it couldn't be a nightmare, because Naruto was only drowning in the darkness of his dreams and his life. However, he never fought against the idea of drowning. He let himself drown. He allowed his lungs to be squeezed and contracted in the dark slime. And he didn't cry when his head fell underneath; he only closed his eyes—hoping that maybe he'll dream in his next life.

But he never did drown in his dreams, for someone always woke him before he did, much to his disappointment.

"Get the fuck up..." A lazy voice whispered as the person it belonged to slammed their elbow into the drowsy blondes ribs. "Morning practice in twenty, and there are muffins in the cafe for once... hey! Naruto! Wake the hell up!"

Naruto rubbed his blue eyes and turned over on his side to avoid Shikamaru. Who was already dressed in basic clothes with his hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, and he already wore a bored expression on his face. Despite just waking up.

Naruto himself was a mess. His blonde hair is unwashed and rough as a broom, and his under eyes were darkened it looked like eyeshadow. He wore the same clothes he'd worn the previous day, and he smelt of weed, ramen, cheap deodorant, and alcohol.

"Fuck off!" Naruto growled as he punched Shikamaru in the arm with all his might. "I'm skipping, my heads killing me."

"Here, this might help you..." Naruto's roommate said as he placed a lowly lit joint into the blonde's hand. "It's pretty weak, but it woke me up."

Naruto propped his head upon his hands and he took in a deep breath of smoke. It made his lungs contract at first, but the feeling he loved only lasted for a second. And not to mention the fact that it tasted like shit. "This is shit!" He spat moodily as he exhaled the smoke and passed Shikamaru's shitty pot back to him. "Start buying better stuff, or I might start buying from someone else!"

"Aw, your cruel Naruto!" Shikamaru said snarkily as he took a last draw of the drug before extinguishing it in an ashtray, which was filled up with so much stuff it looked more like a mini garbage can. "I landed some good stuff though... from that pale guy..."

"Goodie, goodie Sai?" Naruto questioned as he frantically searched for a clean pair of soccer socks after he had gotten out of bed and stretched. "Since when did he risk doing drugs?"

"Since he flunked his last bio test. He too needed some sense of-"

"Shikamaru, where the hell are my shirts?"

"Neji said he'd wash them," Shikamaru replied as he cracked open an energy drink and took a sip. "I told him that your shit smells worse than Kiba's fucking dog, and he agreed right away. I guess he can't stand that dog either!"

"Shikamaru! I need a clean shirt, dammit!"

Naruto rummaged around the filthy room that he shared with his lazy friend. Kicking aside piles of unread school notices, noodle cups, and energy drink cans. Shikamaru ignored Naruto at first to gather up a pile of papers that he had pre-done for Freshmen to earn some pay and help kids out.

"Want one of mine?" The burnet offered.

"No! I can't show up to practice with a weed leaf on my shirt! Kakashi would kick me off the team like that! And then I'd be stuck in extra English lessons with him!" Naruto cried, beginning to panic over something as minor as a shirt.

"Jesus Christ, calm down! I have an extra shirt!"

"Really? Oh, thanks, Shikamaru! I owe you one!" Naruto said with a small grin as he dashed over to Shikamaru, who handed him a navy blue t-shirt. With an odd-looking hand-sewn symbol on the back. "Uh... where did you get this?"

"From that party on Saturday," Shikamaru mumbled in between sips of straight caffeine. "You know, the one that you got so drunk at that you started doing a stupid dance on the pool table?"

"Very funny, but who did you get it from?"

"Uh, I can't remember his name..."

"What happened?" Naruto asked as he pulled his shirt off and began gathering his things for a shower.

"Well, he blew me in the bathroom. He was fucking good at it too. Like a little too good! And then... well we hooked up on the floor... and... I had to pull out of course just to be safe. And I got jizz and shit on my shirt and he had an extra jacket, so he gave me his shirt, and then he hit the road."

"Please tell me you washed this."

"Of course, I did!" Shikamaru said, in an offended sounding tone.

"What did he look like?" Naruto asked as he walked into the dorms bathroom, Shikamaru followed him inside to take a piss.

"He had this resting bitch face, um, oh! He had black and blue hair. He was speaking Japanese, but it was almost as if he hadn't done it in a while, and while he was doing his thing, I think he spoke English once. Oh, and his fingers were hard! Like they looked like they had been scabbed or some shit. I asked him about it before he left! And then he dropped the bomb that he's in the music division, and his fingers are rough because he plays the guitar!"

"You hooked up with one of those guys?" Naruto hollered from the other side of the shower curtain. Shikamaru made an inaudible grunting noise, most likely because he had a toothbrush jammed in his mouth. "Jesus, dude... your luck is incredible, isn't it?"

"It was good sex too!" Shikamaru muttered through a mouth full of toothpaste. "Well, whatever, he had a shit personality! But it was kinda weird, he refused to do anything facing me. Like he had his back on me the whole time. And he had a bunch on money 'n his jacket. So I guess he's some sort of gay whore?"

"Don't say that dude, he might be in a hard place."

"Your right, sorry Mom,"

Naruto snorted at that and he rubbed soap all over his body, suddenly deep in his thoughts. When Naruto had first transferred to The University Hidden In The Leaves, he was made fully aware of all his senpai's. That he was not messing with the music/art division of the college.

"But you can party with them, and sex is cool too, but absolutely no friendships, dating, none of that crap!" Their senior had told them the second they settled down.

"But why?" Naruto and Shikamaru had asked.

"Let's just say that there's some bad blood between the jocks and the art freaks," They had said before retreating to the room that they had all to themselves.

But wasn't the so-called 'Bad Blood' in the past? Naruto thought as he pulled a cleanish towel from the rack. Wrapping it around his waist and he slipping on his clothes as he made a failed attempt to comb his wild blond hair. There must be some way to make up? He thought as he pulled on his soccer socks and underwear.

"Whatever," Naruto said to himself as he pulled on a few leather bands around his wrist. "There's nothing I can do about it. I'm stoner for god's sake!"

"Naruto, hurry up!" Shikamaru yelled from the door. "Their gonna run out of muffins if we don't hurry!"

"Coming!"

.~.

"Ah! Shikamaru! Naruto! It would appear that I have beaten you here. Do you boys have an excuse for why you're so late?" Kakashi asked as the two boys hung their heads in shame. Both silent as the grave.

"There were muffins in the cafe..." Naruto muttered shamefully. Which earned him a chuckle from his Coach.

"Naruto, Shikamaru, you should have gotten up earlier so you wouldn't have to rush eating!" Kakashi said as he patted his students on the head and pointed them to the line of their teammates. Who are all snickering at Kakashi's Mothering behavior. "Now, as we are aware, we suffered a huge loss last weekend against The University Hidden in The Mist. Would anyone care to explain why?"

"Because Shikamaru was out with an injury!" Kiba shouted as he jabbed Shikamaru in the shoulder. "And he wasn't here to make us a plan!"

"Shut up, dog breath!" Shikamaru snapped back at Kiba elbowing him in return.

Kiba was an odd-looking boy. A boy with long fang-like teeth, and a love for all things dogs. He had a dog himself. One that was mean and nasty to everyone that wasn't its own master. Kiba was also a dumb as a dog, he had chosen the second that he became 18 that he would get large red face tattoos, which may or may not have landed him the position of leader of the 'End The Art School Club'.

"Both of you shut up!" Neji groaned as he re-tied his headband and hair. "Your bickering is giving me an aneurism!"

Neji Hyuga was not one to be messed with in Naruto's opinion. The brown-haired boys piercing lavender eyes could make anyone feel small and worthless. But once he had warmed up to a person, he became much more likable. And not to mention the fact that he was a natural-born genius.

"Now, now, let's not argue we're a team, right?-" Kakashi began; however, Naruto interrupted him impatiently. He had waited long enough for the practice to start, and he needed to feel that grip on his lungs from running. It was a feeling that would override his numbness, and he wouldn't miss it for the world.

"We lost the match because we didn't have a plan, and because of that, we all decided not to try and think for ourselves. So we lost without even trying." Naruto snapped quickly, making the team instantly go silent.

Kakashi blinked. "Well, I'll say, Naruto! You're exactly right! You all did give up when you realized that you would have to think for yourselves."

The boys bowed their heads in shame as Kakashi continued his lecture.

"That's not good, boys! We're supposed to persevere in life! Not drop the bucket when the logic vanishes. Life's not just about thinking, because sometimes, no matter how smart you are, you won't get anywhere without a little physicality. Take Shikamaru, he's the brain of the team, but he can think for all of us and himself sprinting up and down the field. And Naruto! He can take on the hardest team, even if he falls, he still will get up. Most of the time..." Kakashi said as he turned his eyes to Naruto, signaling him to meet him as soon as the boys began to run laps. "Will you all remember this the next time we face an opponent?"

"Yes, Sir!" The team cried as they bowed to Kakashi.

"Great!" Kakashi said as he smiled through his blue mask, which he wore for reasons of identity theft. "Now, please run twenty full laps around the park!"

"What?" Everyone screamed.

"You're laziness is not acceptable no matter the circumstances!" Kakashi stated proudly, as he pointed to the track. "Finish quickly, please!"

The team groaned as the walk slowly over to the track, muttering how they wished they had class first instead of the morning practice. Naruto, however, was held back by his coach. Who wore a hard to read facial expression and held a small book in his hands. "Is there something wrong, Kakashi-Sensei?"

"Yes, Naruto, there is." The white-haired man responded, snapping his book shut and taking a breath. "Do you remember what I just said? About you getting up, even after you fall?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"Well, what I said was not really what I believe," Kakashi stated in a sincere sounding tone. "You've been different lately, Naruto. Your reactions... are much slower than they used to be. And you're more tired at practice. But most of all, you've just been lacking what you used to have. And your abilities are just not growing they seem to be reducing. And you seem to be far more apart from your teammates, you almost look uncomfortable with them."

"I see..." Naruto murmured, making it very clear that he did not want to continue this conversation. Kakashi noticed this and only asked one more thing before he sent the blonde off.

"Is there something troubling you, Naruto?" Kakashi asked calmly.

"There is isn't," Naruto said, not caring for how Kakashi would respond to his coldness. "I'd rather not talk about things like that."

"Very well, Naruto," Kakashi said as he nodded Naruto off to the track. With a tone that sounded almost sad to Naruto.

"What the hell did he want?" Kiba asked as Naruto joined his group of friends, who were all panting from exhaustion. "Did he ask you for some relationship advice?"

"For who? Gai Sensei?" Neji retorted as he kept his consistent pace.

"Shikamaru!" Naruto said as he turned to his ponytailed friend. "Didn't you say something about getting some better shit?"

"Yeah, it's in my gym locker," Shikamaru replied with a smirk. "Why?"

"Neji, Kiba, you guys up for a puff?" Naruto asked with a smirk.

"When am I not?" Kiba responded. "I can't do as much, though, because of Hinata, Neji, you gotta tell her to lighten up a bit!"

"If my cousin doesn't like you smoking pot, then you shouldn't be smoking at all!" Neji snapped as he continued to jog. "And yes, I would like a smoke, it's been too long anyway."

"Great, we'll have something fun to do after class!" Naruto said as he finds the motivation to let his face break into a grin.

"Can't get too high though, those old farts are smarter than they look," Shikamaru said, which made Naruto's friends chuckle.

Did Naruto consider these boys his friends? Yes, and no. Sure they were kind people that he got along well with, but he never once considered any of them his 'Best Friend' for none of them provided him with a sense of comfort and understanding that Naruto believed he had once had. Sure he wanted to have someone who could do something like that for him. But it was a feeling he wanted despite never remembering/knowing what it felt like.

Or perhaps he just wanted someone that would take his loneliness away.

'God what a horrible feeling...' Naruto thought as he ran hearing the muffled conversations of people who had relationships that he could only dream of.

.~.

"Now this is the shit!" Kiba said as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. "It's good Shikamaru, but that's all I'm having today... Hinata will worry."

"You don't deserve her Kiba," Shikamaru snorted as he took the joint back and took a long hit before passing it to Neji. "You should just date that fucking dog of yours."

"Shut up!"

Neji rolled his eyes in annoyance as he passed the smoking roll to Naruto. Who seemed to be extremely urgent to take a draw of the weed. "You seem excited Naruto, anything, in particular, that's making you take half of Shikamaru's supply?"

"Nothing in particular..." Naruto responded simply as he took a third draw of the joint, which made his lungs clench. "Just the fact that we have a Chemistry test at the end of the week!"

"We do?" Kiba cried. "Ah fuck me!"

"Oh yeah, we do have that..." Shikamaru said airily.

"You're already out of it?" Neji asked. "If they catch you high you're off the team, hell, your off school grounds."

"They never catch me," Shikamaru responded dryly, as he took another hit. "And I'll send you my notes Kiba since you gave me the money for the pot."

"Thanks, man," Kiba said relived. "Oh, Neji, have you heard anything new? About what those art brats are doing?"

"No, from what I could tell they've backed down for a little while. I think they got the momentary message when we sent them that little note." Neji responded with a deep smirk on his face.

"What did you write?"

"Oh, just a made-up list of missing herpes medicine payments..." Kiba said evilly.

"You're awful!" Naruto exclaimed as he gave a soft punch to Neji's shoulder. "But that was pretty good..."

"Say, Naruto, have you got any idea if they decide to pull some shit again?" Neji asked. Naruto shook his head which made Neji sigh. But he did it to silently observe Shikamaru's averted expression. Which Naruto kept in mind. It appeared that the brunet was hiding something...

"If they even try to pull some shit! Next plan will be beating whichever one came up with it-!"

"Is that wise, Kiba?" A cool voice asked, which made everyone throw their drugs to the ground, to avoid being discovered, just in case.

"What do you want Kabuto?" Naruto snapped, as his white-haired Senpai turned the corner, revealing himself.

Kabuto was an extremely dislikable person, he had a pointy face, and a smirk set on his skin. He wore round glasses and had a knack for spying on people's matters. But to top it all off, he was a Sculpting Major. This meant that even if he was a likable person, he could never be friends with any one of the sides he had come to spy on. Which was always the Athletic Division.

"Well, I was just passing by to drop off these papers, when I heard some talk about the letter my peers received the other day..."

"Cut the sly talk!" Kiba snapped as he slammed his fist into the brick wall. "You knew it was us from the beginning, you just wanted to humiliate us before you dropped the bomb!"

"Well to be fair..." Kabuto said as he leans close to Kiba's ear. "There was lice-infested dog hair in that little envelope. And I was stuck for a while trying to figure out if it was your mutts or your own."

"You cocky bastard-!" Kiba tried to shout, but his scream was quickly silenced by Naruto's hand.

"Kabuto when people make fun of other people, usually do it because of their above them. But you're no better than Kiba! Your somewhat of a dirty mutt yourself!"

"What do you mean...?" Kabuto asked as he adjusted his glasses, with shaking figures.

"You act so though around us, but when your around that fucking Snake you act like a mutt in heat!" Naruto snapped. "Yeah! I paid attention for once! And I finally realized something!"

"Naruto don't you fucking dare-!"

"So if you don't get the hell out of here and forget everything you heard... I might just tell the whole University that every time you fail a test, you put on a maid outfit and suck on Orochimaru's cock until you have an A average in his class. And maybe I'll also throw in the fact that you take it in the back as well for your own pleasures."

Kabuto has gone from red to green, to sheet white in a second. He swallowed a wad of spit, as he nodded his head and wobbly ran from the corner. The air was silent for a moment, but then it exploded in pure happiness and laughter.

"Looks like our upperclassman only has one thing hanging down there..." Shikamaru snorted, as Kiba fell to the floor cackling and Neji himself was trying not to stifle a laugh.

"How'd you know about the maid part?"

"Oh, I just assumed that part!" Naruto said with a grin, which made the laugher break out to an uncontrollable level. Which made Naruto smile a bit, for he knew that he made his friends happy.

The boys laughed for a little while longer before they all settled down and realized that they had stomped out all their weed. "Well, we shouldn't be upset!"

"Why? All the good shit is gone now!" Naruto whined.

"Well, if you can wait until Friday... you might get even better shit..." Shikamaru stated in a baiting tone. "At Gaara's..."

"He's having another party!" They all cried in happiness.

Gaara was a red-haired man, who had attended the University Hidden in The Leaves, only because he had been kicked out from his previous University, along with his three best friends. Gaara had come from a very rich family, so they could provide for his every need. And when Gaara saw the conflicts between the two sides of the school. He knew he needed to so how it would come to a close. So he purchased a four-story house and held parties with more alcohol, drugs, and sex than any other town. Gaara had always been a fan of watching the drama unfold, and when two sides that loved all the same things clashed, things certainly got interesting to watch.

"He said it's on Friday night, at 11 o'clock!" Shikamaru confirmed as he checked his texts. "'No need to bring booze or pot, just please bring your own protection!'"

"He must have no sense of fucking smell!" Neji groaned. "Every time I go to that house, there's always new beds! People get so much shit on them that he has to buy new ones! And the place smells like a BDSM dungeon!"

"You not coming?"

"Of course I'm coming! I'm gonna need a smoke after this Chemistry test! And I might be able to get some information on the Art kids!"

"Fuck gathering information," Shikamaru said with an eye roll. "He said to bring protection and I certainly will!"

"Gonna hook up with more guys?" Kiba questioned.

"Nah, I was gonna go for a girl this time!"

"But all the girls think you're gay!" Neji commented.

"Eh, chicks get off to that stuff. Besides if I get lucky they'll discover that I'm not and they'll start running to me!"

"Sounds like a great plan!" Naruto said sarcastically.

"What about you Naruto? Gonna be seeing anyone?" Neji asked seriously, for as all the boys knew, it had been quite a while since Naruto had had sex.

"Pass, I hate having sex with those girls!" Naruto snapped moodily. "Their always muttering under their breaths about how I'm not even that... hard! Like keep it to yourself and just fucking fake it! Bitches..."

"Sakura and Ino are like hornets and snakes! Their both so judgemental!" Kiba said as he leaned back on the wall. "TenTen was pretty nice! But she had to transfer out... probably because she couldn't stand Neji!"

"Shut up! You know that's not the reason!" Neji snapped as he sulked on the opposite wall.

"You should hook up with a guy Naruto," Shikamaru said as he picked at his nails. "To be honest I think you would like it more than sex with those girls."

"I'm not into guys Shikamaru!"

"You don't have to be into anyone when you hook up with someone! It's just quick sex anyways!"

Naruto groaned as his mind began to wander on the idea of having sex with a man. Naruto of course knew what it entailed. He was once a teenager and he had spent many hours searching the dark web of porn. Which taught him more than his school's sex E.D. But to him, it always looked to be too painful. Or maybe to difficult, or maybe it was just the pressure he felt with it. Sex with women was easy to him, sex with a man seemed to be much more complicated. But there's was a first time for everything... right?

"Alright, maybe I'll try it..." Naruto replied hesitantly. "But maybe just like... a handjob... not the whole thing."

"That's the spirit!" Shikamaru said as he picked up his bag and started to walk to his next class, Neji and Kiba doing the same before they parted ways. Which left Naruto picking up his own things, swallowing a breath mint. As he made his way to his least favorite class in the whole world.

English.

A language Naruto had decided to learn purely because he wanted to try and get an easy grade. But it turned out to completely backfire on him. Because never had Naruto felt as dumb as he did when he started speaking English. The language was so weird to him. But what made it worse was that Kakashi would force his class to translate the weirdest texts from English into Japanese.

Naruto mumbled to himself sourly as he walked through the building towards his classroom. But as he passed a music room, he came to a silent stop.

There was someone in there. And they seemed to be deep in song. Playing the piano so intensely that Naruto could feel the music bursting through the small crack in the door. It seemed to be a sad tone, with a low voice singing it. A voice that sounded as sad as the song to Naruto. He could hear every note the person struck on the instrument. All of them sounded as full and as empty as the air.

But the blonde couldn't understand what the song was about, for he instantly knew that it was in English.

He couldn't understand a word of the song, except for a phrase, that the singer kept continuously repeating.

'It's what you do to me'

What the hell does that mean? Naruto thought as he stepped closer to the door, only to be blasted with more sound as the player picked up the volume of their song. Letting out 'Oh's!' with such an indescribable level of pain and emotion. It made Naruto shiver. It's was almost as if the singer was reaching for something, or maybe even someone. Is that person doing something to them? Avoiding them? Naruto felt the urge to help. For he knew the pain of feeling something that hurts. Or even the emptiness.

But as he opened his mouth to say something, all that came out was a cough from the amount of smoke he has inhaled. Instantly the piano went silent. And Naruto tried to make a run for it. Only to have himself slammed into the door of the music room, preventing the person inside it from leaving. And Naruto suddenly felt like his breathing had stopped.

"Sorry Naruto, but he doesn't work on weekdays, with me as the exception..." Kabuto whispered as he clenched the blonde's neck and let his breath fall onto Naruto's ear. "But he does have quite a bit of time, so I don't think he would mind if I play with you for a bit."

"Get off me!" Naruto cried, slamming his fist into his Senpai's chest, which made him release his grasp on the blonde's neck. And Naruto made himself run with all his might to get away from that crazy bastard.

"Runaway Naruto Uzumaki! You fucking coward!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for so many hits already!!


	3. ~Chapter 2~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke gains and loses

Sasuke had considered suicide multiple times. When he found himself taken from the only family he had ever known, suicide seemed like heaven compared to his hell that he found himself living in. Crying on a 12-hour flight to a place he barely knew how to speak in. Knowing that Itachi was being thrown in a cell just because he had wanted his little brother to eat.

And when his social worker showed him to his new family, he cried so hard that his eyes went red for six days. This wasn't his family. No matter how much they tried to give, Sasuke just could not accept the idea of them. They tried to teach him English, but he just refused to learn. He didn't want to forget as they wanted him too. The foster mother new Japanese, but not enough to make Sasuke feel somewhat safe.

So when they began to yell, he did too, lashing out on them with all his problems even when they were trying so hard to fix his. Only did the ten-year-old finally shut up when the foster father struck him across the face with a wooden spoon. Chasing the poor boy all around the house and bringing down his belt on him whenever his toe was placed the wrong way.

"If you start crying, you should be crying about how you've done this too yourself! Sean!" The man had screamed after Sasuke had stuck out his tongue at the foster mother who had left for the store. Sasuke was screaming as the man dragged him to the couch, throwing him over his knee and pulling down his shorts and slamming his hand down on his rear every time he thought of something that Sasuke did wrong. Sasuke wailing in pain as he did. "Shut up Sean! You miserable brat!"

'No! That's not my name! My name is Sasuke! I have a big brother named Itachi! He taught me Japanese! He made me play with Naruto that day! I have a best friend named Naruto! He has big blue eyes! And big chubby cheeks! When he smiles, his eyes sparkle! And we swing on the swing Itachi made us! And when we watch movies! We sit under the red blanket together! And... I miss him! And... I miss Itachi... and I want to see Naruto... And I...'

"I wanna go home!" Sasuke screamed as he pushed himself off the man, crashing into the wooden floor and splitting his shoulder blade. "I wanna go home!" He wailed. "I want Naruto!"

.~.

"Sean honey, I know we've started bad... but I know that you'll make lots of friends at this new school!"

"I don't wanna be called that!" Sasuke cried as he slammed his foot against the concrete. "And I don't wanna go to school here!"

"Sasuke..." The foster mother had whispered in her best Japanese. "Please just give it a try."

Sasuke went quite at that as he looked into the women's eyes. Which were brown and tired looking, as well as pleading. Sasuke knew that she was kind to him, and she had never intended to let the husband hurt him. In fact when she did learn what went on. She pulled the boy into her arms and grabbed a bag or two and ran for her life.

She had then gone to a court with Sasuke, and the raven remembered sitting in that hot room for hours and hours listening to words he couldn't understand yet. But he remembers the foster mother wrapping her arms around Sasuke in joy as the man in the black robe banged his hammer down on the desk.

They were given a house by the state after that, and they drove a very long time to get there. Sasuke only remembering the hotels they stayed in and the terrible sushi place that they stopped at. The Mother, who's name was Karmin, played C'D's during the trip, of old music, and new music. And sometimes early in the morning, she would switch on the radio as the two sat in a Mcdonald's parking lot.

"Sasuke, do you want me to turn the radio off?" Karmin said gently as she pointed to the car's dashboard. "They've been playing this song for a while now."

"Mhm," The raven whispered as he plopped a fry into his mouth.

They drove for a while after that, in silence, the only noise being the flipping of pages of the book Sasuke was reading. "Look Sasuke, we're in Maine now, do you want to stop for ice cream?"

"Y-Yes... can we?"

Karmin nearly crashed the car upon hearing that. Sasuke had just said his first word in English. He spoke the words perfectly. "Sasuke, how did you learn that?"

"Book, I learned it f-from the book."

.~.

"The boys English is good but, we cannot accept him until he is mostly fluent." The principal had said to Karmin, who nearly slapped him at those words.

"No! You will take Sasuke! He will do well in this school! He's a smart boy and he'll pick up English like his main language very soon!" Karmin snapped as she gripped her purse to restrain herself from attacking this ignorant man.

"Miss, the other issue has to do with his funding for this Academy!" The Principle urged just wanting to get the woman out of his hair. "Even if Sasuke did speak fluent English, the situation of paying for the school remains. I understand that Sasuke is smart! He's already aced all his tests! But we cannot allow him to come here if you cannot pay!"

Karmin's eyes trembled as she turned around to see Sasuke swinging his legs back and forth on the bench. Waiting for her to come back with the somewhat good news. Sasuke needed to get into this school, it was the best in the state. And Sasuke could prove himself here, and grow as a person. Him not getting in was not an option.

"Please!" Karmin cried as she fell to the floor. "I'll get another job to pay it back! But please let him in. He will prove himself! I beg you!"

"Miss, please, you know I can not-!"

"Please!" She screamed. "Please let him have this at least! He has nothing else! Just this!"

The balding man ran his hand through his hair uncomfortable. But his beady little eyes made there way over to Sasuke, who has jumped off the bench and ran to his foster mother in worry.

"Sasuke!" The man said. "If you are to be accepted into this academy! And stay until 12th-grade graduation. What would you do next?"

Sasuke hesitated at that. Knowing fully that his answer could indeed destroy his chances of getting anywhere at that school. But he could not lie about his dream or his plan. "I-I have a person who lives in Japan! I want to succeed here! And then go back home and become great there too! And I... want to see that person again. Because their my best friend, and I love them very much."

"Well," The man whispered gently as he began to help a weeping Karmin to her feet. "I would say that's enough to let you stay here, make us proud Sasuke."

.~.

"Hey!" A chirpy voice said. "What's your name?"

"Sasuke, Sasuke Uchiha." The raven responded. Feeling incredibly nervous despite it only being his first day. He had spent the whole Summer learning to read and write in English. Speaking was easy for him, but writing it was so difficult. But he had found a way to manage, despite only being 9 years old. "I'm new."

"Why is your voice weird?"

"I used to live in Japan."

"Oh! Doesn't rice come from there? Isn't that what you eat all the time?"

"Um, no I don't love rice," Sasuke replied feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Okay! What's your favorite candy?"

"I-I don't like sweets."

"Because you only eat rice!"

"No that's not-!"

"Children, could we please stop pestering poor Sasuke? He's never been here before, so why don't we give him a welcome?" The teacher said warmly as all the students quickly ran to their seats. The teacher, who was called Mr. J, had a warm sounding voice and an old fat dog that he sometimes spoke of. And Sasuke took a fondness for him mainly because of how patient he was, he almost reminded Sasuke of Itachi.

Almost...

.~.

"Sasuke, do you have any siblings?" Mr. J asked kindly one day as he sat in the music room with Sasuke who had asked to see him.

"Yeah!" Sasuke said as he ran over to the wall of instruments, which had been kindly provided by the school. "Mr. J! Can you teach me guitar?"

The teacher laughed at that as he ruffled Sasuke's hair and took the guitar from the raven. Placing it back in its original place. "Sasuke, I haven't played a song in years. Besides, what would you even play if I taught you?"

"Well..." Sasuke said in between jumps to try and retrieve the guitar back off the wall. "Karmin! Always! Plays! This one! Ugh! Song to me! Ha! Got it! And I like it!"

Sasuke then turned to face his teacher with a pleading look on his face. Clutching the tiny guitar in his arms and holding a sticky note out. One that was an ugly orange and ripped around the edges. With a few words scribbled down in fading ink.

"Sunshine On My Shoulders, huh?" Mr. P said with a grin as Sasuke bobbed his head up and down. "Sasuke, I know your very smart but the guitar is not that easy. Especially if you're new to music altogether. It would be better for you to just start with the piano and then-"

"No!" Sasuke cried. "I wanna learn this!"

Mr. P blinked at the boy's abruptness, Sasuke had never been so insistent on something before. "Well Sasuke, even if you could play the guitar, would you be willing to sing as well?"

"Yeah of course!" The raven said pridefully as he puffed out his chest making his teacher chuckle and walk back over to his computer to search up the song.

"I'll make you a deal Sasuke," Mr. P said. "If you can be able to play and sing this whole song by next month's talent show, with as little of my help as possible... I teach you everything I know about guitar and piano!"

"Really?"

"Sure," he said as he pressed print on the computer. Then turning to the raven who was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement. "Say, Sasuke, is there any other reason you want to do this?"

Sasuke hesitated at that, clenching teeth to try and determine the right words to use. "Well, my brother used to sing to me all the time when I was a baby. And the song, it... talks about sunshine and how it's good and bad... and well there's a person that I know that's kinda like that."

"Like the sun with all it's warmth and scorching heat?"

"Mhm, yeah! Just like that!"

.~.

Sasuke was shaking when he climbed onto the stage. Which was carpeted and old, and smelly. Which made the raven sway in his steps as he traveled to the small chair that sat in front of a microphone. The chair gave a loud squeak when Sasuke sat down in it. Which made the boy turn bright red, and wish that he could turn around and leave.

But he held his ground knowing that he could do it. He had to do it. He had stayed up for nights upon nights practicing that song. Learning all the words and cords. Karmin had helped her adopted son as much as she could, but Sasuke knew that she should be working instead, so he told her that he could manage.

So he took a deep breath, tapped the mic. Began to strum his little guitar, and sang;

"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry  
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely  
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you  
I'd give to you a day just like today  
If I had a song that I could sing for you  
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy  
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry  
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely  
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you  
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile  
If I had a wish that I could wish for you  
I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy  
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry  
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely  
Sunshine almost always makes me high

Sunshine almost all the time makes me high  
Sunshine almost always"

And when the raven strummed his final cord, the audience was quite. Before a lone clapper in the audience began to slam their hands together tearfully.

"Good job baby!" Karmin cried as she ran up to the stage, not caring about the eyes that stared at her. "Good job Sasuke!"

Sasuke was a bit surprised by her affectionate hug. But after a second or two, he found himself dropping his guitar and hugging her back. Not because she was already hugging him, but because she was there. Sasuke had only known a few who had been as kind as Karmin. And she had always been patient with Sasuke. Her face was always loving and true even during Sasuke's worst struggles and fits.

Sasuke had never had a mother, well not one that had stuck around. Itachi became his brother, father, and mother all at once when his parents had left. Sasuke knew that he would not see them in this lifetime again. But he never did have a desire to see or find them. he thought all he had needed was Itachi and Naruto.

But they hadn't left him yet, and neither had Karmin. So at that moment, Sasuke decided to stay, not for himself. But for the women who had given him her world and love, and life.

"Thank you, Mom."

"You're welcome, Angel..."

.~.

"Sasuke sweetie, what are we watching tonight? I'm thinking either something like Titanic or maybe... The Notebook?"

"Mom, why do you always insist on watching those movies? There so unrealistic," Sasuke said with an eye roll as he bit into a cookie. Which he almost choked on because it was so sweet.

"It's about love Sasuke, and tragedy... there perfectly realistic!" the mother said as she sat down next to her 16-year-old son. Who still had the same thin face, knobby knees, longish black-blue hair, and charcoal black eyes. Which had gotten better over the years, just like Sasuke himself. Who's grades exceeded the highest standards of the academy that he had attended on a shitty scholarship. He didn't have many friends sure, but what he did have was brains as well as skill in the music arts. "Also, have you been practicing for that piano solo?"

"I've got it dow already, it can hardly be considered difficult," Sasuke said as he took a sip of water.

"You know what I hear the other moms call you?" Karmin said with a suppressed laugh.

"A cocky bastard?"

"Classy, huh?"

"Their views on me are irrelevant, they'rere just jealous that you got the perfect son," Sasuke joked as he mindlessly scrolled through movies.

"You can hardly be considered a perfect son, your hair is far from perfect! And why don't you let me gel it Sasuke! You would look less duck-like! The girls would go crazier over you!"

"Um, about that..."

"Something wrong baby?" she asked instantly concerned over her son. "Did one of the nasty girls ask you out? Makeup rumors?"

"No nothing like that but, it's kinda important..." Sasuke whispered, trailing off out of fear. Why was he so nervous? This should be easy for him to say! So why can't he say it?

"Sweetie, do you... not like girls?" Karmin asked in a gentle voice, which made Sasuke swallow hard.

"What would you do if, I told you yes?"

"...Well, I suppose I would ask why you feel that way... and even if you couldn't tell me... I would not think any less of you... because you're my son. And I and you have been through a lot together, so I don't think that your preference in love should hurt our relationship,"

"I'm gay..." Sasuke whispered as he pressed his head into his knees. "I'm sorry... Mom..."

"Why the hell are you sorry?"

"Because it's weird!" Sasuke whispered with a clenched throat. "It's so fucking weird!"

"Says who!"

"Me!" Sasuke whispered through his teeth, "You know it's weird!"

"When did I ever say that baby?" the mother whispered as he pulled her son close to her, rubbing his shoulders and rocking him like a baby. "It's not weird at all, Sasuke. In fact, I couldn't care less about something like that. Because it's something I can't change, so I guess all I can do is accept you. And that's enough Sasuke, right?"

The raven gave a staggered nod into his mother's shoulder, tears of both happiness and fear falling from his black eyes. He was scared. He had come to terms with who he was, a thought that was more terrifying than any other. Because now that he knew what he was... what was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to act? Feel?

"It will be okay sweetie, I promise..." Karmin whispered protectively as she pulled her son close to her, hoping that his heart rate would slow, and he would breathe slower. "It's okay..."

.~.

When Sasuke turned 18, the first thing he did, was register as a legal adult. And finally, deposit all the money he had saved over the years from his American bank account. Converting every penny he had into yen that would pay for his meals in his new collage. Karmin of course gave him money, in fact, she had paid for Sasuke's trip, and college funds. And the raven was not ashamed to admit that he broke down in tears when she told him that he had been accepted back into Japan, and had gotten into the University of his choice.

So he treated his mother to a diner on his last day in America. Which was at a fast-food restaurant that served greasy burgers and salty fries. But still hit the spot after nothing but tears and vegetable platters.

"How about we head home sweetie? You should get some sleep before your flight," she said as she stared out the window.

"You're sad aren't you?" Sasuke whispered as he set down his fries. "About me leaving..."

"Yes..." Karmin whispered as a thin tear slid down her pale, wrinkling face. "Yes, I am very sad Sasuke."

"Mom..."

"But I'm so happy too, because, my little boy is so strong, and happy... and smart-"

But she was lost of words when Sasuke threw his arms around her, hugging her so tightly that she nearly gasped. "I promise to come back! Every break I have! I call you all the time! And I promise to eat all the good foods... and I promise to be careful!"

Karmin wrapped her arms around her son as he continued to ramble on. Rubbing his back so carefully, and kissing the side of his head with all the care in the world. 'You've grown so much baby...' she thought as she felt more tears cascade down her face. 'I'm going to be pretty lonely now huh?'

But before the mother could open her mouth to say something, her phone began to ring, and after a moment, she released her son and picked it up. "Hello? Yes, this is Karmin... oh my god... no that can't be true! No! He was supposed to go into foster care! But! No that's just not possible-!"

"Mom?!" Sasuke cried as he placed his hand on her shoulder, which was heaving up and down at a rate too fast to be healthy. "What's wrong?"

"Itachi... S-Sasuke baby... they f-found him... dead..."

.~.

"Take off your pants," Kabuto demanded as he threw Sasuke against the ground after slamming the door to the music room closed, locking it as well.

"Fuck off!" Sasuke spat as he tried to stand, only to be pinned to the ground, his hands being held over his head with Kabuto's right hand."I'm not doing this anymore-!"

"You will do this god damnit!" Kabuto roared as he began to fumble with the buttons on the younger boy's shirt. Sasuke instantly started to kick at that motion, only for Kabuto to smack him across the face. "I've given you a break Sasuke! But you've been slacking off! I know you didn't collect payment from that stoner!"

"That's because he didn't hurt me like you fucking do!" Sasuke cried as he felt Kabuto's cold fingers begin to trace his chest. The action made that raven flinch and tremble. And he nearly screamed when he felt those cold fingers trace around the waistband of his underwear. And he really did scream when he felt Kabuto's hand wrap around his limp member.

"You say that but I'm surprised that you aren't bent over in pain from these fucking things..." Kabuto whispered with a laugh under his breath. His fingers left the ravens member, and brushed over the sections of hickeys and bite marks that were faded, but still noticeable. "Or have you become so much of a whore that you can't even feel it when the boys bite and suck on you?"

"Die." Sasuke hissed.

"Calm down Sasuke, this is just a routine check, just to see if you're still suitable to you customers..." Kabuto said as he bent down and ran his teeth over Sasuke's neck. Making the raven snap his neck the other way, not wishing to look at Kabuto while he did his disgusting things. "I've heard complaints about you going to loose lately, tell me Sasuke, how many men have touched this body of yours? And made you so unresponsive to touch?"

Sasuke refused to respond to that question, for the very thought of it made him sick.

At the raven's refusal to respond, Kabuto only smirked and sank his teeth, lightly, but also hardly into Sasuke's neck. Instantly the raven had to choke back a cry of pain. He hated having his neck touched, actually, he hated being touched in general. Which was odd considering that he was one step away from the biggest forced secret gay whore on campus. But he had some rules when it came to the men who stuck it in his rear.

Rule number one, no touching his neck, face, hair, especially not his forehead. Rule number two no one would be allowed to look at his face, and if the lights weren't off, then they weren't even getting a touch. And the final rule was that they were not to kiss him. His body was filthy, and he held many memories on his body. Memories of when Itachi would playfully poke Sasuke's forehead, memories of when he pecked Naruto on the lips as a child. He could feel them. And he wanted to keep them, for the sake of his own selfishness.

"Don't touch me there!" Sasuke yelled as he made another attempt to kick the older male off him. "We agreed that no one would-!"

"We also agreed that you would be charging for your services!" Kabuto hissed as he pressed his hand harder into Sasuke's wrist. Which were throbbing and burning from the weight. "Now correct me if I'm wrong Sasuke... but did you collect money from your last playdate?"

"I forgot you bastard!" Sasuke cried. Which seemed to infuriate Kabuto, who twisted the raven around in one swipe, slamming his face into the tiled floor. Instantly Sasuke felt blood fill his nose, and he felt so incredibly woozy from the pain.

"Have you heard the rumors Sasuke?" Kabuto whispered deadly into the Uchiha's ear, making the boy's eyes began to sting with tears of pain. "The whole school has been talking about the gay prostitute, they say he makes even the straightest man come... would be a shame if they all found out that the little faggot was the famous Sasuke Uchiha. Who has every girl fawning over him... what would they say then Sasuke?"

"Please... don't"

"Pay me what I want and I'll keep quiet for as long as you make me... but don't slip up Sasuke... and be a Gaara's party. Or I'll double your payback..."

And with that, Sasuke heard the door slam shut once again. And for a moment the room was silent, but then Sasuke began to cough. His shaking fingers searching and feeling his neck for any feelable bite marks. His crimson blood falling to the floor form his nose, which wasn't broken. But it certainly wasn't going to look the best later.

Sasuke was hyperventilating. He could still feel Kabuto teeth on his neck, he could still feel the pressure of his hands on his wrists. He could feel the blood pouring from his nose, and he can taste it in his mouth. The raven's cheeks were streaked and hot, and his whole body felt filthy. And as he grabbed his possessions and stumbled to the bathroom, he found himself standing over the sink for twenty full minutes. Wetting paper towels with shitty soap and poorly sponging himself down. Trying to rid himself of the feeling of Kabuto's touch. Trying to wash the germs off. 

Trying to wash bad Sasuke away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos!! You guys are incredible!!


	4. ~Chapter 3~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song translations and encounters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend listening to 'Putting A Spin On Hey There Delilah' By Egg while reading the first few parts of this chapter!!!

"Naruto, maybe instead of completely ignoring me. You could pay attention to me, and then maybe your grades might start going up!" Kakashi said in a voice that was far to joy-filled for Naruto's liking. But still, he buried his face into his arms to hide his embarrassment as the class giggled at Kakashi's remark.

Naruto then let his eyes slip shut as Kakashi continued to ramble about how different words can have different meanings. It was all jibberish to him. And he almost found it laughable that this was the most spoken language in the world, why so popular if it was so damn difficult?

When he cracked his eyes open again he heard Kakashi calling on him, however, the bell rang out, and students begin to pack up their things. Naruto stood in relief of that bell, stretching and walking down the row of desks to his teaches desk, his mind still dwelling on the song he had just eavesdropped on. "Kakashi-Sensei?"

"Is there something that I can help you with, Naruto?" Kakashi questioned as he turned a page for his smutty novel, which the whole class had to translate once. It was poorly written and all around just an awful book, Naruto just could not wrap his head around why his teacher seemed to enjoy it so much.

"Are we ever gonna talk about music in English?" Naruto asked casually.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, will we ever have to translate songs from English to Japanese?"

"Perhaps," The teacher responded, "Did you have a song in mind?"

"Well, I heard someone singing this song... in English. I didn't hear the whole song, but they kept repeating this one phrase, 'It's what you do to me.' Do you know that song?"

"Hmm, well, that would be from an older song. It came out some time ago. It's called, Hey There Delilah. It's rather beautiful. Especially if it's played on the piano." Kakashi said as he shut his book and pulled out his phone, and looked the song up. "Now, on a separate topic Naruto..."

'Oh fuck...' The blonde thought as he clenched his fists.

"I'm going to give you an extra assignment as punishment for sleeping in class!" Kakashi stated with an un-seeable smile. "I would I like you to translate the song I just told you about into Japanese! Please have it to me by next Wednesday!"

"But Sensei!" Naruto groaned as his teacher placed all his things into his bag, "You had us run so much today! I was really tired!"

"Sometimes we have to fight through our exhaustion," Kakashi said wisely as he walked swiftly to the door. "I just sent you the version that I want to be translated! Please don't try and cheat! I know all the lyrics by heart!"

.~.

"What are you stupid or something?" Shikamaru said as he threw Naruto a cup of instant noodles to make for his everyday dinner. "Asking questions? That's a one-way ticket to more work! If you had asked when everyone else was there, everyone would despise you!"

"Well, I had enough brains to remember that!" Naruto snapped as he pulled back the lid on his noodles before pouring hot water on top of them. "And I can't understand a word of that song! The one he sent me is so slow! And the girl who sings it always fades out near the end of her words! So I can't get the full word!"

"Just use a translating app," Shikamaru suggested with an eye roll as he took a seat on the moldy couch and turned on the broken TV which Kiba had almost put his foot in during a drunk fit. "Hey, wanna watch anime tonight?"

"I have a fuck ton of homework!" Naruto yelled from the room that he shared with Shikamaru, which had amazingly gotten dirtier since the twenty minutes that the two had been home. "Also, did you get any beer? I'm fucking parched!"

"No, I spent this week's money on food! And aren't you getting paid on Friday?"

"Yeah, but it's only Wednesday! And you know how I get with ramen!" Naruto groaned as he took a long slurp of his barbecue pork ramen. Which was salty but also comforting after only eating a stale muffin that had probably contained more fat than butter.

"Shut up and do your work!" Shikamaru yelled as Naruto placed his earbuds in to try and block out the sounds of the new anime being aired on TV.

'Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away, but tonight you look so pretty. Yes, you do.' Naruto jotted down after about ten times of listening to the song, and about ten million looks at his textbook. His eyes had already started to droop, and he was already fed up with the music. It was stupid of him to ask about the song, there was no point in him needing to know in the first place. And he knew that he shouldn't have even been eavesdropping at all. He should have just walked past the room. It could have saved him from an attack from Kabuto.

But he continued with translating the song for another hour or so. And as he finished the last parts of his translation, he read over the entire piece, which was in a much more understandable language. And all that he could draw from it was this:

The singer misses the person they love most.

It's relatively easy to see. The singer is writing the song for this 'Delilah,' and they were trying to tell the girl that they loved her and that he or she will never forget how important they are to them. But it seemed to Naruto that Delilah had forgotten about them, and if Delilah were ever to receive the song, she would probably not understand. Or she may even disregard it.

'What a cruel but beautiful song,' Naruto thought as he flicked off his desk lamp and began to get ready for bed, which seemed to be less important than the song all of a sudden. And as he brushed his teeth, he remembered why he wanted to translate the song in the first place. That person who he had first heard sing it...

Did they have a Delilah?

A special one, who did not know how special they truly were to the person?

Naruto sighed at the thought of it. He knew then that there was no way he could help the person. For one thing, he had no idea who the person even was. For another thing, he certainly was not this persons Delilah. So what on earth could he do? Not to mention the fact that the person was definitely from the Art school division, so even if Naruto knew the person, he couldn't help them. Besides, Naruto had no experience when it came to the concept of love. He himself could barely feel a sing emotion other than numbness. If that was even emotion in the first place. But in any case, he felt no need to love someone.

Love was frankly just a fake concept to him.

A concept that was so... fake to him. But that person's voice seemed to carry it in a way. He had no idea, but he felt shivers down his spine as he recalled the person's voice. The pain it held. The desperate sound it had. It was stomach-churning. Naruto could hear the person practically scream the words. "Help me! Come back! Don't leave!" As they sang their sad song, to their Delilah, that would never hear them scream.

"You look beat," Shikamaru said as he interrupted Naruto from his dazed thoughts. "How's the song translation going?"

"I finished,"

"Seriously? That's unnatural!" the brunet said with a laugh. "Something spike your interest in it?"

"It was just about this guy singing about how he misses his lover," Naruto said casually.

"Sounds boring,"

"It was!" Naruto lied. "It was so overdramatic and sappy!"

"Then why did you complete the assignment?" Shikamaru questioned, clearly on to the blonde with his astounding I.Q. Naruto had always been a bad liar, and it was a trait that was pretty bad in the grand order of things. "If it was so boring?"

"None of your damn business!"

"Tell me."

"I heard someone singing it, in the old music room," Naruto caved quickly because he felt somewhat guilty about what he had done. "I listened to him, and then Kabuto came after me, so I hit the road."

"That fucking mole rat, couldn't keep in his own business if the whole world deepened on it!" Shikamaru groaned as he placed some crumbled leaves into a small square of paper. "But why do you sound so down about listening to the guy?"

"Well, it seemed like he wanted to not be listened too,"

"No one who does stuff like that wants to be heard," Shikamaru said logically. "But you can't un-hear what you've heard Naruto... so your just gonna have to forget what you heard. What could you do with the information anyway? You don't even know who it was!"

"True," Naruto murmured as he dug his head into his unwashed pillow. "How are you so smart Shikamaru?"

"I'm not smart, it's just that you're dumb."

"Thanks, dude, really needed that!"

.~.

"I ordered black coffee with no cream! Now I want you to take a look at this coffee! Is it black?"

"N-No Ma'am, I-I apologize, I-I did not h-hear you correctly..." Hinata said, nearly topping over from shaking.

"You should be! I pay my good money at this store and-!"

"Miss please leave." Naruto snapped as he threw down his rag and set aside a cup that he had been cleaning. "Harassing an employee over something as simple as cream in your coffee is really fucking annoying."

"Why you have some nerve talking to your-!"

"Miss, my co-worker is correct, you are making a scene and harassing workers. Please leave before I contact the authorities." Sakura said as she dug her shoe into Naruto's foot. And only after a bit more coaxing did the women finally take her to leave. "You two are giving me cancer in the brain!" Sakura cried as she slammed her fist into Naruto's head, and stormed past Hinata who followed her with encouraging words.

"Oh fuck off Sakura!" Naruto snapped as he rubbed his throbbing head. "That woman is a bitch! And you know it! So don't fucking punch me!"

"I didn't punch you for that!" Sakura spat back as she poured foamed milk into the cup which Hinata had prepared. "I punched you because somehow I got stuck working with you Naruto! A person in the fucking sports division!"

"Oh really? Or do you just hate me because I'm practically the only dude you've ever hooked up with?" Naruto demanded.

Sakura slammed the mug she was washing down on the counter at that remark. Naruto however didn't respond to the girl's cry for attention. His mind was partially dealing with the fact that Shikamaru's suggestion to hook up with a guy might not be the worst idea in the world if what he has to deal with afterward isn't half as bad as what he deals with when it comes to girls. But he was also still thinking about that song. He hadn't slept a wink since he received it, and he couldn't even if he wanted too.

He continued to ignore Sakura's stream of insults, as he continued to think. Too much for her liking, so she kicked him directly in the private region. Which made him choke on his own spit and sink clutching his crotch in pain

"I've hooked up with more guys than you will probably ever know Naruto, and let me say this..." Sakura whispered dangerously. "Your dick was so fucking limp, I almost got something to inflate it halfway through so I could maybe even slightly get off to you!"

Naruto stood shakily as Sakura walked away, cursing under his breath, and just praying that he would get some sort of raise by the end of the month. "C-Can I-I get you anything Naruto? That was a pretty hard kick..."

"No it's okay Hinata, it's not your fault," Naruto said kindly.

Hinata was a kind girl in Naruto's eyes. She had long blue hair and a petite figure, as well as a love for baby animals. She was a bit shy, and she had a hard time stating how she really felt about some people. But she was still a good person. And she was a relative of Neji's, which made her just as strong-willed as her cousin. However, she differed from her cousin in the fact that she was majoring in Mathematics, while her cousin was the complete opposite. But since she wasn't in the art division, the two still got along well.

Naruto admitted that he might have hooked up with her once or twice before she and Kiba began to date. The sex wasn't half bad, and Hinata made Naruto waffles in the morning. But Naruto never wanted to tell the blue-haired girl that he had never left his blank state of mind while he took her virginity. He felt nothing as per usual. And he was just about fed up with that horrible feeling if that wasn't clear enough.

"I-Ignore Sakura, s-shes been having a hard day..."

"Oh, she has? What happened?" The blonde asked as he placed a fresh tray of pastries on the counter.

"Well, she got turned down by the new kid in the art school, he w-wasn't m-mean about it o-of course. But s-she was r-really upset, I-I think she liked him a lot..." Hinata said as she handed Naruto a dirty glass after he finished placing the treats on display.

"Oh, jeez, that, um, that really sucks," Naruto said sympathetically, feeling somewhat bad for what he had said to Sakura. "What was the guy's name anyway?"

"Um, I think it was S-Sasuke-"

Crash!

"Naruto!" Hinata cried as she pushed Naruto away from the shattered glass. "Don't use your hand! O-Oh! S-Sakura! Naruto's c-cut his hand!" Hinata cried as she brought her friend's left hand up to her face, carefully trying to see if any glass has entered Naruto's blood. But Naruto was spacing out.

Sasuke... where had he heard that name before?

.~.

"Remind me why I'm here again?" Neji said as he entered Shikamaru's old car. Which had cheap fake leather seats, many cans piled all over the dirty floor mats. And just about two hundred paper towels to top it off! And it had the foul smell of un-washed gym clothes and stale beer.

"Because you're not going to sit around and refuse a good smoke, and drink!" Kiba snapped, as he texted his girlfriend, who had decided to stay home due to a cold. "Hey, Naruto! Why do you look so dead?"

"Because the idiot failed his Chemistry test!" Shikamaru snorted.

"You don't know that shit head!" Naruto retorted. "And I dropped a glass at work yesterday! My hand hurts like hell!"

"Maybe you can finally give your dick a rest then!" Kiba muttered under his breath, which made the blonde turn around and punch him, with his good hand.

"No fighting in my car!" Shikamaru order. "I just had it cleaned!" This statement made everyone else in the car greatly repress a, 'With what?'.

"Why are we even driving?" Neji questioned as he scrolled through Instagram on his phone, ignoring Kiba and Naruto to the best of his abilities. "Gaara only lives a walking distance away! It's a waste of gas!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Would you like me to pull over for you to walk?" The burnet said sarcastically.

"No, I'd rather not."

"Then stop fucking complaining! We're gonna have fun tonight! Have sex! Drink! Smoke! Neji and Kiba waste their time gathering information on the art school kids. But I and Naruto will have a good time! Right Naruto?"

"Yeah, I guess..." Naruto murmured.

"Let me guess, you've run out of ideas for girls to bone, so you're sad!" Kiba said stupidly.

"No, Naruto said that he would be trying it out with a guy," Neji commented as he casually checked his DM's.

"Holy shit really?"

"I don't know if I should Kiba, I don't have any experience with it, I've never even been into guys, and I'm not in the mood for sex."

"Pussy~!" Shikamaru said under his breath teasingly. Which made Naruto snap his head up from looking down, grab a condom from the box Shikamaru kept on his car door. And elbow his friend in the side to show that he wasn't afraid.

Besides, there's no reason for Naruto to hope to find someone to hook up with.

Right?

.~.

"So you came!" Gaara said as he handed four newcomers drinks. Which smelt faintly of mango, but mostly of liquor. "You know the rules, sex in the bathroom and the bedrooms is cool, don't force any doors open though. No swimming if your drunk, and for the love of God don't piss on the flowers."

"Thanks for letting us come over man," Shikamaru said politely as Kiba rudely charged for the beer pong table, which to the dog-obsessed boy, was the best game to ever exist. "It's been a shit week for us all..."

"Not for me..." Neji murmured in his normal snotty tone.

"Neji," Gaara said with his grave tone. "I heard Sakura's not here tonight... maybe you could try and talk to Lee... he's been lonely since TenTen left."

Neji went stiff at that suggestion. He had no been associating with the infamous Rock Lee at that time. They had been friendly with one another of course, but mainly because of TenTen. However, when she left, the soccer major and the track star began to drift apart a bit. But he sighed and walked off, shooting Gaara a glare before he disappeared from view. Naruto then waited for Shikamaru to walk away from Gaara in search of the weed, before approaching the redhead himself.

"Hey, Gaara? Did you see any, um, guys come in tonight, that looked halfway decent?" Naruto whispered to his friend in between sips of beer. Gaara seemed a bit confused at first, but after a moment of processing the question, he came up with a response.

"Not gonna ask but, would it matter if they were from the art division?"

"You know the rules Gaara," Naruto said jokingly, but his joke has about as much enthusiasm as Naruto's emotional state.

"Well, going off of that, this guy did come in. He had this long hair, girly face, but I think his friend came in with him, looked kinda intense. So I wouldn't try and talk to either of them..."

"Anyone else?"

"Sai?"

"No."

"Well that's all I can think of Naruto, I'm not huge on guys or girls! Just find someone who looks suitable and not that homophobic! That's really the best advice I can give you. Or just go to the bathroom- Hey get off the table!" Gaara yelled out as he passed the blond a shot before running to the kitchen to remove a couple off his table.

Naruto downed the shot in a second, slamming the glass on the table with a groan. Gaara was right, he should have been able to just hook up with someone! He shouldn't have been asking people who aren't even gay for help. Well, he couldn't speak much about that, he's wasn't even gay.

And yet he was looking for a guy to have sex with!

What the hell was he doing? He should have been smoking and trying to forget his worries! Not trying to increase them! But alcohol wasn't doing shit for Naruto, and his chest was still loose, and he feared that not even weed would put his lungs right. And the only thing that came to his mind at that moment was the level of pleasure that he could feel when he climaxed.

The feeling of having his chest go rock hard and his vision goes blank. It was a feeling that he could never deny, even it if costs him his life. But he shouldn't have been thinking about using someone for pleasure just like that-

"Hey ugly."

"Gah! Jesus Sai!" Naruto cried as he leaped several feet into the air. He turned around after recovering to see a boy pale as paper gulping down a beer. Wearing his normal cropped shirt and boring haircut. He was a student in the psychology division, and he was a good dude. Other than the fact that he insulted everyone within a two-centimeter radius of him. And Naruto often got stuck pondering on the thought of why Sai even was majoring in something like psychology. The guy could barely understand how the sun could make him more attractive. "Don't fucking call people ugly!"

"I can say it if it's true my ugly acquaintance," Sai said in his normal plain voice as he placed a cigarette in his mouth and took a draw. "And Gaara told me that you were looking for some dudes to hook up with, am I allowed to make a suggestion?"

"If you keep it down a little!" Naruto hissed as he shoved Sai's arms off his shoulder, for the smell of cigarettes on him was making the blonde quite woozy. "And how the hell should you know anything? Your pale face could scare anyone away! Girls or boys!"

"The bathroom on the third floor, the one with the mermaid sign on the door. Go check it out, you'll have fun..."

"Sai did you even get what I meant-!"

"I did now scram! And have you seen Ino anywhere?"

"Hell no! Sakura may be crazy but she's fucked up!" Naruto snapped as he pushed Sai off his shoulder and began to make his way to the bathroom. Still questioning why on earth he was even going there.

'Are some idiots just broadcasting gay porn in there? Is that how stupid these people are?' Naruto thought as he began to climb the stairs to the first floor, stepping over many legs and dogging drunk students left and right. And by the time he had reached the second floor, he was already out of breath and even more woozy from the drinks. But it wasn't until the scent of weed hit his nose that he began to feel so dizzy that he nearly collapsed. But he pinched his nose, still feeling very curious about what the hell was in the bathroom.

And when he did finally reach the door. There was no light coming from the cracks in it. In fact, it looked rather deserted and empty. 'Sai's pulling his bullshit again...' Naruto thought with an eye roll as he innocently grabbed the doorknob and pushed open the door.

The bathroom was pitch black, which made Naruto shiver as he closed the door. However, when he began to feel for the light switch he felt the wind leave his lungs as he was slammed against the door. Instantly the blonde reacted because he was getting just a little bit tired of being slammed into things.

He grabbed the shoulders of the person in front of him, and with all the might he had, he pushed them too the ground. And he heard a sound cry as the two hit the ground, and he instantly knew that he was with a boy.

"What the hell are you trying to pull?" Naruto demanded as he pushed into the shoulders of the boy lying beneath him. Who remained silent as the grave, which made Naruto scowl, but then he gasped. A hand had found its way to the blonde's crotch, rubbing against it gently but also strongly. Hard enough for the fingers to make a general outline of the blondes member. Naruto was dazed and his mouth hung open very cartoonishly. And his face felt far too hot. But when he heard the sound of his belt clicking open, he snapped out of it. "H-Hey! What the hell are you-?"

"Shut up, you know what I'm doing," a cold voice snapped, as he continued to un zip Naruto's pants. The voice sounded odd to Naruto, almost like it was trying to cover or hide a sort of accent. "You better be paying me for this, and don't you dare turn on the lights."

"W-Wait!" Naruto cried as he pushed himself off the other male, slamming into the locked door behind him. His heart beating so fast he could hear it in his ears. "I don't-"

But he felt himself go rigid when he felt the hot breath of the other man on his clothed member. And he let out a gasp when he felt his underwear being pulled down. "Hey, are you new or something? You're pretty big..."

And at that, he blondes member began to ache, or throb if that was the right word. An uncomfortable sensation had spread across his body at those lewd words. They had made him blush and feel so hot that he felt like he could die of embarrassment.

"Pfft, you're getting hard because of that?" The voice questioned as Naruto held back a moan as he felt two long fingers began to run the length of his dick. It made the blonde shudder and shake as well as clench his jaw so tightly that he felt like his teeth were splitting. "You're getting super hard... is this you're first handjob? You fucking pervert."

"H-How d-do you-?" Naruto began to stammer, only to be interrupted by someone who sounded like the biggest brat ever.

"Do it? Easy, I deal with pervs with you all night, so I know what makes them come, and I know what makes them shut the hell up too," The person snapped before Naruto nearly let out a scream as he felt something hot and warm take hold of his member.

The boy's mouth was mesmerizing and warm. And Naruto could feel every part of the boy's mouth, and when he felt his member bump into something, resulting in a vibration going down his member. He felt his vision got blank and white. He threw his hands over his mouth in an attempt to hide his perverted and embarrassing moans. And every time a slight vibration traveled down his member, he had to sink his fingernails into his hands. He could feel everything. The way the man's tongue swirled and rubbed against his member. The person's teeth almost playfully running against Naruto's skin. He felt like collapsing as he felt a warm and wet finger begin to caress his balls. Making whatever was inside swell and thicken at a rate so quick it was more intoxicating than any drink.

And as the person below him began to pick up the pace, the blonde's breathing began to accelerate. Naruto huffed and puffed as he felt his member begin to throb and he felt as though a large and painful lump had formed in his stomach, and he felt like if the person below him was to go even slightly faster he would be pushed to the edge of oblivion and insanity. He felt like he was going insane and as he felt the person hit a pace so much quicker than the last, he felt his breathing go out and his member explode.

He let out a gasp so genuine and dramatic as he came, that he felt like it was his first time he had ever had an orgasm. It had felt so good, so perfect. The way the man had touched and caressed the blonde. It had made him so red and so aroused, and so intoxicated. And he had tried to stop himself from falling over the edge of oblivion, but he knew that he had failed from the second that he felt the soft lips of the man on his member.

"O-Oh god! I'm sorry!" Naruto cried as he attempted to reach out to the boy. "I'm so sorry for cumming in-!"

"Don't fucking touch me!" the boy snapped as he smacked Naruto's hand away from him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that-!" Naruto tried to say breathlessly shocked.

"Just pay me and get the hell out!"

At that statement, Naruto almost felt insulted... it was an insult that he couldn't understand, however. But he felt like he almost had a right because he had practically been forced into a blow job. Even though he had enjoyed it he still had been forced into it. Was that sexual harassment? Rape? Naruto had no idea, but he felt both insulted and perverted.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not paying you, you did a shit job!" Naruto lied.

"Didn't know I had to deal with a fucking lair today," the voice groaned. "And I did a shit job? What did Kabuto have you come in just too fucking tell me that?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Why the hell would I ever associate with that fucking mole rat? But I'm not paying you either way! You forced me into a blowjob!"

"Wait... you didn't come here for sex?" the man said in a voice that sounded both confused and sarcastic. "Then why the hell are you even here? To take a fuckin' leak?"

"I came here because a friend told me I'd have fun! And I'm still waiting for that to start!"

"Cut the shit! You were moaning so loud the people downstairs could probably hear you!"

"Shut up!" Naruto yelled, anger coursing through his veins which were already exhausted from yelling and coming.

"Make me!"

At that moment, Naruto and the other one charged at each other. Flailing their arms around stupidly in the dark. But when they did finally collide, Naruto felt himself being pushed towards the right side of the bathroom. But at that attack, he dug his foot into the ground and pushed back at the other with all his might. Until he eventually found the strength to push the other onto the ledge of the bathroom sink. And could hear the boy cry out at the impact, and hand flew up when he hit the sinks faucet. Which lead to the boy flipping on the lights. Which blinded Naruto for a second. But as he blinked repeatedly, the person in front of him had stopped struggling.

"N-Naruto?" The blonde looked up at that to see a face that felt familiar but also unfamiliar. A boy with pale skin, dark black eyes, and raven toned hair sat on the sink. His eyes looked tired, but they looked like they had suddenly been sparked again. His legs were thin and he wore several bracelets over his wrist, which were thin. But Naruto went ridged when he felt the boy's hands take his face gently. His cheeks had become pink, and he looked like he had tears in his eyes. "Naruto... you're here... I-I thought you had-!"

"Who the hell... are you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on chapter four as I publish this!!


	5. ~Chapter 4~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is thick as concrete, and Sasuke is breaking down.

"Naruto...? It's me... Sasuke..." the raven whispered as he began to tremble as the blonde, who was very confused, tried to remove their hands from his face. "We're friends, we grew up together!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about! Get off me!" Naruto groaned as he finally forced Sasuke's hands off his face, which were still sweaty from the hand job. "Did the alcohol finally kick in or something?"

"Don't you remember Naruto?" Sasuke said desperately as Naruto began to quickly zip up his pants in an effort to leave the bathroom. "We used to play at the park together... and eat popsicles..."

"Look I have no idea what you're talking about," Naruto said in his most formal tone, resisting to yell at the boy about how he was still angry about getting pushed around. But Naruto had come to the conclusion that the boy in front of him was definitely not in the right state of mind whatsoever. Whether it was drugs or anything of the sort. Naruto knew he could not reason with someone talking nonsense. And after Naruto had zipped up, he reached for the doorknob as he tried to say a final thing. "I think you should lay down or something, you're clearly in the wrong state of-"

But before he could finish, or even open the door. He felt something very warm squeezed around his waist. And before he could react, the boy hugging him spoke. His voice strained and weak, and full of tears. "Please don't go... please don't go..."

"H-Hey, I think you should maybe go home... back to your dorm I mean..." Naruto said as he tried to turn around once again and face the boy who was apparently called Sasuke. Now Naruto knew he had heard that name before, in fact, it felt like one of those names that just kinda sticks with you. Did he know who or why he knew the name? No, of course not. 

"You forgot... about me?" the raven whispered his hands beginning to tremble as he said that sentence. 

"Hey, you need to take a breath okay? You're just a little drunk," Naruto said as he made the attempt to sit the raven down for him to somewhat compose himself. Naruto seemed to forget instantly about the previous events that had taken place. But he had found himself really worried the instant he heard the boys voice break. And as Naruto tried to sit the boy down, he realized how poor his body looked. His chest looked to be cover in light bruises and bite marks. Which looked to be bitten over, which made the blonde consider the fact that maybe this boy really was having sex with whoever came in the room. And it seemed to Naruto that all the men who had come in had little to no experience, which made the blonde shudder as he thought of how much pain the boy must be in. "Do you want me to get you anything? Like some water?"

"You really... don't remember me?" Sasuke whispered as he began to curl into a small ball, shaking and shivering like an animal dosed in cold water. "Is it because I left?"

"What did you have to drink, and how much did you have?" Naruto asked cautiously as raised his hand to feel Sasuke's forehead for a temperature, for Sasuke looked to be sweating quite a bit, which strangely made the raven flinch the second he saw Naruto's hand in the air. 

"Please don't-!"

"Hey! Hey! It's okay! I'm just trying to see if you have a temperature... calm down Sasuke..." Naruto said as he quickly pulled his hands back to show that he wasn't going to harm Sasuke. Who's face was pale and wet with sweat. But something else caught the blondes eye, on the ravens already worrying face. "What happened to your nose? It looks bad, why didn't you see the nurse? It's clearly been like that for a while!"

At that statement, the raven seemed to freeze in his own body. And for a minute or so, Naruto didn't even hear him take a breath. But after the minute was up, the boy lunged forward, grabbing hold of Narutos shirt, and looking him dead in the eyes. Which were panicked as well as fearful and exhausted. "I need you to pay! Please!"

"Pay? Pay what? Pay with what? I didn't bring my-!"

"Please Dummy! He's gonna-!"

"Sasuke! Open the fucking door!" A voice roared which made Naruto spin around and protectively place his arms out to shield Sasuke. He didn't have a clue why, but he just did. "Why the hell are the lights on? You think you're done for the night?" 

"Go away!" Sasuke snapped back, his tone forcefully fierce and cold. 

"I will once you tell me how much you gathered!" the voice said slyly, making the blonde flinch knowing that Kabuto stood outside the door. 

"Fuck off mole rat!" Naruto yelled through the door, which made Sasuke flinch and begin to shake once again. And instantly Naruto went silent seeing how terrified the raven had once again become. But he couldn't even calm the boy down before the door came crashing open, the sickenly familiar white-haired male tumbling through it. 

"Would you mind heading out Naruto?" Kabuto said with a smirk, as he took a step near Sasuke, who had backed himself up against the wall, "Sasuke and I need to have a little chat."

"I think your fucking chat can wait Kabuto, Sasuke's out of it! He's shaking and he might be running a fever!" Naruto hissed as he once again shielded Sasuke with his arms.

"Well, if he really is ill! Then he should't work at all! But if he's not working... then he's not gonna make any money..." Kabuto whispered as began to take a few more steps forward. His words were cold and serious. And when Naruto realized that Kabuto's cold gaze was focused on Sasuke, he completely stepped in front of him, glaring at Kabuto so fiercely that his blue eyes seemed to dare the older male to say anything else. But the blonde spun around once again when he heard the cracking of knees to see Sasuke once again on his feet. 

"I'm fine, I can work," Sasuke hissed as he turned his back on Naruto, clenching his fist very hard. 

"What? No! You were just shaking on the floor!"

"Naruto..." Sasuke whispered, "Please... just leave..."

Naruto felt almost hurt by those words. He had just tried to help Sasuke! The raven had no right to be so cold towards him! And why was Sasuke even listening to Kabuto? And what the hell did the mole-rat mean by 'Not Making Any Money?' did Sasuke owe him something? If so then why was he using his body to pay for his dept if that was the right word? And why was he in such a bad condition? And why was he so scared of Kabuto and Naruto raising his hand?

And...

Who was he?

Naruto had grown up alone. The memories he had of his childhood were somewhat of a blur, blurs of gray skies, his first passing grade, the first time he had met Shikamaru. But he couldn't remember anyone named Sasuke. And if he even had known someone named Sasuke, he certainly hadn't seen them in quite some time. So then why was the Sasuke who stood in front of him, so happy to see him again? And why had his face fallen the second Naruto told him he had no idea who he was? His face was certainly one that Naruto couldn't really forget. Perfect in every way, but also cold and snotty. And perhaps even lonely. But how did this lonely looking boy know Naruto? And why didn't Naruto know him?

Naruto's head seemed to spin with these thoughts as he turned on his heel and ran from the bathroom. Slamming into multiple people as he ran his way down the stairs onto the second floor of the house, turning to his left fuming and exhausted. And as he stumbled into a room that stunk so much of cannabis that the air had more smoke than oxygen. But Naruto was used to it and paid no mind to it as he collapsed on the couch next to two Shikamaru. Who had his hair disheveled and his shirt untucked, and was taking multiple hits of the weed like it was breathing in air. 

"Gimme that fucking thing!" Naruto snapped as he snatched Shikamaru's joint from his hand not even waiting for his friend's response. 

"Seems like you had a bad time," Shikamaru said in a tone so lost and out of it, it was almost laughable. "Did he bite your micropenis?"

"You told Sai where to send me, didn't you?" Naruto hissed at his friend. 

"Maybe..."

"Your a dick, man, you know that right?" Naruto groaned as he took a draw of the weed, which barely made his chest squeeze. Much to his displeasure. "Fuck this!"

"Where are you going?"

"Home!"

"You're walking high? Don't get hit by a fucking car!"

.~.

"This is the second time you haven't collected pay Sasuke! Have you already forgotten our deal?"

"I won't do this anymore Fuck Face!" Sasuke yelled back in Kabuto's face which made the older male tighten his hold on the raven's shirt. The white-haired male had dragged the poor boy out of Gaara's house the second that Naruto Uzumaki had stomped out. Kabuto had thrown Sasuke against a brick wall, with more fury in his eyes than pupils. But Sasuke had more. Never had he felt more embarrassed and fearful in his life, and never had he expected to meet the one person he missed more than anything. In the place, he hated the most. How did he even come to know it was Naruto? Well first he had attacked someone who had entered his room, and then they threw him to the ground, and then he blew them. And then they fought again, and somehow the lights had been flicked on. And there Naruto stood. Sasuke had almost wept when he saw his old friend, for he looked so different, his hair was still blonde, and his eyes were still blue. But his hair looked rough and droopy, and his eyes looked sad and empty. And Naruto looked as though he hadn't cracked a smile in years. Well, not the ones Sasuke used to know. Smile's that made Naruto squint with joy and happiness. Smiles that made Sasuke want to pull out a camera and take a picture so that maybe he could keep it in his heart forever. 

'Who the hell... are you?'

Sasuke felt his cheeks burn as he recalled those words, those words that weren't supposed to hurt, but still felt like knives to the heart. And the raven eyes only continued with salty tears of pain as memories that he had kept in his head for years began to replay in his fucked up mind. Memories of the woods, and ramen. The nicknames that relentlessly called each other. But those all seemed to fadded to the one memory that Sasuke held dear to his heart. That day... when the two boys carved their names into the swing, the swing which Itachi had made for them when their first one broke. Sasuke remembered how he had promised Naruto his friendship, for always and forever. And Naruto had questioned it at first, but when Sasuke made it clear. The boys thought it had been set in stone. 

'Who the hell... are you?'

Sasuke collapsed on the ground as he heard Naruto's words once again echo through his skull, practically choking on his tears which ran down his cheek so hard he felt like his eyes were falling from his face. Kabuto instantly let go of the raven and stepped back with a disgusted expression on his face. "Are you really that pathetic Sasuke? Did your work with that Uzumaki brat affect you that much?"

"Shut up!" Sasuke screamed the instant the sentence reach his ears, leaping to his feet and charging at Kabuto, who pushed Sasuke down like he was nothing more than a stray dog.

"You seem aggravated by my words," Kabuto sneered as he knelt down next to Sasuke, who was panting on the concrete, clearly exhausted and out of it. "You must have worked hard tonight, well I must assume because your lack of money is certainly not proving it."

How did Sasuke even get there? Laying on the ground and covered in bruises and bite marks. Looking like nothing more than gum in a pile of dog shit. Well, the raven had landed himself there simply because he had been seen at the wrong time. It was when he had ventured out to the darker ally ways of the town, just after he had buried his own brother. But when he did get there, he found himself stuck in the situation of needing something, anything, whether it was drugs or sex. He just needed something. So he had stumbled around the ally for what felt like years and took everything he was given by the stray men of the streets. And it was only when his older Senpai discovered him halfway through a make-out session, did Sasuke realize how far he had fallen. Kabuto had told him with a smirk on his face that he would try his best to keep Sasuke's secret. But Sasuke couldn't accept 'Try' he needed to know with full certainty that no one would find out about what the handsome Sasuke Uchiha really was. 

Just another dirty whore, who would probably die on the streets a whore.

Just like Itachi.

"Kabuto..." Sasuke whispered pitifully as he stumbled to his feet, grabbing hold of the white-haired male's collar and pressing his lips against his. Every nerve in his body wanting to turn away. But his mind knew that he couldn't turn away. Kabuto just wanted control over Sasuke, and the raven knew that perfectly well. So if he could just please him... and let him not know about Naruto. Not let him know that Naruto was the reason Sasuke was still living and breathing. Then Sasuke wouldn't mind just getting by pretending for Kabuto. "Its' been a while... hasn't it? Since we-!"

But Sasuke barely got finish before he found his face being pushed up against the wall, and his pants being pulled down. But Sasuke didn't care, and as Kabuto's filthy hands began to touch Sasuke's body. Sasuke barely even shuddered, because a thought had entered his head at that moment. If Naruto was not able to remember him, why couldn't Sasuke help him? Why couldn't they be friends once again? Why couldn't Sasuke try and get his precious kind sunshine back? 

"They've all made you lose... eh Sasuke?" Kabuto sneered as he pushed his own member in before Sasuke could even tell him to put a condom on. "I like it when your tighter Sasuke... so I'll make you a deal. If you have sex with me, and only me, I'll forget about your secret and we can both move on. Deal?"

"S-Sure..." Sasuke groaned as he pressed his fist into the wall. He felt more tears falling down his face, as Kabuto began to dryly trust. "Whatever..."

"Oh and, I don't want you around that Naruto," Kabuto hissed. "The way you looked at him was... concerning..." 

.~.

"Good game. Good game. Good game." the boys said as they stiffly walked past one another. Their hands colliding for almost a moment before both people quickly tore his away. It wasn't a good game, and everyone knew it. Naruto was for one completely out of it, and Shikamaru was absent, for reasons that no one knew. The University Hidden In The Leave's soccer team was weak and unmanaged. It was pure humiliation they felt when they lightly touched the hands of the other team. And muttering out those words only made it worse. 

"What the hell is up with you?" Kiba yelled as he slammed his blonde friend into the lockers after the team had retreated off the field. 

"Stop it you two!" Neji hissed trying to hide his anger. "Kiba! Let go of him!"

"I'll let go once this dickhead tells me what the hell is going on! Didn't even score one fucking goal! Now you better start spilling right now or I'll punch the living hell out of-!"

"Boys, I would rather not like a fight to break out," Kakashi said warningly as he stepped into the locker room. "Kiba, Neji, and everyone else, please get changed and head back to campus!"

"Yes Sir!" Everyone yelled as they threw on their clothes and stumbled out of the locker room, shooting Naruto glares as they all exited. Naruto of course didn't react, but he wasn't exactly thrilled to be lectured by Kakashi. Who spoke to him as soon as the last person stumbled out.

"Are you sure there's nothing troubling you Naruto?" Kakashi asked once again, still as calm as the first time.

"No Sensei, everything is fine," Naruto responded quickly as he turned around and grabbed his backpack from his locker. "I'm just a bit tired."

"Naruto, I've never known you to be 'Tired'," Kakashi said, "Did you go out last night?"

"It was just a party sir, and I really am just tired!"

"Then I assume that you'll be resting up for tomorrow's practice?"

"Of course, can I please go now?"

"You may," Kakashi said as he slowly gestured towards the door, and as the blonde sighed with relief and walked towards the door. He suddenly found himself coming to a halt. "Is something wrong Naruto?"

"Do you... know anyone... named Sasuke...?"

Kakashi didn't respond at first, but after a moment of thought, the teacher cleared his throat and spoke his mind. "Sasuke used to live in this town, but due to privacy issues, he was moved to America, and he was raised there. But he decided to come back to University here. He's a music major, I think he plays the guitar, and I assume his grades are good. And the others seem to like him, but from what I've heard. He doesn't like to hang around with the kids in his division. And he's often seen off-campus, just walking around alone... but why do you ask?"

"I just met him at the party, seemed a little lonely," Naruto said, not half lying in away. 

"Hmm, interesting, are you two perhaps friends-?"

"No. We can't be friends," Naruto said quickly. "Because, you know, the rules?"

"Ah yes, those rules, rules that are extremely irrelevant but still matter so much," Kakashi said as he made his way to the door, exiting with a laugh as Naruto went beet red in embarrassment at his Sensei's truthful words. 

But as the blonde stumbled out of the locker room, he nearly lept six feet in the air when he saw Shikamaru waiting for him. Looking extremely tired, but still calm. "Hey..."

"Wherer the hell were you today?!" Naruto demanded as he punched his friend in the chest. "I got hella chewed out today! I could have used some help with that asshole!"

"Sorry sorry, I had other things to do," Shikamaru said as if that was a good reson for his absense at a major game. "Anyways, you don't need my brains too much in these games, you have your endless stamina, so why'd we loose so hard?"

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Naruto snapped in a tone that greatly sounded like he wanted to talk about it.

"Did you hook up with that guy in the bathroom?"

"You knew about him?"

"Well duh, he's the only male prostitue on campus!" Shikamaru said, which made Naruo flinch in anger. The real reason the blonde was 'Tired' was because he had stayed awake all night, fumming at both Sasuke, and especially Kabuto. For one, Naruto was angry at Sasuke for being so hostile, and then as soon as the raven caught sight of the blondes face. He almost broke down, and then when Kabuto came in, he was suddenly fine. Now Naruto had no idea why he was angery at this, in fact, it shouldn't have mattered at all too him. Because Sasuke was only supposed to be making money off of him. But the bonded couldn't shake the idea of how odd the situation was. And he could not forget how terrified the ravens face was when Kabuto entered the room.

'You really... don't remember me?'

"Sasuke Uchiha... Shikamaru, do you know anything about him?"

"Hmm, nah, just that he's got all the girls drooling over him, why? Did your hook up turn you gay?"

"Shut up, I'm not gay, and you aren't either," Naruto snapped defensively, as he and his friend made their way back to campus. Chatting occcationally about how the quality of the drugs was good at the party, or even about the weather. But Naruto's head was still swimming, with thoughts of both conflicting, and worry. Who was Sasuke Uchiha? Why was he a gay whore, making money and then giving it all to the infamous Kabuto?

And had he and Naruto met before?

And why should the blonde even care?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be deleting my Wattpad...


	6. ~Chapter 5~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto sucks at English.

Sasuke sat on the floor of his filthy shower, his hair clinging to his filthy face, and his arms wrapped around his own body as though that would protect him to from invisible hands that seemed to group him. Even in a place where he was supposed to feel safe. He was shivering and shaking, from both pain and fear. It wasn't precisely a panic attack, maybe a fit of shorts. But whatever it was, it was painful. Sasuke felt like his very lungs were being squeezed, by both the hot water, and the fact that his throat was so sore he could barely get air in his lungs. And his chest and arms were weak and frail as well. And he had so many bruises covering his body, he looked like a painting... of pure pain. His rear however hurt the most, for in the week that followed the party, Kabuto had dragged Sasuke out of his classes more than once. Sodomizing him with little to no preparation, which resulted in the boy's hole to swell and ache. And sometimes even small drops of blood would fall from it. When Kabuto had dragged Sasuke out of class for the fourth time, the white-haired male noticed Sasuke's injury. Sasuke was called disgusting and then was told by the man who had practically taken over his life to treat it and when he recovered, he was to tell Kabuto immediately. After his shower, however, Sasuke felt like he could barely stand up. For his shower had been far too hot and his body was already too weak. But he managed to shakily crawl from the tub, and dry himself off with a towel that he could smell his own blood on. He was able to pull a shirt over his head and grab a nearby hand mirror and a bottle of antibiotic ointment. And as he spread his legs to attempt to get a good look at his rear, he nearly gagged. The area around his hole was quite swollen and red, and sure the bleeding had stopped but he still felt great pain. But he only could hold his breath as he rubbed the cream over himself, and pulled on a pair of underwear. And he crawled like a broken baby as he made his way to his small fridge, grabbing an ice pack and stumbling to his couch to ice his rear. He found himself scrolling through the contacts on his phone. His finger stopping over his Mothers contact, which he had not pressed in quite some time. 'She must be worried...' Sasuke thought as he pressed her contact, and held his old cracked phone to his ear. He heard the phone ring once, or maybe three times before he heard a click and a familiar voice.

"How's my angel?" Karmin yelled through the phone which made Sasuke have to hold it slightly away from his ear.

"Hi, Mom," Sasuke said, a slight smile crossing his face, for his foster mother's voice was so beautifully comforting. "I'm alright."

"How's Japan? I'm still so jealous of you sweetie!"

"It's nice here, nice and cool, and the towns the same as I remember it," Sasuke said calmly, trying to hide the stabbing pain from his rear in his voice.

"That's great! Have you meet some nice people?"

"Sure, yeah, of course!" the raven lied, he had no friends.

"Wonderful Baby! Do you need me to send you anything? How about a little treat from home?"

"No I don't need anything," Sasuke said politely, lying once again. In reality, he needed a thousand things. He had been reusing the same paper plate for all his meals, and the rice maker had broke on the first day. And the only thing he was practically living off of was school lunches. Which were awful, but it gave Sasuke some sort of energy. So he would always take what he could get. And he would not dare as his Mother for money. She had already paid for enough of his life. Including paying for Itachi's cremation services. "How've you been?"

"I've been alright, I was thinking about getting a cat!"

"Cats make me sneeze!" 

"You can hold your breath!" Karmin said jokingly, which made Sasuke stifle a slight chuckle. "Sasuke sweetie, I have to head to work now. But thank you for calling me! I miss hearing your voice! And I miss you so much!"

"I miss you too... Mom... I'll call you soon..."

'Please don't hang up!'

"I'll call soon too!" 

'Mom he's hurting me so much!'

"I love you Sasuke!"

'Mom I'm in so much pain!'

"I love you too... Mom..." 

'Mom... please... call me back...'

.~.

"Well Naruto, I'll say, these grades are awful!" Iruka said in the most sarcastic voice Naruto had ever heard.

"Yeah thanks for that Sensei," Naruto groaned as he leaned back in his chair, puffing out his lips and huffing in embarrassment. 

It had been two weeks since Gaara's party. And in those two weeks, Naruto's grades had plummeted and he had been benched for three whole days, due to his laziness and inability to participate in practice. But he had just refused to tell his teachers what the problem. At first, they had thought it was the fact that Naruto didn't understand the material. But when he denied that, they concluded that he was just being a lazy little brat. And after multiple spectacles in class, the blonde was finally sent to the guidance office. 

"Your teachers have told me that you aren't participating in class, and you have not turned in your work in quite some time,"

"I've had some other things on my mind," Naruto said, blushing slightly as he did. 

"Well, you need to get them off your mind, because a couple more days of this, and I will be calling home!"

"My parents sent me to this college to play soccer, not to learn about geometry!" Naruto said trying not to laugh at his own joke. 

"Well then, keep acting like this and I'll have you benched for the whole season!" Iruka said as a last-ditch attempt to get his student under control. Which worked because after those words left the mans mouth, Naruto jumped up and demanded:

"What assignments do I have to do?"

"English translation essay-"

"Pass."

"What? Why not?" Iruka questioned. "Your grades in English need the most work Naruto, if you don't get credit for the class, you might need to repeat it next year. You should aim to finish the class this year."

"No offense Sir, but I'm not going to waste my time trying for something that will not really of any use to me," Naruto said as he absent-mindedly stared out the window. And he only did face his consoler again when he felt his hand rest on his shoulder as if to reassure him in a way. 

"Naruto, please don't think like that. You never know when you might need English," the burnet said kindly, but then out of nowhere, he snapped his fingers happily. "Naruto! I think I've thought of something!"

"What?" Naruto groaned, completely uninterested.

"I'll arrange for you to meet with someone who can help you with your work, someone who already knows English! How does that sound?"

"Will you get off my ass if I say yes?"

"If your grades improve, yes I will," Iruka said with an eye roll.

"Fine..." the blonde sighed as he threw his head backward, already regretting his decision. 

"Alright, I'll email you the time!"

.~.

"A tutor? Fuckin' loser!" Shikamaru said with a chuckle as he dogged a punch from his friend, "This is why you should have just taken a bullshit language, like... Latin!"

"Just shut up!" Naruto said hotly as Shikamaru turned right onto campus. The two boys had gone out for a drink on that Thursday night, Naruto had watched his brown-haired friends flirt with countless girls. Only to be rejected every single time. So as an attempt to make him feel better, Naruto told him about the fact that every Friday from then on, he would be receiving help for his horrible English. Naruto knew he shouldn't have mentioned it to his friend. He had already had a bad day at the coffee shop, and he wasn't doing any better with the idea of extra lessons. It was a total humiliation for him! 

"When is your first lesson?"

"Tomorrow after last period!" Naruto groaned as he threw his head back into the seat of Shikamaru's car, which was still as filthy as it was two weeks ago. "And normally I would be able to skip because of practice! But since Kakashi is our coach! I can't! It's bullshit! Stop laughing Shikamaru!"

"I'm sorry!" Shikamaru said in between gasps of air. "Oh, my god dude! Your luck is so shit- Ow!"

.~.

Sasuke had returned to school feeling better physically, but mentally... his state was unexplainable. But the only reason he had found himself back at school, was because he had been offered a job as an English tutor. He had been promised a small amount of money as well, so the raven saw no reason to refuse. And when he arrived at his first class of the day, which was Band, his fingers felt like falling off as he gently strummed his old guitar. He was tired, for his body had just spent nearly a week fighting off an infection and healing itself. But Sasuke didn't stop playing, even when he felt his fingers fall asleep, and when he left his class, he nearly collapsed when he stood. 

"Sasuke? Are you okay?" Sakura asked gently. Sasuke instantly pursed his lips when he heard her speak. He had just rejected her only two weeks ago. And he felt some amount of guilt when he lied to her saying that he wasn't interested in dating. When in reality he didn't even like girls in the first place. 

"You're mad... aren't you?" Sasuke asked as the two walked down the school's corridors after Sakura had insisted they grab some coffee. Sasuke carrying his old guitar in his case which he had swung over his back, along with his backpack. 

"A bit," she said as she passed the cashier some crumpled bills and a few coins in exchange for some weak and bland coffee. "But it wasn't right, what I did. I shouldn't have asked you about it during class, it must have been embarrassing for you."

"No it's alright," Sasuke said, just relieved that he hadn't gotten in bad blood with the pink-haired girl. Who was moody but still kind. It was Sakura who had originally been assigned to help Sasuke around the school, and she had been very good at her task, and she even helped the raven sign up for band and all his courses.

"Anyways Sasuke... it's been a while since we've seen you in person. Did something happen?"

"Caught a bit of a fever," Sasuke responded as he took a draw of his watery coffee, which he resisted spitting back into the cup due to the amount of sugar in it. "Must have gotten it from the party..."

"Hmm," Sakura hummed, "Oh Sasuke! I and a couple of my friends are heading to town today after class, wanna come?"

"Sorry, I'm tutoring someone after school today," 

"Hope they're paying you for that!" Sakura said with a snort.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the only kids that get tutoring in the school, are the blockheads from the sports division, and I used to tutor some of them in Freshman year. They were all so resistant to me! Just because I was in the art division! One of them actually put headphones on just because they didn't want the advice of an art major! So I just ended up quitting!" Sakura responded hotty as she slammed her cup down, tutoring clearly being a touchy subject for her. "What are you even supposed to be tutoring on?"

"Apparently their failing English,"

"Well good luck with that," Sakura said gently. "I gotta head out Sasuke, take it easy, and thanks for having coffee with me!"

"Yeah, um... thanks..." Sasuke responded shakily, unfamiliar with such words. "Um, hey Sakura!"

"Hm? Yeah! Is something wrong?"

"Why... is everyone in the art division... so against people in the sports division? Ino's always talking crap about them, and there were these two boys at the party that seemed to really hate what Ino was saying. Is it bad blood? Or just...?"

"Well, it's hard to explain but, from what I know, there used to be these three friends, and I think it was two boys and one girl. But basically, one of them was in the art division, and the other was in the sports division. And the girl was a nursing major. But from what I know, one boy really liked the girl, and the other one just thought of her as a friend. But the girl was more close to the one who only thought of her as his friend. And I guess the other boy got super jealous, and it must have started as a small little fight, but I guess it got physical when the other boy got sick of the other ones rambling and tried to knock some sense into him. And I guess the girl was just so embarrassed to be in the middle, that she just left... and she never resolved the fight. So it's just an old conflict that's not really about love anymore, it's more about who's better at what and why. And I know that sounds pretty stupid, but it's just kinda in the school's blood now... so I wouldn't try and mess with the system. Okay?"

"Um, sure, yeah, whatever, see you!" Sasuke said as his pink-haired acquaintance ran off. And when she had left him, Sasuke sighed and made his way outside of the cafeteria and over to the library in the center of campus. Which smelt like the rug needed to be cleaned, and like mass-produced books. It didn't feel old like some of the libraries in America, it smelt like stress. Sasuke remembered how calm the library was at his old school. Calm perhaps because no one was ever there, but calm never the less. Sasuke used to eat lunch there, with a book resting on his knees on his cheap school lunch beside him. The staff there always let him stay, as long as he kept to himself, and kept quiet. And it came in handy that he was good at both. "Excuse me, I'm meeting with someone, to tutor them in five minutes. Is there a place for me to sit?"

"Are you tutoring someone from the sports division?"

"Um, yes?" Sasuke said resisting to comment on the system. 

"Go to the right and all the way back, there's an old office, please shut the door when they get there, they can be... quite loud..."

"Thanks...?" Sasuke said as he quickly walked to the back room with an eye roll. 'What a stupid system,' he thought as he opened the door of the backroom and flicked on the lights. Revealing a cramped room with a small table and two chairs, and an old musty carpet. 'Everyone can be loud! It doesn't just have to be them!' Sasuke thought as he brushed off the table and set his backpack down on a chair that looked slightly better than the other one. And to pass the time he found himself pulling out his folder of sheet music. Which contained simple songs, songs he had been assigned, songs for the piano, and songs that he could play from memory. Songs like Church by Fall Out Boy, and Yellow by Coldplay. Both from interesting summer phases he went through during his summers at home. But he pulled out a piece of music that he had chosen purely to challenge himself. It was called La Vie En Rose. It sounded terrible on his old rusty guitar, but Sasuke wanted to at least try and put his many years of french class to use. But he himself felt too tired to even strum his guitar, so he only observed the notes and the words on the paper. 

"Hold... me close and hold me fast... The magic spell you cast... This is la vie en rose..." Sasuke whisper sang under his breath, the words sounding almost off and close hitting to him. As stupid as it sounded. But Sasuke shook it off as he placed the music back in his folder and turned to place it in his backpack when he heard a knock on the door frame.

"Are you a tutor?"

"Yeah," Sasuke said still turned away and shoving his paper folder back in his backpack. "Just sit across from me..." 

"Hey, do you want some help?" the voice asked as two string looked hands came into Sasuke's vision trying to help him zip up his backpack. 

"No, I got it!" Sasuke lied, noticing that the zipper was stuck. 

"Here I know a trick!" the person said as they picked up the bag, which left Sasuke speechless as he looked up. His mind going blank, and his eyes beginning to sting and sharpen. 

"Hey, your name is Sasuke, right? I'm Naruto... we um, met at Gaara's party..?"

"How could forget?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how you are guys liking the story so far? I don't think I'll be leaving those chapter warnings anymore, I mainly left them because people on Wattpad would come for my head if I didn't. so just let me know if you guys still want them and I'll make edits!!!


	7. ~Chapter 6~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School sucks, but tutoring sucks more.

The way he sat was mesmerizing to the raven. His face rested on his crossed arms, and he never broke contact with Sasuke's eyes, even when he should have. He looked different to Sasuke, old if that was the word. His face had lost its baby fat and had become thinner, as well as tougher. His hair looked to be a darker blond, especially around the roots. His eyes had stayed the same color, but they looked more slanted and even bagged. His legs and arms were much more muscled though, and his hands looked like they had been covered hundreds of times with soccer gloves. He smelt of clean deodorant, and school showers. And Sasuke could faintly smell some form of drugs on his old friend. But there was one in inescapable fact, Naruto was handsome. As well as there. Oh, god, he really was sitting in front of Sasuke. Did the blonde know that his very existence was keeping the boy in front of him from slitting his wrist?

"I mean... it's mainly your spelling that sucks," Sasuke said honestly as he turned over one of Naruto's vocabulary quizzes, which had been marked 20%. "If we work to fix that, you might be able to ace your next test as pass the class,"

"Um, I'm, sorry but... are you doing alright? You were crazy drunk at the party,"

"Yeah... I'm good," Sasuke said as he began to write a few words down in Japanese in an attempt to avoid the question. No, he wasn't 'Good' he couldn't be further from it. But how he felt wasn't important, what mattered was helping his old friend pass English, and maybe helping Naruto remember him. But that had been moved to the maybe section for the reason that the task would be much harder than anyone would have guessed. "Can you translate these into English?"

"I'll try..." Naruto said as he picked up his pen and began to try and write, but the pen seemed to be out of ink. "Fuck, do you have a pen?"

"Yeah, here," Sasuke said, trying to hide the breathlessness in his voice as he passed the blonde his pen. And he felt his cheeks heat up as he felt Naruto's fingertip brush over his knuckle. But he regained himself before the blonde could notice his unprofessional reaction. "Try not to use your textbook, you can learn from your mistakes,"

Naruto gave a nod and then sat up more and began to look over the sentences being careful to try and not use his textbook, but after ten minutes he found himself forced to take a small peak in his book, which made his mentally snap his fingers, and he then finished his sentence. 

'Never was their a person who give up on other before them own.'

"Okay so now try and read that to me," Sasuke said as he mentally noted the blondes errors. Naruto nodded and began to read to Sasuke, his accent was a bit heavy but he could read English. So Sasuke came to the easy conclusion that it was just grammar that Naruto needed help on. "Okay so first off, the word 'There' has a bunch of different meanings, but they all sound the same so you have to be careful."

Naruto looked puzzled by that.

"Um, well, the word, there spelled T-H-E-R-E kinda represents; He was there, or there you are!" Sasuke explained shakily. "And T-H-E-I-R, or T-H-E-Y-R-E, kinda means; They're a nice person! Or... they're not remembering you..."

"So different forms of one word mean completely different things?" Naruto asked completely unaware of the hint Sasuke had dropped. 

"Yep, so fix that," Sasuke responded trying to hide his disappointment. And when Naruto finished, Sasuke re-read the sentence.

'Never was there a person who give up on other before themselves.'

"Okay you need change G-I-V-E into G-A-V-E, because 'Give' isn't dramatically correct in a sentence like this," Naruto nodded at that and quickly fixed his spelling. "Okay good, now all you have to do is make the 'Others' plural."

"So like this? 'Never was there a person who gave up on others before themselves.'"

"Yep, that's perfect!" Sasuke said confidently, and he began to write down another sentence to be translated. 

"What does that mean though?" the blonde asked curiously, "Or was it just a random sentence?"

"Just a sentence," Sasuke lied. 

.~.

"You're a good teacher Sasuke!" Naruto said kindly as he pushed his stuff into his backpack, Sasuke turning away from the blonde as he said that. His ears had gone red at that statement. "How many more times do we have to meet?"

"Until your grades start improving!" Sasuke responded, which made Naruto laugh a bit, which made the raven's ears go a bit redder. "Anyways, I'll see you next Monday."

"Hey wait! Um, can we talk for a little bit? At my place?" Naruto asked before Sasuke could sneak out the door. Sasuke pursed his lips at that comment, he knew that Naruto was asking this just so he could ask Sasuke about what happened at the party. And the raven already could assume that the first question would be: So tell me Sasuke, why are you, the person who all the girls drooling over, blowing random men in the bathroom? And are you gay?

"Um, I have some homework to do,"

"You can hang at my place, we have really good wifi!"

"Em, well, okay..." Sasuke sighed as Naruto stepped beside him. "Wait! Um, aren't you in the athletic division?"

"Oh yeah I am, but your my tutor, and my roommate doesn't care about those rules. He doesn't care about much to be honest!" Naruto said with a sigh while Sasuke began a mental war in his head. He shouldn't have even considered the option to go over to Naruto's! Sakura had told him to not mess with the system! What if someone found out! Then everyone would be mad at him, and that was the last thing Sasuke wanted. He hated being hated and he hated attention. "Sasuke, please? I've been worried about you since the party, you looked really banged up,"

"Um, sure fine," Sasuke muttered as he turned his head away from Naruto, whose bashful comment had made the raven go tomato red in the face. He almost looked like a girl with all his blushing. At that thought, however, he felt his hands brushing against his side bangs that hung beside his head. They had gotten much longer since Sasuke disposed of all the scissors in his dorm for his own personal reasons. But he knew he would have to cut it eventually, and he decided he would try and be brave and do it himself. 

.~.

"Do you want some ramen? I have pork, chicken, beef, and vegetable miso, want some?"

'Still love ramen huh?'

"Um, I'm not hungry, you have some," Sasuke responded politely as the two boys stepped inside the dorm after Naruto had fumbled with his keys for many many minutes. The dorm smelt of drugs, energy drinks, and a freshly cut soccer field. The kitchen sink had dishes pilled up like a mountain, and the floor definitely needed to be vacuumed. The walls were covered in posters of bands, shows, and semi-naked women. "What's with the posters?"

"Oh, those are Shikamaru's!" Naruto responded with an eye roll, clearly embarrassed. "I think he just got them to feel older."

"Hmm," Sasuke hummed as he sat down in front of the coffee table, which sat in front of an old TV. "Do you um... mind if I play a little bit?"

"No, not at all!" Naruto called back as he placed his kettle on the stove. Sasuke nodded at this and began to pluck his guitar, turning it's nobs and tuning it to not sound scratchy and squeaky. He then found a good pitch as he pulled out his music folder, and began to flip through songs. Eventually coming upon a song that he had played in quite some time. It was called 'Little Lion Man' and it had been one of the songs that Sasuke's school band had played together. It was fast-paced and explicit. But Sasuke saw no need to worry, I mean, he was already breaking rules. What was one more?

Sasuke began to quickly strum his cords, keeping them as quiet as possible, but as the song progressed, he found himself speeding up. And humming gently under his breath to help him match the timing. When he had first played the song, he had almost considered auditioning for the vocal part, but he was needed to play. And another girl got it instead. And Sasuke always felt the need to tell her that she sounded like a hoarse high off helium. 

"'But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear? Didn't I my dear?"' Sasuke sang quietly as he played his final cord, the sound of the vibrating strings fading out and echoing. And as the raven looked up he saw the blonde standing above him, his mouth open and his hands full with two bowls of instant ramen. "Oh sorry did I distract you?"

"Holy shit... how did you play that? Who taught you?"

"I-I started learning how to play when I was in third grade,"

"That's amazing!" Naruto said as he sat down next to Sasuke, placing his ramen on the coffee table and looking at the raven's old guitar. "How long have you had that guitar? It looks so small compared to you!"

"Oh, my stepmom bought it for me after my first concert, I wanted to get a new one for school... but I decided to keep this one... I couldn't find anything like it in the stores." Sasuke explained. 

"What's it like in America?" Naruto asked. 

"Well, it's loud there, and people can be rude sometimes, the countryside is better than the city in my opinion. At first, I was amazed at how interesting the wildlife was, but then as I got used to it. I realized that there's nothing that special about squares..."

"Well, I think you know what I want to ask you," Naruto said after a moment of silence. 

"You wanna know what the hell was up with me that night, don't you?" Sasuke said bluntly.

"Can you tell me?"

"In bits and pieces."

"I'm all ears."

Sasuke bit his lip hard as he began to construct a truthful statement and a false statement. "I'm in a little bit of debt with Kabuto, and he came up with the idea to get money from people who are questioning, basically I'm just an identity maker," Sasuke said his voice extremely blunt and firm. 

"You looked kinda, scared of him, and you seemed kinda desperate..." Naruto whispered. 

"I drank too much." Sasuke lied. He hadn't even had a drop of alcohol. "Oh and sorry that I was crying all over you, you have the same face as someone I used to be friends with."

"They were also named Naruto?" the blonde questioned, his tone somewhat suspicious of the raven's words. 

"Yep." 

"Okay," Naruto said through a mouthful of noodles, and after he swallowed, an awkward silence fell over the two. But the blonde soon broke it by saying; "Hey can I maybe try and play that?

"Do you know how?"

"No of course not, I'm a soccer player!" Naruto joked. "Can you show me a few things?"

"Well, here," Sasuke said as he placed the guitar in the blonde's lap, "Okay, so hold use your left hand to hold the neck, and put your right hand... here..." Sasuke whispered as he gently lifted Naruto's hand, looping it over the side of his old instrument. Naruto's hands were soft and rough at the same time. And Sasuke knew that Naruto was most likely trying to resist commenting how rough Sasuke's fingertips felt. But Sasuke's fingers could still feel, the warm aura coming from the blonde's hands. Which reminded the raven of the times when Naruto would grab Sasuke's hand, and pull him to the swing, or maybe his own house. But as Sasuke helped Naruto's hands find a place on the strings, Sasuke was almost disappointed when he didn't feel Naruto take hold of his hand. And lead him to bliss and a paradise better than the ones he had ever known. But Sasuke's mind felt like giving up, for he knew that the Naruto he used to know was in the past. And Sasuke knew fully well that it was stupid of him to try and dream that from these small touches, Naruto would remember what Sasuke would remember for life. Sure Naruto acted kind and cheery, but Sasuke could tell when something was a forced act. He himself had become quite good at participating in the act. But not only could the raven see it in the blonde's actions, but he could also see it in his blue irises. Which looked so hollow and dull, so lonely, and absentminded, it was almost painful for the raven to see. 

Sasuke knew that should have just given up, there was no point in trying to force memory to come back. And he wasn't even supposed to be close to the soccer player! So why did he keep pushing it? Why didn't he just move away from Naruto? Why did he keep pushing himself onto the blonde? Giving him everything he could give, whether it was sex, handjobs, blowjobs, or anything in the world that he had. Why? Was it because he was desperate? Or lonely? Somewhat of both I think, but it was mainly the fact that Sasuke wanted something to hold onto in his shitty world. He wanted to believe that Naruto would make it better for him, he wanted to believe that Naruto would remember him, and he wanted to be protected by the blonde. Protected from Kabuto, the world, but mostly his own mind. 

Sasuke was selfish and he knew it. 

Itachi would be so ashamed of him.

"D-Don't... ahh... no S-Sasuke... S-Shikamaru...might!" Naruto moaned in between gasps of air as Sasuke steadily bobbed his head up and down, rubbing his tongue against the foreskin of the blondes member tentatively and sensually. "Sasuke... y-you don't have too- Ngh! Wait Sasuke-!"

But the raven knew that Naruto could not hold it in. He could tell that Naruto had never done something like this, and he could also tell that Naruto was quick to finish because he was both confused and dazed to have been blown by a man, rather than a women. Which was why he was quick explode in the ravens mouth, unable to restrain himself for even a second longer. The blonde was panting and gasping as he finished, moaning for the raven to stop. He hadn't asked for a blowjob, Sasuke had just provided for reasons unknown by the blonde. "S-Sasuke... why did you? How did you...? Sasuke! You're face!"

Sasuke went redder when he once again heard the blonde gasp out his name, in that voice of his which seemed to make Sasuke's stomach clench. The raven turned away at that, embarrsed and humiliated over what he had done. And embarrsed over the unfamiliar throbbing in his lower region. "It's fine... I shouldn't have done that..."

"Sasuke," Naruto said, reaching out to the raven, his visible concern growing by the second. Why was his voice so gentle? Why was Sasuke thinking like that? Him and Naruto had been friends sure, but why was Sasuke doing this? To help him remember? "Did Kabuto-?"

"No!" Sasuke yelled, trying to drown out that voice of Naruto's, why was he doing these things? He was trying to get his friend back! Why was he acting like Naruto-?

"Sasuke... are you... hard?" 

"No! No I'm not!"

"You are... aren't you?"

"No I'm not- Hey what the fuck-! Ah!" Sasuke cried as he felt the hand of his former friend brush against his jeans, grazing his semi hard member, making the raven gasp. Sure he had practically had sex with every man on campus. But never had he been aroused through any of these things. It had been so long since he had felt the feeling that an erection gave him, it was embarrassing and irritating and it ached all at the same time. And it could make the brain foggy. Very foggy.

"Sasuke... do you want me too... you know?" Naruto said with red cheeks and trembling hands. 

Sasuke's brain was mush, and his body was hot, and he could only make out a:

"Please... Naruto..."


	8. ~Chapter 7~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto can/can't give a handjob. Sasuke has some odd thoughts...?

Naruto was unsure of how he had found himself in a situation like the one he was in. He didn't know why or how he had received a second blowjob from Sasuke. And he had little no idea why he had offered his own hands to the raven. Was it to try it out? Or maybe was it because he had taken the ravens words to heart. "I'm in a little bit of debt with Kabuto, and he came up with the idea to get money from people who are questioning, basically I'm just an identity maker," Sasuke had told him. So could Naruto maybe help Sasuke get out of that debt? But why was Naruto doing it? Well, Sasuke had been rather kind to him... and he had just let Naruto hold his guitar, and he had also complied with everything he had asked of him. But something else in Naruto wanted to do it. To touch another man, to feel the body of another. One that was so perfect and elegant. But still a mans body... that he strangely wanted to touch... and feel.

Naruto had always been happy to call himself a heterosexual, in fact, the idea of liking men was never even a subject of thought to him. He didn't have many thoughts in general. But he could admit with no restraint that Sasuke was handsome. Even though he looked a bit worn out, Naruto could tell that he was indeed a handsome man. But just because Naruto considered Sasuke mildly attractive, didn't mean that he was suddenly a homosexual. So why did he wish to touch Sasuke? Experiments with his sexuality sounded both selfish and wrong in the blonde's head. But Sasuke had asked for Naruto's help. And that was the only thing that ran through Naruto's head as he gently pulled down Sasuke's pants. Down to the ankles just to be careful. 

Naruto swallowed a wad in his throat as he raised his hands to Sasuke's underwear, which were a bit strained and a bit wet at the top. Naruto's head was pounding as he began to trace the waistband of the raven's underwear. The raven himself had his shirt balled up in hands, and he seemed to be pressing it to his mouth. To hide his red face and an embarrassed expression. All Naruto could hear though, was the pounding of his own excited heart in his ears, and the stifled lewd noises coming from the boy in front of him. 

The blonde tugged down his underwear revealing the thing he had known was there but had not expected it to be in some way. Sasuke's member was hardened, and a bit wet at the top. Swollen as well at the base, with a light pink tint bloomed all over it. He was shaved, and the area around his member was strong and firm. But Sasuke's legs were desperately trying to hide his erection, and as Naruto opened them for the third time, he decided to give reassurance to the raven. "Sasuke, you don't have to be embarrassed... I'm not judging or anything..."

"Just... fucking get it over with... I'm already embarrassed enough..." the raven whispered through his shirt. His voice intense and hurt and humiliated. 

Naruto swallowed harder as he heard that, as he attempted to remember everything he had seen from the many hours of gay porn he had watched for nothing more than a joke. He remembered something about wetting his fingers, something about too much friction hurting his 'Partner' if Naruto could even call Sasuke that. And when the blonde's hand first grazed the raven's penis, Sasuke moaned, and Naruto nearly reacted his hand from shock. It was... different than Naruto had expected it to be. For one thing, Sasuke's member was burning hot, and also hard as what felt like wood. As painful as it sounded. But the blonde swallowed his thoughts as he moved a bit closer to Sasuke, and when his fingers finally touched the raven's member again. He did not retract, for he knew that Sasuke was embarrassed, and Naruto already felt bad enough for Sasuke, so he would help him with this. 

He began to flick his wrist slowly at first, being careful to make his thumb over the head of the raven's member. Not because he had seen it in porn, but it was because it was the same thing he used to do to himself. And it had proved useful in the technique of making him come, perhaps not in the sense of making him feel, but things that could be used in one way could be used in others. Naruto could hear Sasuke hyperventilating as he continued to move his wrist. And his body seemed to uncontrollably curl up and attempted to hide as Naruto continued to move, faster by the second. It was interesting to Naruto, how Sasuke's member seemed to beat and throb uncontrollably under his moving palm. How Sasuke tried his best to hide in embarrassment, but he only continued to throb, despite what his head was telling him. 

Sasuke continued to moan even through the blondes perverted thoughts. His moans were so captivating to the blonde, they sounded so winded and despreat. And as they entered Naruto's head, he began to lose control of himself in away. His own stomach felt hot and hard everytime he heard those moans. And he himself felt so hot in the face as he continued that he nearly gasped himself. And as as he neared the end, his own jeans, which he had zipped up immediately after Sasuke had finished, began to feel quite tight... and hot...

"Hah! Ah! Hah!" Sasuke began to gasp, so loud that Naruto knew all too well that the boy was close to his climax, so in response to the boy's ear reddening moans. Naruto began to flick his wrist, so incredibly fast that in mear seconds. The raven had come, his member releasing a liquid that looked to be slightly clear and white. It didn't shoot per say, but it did fall on Naruto's hand, and it was hot and smelt slightly. Not bad of course, but odd to Naruto's heterosexual nose. Naruto however looked up to see Sasuke pressing himself against the couch, his hands covering his face. And in one motion he jerked his body away from Naruto, curling up and hiding away from Naruto's confused and concerned gaze. "I'm s-sorry..."

"Hey, it's okay, I understand!" Naruto said dumbly, as he grapped a pillow to place over his own strained jeans, and averted his eyes from Sasuke rear, which was slightly wet from Sasuke's come and sweat. Twitching in away that made Naruto's head think thoughts that made his jeans only strain more, and his dominating side go wild with anticipation that he knew he couldn't and shouldn't bring himself to provide. 

"No... no, you don't..." Sasuke whispered. And at that, Naruto nearly lost it when he heard Sasuke's winded voice, which was so beautiful to his filthy brain knowing that he had made Sasuke feel like that. He must have been insane...

To even consider wanting to have sex with... Sasuke...

.~. 

"You've kept me waiting Sasuke..." Kabuto hissed in the raven's ear after he had slammed him against the wall of the raven's own apartment.

"Get out, I'm not in a good fucking mood," Sasuke spat as he bravely shoved his Senpai off of his shoulders. Which instantly resulted in him getting slammed back against the wall, this time harder. But Sasuke did not react to this, which only made Kabuto grind his teeth together and began to attept to unbuckle himself. Sasuke shivered mentally as he heard that all too familiar clicking of the belt, so he quickly thought of a lie. "I'm still hurt, down there!"

"Did I ever say that I was going to stick it there? Doesn't your mouth still work?"

'Gross...' 

"Where were you Sasuke? It was quite the hassle for me to get here... so why so late?"

'Can't really respond without biting your dick asshole!'

"Rumor says that you've started tutoring... a sports division kid, care to explain why you are? Has it not been made clear to you already that you are not to make peace with them?" Kabuto hissed as he yanked the ravens mouth from his member, the unexpected motion making Sasuke gasp and cough. "You never fail to please me and infuriate me Sasuke Uchiha, so I'll give you some advice, cut it the fuck out. I've been leaneant with you, but you will not cross the line with the sports division. If I catch you caught being friendly with any of them, I will drop your secret so fast that you won't ven be able to see it hit the ground."

"Kiss my ass shithead, I was fucking hired," Sasuke spat as he wiped his mouth on his shirt. 

'The Libray closes at four Sasuke, so why did you come home at five?" 

"Because I knew that my rapist would be waiting for me-!" But before the raven could finish, Kabuto's fist slammed into his stomach so hard that Sasuke could feel his own organs slide and slip, and he felt everything in his stomach stir and rumble. He unconcesly sank to the ground, dry heaving and clutching his abdomen. What the hell was he saying? He knew that Kabuto was stronger than him! So why the hell was he refusing to corporate with him? Sasuke had too corporate with Kabuto! He didn't want his secret leeked, so why the hell was he fighting back? It was almost as if, Sasuke didn't care about the rules...

Almost as if, he didn't mind the idea of the ridicule he would face. Because if he could just have Naruto... if he could just keep seeing Naruto... but he couldn't think like that! Because, Naruto wasn't his, lover? Hell, he wasn't even his friend! And Sasuke hadn't seen him in years! So why did Sasuke feel that way? Why did he feel like... if Naruto could just hold him tight, close to his chest, rubbing circles on his cheeks, and whispering words of both love and compassion and assurance. Nothing else in the world would matter? But Sasuke wanted Naruto as a friend! He had dreamed to have him as a friend once again from the moment that he had left Japan! And friends didn't do that stuff! Friends didn't... have sex... kiss one another

...and love eachother-!

"Clean yourself up Uchiha," Kabuto spat as he slipped on his belt and grabbed his backpack. "You dirty whore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so imma be doing short chapters but because of that ill be able to update quicker for you guys! hopefully you guys will receive three updates a week!!! also thank you all so much for all your kudos!!! and if you are enjoying the story please tell me in the comments!! getting comments from you guys is my favorite thing in the world!!


	9. ~Chapter 8~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto has urges

The air was cold and wet on the day of the soccer meet. and the grass on the field was soggy and muddy and every time a foot stepped in it, the person's socks would go brown with mud and frustration. The frustration unexpectedly coming from the other team who were struggling to even get their hands on the soccer ball, which was shooting across the field like a hot ball of lava. Landing in the other teams net so quickly and so simotainiously that it felt like scoring even one point was a pipe dream. But it wasn't just the ball that was giving the team frustration, it was the person that gave it the power. A blonde boy, with mussceld legs and a strong core. All of which gave him the perfect position to be the engine of the ball. He didn't look like a stratigizer of course, but before the play would even begin, a brunet with a high pony tail would make quick hand motions to another brunet who wore his hair low. The second brunet would then proceed to kick the ball in the perfect open radge for the blonde, who could instantly kick it in the net. And no matter how much the other team tried, they just could not figure out what the hand signs meant. And after they came up with idea of just watching the blonde, they realized that he ran at such a fast speed that even trying to catch the ball before him was stupid. And even if they tried, they were blocked immediately by a burnet with face tattoos and fang teeth, who could keep them at bay long enough for the blonde to score. And when the final whistle blew, the other teams heads shot up in confusion. Wondering how it had even happened. 

"Good game. Good game. Good game," they said as they passed each other, the team that belond to The University Hidden in the Sand still in utter disbelief at their astonishing defeat. 

.~.

"I gotta say man, you fucking pulled through today!" Kiba laughed in a slightly intoxicated tone, This made Naruto roll his eyes, along with Shikamaru and Neji who both took swings of beer after holding their cans up lazily as a sort of 'Cheers!'. The four friends had gathered for a drink at Naruto's and Shikamaru's in celebration for winning the game in such a landslide. "What happened? Finally found a pretty girl?"

"No I've kinda been in the spirt lately!" Naruto lied, which made Shikamaru's eyebrow twich at the notion. And after both Neji and Kiba had left the dorm, Shikamaru began to question his friend. 

"So... why are you really... in the spirt?" Shikamaru asked, putting a lot of empasis on the 'Spirt' part, which made Naruto bite down on tooth brush nervously. "I mean it's great that you are of course! But ever since last Friday, you've been acting... very non-Naruto... did something maybe happen? Because I'm all ears if something did!" 

"...You know that guy who blew me in the bathroom at Gaara's party?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, um, you know how I'm failing English?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, he started tutoring me... and I invited him over here... and he may or may not have blown me and I may or may not have given him a handjob..." Naruto said casiuously as he tapped his pointer fingers together childishly. "And I may or may not have really enjoyed it, and now the only thing that's been on my mind is sex and I'm only doing everything except English better so he will keep tutoring me and I really want to have sex with him because he's so fucking attractive and it feels so damn good when he blows me and his voice is so pretty when he moans and... I'm a fucking perv!"

"Yeah you are!" Shikamaru scoffed, taken back by his friends words but knowing it was not his place to judge him... too harshly... "Dude, you're failing English because you want some dick! Like I know he's good but, jesus! What did one moan from him turn you gay or some shit?"

"I never said I was gay!" Naruto snapped. "Just because I get off to one guy doesn't mean I'm gay!"

"Okay, okay! But why do you want to have sex with him so bad?" Shikamaru questioned. "Are you questioning your sexual orientation? Or are you seriously just some pervert?" 

"I'm just a fucking pervert with high levels of-"

"Yeah don't fucking elaborate," Shikamaru said irratibly as he threw his toothbrush in its holder and slunked off to bed. His head swimming with what his friend had just told him. It became clear to him as he lay down in bed that the two boys were definitely gonna hook up. Maybe not soon, but probably really soon. And then what would happen? Would they continue to hook up? Or would they just sever contact if Naruto found he didn't like it? It seemed unfair in Shikamaru's mind that Naruto just wanted to see the kid for sex, but he was somewhat of a prostitue... but why was Naruto so focused on that one guy? He said he was attractive, sure, but was that it? Was it just his sex appeal? 

Or was it something else that the blonde himself had not figured out yet?

.~. 

"You look tired Sasuke," Sakura commented as she took a sip of her coffee, and began to type once again on her laptop. "Have you been feeling alright since you recovered from the fever?"

"Yeah I'm okay..." Sasuke responded as he continued to scratch at his sheet music, writing down the notations for a song called Square One, which was a song he had selected for no real reason, other than the fact that it had been so popular in America. Well maybe the reason was also Naruto. The song seemed to go on and on about how the singer was in the backseat, and the person they were singing it too could easily take control. And Sasuke almost wanted Naruto to take control, as a friend of course! God it was so confusing to the raven! He didn't know what the hell was going on. He only knew that Naruto didn't remember him, and the two had already had some amount of sexual contact, despite Sasuke only wanting to be friends. Actually it was the friend part that was quite confusing, Sasuke wasn't stupid enough to know that friends typically didn't suck eathother off. So why the hell did it keep happening? And why was Sasuke getting aroused by it? Friends didn't think like that! "Ugh..."

"Something wrong?" Sakura asked after Sasuke had pressed his forehead against the tables edge. Sasuke almost wanted to tell Sakura about his situation, but he knew how selfish that would be. Sakura had asked him out, he had no right to discussing his relationship issiuse with her! He was lucky that she even still hung out with him! "Relationship problems?"

"Something like that, but I don't think-"

"Sasuke it's fine, I'm over it! Besides! We're friends!" Sakura said with a smile as Sasuke sat up in confusion, but also relief. "So, tell me!"

"Well, there's this person, and we used to be friends, and I've only recently just met up with them again," Sasuke explained, greatly leaving out the fact that his old friend was a male, rather than a female. "And we only met by... somewhat hooking up? And when I found out it was them... they... had forgotten about me, and they aren't really the same person anymore..." 

"Hmm," Sakura said as she tapped her chin with her digital pen, "Well, have you told them that you used to be their friend?"

"Um, n-no...?"

"Well why don't you?" Sakura asked with much enthusiasm, "If you want to be friends with them again, then you should just tell them! I'm sure that they would be happy to find out that their old friend came back to them! Is there something wrong with that?"

"Well, the thing is... I kinda don't want to get close to them..."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Because when we hooked up I almost wanted too..."

"Be something more than their friend-"

"No! We're just friends! That's all we are!" Sasuke interupped quickly.

"Okay! Okay!" Sakura said as she put her hands up defensively, which made Sasuke look down in embarrassment. "So... you want to be friends with this person... but you don't want to be close to them because you're worried that something might happen?"

"Yeah," Sasuke sighed as he tiredly tapped his pencil against his forehead. "It's stupid,"

"No I understand!" Sakura said encoragingly, "It's the same with me and Ino! We used to be friends but... well when we were teenagers we did stupid stuff. And well, our friendship just kinda faded away, and I really should try talking to her again... but I'm just a little... worried. But it's okay to be worried Sasuke! I'm sure that person would love to be your friend!" Sasuke nodded his head still not entirely convinced, but before he could say anymore, the bell rang out through the school and the shuffling of chairs signaled to the raven that it was time for his final class before he could head home and rest. "See you Sasuke! Coffee again tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure!" Sasuke called after the pink haired girl as she made a quick dash to her class which was on the other side of the building. Sasuke placed his papers in his backpack as he grabbed his old guitar and made his way towards his final band period. Only to be stopped halfway through by a gentle man, who Sasuke had spoken too once or twice before. "Can I help you Kakashi-Sensei?"

"No there's nothing I need Sasuke!" the masked man said poiletly. "I was just wondering if Naruto's tutoring is going well!"

"He just needs to work on grammar," Sasuke explained, hiding his flushed face at the mention of the blondes name. "But he should be improving soon, and I don't think I'll be needing to tutor him more after a little while."

"Hmm, well that's interesting, Naruto's grades don't seem to reflect your words," Kakashi said calmly as he passed the now confused raven a sheet of paper, which had been marked with one of the lowest grades a person could get.

"I showed him how to do this!" Sasuke groaned, as he looked over the blondes pitiful work. "What's he trying to do? Fail out?"

"I think he wants too, but I'm not going to let him. Sasuke, I came to you because I need to know if you can tutor Naruto on the weekends as well, I'll double your pay if you want, but I urge you to continue tutoring Naruto. He's a smart kid and I think you and him can combat well together, so will you take the job?"

Sasuke bit his cheek with frustration. 

Why was the world so against him? What had he ever done to it?

"Sure, I think I'll be able to do that!"

'I must be insane...'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished writing this in English class and i'm pretty sure that the girl behind me was reading it...
> 
> anyways I hope you guys are enjoying the story!! im sorry also I don't know shit about soccer
> 
> what do you think will happen with these extra lessons >:)...


	10. ~Chapter 9~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck tutoring.

Sasuke had to clench his jaw hard when the blonde entered the room and avert his eyes that were already struggling. Naruto had been wearing tight blue jeans, that fit his muscled legs quite well. He wore dirty and old sneakers which looked to be as worn out as Sasuke's mental state. He also wore a white shirt that was tight from the wash and looked to be old and it smelt of grass and deodorant. It was tight around the blonde’s chest, and it was quite seen through and it allowed the raven to get a good view of the blonde if he was without a shirt. But when Sasuke tried to move his eyes away from Naruto's chest, his prevented eyes only found themselves wandering to the jeans and how tight they looked around the blonde’s crotch. 

"You good?" Naruto asked as he leaned forward on the table putting his face close to Sasuke's pink pale one. The raven could feel smell his mint breath and he could hear his own heartbeat as the blonde leaned closer. "Sasuke?"

Sasuke cleared his throat at that, signaling the blonde to move back and listen to him. Which made the blonde quirk and eyebrow, but he still obliged. "Naruto, you got a 10% on your last quiz, did you forget what I taught you? Or are you just not trying?"

"A bit of both," Naruto responded, as he grasped his water bottle. Which made the raven clench his fist to try not to punch himself. His head felt heavy as he watched the blonde’s lips close around the head of the water bottle, and his groin felt even hotter as he watched Naruto swallow the water. The way his Adam’s apple bobbed as it traveled down his throat... it was intoxicating to the raven... "Soccers just been keeping me busy, and um, I don't really like libraries, so could we maybe... go to one of our dorms?"

Sasuke snapped his pencil in half at those words. What was Naruto playing at? Never had he once mentioned this! And why now? And why was he failing? Sasuke knew that Naruto wasn't the brightest, but he knew that the blonde wasn't stupid enough to get a 10% on a quiz, especially on a subject that he had studied. So why? And why did Sasuke feel like he couldn't say no... why did he want Naruto to come into his dorm? Why did he want to be touched by his old friend? Was he deprived of the touch of someone that actually cared? Or was it really Naruto who made Sasuke member ache? Was it Naruto who made Sasuke's head spin? Maybe it was... but it wasn't... or more it couldn't be that way...

"Will you retain the information I give you if we do?" Sasuke murmured as he once again cast his eyes away from Naruto's blue ones. What was he doing?

"Of course, Sasuke..."

And at that, the raven felt his member go semi-hard. The way the blonde’s lips moved as he said the raven’s name was mind churning. And the way it sounded was prettier and more seductive than any song that Sasuke had ever listened to. Naruto knew what he was doing. And Sasuke knew it too. And he also knew that he shouldn't have let it happen. But even after all the threats and assaults from Kabuto, Sasuke still wanted more from his old friend. Despite his mind screaming for him to stop and say no, despite him knowing that sex with the blonde could easily lead him to his own end. He couldn't refuse or reject the idea of the careful touches, and the beautiful lines that came from Naruto. His sain side had left him when he had nodded in response to Naruto's words. But he didn't care. For it was just sex, and sex did not determine anything.

...or so he thought...

.~. 

Had Naruto planned to seduce the raven? 

Of course, he had. 

He had spent all of his time in the shower coming up with ways on how to. He had spent minutes upon minutes of his class time just trying to remember how the raven reacted to his words. He tried to remember what he could maybe do to make the ravens buttons turn. It was selfish and crude of course, but Naruto could not push aside the wonder he felt with Sasuke. His head would jump and the idea of entering Sasuke... he knew that if he could... it could satisfy him to a level that he had never felt before. Sure it was a perverted and horrible way to think. But he still thought those thoughts. He wanted to have sex with Sasuke, not because he was a man, or even because he was extremely attractive. He just wanted to purely because he wanted to. Urges, desire, curiosity, words could not describe his thoughts. 

But his thoughts had steadily turned from numb, to numb with a dash of urges. 

"Can't believe I'm roommates with a sex-crazed homosexual," Shikamaru commented before Naruto had left for his first class, wearing his most revealing outfit. Which made the brunet need to dodge several punches. "What? It's the truth!"

"I'm ignoring what you just said because I'm tired!" Naruto had snapped when he had exited the door with his middle finger up in the air. 

Now if someone was to look at the blonde’s previous search history, they would find it odd that he had spent up to four hours scrolling through the home page of gay porn websites. His watch time ranging from foreplay to blowjobs, to yaoi, to BDSM, to the deep parts of the porn website. Why? In his words, it was for research. But in other minds, it was absolutely fucked up in every way humanly possible. A guy who had called himself a heterosexual for his whole life, suddenly binding gay porn like it was a movie series? And then still calling himself straight? Suspicious and weird indeed...

But as he and the raven walked through the halls alone towards Sasuke's dorm, Naruto could feel his own head begin to swell and churn. The way Sasuke's hair bounced so majestically as he took his steps forward, seemed to be intoxicating to the blonde. And he could smell the ravens deodorant in the air, which made his nose twitch almost. And only did he snap back into reality when he heard the clinking of Sasuke's keys in his doorknob. "Sorry if it's a little dirty in here, I-I didn't expect company..." Sasuke whispered as he pushed open his door, his voice was quiet and nervous. But Naruto practically turned a blind eye to his tone as he stepped inside. 

Sasuke's apartment was neatly kept, as well as a hollow and empty feeling. Like a painting with no impact nor life. And instantly Sasuke had traveled over to an empty wall on the opposite side of the room, dropping his backpack to the floor, and resting his guitar against it. He then let his arms fall by his side, and his hands found themselves clutching the sides of his t-shirt with an anxious aura surrounding him. He was leaning in a way that made his jeans look crumpled and unrevealing, but a throb in the blondes gut let him know that Sasuke had something to hide. 

"Can you be gentle?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb, it's obvious Naruto, and I don't care as long as you're careful... I've only just recovered from an injury..." Naruto's brain felt itself lurch when it heard those words, which were empty and hollow. But the blonde’s lust-filled mind barely heard a thing as the blonde took a few mindless steps toward Sasuke, who had become red down to the neck, and seemed to be swaying slightly in his stance. Naruto didn't even feel his backpack slide off his shoulders as he became level with Sasuke, who was a tad taller than the blonde but felt so small under Naruto's gaze. And when Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist and lowered his face towards the ravens, Sasuke only managed to squeak out a few more audible words, before he fell apart. "Not... on the lips... please..."

"Alright," Naruto whispered as he pressed his knee in between the raven’s legs, and as soon as he had, Naruto instantly felt a hard spot on the ravens pants with his thighs. The motion made Sasuke gasp in what seemed to be confusion and pleasure. "You too?"

Sasuke shook his head childishly at Naruto's filthy and reveling words, which made the blonde give a dominating smirk. Never had he felt so unlike himself. His body was pulsing and his jeans were strained and he felt like with a flick of his finger, he could have Sasuke begging and moaning for more. He found himself smirking as he felt Sasuke’s hands clench the fabric on his shoulders, and he could feel the ravens hot breath on his chest, and he could also feel a small amount of drool fall from the raven’s mouth as Naruto began to press harder into Sasuke's clothed groin. It was hot as a cup of steaming tea, and Naruto could only feel his jeans grow tighter when he felt each pump of blood course through Sasuke's member. 

Sasuke himself felt like he was drunk on pleasure and confusion. 'Why am I...?' He kept asking himself, but every time he thought of the question, he couldn't even finish it before he felt another wave of blankness fall over his entire body. The wave-making him go weak in the knees to the point where he had to hold onto the blonde for dear life in an attempt not to collapse on the ground. He wanted to beg Naruto for his touches that seemed to drive him insane with lust. Every throb he felt in his member was painful and intoxicating. "P-Please... touch... it..."

"Why should I? You seem to like what I'm doing now..." Naruto whispered in a voice so unlike his own, that it baffled Sasuke for a moment before he nearly cried out as the blonde applied more pressure on his concealed member. "My point had been proven."

"How the hell-? Agh!" Sasuke cried as he felt something warm and strong run down his neck, which made him react from pleasure and shock. Mainly because he had expected to end up with many many bite marks on his pale body. "N-No! Do it on my chest-! Ngh!" 

But before another second could pass, Sasuke felt the air momentarily leave his lungs as he felt his body fall onto his bed. And before he could even register that, he felt his shirt being ripped off his body. And before he could even react to that, he had slammed his own hands over his mouth as he felt Naruto's newly familiar tongue slide along his chest. Tracing every curve and bump that Sasuke had to offer. Sasuke could feel the heat of his cheeks on his hands, as he stifled his gasps of ecstasy. He tried to cross his legs to hide his erection which was only becoming hard and noticeable. But Naruto's leg still found it's a way in between them. And as Sasuke continued to feel these indescribable feelings, he couldn't restrain himself anymore. 

"For... the love of fucking god! Please.. just touch it!" Sasuke cried as grabbed the blonde by his dulled golden locks, forcing his mouth off his skin, which provided him some sort of relief and discomfort. "Stop fucking beating around the bush!"

"You really want me to?" Naruto whispered as his hand suddenly grabbed hold of Sasuke's strained pants, his index finger playfully running along the hem of the pants. Brushing against Sasuke's sweat-soaked skin which was hot and red. 

"Yes!" Sasuke cried like a pathetic whore. "Please!" 

"Fine, just don't try and say 'Stop it' later..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grammarly told me to go fuck myself and it's taken me a while to fix it. I'm going to be making corrections to my previous chapters as well because I want my works to look semi-good. sorry again for the grammar!!!


	11. ~Chapter 10~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex and desperate cuddles.

Sasuke couldn't look at Naruto as he made his pitiful moans. He knew that he could get lost in his dominating gaze if he even glanced at the blonde, who had his face hovered over Sasuke's, and his breath was ragged and the huffs he made could only let the raven know that he was going to want Sasuke's body again. But Sasuke would be lying if he was to say that he wasn't enjoying it. His own member was dripping wet and hard, and even though Naruto's thrusts were extremely sloppy and inexperienced, Sasuke's body was even more sloppy. The raven could feel a line of spit running down the corner of his mouth, and his whole body seemed to be dripping with sweat, and every inch of his body seemed to burn. He could feel Naruto inside him. The blonde was big, much bigger than Kabuto, or anyone he had ever slept with. If you could even call it sleeping with someone. Sasuke also would be lying if he said that he did not enjoy the throbs he felt coming from the blondes member, they excited him in away, and made him only grow harder as they continued. 

The raven couldn't exactly feel his climax coming, but the knot in his groin seemed to signal that it was. And as though it was a telepathic connection, Naruto himself began to thrust harder into Sasuke. Clutching the bedsheets that lay beside the ravens head in an attempt to stop himself from grabbing hold of Sasuke's hair. And Sasuke himself began to gasp and wrap his feet around Naruto's waist in an attempt to try and steady the blonde. Who had seemingly gone insane with the pleasure that Sasuke was providing him. And when his trusting reached a speed so fast that it made Sasuke's mussels clench and go weak, the raven felt his come explode from his member. Splattering onto his stomach and dripping everywhere. And his vision when white and foggy as he felt his arms and legs fall against the mattress. And we barely even reacted when he felt Naruto gently pull himself out of the raven. Collapsing on the ravens left side, panting and heaving with the exhaustion that his orgasm had caused him. And before Sasuke could even say a word, he heard a sleepy sigh come from the blonde, signaling him that Naruto had run out of stamina and needed some rest. 

Sasuke however, felt like he had all the stamina in the world, well stamina in the mind at least. 

Never had sex provided such feelings for him. Such a feeling of breathlessness, exhaustion on the body, and a feeling of pure fear and excitement. He had just defied Kabuto, he had ignored everything that he had told. He had not only kept in contact with the blonde, but he had also had sex with the blonde. Oh god... he had just had sex with Naruto! The person who he had wanted as a friend! He had just had sex with him like they were lovers! 

'Tell me if I'm hurting you okay? And I'm sorry if I suck, I've never had sex with a guy before...' He had said with three fingers in the raven. Who was a moaning mess below him. Sasuke knew he had looked pathetic in that state, high of pleasure and desire. 

'Sasuke... don't worry! It's gonna be okay!'

'If I say so! Then it's definitely true!'

'But best friends don't give each other kisses like you gave me!'

'I wanna marry you Sasuke!'

'No, it's our special swing!'

'Best friends can get married, right?'

"No..." Sasuke whispered as he squeezed out a warm washcloth and ran it over his stomach that was still wet with come. He stood on shaking legs as he said that soul twisting word. He knew he needed to get out of his own head. Of course, best friends couldn't get married, in Sasuke's opinion, a boy and another boy shouldn't even get married in general. Dating another man? It would be humiliation, no matter how great the love was. 

Now you’re probably wondering why the hell the raven thought that, I mean... wasn't he gay? He was gay, did he want to be gay? Of course not. Who wants to be gay? And not the type of gay that is a stereotype, the type of gay where it actually will worsen your life if you are. Karmin had told him it wasn't weird, but Sasuke still thought it was because the world was built around the idea of love between a man and a woman. It was everywhere you looked, so of course, it was weird to be gay. And even though the world was 'Trying' to evolve and accept, Sasuke knew that people still found it weird. And he did too. But why was he thinking like that? He had just had sex with Naruto! If he was so against the idea of two men in love, then why did he have sex with Naruto? He knew that friends didn't have sex with one another, and he knew that it was pointless to say that he didn't enjoy it. So why? Why? Why?! 

Because he wanted Naruto...

He wanted someone like Naruto... to be with him... or maybe to protect him... hell... maybe he just wanted Naruto... and that was it...

"Because he's my... friend..." Sasuke whispered as he fell to the ground, clutching his head and hyperventilating. What if Kabuto found out? What would he do if his secret was leaked? What would Naruto think of him? What about Sakura? The girl who had been kind to him even though he was cruel to her. Would she turn her nose up at him? He who was nothing more than a dirty prostitute? What could he say to deny it if it ever came to the surface? 

He had no idea. 

He was so fucking lost. 

And as he pulled Naruto's condom off, and began to clean him with tissues. Naruto stirred a little in his sleep. Whispering under his breath about ramen... which made Sasuke's lips tug at the corners. He still dreamed of those big bowls of soup that he loved so very much. Sasuke selfishly whispered at that moment that he could be loved in the way that Naruto loved his soup. Sasuke wanted to be loved and he also wanted Naruto. He shook his head at the idea of loving Naruto though. Because friends didn't fall in love with each other. And Sasuke could not fall in love, for love only brought people to ruin. And Sasuke was already in ruin, so he knew that the slightest misfortune could be the end of him. But friends could be close... close enough for them to look like they could love one another. But fare enough away from one another that they weren't in love with one another. They could have sex with one another with no strings attached. 

The trick was that they couldn't fall for each other.

Not even in the slightest.

And even if Naruto and Sasuke's "Friendship' or "Love' was fake. Sasuke couldn't and didn't care. Because he was desperate and so very lonely. That if affection came to him in anyway shape or form. He would take it even it killed him. 

Sasuke decided on that as he laid down on Naruto's chest, which rose and fell so calmly. He was warm but also cold. 'You used to be so warm...' Sasuke thought as he felt his eyes well silently. 'Why are you so cold Dummy, so fucking empty?' The raven’s arms began to wrap around the blonde at that, he wanted to keep him warm. And full, even if he would be left empty, Naruto needed to be full, Naruto needed to be happy. It wasn't about what Sasuke wanted anymore, it was never about Sasuke, and Sasuke didn't need it to be about him. If everything had to be Naruto's everything. Then Sasuke decided that he would allow it to happen. Because they were friends. And friends gave up everything for one another...

...even if one didn't even care...

.~.

"You got a fuck buddy?" Shikamaru exclaimed as he slammed his beer can down on the island that was covered in dust and dried sauce stains. "Is that why you got fresh ramen?"

"No that's for my dick finally getting hard," Naruto joked as he set his bowl down and took a swig of cheap beer. "And also for the fact that I actually had a good time for once!"

"No shit! Who is it?"

"The same guy that gives blowjobs in the bathrooms," Naruto said proudly as though he had made an accomplishment in finding someone to have sex with. "We finally had sex today, it was... fucking incredible... and when I woke up he had his arms wrapped around me... and he had cleaned me up too. So he's a nice guy. And before I left, he told me that he's available anytime, and he told me to just shoot him a text before I come!"

"Is he asking for money?" the burnet questioned. 

"None, kinda weird..."

'You stupid fuck...' Shikamaru thought at that statement. 'There’s a reason he's being so nice...'

"Damn, he must have some iron will power if he can put up with you!" Shikamaru said as he stood up and walked to the sink, placing his dish carefully on the mountain of dirty ones. "Oh, that reminds me! The mole rat stopped by today, he was lookin' for you..."

"What'd you say?" Naruto hissed, the mention of Kabuto's name made him grind his teeth together.

"Told him to fuck off, and he didn't leave for a while until I threatened to report him to the principal, then he ran with his tail in between his legs!"

"Pussy."

"And your Mom called too, she said you weren't answering your phone so she got worried about you," Shikamaru said with a snort for he had only just recently learned that Naruto had missed his mother’s phone call purely because he was fucking an art school student. "Maybe I'll tell her why you didn't pick up next time..."

"Shut up!" Naruto groaned as he lightly punched Shikamaru's shoulder and headed to the bathroom, pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing his mother’s phone number as he sat down on the tub. And after a few rings, he heard a click on the opposite side of the line. "Hey, Mom!"

"Why didn't you pick up?" Kushina hollered from the other side of the line. "Maybe I should call the cell-phone company and see why their phones aren't working anymore!"

"No need, I'm sorry Mom I was working on some homework and I had turned my ringer off, you don't need to worry," Naruto said with a small laugh, for hearing his mother’s voice was always a relief to him. "Is Dad home?"

"You bet he is! He's right-Minato! Get down here! Your sons on the line!" Kushina yelled, and after a moment or two, Naruto heard stomps coming down the stairs, signaling to him that his father was coming to say hello. "Here he is baby!"

"How’s it going Naruto?" Minato asked with his clear and strong voice. "Surviving out there in the big world?"

"I'm doing alright," Naruto said truthfully. "How’s everything at home?"

"Still lonely without you here, Kurama is always scratching at your door, he misses you a lot!" 

"Tell him, that I'm coming over tomorrow, and I'll stay for the weekend. I don't have any games, so I'll spend some time with you guys!" Naruto said warmly, and at that, he heard his mother clap her hands with joy. 

"I'll get everything, ready baby! Minato! Get the vacuum!"

"Alright alright! Okay, Naruto! We're gonna go! Your mother will have my head on a stake if I don't help her clean! So we'll see you tomorrow?"

"You bet!" Naruto said. "Bye Dad! Bye, Mom!"

"Bye-bye Baby!" Kushina called out before the line went silent. And Naruto exited the bathroom with a smile.

Feeling something besides numbness for the first time in what felt like years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys are enjoying the story


	12. ~Chapter 11~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto's good...? 
> 
> Sasuke's in deep shit.

"Please promise me that you're not gonna set the dorm on fire in the time that I'm gone?" Naruto asked as he threw his backpack over his shoulders, and placed his dorm key in his back pocket. 

"I think that you're telling that to the wrong person asshole," Shikamaru retorted as he took a long draw of his cigarette, which he was fully going to enjoy considering the fact that Naruto was going to be gone for a whole weekend. And since the blonde absolutely despised the smell of cigarette smoke, Shikamaru couldn't have been happier. "Last time I went home you called me asking where we kept the extra drain cleaner!"

"One time Shikamaru!" Naruto called back as he stepped out of their dorm. "Make sure the place airs out!"

"Have fun! Say hi to your Mom for me!"

"Alright!" Naruto replied as he waved goodbye to his friend for the weekend and made his way out of the dorm building. Which was six floors and was made up of all students on the vast college campus. Excluding the kids in the art division. The staff knew fully well that if two rivals were placed together, half the students would never graduate, and the other half might as well fail out of school due to the amount of tension in the air. But Naruto liked his dorm building, everyone that he was close with was right there when he needed them. And his dorm building was closer to a small mini-mart that was just on the edge of campus. The store was Naruto's favorite place to go if he ever needed a quick snack or even a chat with the store owner. Who was an odd person, but an enjoyable one at the least. His name was Killer Bee, but Naruto always found himself calling him 'Bee' mainly because the man could be so joking and humorous at times that he could hardly be considered a killer. And not to mention the fact that he gave Naruto discounts on snacks. 

"How's it goin' kid?" Bee asked as Naruto entered his shop with a small amount of yen in his hand, knowing that Bee would most likely not force Naruto into spending all of it. "Oh, you've got your backpack? Visting your family?"

"Yeah, I'm doing good! How about you?"

"Managing fine," Bee responded with his thumping voice, as he reached under his counter and tossed a pack of sugar worms into Naruto's outstretched hand. "On the house in celebration of your good mood!"

"Thanks, Bee..." Naruto said as he flashed his friend a smile and made his way to the back of the store to the coolers that were stocked full of drinks. The blonde took his time selecting one of them, not wanting to choose something sweet because he knew that it would fill him up. And he knew how hurt his mother would be if he did not finish one of her meals that she had worked so hard one. So he rolled his eyes and pulled water out of the fridge. 

"Just some water?" Bee questioned as he scanned the blondes bottle. "Your coach making you guys eat healthier?"

"Nah, I just don't wanna fill up too much before my Mom's dinners," Naruto explained as he passed Bee his money and uncapped his water bottle. 

"Bet she'll cook you a feast kid, make sure you tell your Father that I said hello!"

"I will! Thanks again, Bee!"

"Anytime kid!" Bee yelled back as Naruto pushed open the door and made his way over to the back wall of the store, yanking open his pack of candy and pulling out two sticks of pure sugar, and placing the rest of the bag into his pocket. He bit into the first one absentmindedly, for his mind had wandered to what he had said earlier. 'I'm doing good!' that wasn't a phrase that often left his mouth, it was either 'I'm fine' or that phrase except for the fact that it wasn't true. But Naruto had actually meant what he had said, he had been doing good. And he was almost happy that he was doing good... his grades were good, he was doing better in soccer! And he was having sex... and that in itself made Naruto so full and accelerated that he could hardly explain it. So what did it mean? Was Naruto feeling good because he was having sex that he was actually enjoying? Or was it the fact that he was just incidentally feeling better? He didn't know...

"Those look good," a voice hissed sarcastically. And before Naruto could even turn his head, he felt his body slam against the brick wall of the store. A blinked through the throbbing in his head only to catch eyes with the person he was beginning to hate more and more by the minute. 

"What now Mole-Rat?" Naruto spat as he attempted to sink his fingernails through Kabuto's arm to attempt to let some air into his lungs. "Come to try and bribe me to forget about you and Orochimaru's sexy times?"

"Cocky as always, eh?" Kabuto sneered as he pressed harder into Naruto's chest. "But no I'm not here to discuss that, all though I will want to later... No, I'm here to ask you somethings about a certain someone. His name is Sasuke Uchiha, he's 19 just like you, Japanese is in the art division. He has black hair-"

"Raven hair."

"Excuse me?"

"His hair isn't black, it's raven or black-blue," Naruto explained in his snarky tone. "Shouldn't an art division student be able to determine that?" 

"So you do know who I'm talking about?" Kabuto whispered dangerously, but even with his tone change, Naruto barely reacted. 

"Yeah...? He's my tutor?" Kabuto's lips pursed into a straight line at that statement. And his facial veins seemed to pop out as the information coursed through his head. "Got a problem with it? I thought you already had an A in English, considering your methods of studying-! Ack!"

"Your On Thin Ice Uzumaki. Don't. Push. It." Kabuto hissed pure venom coursing through his speech as he pressed with all his might into Naruto's windpipe. Which made the blonde's eyes tear up with fear and restriction of air. And he then began to kick and punch Kabuto in response to his strangle tactic. But he didn't have to fight for long before he felt the air return to his lungs as he saw Bee rip his Senpai off him. Throwing the white-haired male to the ground, and yelling for him to hit the road before he called the cops. "We're not done talking Uzumaki-!"

"Scram kid!" Bee roared with more rage in his voice than Naruto had ever heard. And at that, Kabuto ran for it. And Bee bent down to help Naruto up. "You okay kid? That asshole was really going hard on you, way too hard for a simple brawl in college! Here drink some water! You'll hurt your throat from coughing!"

"I-I'm okay Bee, he's just an idiot, you don't need to worry," Naruto said reassuringly as he took a few more gulps of water before setting his bottle down and standing up. "I've had worse on the field anyways!"

"Alright kid, but walk home easy! And be careful of pricks like him! All these snotty pussies picking fights, but not knowing what to do in the aftermath, it's childish really, remember Naruto, if you ever start a fight, make sure you finish it. Wrap it up tight and good!" Bee said firmly as he clapped his hands together and watched the blonde begin to walk away. "Stay safe kid!"

"See you soon Bee! Thanks again for the candy!" Naruto said as he walked away from the store and towards his town. Walking through the local park, rubbing his back knowing that I would be purple in the morning. But his eyes seemed to glide over to an unfamiliar spot, with a sense of Deja Vu attached to it. A swing handing on a tree. Its rope was old and new at the same time. And it's seat was wide and scratched, but Naruto did not approach the swing. Despite a small echo in his soul asking him too. But his full soul knew that he needed to get to his house, for his parents would begin to worry. But as he continued to walk past the swing, a flash of a picture crossed his eyes. Which made him freeze in his tracks. In that flash, he could have sworn he saw himself, perhaps when he was very young, swinging on that swing. With a smaller figure in front of him, who's back was the only thing that Naruto caught a glimpse off. He looked to be skinny and pale, and he looked to be sad in back, but perhaps he was happy in the front. Which was the side that had been facing Naruto.

It was so odd.

But Naruto shook it off, for he thought was just a side effect of being slammed into a wall...

.~. 

Sasuke's groceries had spilled all over the floor when he had been grabbed from behind when he entered his dorm. A cold hand had closed around the back of his neck, and he could barely even struggle with his arms before they were pinned behind his back. Kabuto then dragged the helpless boy into his room, ignoring Sasuke's insults and demands for why the hell he had broken into his dorm once again. But when his body was thrown onto his mattress, it clicked in Sasuke's head. Kabuto was there for sex. And most likely for some answers to his questions, which let Sasuke know that he was suspicious of him, and he had also found out that Sasuke had not stopped tutoring the blonde. So Sasuke knew he was in trouble, and he also knew that Kabuto would make the sex painful, to get him to talk faster. 

"This could be an easy thing for you Sasuke, but you only insist on making it harder than it has to be..." Kabuto whispered as he pinned Sasuke's arms behind his back and forced his rear up in the air. And Sasuke began to tremble when he felt Kabuto's chapped hands circling his entrance. "Why are you tutoring Naruto Uzumaki? I thought I made it clear that you are not to be associated with him."

"You... can't tell me what to do... all you want is sex... so there's no need for you to interfere with my personal life-Agh!" 

"Of course not..." Kabuto hissed as he pressed his dry finger into Sasuke. "But as you might know... I do best when I interfere... so tell me why you are seeing Uzumaki, or I'll find a way to put my whole hand in you..."

"I'm... t-tutoring him... so I can get enough money to buy some fucking food!" Sasuke yelled, his temper finally breaking through the roof as he forced himself out of Kabuto's grasp. He slammed his foot into Kabuto's chest, knocking him off the bed. "Don't fucking touch me! Don't touch me without asking me! You're lucky I haven't reported you for sexual assault yet! Don't fucking push it-!" But before Sasuke could squeeze out a single word, he was grabbed by his t-shirt collar and thrown to the floor. And as he tried to throw his head up in protest. He felt like his skull had been cracked when Kabuto's sneaker slammed into the top of his head, and when the side of the raven's face collided with the ground once more. He felt ripples of pain and static run through his body. But it only continued to hurt as he felt more pressure being applied to his head, which would soon have a knot form on it. And Sasuke could only pray that his hair was thick enough to cover it. 

"How dare you push me?" Kabuto yelled as he pressed his sharp heal into the skin that was already beginning to bruise. "I've told you over and over again what I can do Sasuke, and I really hate getting into cycles with people, so end it now. If I catch you hanging around with Uzumaki one more time outside of tutoring... well... I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out... get the picture?"

But he couldn't even nod before he felt his Senpai's foot lift off his face, only to have his hair grabbed and his body pulled upwards until it was level with a painfully familiar bulge. Sasuke didn't want to. But he knew he had to.

For what he wanted was disregarded information.

"Use your teeth and I'll make sure that you can't walk tomorrow." 

.~.

"You're failing English?!" Kushina cried as she stood bolt upright at the dinner table. Causing Kurama to jump off Naruto's shoulders with terror, and run with his orange tail in the air back up to his owner's room, which much less stressful feeling than the dinner table. "How are you failing English? I was top of my class in English!"

"Heh, heh," Naruto chuckled as he playfully scratched the back of his head. "S-So Dad! How's work going?"

"Everythings going great! My boss gave me a raise so I was thinking about maybe saving up to get a new stove!" Minato said warmly, flashing his typical friendly grin. Naruto had always been told that he resembled his father greatly, mainly because they both shared the same blue eyes and blonde hair. But they differed in intelligence, but Minato never cared that his son wasn't the smartest, he had taught Naruto all his life that he would rather his son be the dumbest that had the most fun. Rather than the smartest who never got farther than an encyclopedia. 

"Hey, are we just gonna ignore what he just said?" Kushina demanded in her motherly tone. "Damnit Naruto why didn't you just call me? I would have helped you!"

"Well, um, Kakashi-sensei set me up with a tutor, and he's been really helpful!"

"Oh thank god..." Kushina said happily as she sat back down and helped herself to another strip of pork. "How does he teach you?"

"Well he usually writes me some sentences to translate, and then a critiques my grammar for like an hour, and then he makes me speak... and that's it..." Naruto finished with his own eyebrows raised, for he had realized how boring that had sounded. "But we can't be too close, he's in the art division..."

"Jeez, you guys are still going on about that?" Minato said in an exasperated tone. "When Kakashi told me about it I almost laughed! It's ridiculous really!"

"Well it's basically the law over there," Naruto began to explain as his parents began to stand and clear the table, but he cut himself off when his mother turned around with a dish in her hands and an expectant look on her face. 

"So, what's this tutor like?"

"He's a little snarky, and shy, but he's nice, and I bet the girls love him in the art division!" Naruto said, leaving out the fact that he had hooked up with his tutor. And also excluding the fact that he might have been wrapped up in a conflict between a Mole-Rat and a raven. "He has blackish blue hair, and he's pretty thin and pale. His hair kinda sticks up in the back!"

At those words, Kushina's hand began to slow down as it continued to dry off the plate she held. Her face suddenly looked clammy, and her heart began to beat so fast that it sounded like a drum. Minato too froze in his place, not even noticing that he had left the sink running. 

"Something wrong?" Naruto questioned, his parent's sudden silence was startling to him, never had he known them to say quite for longer than thirty seconds. "Mom?"

"Naruto... what's his name, your tutor's name?"

"Um...? It's Sasuke... Sasuke Uchiha-" but before he could elaborate more, he was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass which echoed in the dry air before Minato broke the silence and yelled at his wife to step away from the glass, for she was barefoot. Naruto was in shock, however. Why did his mother react so strongly? Why did she react just like him when she had found out Sasuke's identity? And why did she look terrified and scared at the same time? "Mom! Are you okay?"

"Yeah baby, I'm okay, c-could you maybe take Kurama out for a walk?"

"What do you mean?!" Naruto cried, his head spinning from confusion. "Kurama's a cat!"

"I bought him a cat leash the other day! Look baby, can you please just take him out? We need to clean this up, and I and your Dad..." She glanced at her husband who nodded firmly. "Need to talk."

"The leash is near the shoe rack son, just walk him around the block for a little bit. You can pick the movie when we get back, sound good?" 

Naruto of course was still confused, but he still shakily backed away and called for his cat. Who ran down the stairs at the mention of a walk outside. And as Naruto pulled on his shoes and hooked a thin leash to his cat's collar, he heard a sniffle come from the dining room. Which made him want to march back in and make sure that everything was okay, but he swallowed knowing that his parents had told him to leave. And Naruto had never once in his life considered the idea of hurting or spying on his parents in any way shape or form. So he bit his lip and walked out the front door, Kurama leading the way, and Naruto spacing out as he walked behind his orange friend. 

'Who the hell are you, Sasuke?' Naruto questioned mentally as he stared at the pavement under his shoes. Which was clean and light gray, and as boring as ever. But Naruto could not bring himself to look up from it. For he found himself spiraling into deep thought as he continued to stare down at it. He was searching and clearing through his memories of childhood. But no matter how hard he tried, Sasuke's face wasn't there. Naruto had only met Sasuke at the party, and that was all! The raven's face was nowhere else to be seen in Naruto's memories! So why did everyone he knew go so stiff at the mention of Sasuke's name? Was his family famous? But if they were, why didn't Naruto know about them? And why did everyone look so sad at the mention of his name as well? Did his parent's divorce? He had remembered Sasuke mentioning the fact that he had a stepmother, but he spoke about her like she was a good person! Was it the father? His birth mother? Did he have any siblings?

Did he this! Did he that!

"Damnit!" Naruto cried as he slammed his fist into the plastic park structure. Which made him sink down in pain due to the fact that he wasn't superhuman. He muttered ow's under his breath as Kurama walked away from him, jumping all over the play structures and chasing moths in the air. And Naruto didn't even see his cat wander over to the swing that he had found himself looking at hours ago. "Hey! Kurama! Get back over here!" The cat seemed humored almost at that request, instantly bolting back over to the play structure, and running inside the plastic tube. He then began to meow, and when he began to purr, Naruto knew that someone was in the tube. So he walked over to it silently, just as he was sticking his head inside, a tiny sneeze made his freeze. 

"Oh, hey..." Sasuke whispered as he continued to scratch Kurama's chin gently. "Did I startle you?"

"Uh, no... wait... why are you here? It's late, and it's pretty cold out!" Naruto said as he tried to shake off his surprise he had at seeing the person he had just been thinking about. 

"I don't mind the cold," Sasuke whispered, his voice was low and raspy. "I just needed to get off campus for a little while, and I was gonna go out with Sakura and her friends, but... stuff happened today... and I don't really feel up to going out with anyone..."

"Did you catch a cold? Your throat sounds really rough," Naruto asked as he sat down to Sasuke, and curled himself somewhat as he did. 

"No... I'm a bit allergic to cats actually," Sasuke muttered with a laugh, the laugh sounding incredibly forced and fake. "Anyways, why are you here? ...Walking your cat?"

"I'm staying over at my parent's place tonight, they wanted to talk about something, so they just sent me off with Kurama..." Naruto said as he mindlessly scratched his cat's back. "They're not fighting, of course, I just said some stuff they wanted to talk about, and my Mom's a bit angry about my English grades! ...Heh..."

Sasuke wasn't facing Naruto as he said those words. And as he looked forward, Naruto got a good look at him. He was wearing a thin t-shirt, which looked to be the same one he always wore. And also wore the same pair of black jeans, with rips that looked to be accidental rather than purposeful. It was dark in the tube, but Naruto could tell that Sasuke's nose was red from the cold, and he knew that his scabbed rough fingertips, were also freezing in the cold. And altho Naruto was used to the cold, Sasuke looked to be shivering despite not wanting to. And there also looked to be a rise... or bump in his head... and there were marks on his throat that looked a little to purple for it to just be from the cold. 

"Must be nice..." Sasuke whispered suddenly. And when Naruto looked closer, so saw something run down Sasuke's cheek. "...To have something like that..."

"Sasuke?"

"Hm? Oh sorry, the cold makes my eyes water a bit, anyways who this guy? He's super sweet-! ...N-Naruto...?" Sasuke whispered with trembling lips as he felt Naruto pull him onto his shoulder to warm up. "What are you...?"

"Here, give me your hands, their freezing cold!" Naruto insisted as he took Sasuke's into his own, rubbing his larger ones over them to create heat. "If your gonna head out in the cold, at least put on some gloves! You could hurt your fingers! Then how are you gonna play guitar?" 

"Naruto we shouldn't be-!"

"Sasuke if it's about the whole sports division and art division stuff, I don't care, and I'm not doing this to embarrass you, I'm doing this because I don't want you to get frostbite on me! Besides, it's not weird to me! We've already slept together! So I don't think that holding our hand will hurt too much, right? Unless you don't want to be touched here! Because if not that's fine! Do you want me too-?"

"No!" Sasuke cried selfishness consuming his voice. "No... you can hold them..."

"Okay..." Naruto whispered as he continued to rub his fingers up and down Sasuke's knuckles, warming them ever so slightly. But it wasn't really Naruto's hands that warmed Sasuke that cold autumn night. It was Sasuke's own tears and blush. Tears full of the fear of love. He couldn't fall for Naruto. He just couldn't. Never ever. He wasn't falling for him! He would have been a fool to do so! It wasn't happening! No! It wasn't!

But it was... in a hidden part of Sasuke's soul... that was already so full...

And ready to spill over...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longer chapter tonight, also bets that americas gonna fall into civil war when the results come out? 
> 
> ill be honest tho im settling for Biden only because i don't want to be under the control of a racist orange anymore whos just gonna take all my fucking rights away
> 
> anyways... have sweet dreams and remember to drink water!!!!


	13. ~Chapter 12~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is as thick as concrete.
> 
> Sasuke falls and blames himself

"Are you sure you wanna go back to campus like that?" Naruto asked tentatively. "You can come to my place for a bit, and I could maybe find you a jacket!"

"No it's fine," Sasuke said as he shuffled out of the park's tube and climbed down from the structure his entire body trembling from the cold. "You've already done enough, and your cat looks a little cold."

"Nah he's tough! But you're in a t-shirt! Your gonna get sick!"

"No, it's okay-!"

"Come on, Dummy!" Naruto groaned as scooped up Kurama into his arms and beckoned Sasuke with his hand, truly insisting that he come along with him. But Sasuke felt fear at the idea of going back to Naruto's house. A house that held so many memories and fun times, a house in which two loving parents lived and cared for their child. Sasuke remembered how jealous he first was when he had first come to the blonde's house. How he had scowled in his mind when he saw Naruto's mother kiss him on the cheek, and his father patted him on the head. But he remembered the feeling of shock when the mother and father did the same to him. When he came home with their son with scraped knees and dirty shoes. They were always kind to him, even though he felt as though he did not deserve their kindness, they were still kind to him. And Itachi as well... even though the Uchiha brothers were a mystery and Itachi was getting into trouble with store owners all over town... or so the rumors said... Kushina and Minato treated them with such kindness that neither boys could understand.

But did they remember Sasuke? Did they remember the boy that disappeared into the states? Did they ever find out what Itachi had to do to survive? Did they know how he died? Wouldn't they be angry at Sasuke? For, after all, it was the raven who caused Naruto's smile to fade, even though the blonde didn't realize it. Sasuke knew that even though Naruto couldn't remember the past, he knew that it must have been so confusing to the ignorant little blonde. And after the hookup, Sasuke had crawled into his bed alone that night and fallen into a sleep that was far from peaceful. Sasuke had found himself stuck in a nightmare in which he was stuck behind a wall of glass. Watching Naruto sit alone in the park, and play in the dirt, and swing on the swing. Waiting for Sasuke. The dream shook Sasuke to his very core. Because his gut told him that it was true. Naruto must have waited for Sasuke. He must have waited for him until he forgot why he was even waiting. And Sasuke knew that it was his fault. For he knew that his friend must have been so very lonely at that old park. Without a single friend or hope left. His parents must have resented him for it. For hurting their precious son so much. 

"Don't worry, my parents will be alright with it, I'm sure they'd like to meet you anyways," Naruto whispered as he walked closer to Sasuke, slightly grabbing his hand in the process. "And... I know we're not supposed to be friends... but I think it's okay if I call you my friend outside of school, right?"

'Friend...?' 

He felt like crying at those words.

Even if it was fake. Or a hidden friendship, that was based on sex and bad grades. And lies. Sasuke would take it. Like I said before, he would take anything in the world that might make him happier. Anything that would bring him back to the state of happiness that he once felt in his childhood. Which he knew he needed to let go, but he just couldn't let it go. Those memories of when everything was perfect had kept Sasuke alive. They were the grease to his rusting machine. He wanted something like them in his head, he settled for a rusty machine, when in truth, all he needed to do was let go of the bad grease and rebuild himself. He could have been so much more than a rusty shell. But every time he thought of that stupid swing. Every time remembered the young blonde's face, he only stayed where he was. And he refused to move. He couldn't let go, and even if he could, he would break himself before he had to. 

"Alright, but I have to leave soon, okay? I have some work to do..." Sasuke lied, he hadn't anything to do that night. He was caught up with all his work. And he knew that there was a 50/50 chance that Kabuto was back already in his apartment, waiting for more of the already breaking boy. And the pure fear of that was enough to call Sasuke back to his hell. 'Get it over with.' He would tell Kabuto. For he was a weak stupid boy, who clung to a thread of the past and would take everything to keep it safe and to himself. Even if he lost all of himself while holding on. And if the string was cut?

Then he would voluntarily hit the ground first. 

.~.

"Do you want another cup of coffee?" Kushina asked kindly as she leaned over Sasuke's shoulder with Naruto's empty cup in her hand. Sasuke looked away instantly, out of fear and discomfort perhaps, but also because he was sitting wrapped in a blanket in front of the Uzumaki's fireplace. He had been helped to two cups of coffee, and when he was greeted by Naruto's parents. They acted as though they had never seen Sasuke before, which made the raven's gears spin, mainly because Minato and Kushina were never the types to forget faces. And after about an hour of Sasuke re-introducing himself to Naruto's mother and father, Minato had gone upstairs for bed, stating that he had to get some rest in before he met the next day. And after another thirty minutes passed, Sasuke had turned his head away from the TV (Which was playing the local news in an attempt to start a conversation) only to see Naruto fast asleep and drooling slightly on the opposite couch. And it was then when Kushina approached Sasuke again. 

"Um, no I should head back to campus, but thank you!" Sasuke whispered in his hoarse voice as he stood up and pulled the blanket off his shoulders. 

"Wait."

He froze.

"I'll drive you home, there's been a lot of assaults recently, and I wouldn't want you hurt, and it's still cold, so how about I drive you back?" 

"Um, should I wake up Naruto?" Sasuke asked with a slight quiver in his voice, for he knew in that instant that Kushina knew exactly who he was. And maybe if Naruto was around, he could get out of whatever she wanted to say to him. 

"No, he's a heavy sleeper," Kushina said lightly as she pulled on her jacket and shoes and grabbed her car keys, and opened the door for the raven to follow. Sasuke swallowed as he passed her, and he could feel himself sweating when he entered her car and watched her turn the keys. And as they began to drive, Sasuke knew that whatever was to come, wasn't going to be easy. But his head snapped out of its thoughts when Kushina turned right and began driving towards an old field, rather than the university that Sasuke was supposed to be getting back to. And when the car stopped in the middle of the field, Sasuke could feel his gut-twisting with worry and anticipation. What was she going to say to him? "Let's step outside, okay?"

"Mrs. Uzumaki..." Sasuke whispered as the redhaired woman stepped out of the car, his voice was full of fear. Was she angry? Was it because Sasuke had left her son without a word? Was it because his brother was a dirty thief? Was it because Sasuke hadn't told Naruto who he was? What was it? Damnit what was it?! But as Sasuke shut the door with trembling hands, and as he opened his mouth to say sorry. He was nearly knocked to the ground by the sheer force of Kushina's hug. She was slightly shorter than Sasuke, but her hug held more strength than Sasuke had ever had. "Mrs.-!"

"We were so worried about you!" she cried, her voice filled with pain and relief. "Sasuke... we thought we would never see you again!"

"I'm sorry... I-I didn't mean to worry you-!"

"Sasuke," Kushina whispered as he placed her hand on the raven's face. Sasuke flinched slightly when he felt her wedding ring on his face. A symbol of love, that she had just touched him with. "Naruto missed you so much... he waited at that park every single day!” ‘No one would wait that long for me..’ “... and he only stopped when he..."

"Forgot?" Sasuke finished dryly. He didn't feel like he should be humbled by the woman's words. For all words like those, sounded empty to Sasuke. "Not that there was much to remember..."

"Don't say that!" Kushina cried as she once again pulled Sasuke into her arms. "You know that that's not true! You were his best friend! He loved you so much! ... and I know he'll come to it eventually! You two had something that no one could forget! So don't say that sweetheart, okay?"

Love was a symbol that he did not deserve. 

"Alright..." Sasuke whispered bitterly, for he knew that something was clicking in his head. His head was crying for him to move away from Naruto, not just because Kabuto had threatened his social life. But also because his heart kept asking for more. Even when Naruto had called Sasuke his friend, it was almost as if... Sasuke wanted to be more than that. Did he want to be Naruto's best friend? No... and yes... it was more the fact that he wanted to be... Naruto's. Naruto's lover maybe? That would be ideal in Sasuke's mind, but his head saw and knew it to impossible. For no matter what services he provided to Naruto. Sasuke knew that Naruto could never love him. So then why did he want him to? Hadn't he just been happy with the statement of being called Naruto's friend? Why did he want more? Why couldn't he just settle on what he had? Why did he always hunt for more? Was it because he loved the feeling of hearing Naruto's voice utter his name? Was it because his stomach churned and his face darkened when he saw the eyes of the blonde... why did his heart want Naruto?

Why was he falling for Naruto?

It was a question that he could not answer... even when the reason became clear...

.~.

"Did he get home safe?" Naruto questioned as he shoveled another bite of pancake into his mouth. 

"Yes, I drove him right up to his building!" Kushina said warmly as she took a sip of her tea, and thanked her husband as he placed a plate of pancakes in front of her. "Did you sleep, good sweetie? Your so big now that I couldn't bring you up to your room!"

"Yeah, I slept well!" Naruto said as he stood and placed his dish into the sink and squirted some soap on a sponge and began to scrub. Washing the maple syrup that contained more artificial sugar than food coloring of his dish as he hummed under his breath. What was he humming? If he remembered correctly, it was a song that he had heard Sasuke play for him. He didn't catch the name of it, but he could still remember the tune and rhythm. It wasn't a pretty one, but Naruto could remember how clear Sasuke's voice was, and how fast his fingers strummed across the rusted strings. And as he placed his dish on the drying rack, it was almost as if something snapped in his head. Sasuke's voice was a voice he had heard before! He was the person who sang the song that Naruto had to translate! 

"Sasuke seems like a nice young man..." Minato said as he flipped a pancake over. 

"Yeah... he's nice..." Naruto said breathlessly as he sat back down at that table. 

"He has a very pretty face, I feel like I may have seen it before..." Kushina whispered lightly. Minato turned at her words, for he too wanted to see Naruto's reaction to his wife’s secret. "Did he seem familiar to you when you first met?"

"Well, his names kinda unique, and we met at a party and he was a little drunk, and he started kinda spiraling off. Saying stuff like 'You don't remember?' but when he started tutoring me he told me he used to have this friend that looked like me. It was just a mistake, but I'm glad that he's so nice to me. He's crazy patient too, and he was willing to break the rules to help me. So I don't think that I would be able to forget someone like that..." Naruto answered honestly as Kurama jumped into his lap and began to purr gently. "And I know he used to live in Japan... did you guys know his family?"

Kushina and Minato were speechless. They knew that Naruto was smart, but sometimes they just wanted to facepalm when they heard him spill his words. It was almost to perfect sounding. How Naruto was able to forget and Sasuke was able to remember. But both parents bit their tongues, for they knew that Sasuke was supposed to be the one to tell Naruto. And Kushina held her words back especially, for she remembered Sasuke's expression as she told him how much Naruto had loved him. He looked so hurt by those words. Almost as if he was sad because he had missed his chance in a way, and he almost looked like he...

...didn't want to take that chance again...

"No, we didn't know them"

.~.

"You don't need to treat me!" Sasuke said as Sakura handed him his normal order of coffee as the two began to walk around campus on a warm Sunday afternoon. Sasuke was wearing his normal jeans and t-shirt, which he had washed like he did every night. Sakura was wearing a white skirt with a pink top, her hair was tied in a loose ponytail, and her nails had been painted white. But she looked to be tentative about something... almost as if she wanted to tell the raven something. "You okay?"

"Um, well, lately I've been thinking about maybe taking a nursing course... maybe moving out of the arts when this year ends... and maybe after graduation, I might move to medical school," Sakura said shyly as if she was embarrassed by the thought of moving on. 

"That's great!" Sasuke said in his supporting tone. "You should go for it!"

"Think so?" Sakura responded with all of her normal energy back. 

"Yeah! You're smart, I'm sure you could pull it off!" 

Sakura smiled broadly at those words as the two made their way towards a small bench which had been lightly covered in leaves that had fallen from the tree above. They sat in silence for a moment, until Sakura turned and nudged Sasuke's shoulder expectantly. "Now you gotta tell me one of your secrets!"

"Um, how secretive does it need to be?" Sasuke questioned cluelessly, attempting to hide the nerve in his voice. He had over the years become more and more secretive, and when he was suddenly asked to spill a secret, he had always feared that he would end up spilling his entire life story instead. 

"Hmm, something that will surprise me in the least!"

"I hate sweets?"

"Already know that."

"Cats make me sneeze?"

"Come on Sasuke we're friends!" Sakura groaned bored with Sasuke's not so secret facts about himself. Sasuke rolled his eyes externally, but internally he was smiling. Sakura had just called him her friend. Of course, her saying it didn't generate the same feelings that Sasuke felt when Naruto had first said it. But Sasuke liked the idea of having Sakura as a friend. Sure she could be a little annoying at times, but she was still a good person to be around. And from what Sasuke could see, she had gotten over him quickly after he had politely declined her invitation to a romantic dinner. "Fine, I'll set the bar! I'm bi!"

"...You like... girls?" Sasuke questioned in pure shock. "I never... saw you... liking girls..."

"I used to like Ino when we were in high school, I almost asked her out once! But I chickened out..." Sakura admitted with a sigh. Her pale cheeks had become dusted with blush, and she seemed to be waiting for Sasuke's response. "So... what do you think?"

"Me? Well, um, I don't mind. I'm not judging or anything... but um... why Ino?!" Sasuke cried as he finished, he was of course attempting to add some humor into that painfully awkward conversation.

"Oh shut up!" Sakura groaned as she covered her face in embarrassment. Sasuke began to chuckle at that, mainly because Sakura's humiliation was far too perfect to be unfunny. But after a second or two, Sakura herself began to laugh along with her raven-haired friend. And the two of them laughed for a minute or two more before silence fell. But it was then interrupted by Sakura's voice. "Okay now that I've embarrassed myself, you have to tell me something about yourself! And I swear on my life that I won't tell anyone!"

Sasuke felt his tongue jolt at that question. And his vocal cords almost felt straightened as he thought that thought. His heart was aching for him to say it. Hell, it was begging him. He wanted to tell Sakura so badly. He wanted to tell her, one because they were friends, two because he just wanted to give her a real reason for rejecting her, and the third reason was that he just wanted someone else's help with the whole situation concerning Naruto. In the past month, Sasuke had been alone in his head, and it had become so foggy and full that he knew that he couldn't make out what was the right thing to say was, let alone the wrong thing. He just wanted a second opinion from someone that he could trust. But the idea of coming out in school terrified him. He had only come out to one person in America and that was truly the one person he could count on, his mother. But the only other person who knew of his closeted homosexuality was Kabuto. And Sasuke was perfectly aware of where that had gotten him. But he just needed some help. And he decided at that moment he would get it even if he went down trying.

"Gay."

"Huh?"

"I'm gay," Sasuke said, louder that time. 

Sakura blinked three times as those words reached her ears. And for a minute or two, the pink-haired girl was silent as a tombstone. And Sasuke himself clutched his cold coffee cup in his hands and looked down solemnly at his lap. And he nearly jumped when Sakura opened her mouth. "So that's why you said no?"

"...I'm sorry..."

"Don't be," she whispered. "It's just who you are!"

"It's weird, don't deny it," Sasuke whispered in the same tone he had when he had told his mother. 

"Is it weird to you personally or is it just because the world sees it as weird?"

"Both."

"So your not comfortable with it?" Sakura questioned gently, still not turning her green eyes to meet Sasuke's charcoal black one. And when he didn't answer her, she breathed in and out and then asked the question that Sasuke thought would be asked last. "Do you like anyone, Sasuke?"

"I... don't know..." he whispered honestly. "I've never really liked anyone before..."

"So then how did you-?"

"I had sex with a girl."

"Were you drunk?"

"Very."

"What happened?"

"When we finished, and I had sobered up, she told me what happened, I threw up and had a panic attack," Sasuke said, his tone almost bored in away. And at that, he heard Sakura giggle. "That's not funny!"

"It... kinda... is!" Sakura gasped out in between her laughs. "Oh my god! Ha! And then what'd she say?"

"She um... started screaming-"

But he was once again cut off, by a roar of laughter from Sakura. Who clutched her stomach as her laughs continued to spew uncontrollably from her perfectly loud mouth. "I'm sorry!" She kept repeating as she attempted to regain control over herself and return to the serious conversation that she was supposed to be in. "W-Why don't you know, why don't you know if you like the person? Is it because they- um- he... isn't gay?"

"Something like that," Sasuke whispered, as he threw his coffee cup into a nearby trash can. "And I... I used to know him when I was younger, we were good friends and... well he doesn't remember me. Of course. But I feel like I shouldn't tell him who I was to him before I moved. Because one, he probably wouldn't care, and two because I feel like if I keep trying to get closer to her... I'll fall for the person that I'm supposed to be friends with..."

Sakura paused for a moment at those words. But then she clapped her hand over her mouth as a thought struck her head. 

"...Naruto!"

"What?!"

"I remember..." Sakura whispered. "He... when I first moved here he was... always sitting in the little park... and when people asked him what he was doing, he always said that he was waiting for his friend..."

Sasuke let out a gust of air from his throat that he did not know he had. Fuck was the only word that coursed through his head as he heard those words. He thought Kushina had been exaggerating, but it was true. Naruto had waited for him. He waited for him because he thought that he would come back to him. He avoided people’s games because he wanted to wait for him. Damnit why didn't someone just tell him? Why couldn't they just tell him that he should stop waiting when nothing was going to come? Why did they hide it from him? Sasuke felt his head throb as those thoughts pounded against his head. It was why his eyes were so distant and empty, and Sasuke knew how foolish he had been not to see it in the first place. 

"Sasuke? Don't cry!"

He tried not to. But after a minute or two, it seemed nearly impossible not to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a weirder chapter for me to write, i don't know how to describe sasuke's feeling towards naruto but from what i can summarize he basically wants naruto as a friend in his mind but his heart just wants more
> 
> also one of my classmates actually caught covid so now im in quarentien so maybe more updates??
> 
> i hope you guys are enjoying my work!!!


	14. ~Chapter 13~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke tries to be more confident.
> 
> Naruto is embarrassed?

If Naruto was ever forced to explain the pure pleasure that sliding into Sasuke gave him, he wouldn't know how to. And he would most likely only be able to say the understating word 'Good' before going red in the face. And if he was then asked to describe why he had binged another four hours of gay porn for reasons that he called research, he would probably stand and leave the interview. And then he would most likely run over to the raven's dorm, after texting him the excuse that he needed help in English. Only to pin him against the wall and kiss and suck his chest and core until Sasuke begged him to fuck him against the wall. Naruto lived and died when he heard those words. Those stomach string lewd words. And even though he was supposed to be the dominant one, he often found himself falling into Sasuke's demands for his cock. But he would be lying if he said that he didn't enjoy it. 

.~.

Naruto loved the taste that Sasuke had. He tasted of well-made soap and salty sweat, but he tasted sweet and full. And Sasuke himself lived and died for the sound and feelings that Naruto made him do and feel. And Sasuke had also come to discover that he was very favorable to blowjobs, especially when they involved fingering. Naruto was quick to pick up that fact, and from the day he learned it and forward, he would start every hook up they had with it. Which led them to where they were that day, about two months after they had met. The blond was able to fit three fingers into Sasuke, and he was able to also fit Sasuke's entire length into his mouth which made the raven wrap his thin pale legs around the blond's neck. And Naruto would always feel a satisfying twitch from his own member when he felt Sasuke's sweaty fingers grab hold of his golden hair, he loved how he moaned for Naruto to put it in. He was beside himself with the high of pleasure he felt when he pushed himself into Sasuke after he had quickly removed his mouth from Sasuke's cock, just a second before the raven was about to come. And Naruto had also learned from many hookups, that after he had blown Sasuke, that if he was to not restrict Sasuke from coming. The raven would explode. So he made an effort to quickly grab hold of Sasuke's member to stop him before he could reach oblivion. 

"Didn't... hah.. you want to-! Agh! S-Study?" 

"I already know it," Naruto whispered as he began to steadily thrust into his so-called friend, or fuck buddy. "Tell me when I'm allowed to kiss your neck..."

"No! Ah! I'm-!" Sasuke cried out but he felt the grip on his cock grow tighter, preventing him from coming. "Naruto... please let me..."

"Let you what?" Naruto said as he continued to thrust, gradually picking up pace as he continued to feel his own body grow tighter and hotter. "Your moaning so much, I can't understand you."

"F-Fuck! Let me come!" Sasuke cried as Naruto gave a final thrust, which caused the blond to release his hold on Sasuke's cock, just in time for the raven to explode. Naruto stayed still for a moment or two after he had released his own load into Sasuke, wearing a condom of course. But after the feeling of tightness had left his chest the effects of an intense orgasm seemed to hit him like a truck. He didn't feel pain or exhaustion, it was more the thoughts that stirred in his head. Realizations hitting him like a truck accident on the highway. And he didn't pull out until Sasuke gave a light pinch to his arm. "You okay?"

"Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine!" Naruto said as he shifted backward and pulled himself out of Sasuke, who let out a small wheeze of both relief and irritation maybe. But Sasuke's face read otherwise to Naruto, he looked to be distant in a way, and he looked very concerned about Naruto, and why only a minute ago he was dominant as ever, and why he had gone completely silent in an instant. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright," Naruto responded as pulled off his condom and tossed it into Sasuke's bedside trash can. "Can I use your shower?"

"Uh, yeah! Hot to the left and cold to the right!" Sasuke called as he watched Naruto trudge to the bathroom, and after he had heard the door shut and the shower start, he wobbly stood from his bed and began to clean himself in front of a small mirror on his desk. His face was flushed and his dick was redder from sex, but his neck was untouched, and the only thing that remained on his chest, were small hickeys that would be gone by the next day. And he was almost struck with happiness at his state, for, Naruto had respected his wishes. He hadn't touched Sasuke neck as he asked, he hadn't tried to kiss him once. And he... made it so... there were no strings attached. 

Was he embarrassed?

Well, it was embarrassing, he was hooking up with a man, Sasuke none the less. But it was around that time, that Sasuke had begun to notice that Naruto seemed to be in quite a hurry as soon as he had finished with Sasuke. In past times, after the hookup, the two would study for a bit. Did Naruto not want that anymore? Was he starting to realize that the more time he spent with Sasuke, the more they grew closer? Or was it maybe that Naruto just wanted sex, and he was just using the word friend as an excuse for it? Sasuke knew Naruto, and he knew for a fact that the blond wasn't clever enough to pull that off, but he was in a way pulling it off unintentionally. 

He felt disappointed by those ideas, sure he had always known that in truth their relationship was a weak friendship, that was in fact built on sex. But Sasuke felt as though he needed to reset his mindset nearly every time he was around Naruto. And even though he didn't want to, he often found himself opening up to Sakura about the matter. She had nodded her head throughout as she listened, and when Sasuke had finally spilled everything, she told him that he was practically bending to everything that Naruto was telling him to do. She described it as if Sasuke was a piece of self-bending clay, that would mold to its own shape when it saw the sculptor's hand in front of it. To both avoid getting hurt, and to please the person higher than it. 

"So what do I do?" Sasuke asked blatantly.

"You need to show him that you have a voice too," Sakura explained. "Friendships are meant to grow stronger when both friends add to the idea pot! If you want to grow closer to Naruto, then stop letting him show you his whole self, and get some words in yourself! As him to hang out! Or talk! Then you can talk to him more as a friend, rather than a sex partner! Then maybe you'll be able to go closer! And maybe you might..."

But it was too confusing to the raven! He wanted to be close with Naruto one minute and then the next he would rather travel back to America than even see Naruto. 

"Hey!" Naruto said, his voice cutting through Sasuke's troubling thoughts. 

"Oh sorry!" Sasuke said as he turned away from Naruto's naked body. "I've been zoning out lately."

"Yeah, no shit!" Naruto commented as he pulled off his towel and began to pull on his underwear and jeans, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a bag as he did. Which looked to hold some sort of shirt. What surprised Sasuke the most, was the fact that Naruto extended his arm to hand the bag to Sasuke. He looked to be worried or even embarrassed by the situation. "I got this for you, that shirt your wearing isn't the best for winter. Plus it fucking sucks to get sick, so here, my gift!"

Sasuke didn't respond as he took the shirt out of the bag, flattered and baffled by Naruto's sudden gift. But as his fingers traced the soft material of the black long sleeve, with a pocket to the left of his chest, he knew at that moment what Naruto was thinking. "You're embarrassed... aren't you?"

Silence.

"Yeah, a little bit," Naruto sighed honestly as he sank on Sasuke's floor, resting his body against his nightstand with a feeling of exhaustion. "I"ve been... so focused... on just having... I don't know Sasuke! But it's not you! And it has nothing to do with the fact that you're a boy either, well maybe it does."

"You're not gay?"

"Of course not!" Naruto said, trying to hide the sudden offense his voice held. "I think it's just that... I-I've been calling you my friend and stuff, but the only time we hang out is when we... fuck..."

Sasuke was quiet. Did Naruto maybe want to...?

"So, do you maybe want to spend tomorrow in the next town over? Because of the, you know... rules?"

"Um, sure, sounds great!" Sasuke said nervously. A whole day with him and Naruto alone with one another? No sex? No studying? It seemed unnatural to think about, but painfully nostalgic in away. But he shook his head, for he didn't want to ponder on those thoughts alone, he needed guidance when he tore his mental state to shreds. So he reconsidered the advice that Sakura had given him. 'Show him that you have a voice too!' "Hey, can I chose where we go tomorrow? For like dinner? If you don't mind!"

"That's fine!" Naruto said quickly as he ran a hand through his hair. "Listen I gotta go! But um, wait... do I have your number?"

"Oh, no, I don't think you do..." Sasuke whispered as he shakily pulled out his phone. He was such an idiot. "Mines, ***-***-****, yours?"

"***-***-****," Naruto said quickly as he punched the digits into his phone, he seemed to be in a hurry. Sasuke hoped that he hadn't wasted any of his time. "Sorry I can't stay! Shikamaru's burnt dinner and he's refusing to clean up and cook more food, crazy huh?" The blond finished as he grabbed his backpack and threw it over his shoulder and made his way out of the dorm. "See you!"

"See... you... Dummy..." Sasuke whispered as he waved goodbye to an empty door frame. Sad and embarrassed. For he had not thanked Naruto for the shirt...

.~.

"So you don't want to tell him about how you used to be best friends?" Sakura asked.

"I left him all alone when I moved Sakura-!"

"Sasuke you can't do that to yourself! What happened to you was not in your control! And I know that Naruto would understand! You're not even giving it a chance!" she said, her tone pleading and desperate. "You can't blame yourself for things like that! Just like you can't blame yourself for being gay! Or smart! Or sensitive! Sometimes you can't choose!"

"I shouldn't have come back here, I need to call off tutoring, I'm just gonna get myself into a fucking bind that I can't handle! I'm gonna end up spilling everything, and he's gonna hate me a-and Kabuto's gonna!"

"Kabuto?!" Sakura cried as she stood up from her dorm room table, knocking over coffee mugs in the process. But her face had reddened with anger in a split second. "What the hell does that Mole-Rat have to do with anything? Tell me right now!"

"No! I meant someone else! Don't get angry! Hey! The coffees getting on your floor-!"

"Why did you say his name Sasuke? Has he been harassing you?" Sakura bellowed her tone fearfully and furious. 

"No!" 'Yes' "Of course not! I don't even know him that well!"

Sakura clenched her fist at that, and she turned her back on Sasuke, who was only more confused than before. And as Sakura quietly walked to her countertop, and pulled a roll of paper towels out from under her sink, Sasuke was trying not to panic. What had Kabuto done to her? What had he done to earn such a hostile reaction, and harassment? Had others gone through what was happening to Sasuke? What had happened to them? How did Sakura know? What was going on?

"Sasuke. Be honest with Naruto."

"Sakura are you-?"

"Please, stay away from Kabuto. I'd rather you hand out with a sports major than a scumbag like him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for taking so long with my updates. schools been rough for me and grades just closed up for my first quarter, and works also been taking a toll on me. but im feeling much better and i will be making better progress on this fic!!! 
> 
> thank you for all being so supportive this is my first time using a03 and its been a bit hard to navigate, but im gonna get the hand of it soon enough!!


	15. ~Chapter 14~

"Can I borrow your car?"

"No."

"Shikamaru please!" Naruto groaned as he threw his head backward on the couch in annoyance. Regretting it instantly for his head began to throb with pain as he lifted it once again. It was an early Friday morning for The University Hidden in The Leaves, the air smelt like polluted mist and overworked students. And the atmosphere also hung low and dull, nothing interesting had happened for the past month, for everyone. There appeared to be somewhat of ceasefire for the two divisions, and everyone else had decided that they would stick with this momentary peace in an attempt to maybe get in some study before first term finals. And Naruto and his lazy friend had found themselves up early that day watching a rerun of an anime that had already been rerun a thousand times before. "I promised Sasuke that we could hang out this afternoon!"

"And I promised my parents that I would be able to keep my car in one piece before the end of my thirties! You don't even have a license!"

"But I know how to drive!" Naruto insisted. "Come on man I'll pay you!"

"With what your dick? You're as broke like me!" Shikamaru muttered as he bit into a stale rice cake covered in one-day expired jam.

"Not my fault that you got fired!"

"I willingly quit dumbass, and I'm surprised that they haven't fired you yet! I mean, you can only cook ramen! Where did you even learn to make coffee?"

"I trained-" But before he could finish, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, the ring tone ran like an old fashion bell, and Naruto rolled his eyes as soon as he placed it to his ear and heard his manager, who was Sakura, yelling. "Can you maybe not fucking yell?"

"You're late dipshit!" Sakura responded. "Thirty minutes late! And don't you dare say your hungover as an excuse! There are no parties on a Thursday night! The boss is gonna be coming in soon! And I'm not letting Hinata cover for you again!"

"I'm sorry! I forgot! I'll be over in ten! Just stall him! Please Sakura?"

Silence echoed on the other side of the line. But after the girl took what Naruto heard to be a breath. She told him to hurry up and then hung up. Naruto felt confused, Sakura had just agreed with him? But he knew that if he was to be late to his job one more time, he would also be as jobless and broke as Shikamaru. So he put that thought aside and ran to the shoe rack.

"I need a ride to the cafe, I forgot about my shift."

"Okay let me get my shoes on," Shikamaru responded as he stood from the ratty old couch, stretched, and walked over to the shoe rack, cracking his knuckles as he did. He turned to his friend with a look on his face that looked to be questioning and worried. "Naruto, do you... like Sasuke or something?"

"Huh? No! I mean, he's a nice person and everything, but I don't like him in that way! We're only hanging out today because I... well I called him my friend the other day when I saw my parents..."

"Why was he with you when you saw them?"

Silence.

"Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, for he too had questions for his friend concerning Sasuke.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you don't know anything about Sasuke Uchiha? Because every time I bring up his fucking name, someone either drops something or drops something and freaks out!" Naruto groaned painfully as he and his brown-haired friend exited their dorm and began to travel down the complex's stairs. Ignoring the squeaking sound that echoed off the walls since someone had probably spilled sugary alcohol all over the stair in a non-sober fashion. "Like, what he does outside of school?"

"Can't help you there dude, I didn't even know he existed until you came running to me telling me about the blowjob you got-!"

"Okay, that's enough!"

But in reality, Shikamaru did know who Sasuke Uchiha was. Shikamaru also knew why Sasuke was so attached to Naruto. Why he could follow the blond with no hesitation at all, why he was having sex with Naruto at the snap of a finger. Of course, Shikamaru knew that he couldn't instantly confirm his thoughts for he had not seen Sasuke in so long, but his rough idea of who Sasuke Uchiha had become was growing smoother with every bit of information that Naruto was telling him. It seemed to the brunet that Sasuke had indeed grown up since childhood. And from what Naruto had told him, it became painfully clear to Shikarmaru that Naruto had forgotten about what had happened to Sasuke in childhood. In fact, Shikamaru doubted that Naruto as a child, even knew how and why Sasuke had left. Shikamaru remembered how his father had told him about it. Shikamaru remembered how much he sighed when he heard that, for he knew how hurt Naruto would be if he was to learn about it. The brunet had always seen how close the blond and the raven were, and only did Shikamaru actually approach Naruto after he had grown tired of seeing the blond so empty and lonely. He of course knew that he could not fill the hole in Naruto's unknowing heart, but he wanted to try. Mainly because he knew damn well that Sasuke would despair if he was to see his friend in such a state.

But apparently, he had, and that was why he had given himself to Naruto. To make up for leaving, and unfair to himself as it was, and to try and return him to his formal state. But what continued to puzzle Shikamaru as he drove out of the school's parking lot, not listening to whatever the hell his friend was talking about. That was why Sasuke was refusing to tell Naruto who he was! It seemed obvious to Shikamaru that Naruto was still as thick-headed as before, so why hadn't he told him? Was it because he feared his reaction? Or was it because he didn't want to grow closer to him... was it fear of falling for one another? Shikamaru knew how Sasuke used to look at Naruto as a child. Or was there a roadblock in between the two?

And why had Naruto mentioned Kabuto?

"I'll make you a deal," Shikamaru stated as he pulled into the cafe's parking lot. "I'll pick you and him up after your shift, and I'll drop who off in the next town over, and you'll call me when you want to be picked up, deal?"

"Works for me," Naruto said as he jumped out of the car. "Don't tell Kiba or Neji, they'll flip out."

"Why would I ever? I'd be more concerned over yourself, your clumsy."

"Keep your comments to yourself!"

.~.

"I just kinda wish you were... gay..." Sasuke whispered as he strummed to the final cord on his guitar, which rang raw in his tin walled room. But after the sound had run out, Sasuke slapped his hand to his head. Why the hell was he playing music by an angsty teenager? He remembered how obsessed the kids in his year were over Billie Eilish, especially the girls who thought their mental health was their entire personality. But Sasuke would be wrong to say that she didn't have some good songs. But why was he singing them? He should have been re-studying 'Viva La Vida' or maybe even 'Jiyū no Tsubasa' so why was he playing such an overdramatic and low song?

'I just kinda wish you were gay...'

Did he?

.~.

"N-Naruto? Does S-Sakura seem a bit, quiet to you?" Hinata had asked in her normal light and nervous nature, which sounded confused and concerned.

"No? She screamed at me over the phone!"

"N-Not like that!" Hinata contradicted calmly as she pointed a finger at Sakura, who was at that moment taking orders for a teenager who was popping gum in between her teeth. Producing a highly annoying sound which resembled nothing short of a cow chewing grass. Naruto hated that sound, and he knew for a fact that Sakura hated it as well, for he vividly remembered the sound of Sakura screaming at a former employee to spit out their gum or stop chewing it with their mouth open. However, Sakura looked to be blank and unbothered by the sound, which made Naruto blink in confusion.

"Actually... she does seem a little quiet..." Naruto whispered as Sakura swiped the girl's credit card and watched the girl sit down on the window seat.

"I need one matcha crepe cone and a vanilla americano," Sakura said dully as she walked over to her co-workers slowly and began to plug in the crepe hot plate. "Hinata, your the best with coffee, so if you don't mind?"

"Of course n-not Sakura, I'll make it right away!"

"Thank you..." Sakura whispered as she slowly whisked the green thin pancake batter, before pouring a small scoop of it onto the hot plate and quickly spreading it out with a spatula. "Can I help you with something blondie?"

"Are you feeling okay Sakura? You look a little out of it..." Naruto responded deciding to ignore the comment about his hair. "I know it's none of my business as a sports major, but as a co-worker..."

Sakura pursed her lips at that as she flipped over the paper-thin pancake, which gave a little sizzle on the plate as the opposite side collided with the hot plate. She did not speak again until she had begun to spread the matcha cream filling over the crepe. "Sasuke's a good teacher right?"

Naruto blinked at that. Was Sakura friends with Sasuke? Had Sasuke maybe-? No! He had wanted to keep their hookups as much as a secret as possible. So he sighed and answered the question. "Yeah... he's great..."

"Has he been doing okay? I haven't seen much of him since exam prep started," Sakura said as she pinched the corner of the crepe and began to roll it into a cone shape.

"I only see him on Fridays," Naruto lied, he saw Sasuke practically every other day, hell, he was supposed to be seeing him that afternoon.

"Today is Friday."

"Well we don't have school," Naruto said stiffly, for he could feel the formally peaceful conversation start to take a wrong turn. "Anyways why are you even asking me that? Aren't you guys friends?"

She was quiet.

"Have you seen him around Kabuto at all?" She asked as she placed the sweet onto a plate, and raised a powdered sugar shaker over it. Hitting in gently as she asked the question.

"No..." Naruto whispered so she was not a fan of Kabuto either... "But he keeps coming up to me, telling me to stay away from him and shit! And one time he showed up when we weren't around and asked Shikamaru where he was!"

At that, Sakura accidentally slammed her hand into the bottom of the shaker, causing far too much sugar to fall from it. But she looked as though she didn't even care, for her clenching grip on the glass had grown. And the veins on her hand seemed to effortlessly pop out in pure anger. Her breathing was harsh and heavy, and she snorted like an angry bull that had been provoked with a red cloth. Naruto almost took a step backward in fear of how angry his manager was. But after a moment or two, she steadied herself and slammed the sugar down on the counter and walked away stiffly away from the blond, carrying the crepe in her hands towards the teenager, who also looked to be scared by Sakura. And when the pink-haired girl finally got back behind the counter. She turned to the blond, looked him dead in the eyes, and said:

"Don't let the mole-rat know that you and he are close. Or you'll both be dead. And do me a favor okay?"

"What is it?"

"Make sure that Sasuke is... doing alright... please? I know I'm a shitty person to you but, he's my friend so..." she said, her voice soft and pleading.

"Alright alright! You don't have to get all sappy!" Naruto said as he held his hands up with blush on his cheeks

.~.

Sasuke pulled nervously at the sleeves of his new shirt, and he felt his feet nervously push down the cuffs of his jeans. He had re-checked the text that Naruto had sent to him over a hundred and two times.

Dummy: meet me at 4:00 in front of the mailbox

Dummy: shikamaru's driving us, dont worry he doesnt care about the rules

Dummy: and dont worry about money, my treat!

Sasuke: okay

He slammed his hand into his pale forehead as he looked over his response once again. Could have been any dryer? He was stupid to behave like that, especially when Naruto had agreed to treat him to a night out. Despite them not being friends. Oh god, why had Sasuke said yes? He was stressed! And confused! Midterms were coming around the corner, and he had found himself seeking help from a girl that he hadn't even known for long. And she wasn't some sort of therapist! She couldn't give Sasuke real advice, she could only offer him the hope that one day he would be able to grow a fucking pair and own up to Naruto about their past. But he knew that if that was to happen things would only get worse for him. He couldn't say how things would get worse for him, but his mind kept telling him. 'Don't you even consider it. Why should he even care? It's not like your old relationship was even that special! So stop trying to consider and reach! You're being selfish!'

"I know!" Sasuke cried as he threw his phone into his bag and placed his head deep into his palms. He knew that it was selfish. His heart already told him that enough. He didn't need his brain telling him too. He knew that he was a selfish emotional ball of a human being, that couldn't drop the past, or even drop the feeling of sadness that surrounded him. Sasuke knew that he didn't deserve to feel like that, for there were hundreds of others in the world who had suffered a million times more than him. Sure he had been put in foster care, but he was adopted immediately. Sure he had faced abuse in his new home, but as soon as Karmin had found out, she had gotten her son to a better place. Sure he had no one in school, but he had his talents and good grades!

Sure he had lost his brother... without saying goodbye... or 'I love you!'... but...

Sure Naruto had forgotten about him... but he had been placed back in his life... even though him just being a friend wasn't enough... even though he wanted to have more of him... he wanted him... his lips, eyes, face, body...

...love.

"Sasuke!" A voice cried, which made the raven jump into the air and grab his jacket from the bench. As he ran over to Shikamaru's car.

Wiping tears off his face as he did.

.~.

"So, Sasuke, Naruto, where do you want me to drop you guys off again?" Shikamaru muttered as he lit a cigarette that had been dangling from his mouth, filling the car with smoke that made Naruto cough and Sasuke shift in his sheet. His former foster father had smoked. He had put a few out on Sasuke as well. But the raven did not comment on Shikamaru's cigarette, for he knew that would be out of line.

"Next town over, and put that fucking thing out! Can't you wait a little longer?" Naruto snapped as he yanked the cigarette out of the burnet's teeth and tossed it out the open window, which earned him a punch from Shikamaru. And as the two began to bicker back and forth, Sasuke found himself turning his eyes away from Naruto's eyes. Which looked to be angry, but also playful at the same time. And as he and Shikamaru continued, Sasuke saw something that made him go red with nostalgia. He remembered how Naruto's eyes used to sparkle when he smiled, or pouted, and also when he cried over scrapping his knee and stubbing his toe. Sasuke hadn't seen him like that in so long, and he knew that would be complete bullshit for him to say that he was the one who had made the blond's eyes sparkle at that moment. It was Shikamaru and Sasuke knew it...

... 'Naruto'... he thought... 'doesn't need someone like me... he needs someone like... a real fucking friend...'

"So, Uchiha, how had Naruto been in bed? He sucks with the girls, who knows, maybe he's-!"

"He's fine," Sasuke said quickly as he cast his gaze away from Naruto's beautiful blue eyes, which had gone dull in a matter of seconds of the raven speaking. "I'm mainly just his tutor though."

Sasuke could feel Shikamaru's eye's on the left side of his face, which had gone as red as the right side. Naruto was more than fine in bed. He had remarkable for basically being a virgin with guys. The way he touched Sasuke was so erotic and wrong at the same time, wrong in the way that Naruto was a straight man, and also wrong in the way that Sasuke was enjoying it. How stupid and fucked up could he be to enjoy something like that? He really was nothing but a dirty little whore. But he wasn't a real whore, because a really whore never felt an attachment to the people they saw. Not the way Sasuke did to Naruto. A real whore would have refused the client's offer to an outing like that one, they would have refused to continue tutoring the client, they would have denied the fake friendship that the client offered.

So why didn't Sasuke deny it?

Well, maybe it was because he had found himself stuck on the top of an iceberg. In a metaphorical sense, the right thing to do was to stay at the top. And stay rooted in one place, no matter how cold and lonely he got. But he found himself unable to stay at the top because the more he did. The more the same gust of wind came back to haunt him. A gust of wind with blue eyes and golden hair. And Sasuke had grown fond of it in the way that if kept him warm for an instant, but as it tried to continuously blow the raven down to his doom. Sasuke found himself known that if he was hit by one or two more blows, he would fall. Fall into the icy water and either drown until someone came to rescue him. Or he would die, happy knowing that at least one thing came back to him in his shitty life.

Even if it leads to his death.

"Where do you want to eat Sasuke? Ignore Shikamaru he's just being a prick," Naruto said as he turned around to face Sasuke, who did not turn to face him back. He couldn't fall into the water.

"Wanna just go to the cafe?" Sasuke asked into the window, his words fogged up the car's glass windows as he spoke. And as the car drove under the street lights, Sasuke caught sight of his own face. Which was still stained with blush in response to the idea of Naruto looked at him. That look alone was a tiny bit of wind. What the hell was he gonna do if he was... touched? Or... complemented... or just fucking respected in general. That was the fucking problem. Naruto was too kind to Sasuke, well, maybe not the kindest to other's views. But to Sasuke, Naruto was. Maybe that's a thing that happens when a person is falling for someone. They will only see the best side of them. The side they want to see. And they live in that for a while until they are either gifted that side or denied it.

Sasuke himself was in that mindset. Stuck in the past. Remembering how Naruto used to be rather than trying to understand what he was at that time. Selfish and foolish? Yes. Understandable? Also yes. It wasn't Sasuke's fault that he had grown on Naruto so much. When Naruto had been his whole life for so long. And when he was removed from it, it was almost like a withdrawal for Sasuke. And when Naruto was re-introduced to Sasuke's life. Sasuke overloaded on him. Which was why he wanted more and more of Naruto. He knew it was bad for him to depend on Naruto so much. Perhaps he could pull it off when he was seven, but he was 19 years old. And he knew that he had to grow up and let go of Naruto. But he just couldn't. He only found himself moving closer to Naruto. So close that he wanted to blame Naruto for it. But it was all his doing, and when a recovering addict is given the thing they have tried to learn to hate and not know of. They'll take it. In doses so large that they kill themselves with the thing they had convinced themselves that was bad.

Naruto was Sasuke's drug. And Sasuke was a junkie. A junkie for Naruto's love, and touches, and the memories he made him remember.

He was so fucking screwed.


	16. ~Chapter 15~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke makes a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucked up with uploading my chapters so please just re-read 14!!! and then this one!!!

"Sorry about Shikamaru," Naruto said as he and the raven entered a coffee shop. Sasuke stood a bit more behind Naruto, maybe because he felt as though he was not perhaps good enough to walk on the side of his drug. His sunshine. His old friend. "I think the weeds finally went to his brain. I'll talk to him when we get back."

"No that's fine," Sasuke said calmly as he walked into the shop. The heated air hitting him gently, making him realize that it had actually been rather cold outside. And he cursed mentally knowing that he was going to be much colder outside because the night only got colder as it went on. He then smiled, for he had always called Naruto 'Dummy', but the blond was smart enough to bring a jacket. So Sasuke found himself calling himself a Dummy, as he stepped up to the cashier. Still standing behind Naruto slightly, blushing as he tried not to imagine running his hand through his hair, which had become tossed by the late fall wind. He was so gorgeous.

'Don't fall off Sasuke.' His brain reminded him as he turned his head away from Naruto's hair.

"Um, just a coffee with the two kinds of milk for me, Sasuke?"  
'Don't fall.'

"Tea."

"Um, what kind?" The cashier asked, their tone sounding exasperated with the fact that they had once again received customers five minutes before the closing time. So Sasuke couldn't be mad at their tone, for he to felt tired and exasperated with the people around him.

"Green please, or whatever you guys have left," Sasuke said calmly. Which made the cashier sigh with relief as they punched their orders into the screen and extended their hand for payment. But when Naruto reached into his bag, he looked up to see Sasuke handing the cashier a small bundle of yen, and in return, the cashier passed Sasuke the two drinks the boys had ordered. They were hot against Sasuke's bare cold hands, but as he passed Naruto his drink. He felt his whole body go as warm as his hands as he felt Naruto's soft fingers brush against his. Naruto tilted his head at Sasuke's reaction, but the raven quickly regained himself as he and the blond walked from the store.  
It was dark outside and the sky was dotted with the same sparkling stars that had been there for years upon years. But they were still so beautiful against the pitch-black sky. The air itself was frigid and thin, and as Sasuke exhaled between sips of his tea. Which was not worth the price in any way. His breath turned to fog as it left his body. He could tell that he was shaking. But he tried to keep himself under control as he and the blond continued to walk around the slightly unfamiliar town. Which had been lit up with street lights, and the street trees too had been covered in little lights.

"You didn't have to pay Sasuke," Naruto whispered as the two traveled into the center of the town, which was low in life, and only a few couples seemed to brush through the thin streets of the place. "I mean, that place is expensive..."

"No it's fine, I paid with the money I made from tutoring you, so it's fine."

That was a lie. Sasuke had no money. And the money that he had just passed the clerk, was money that he had stolen from Kabuto's school bag. He stole the money out of anger, for Kabuto had come to his dorm the night before that day. And had forced him into the normal disgusting activities. But halfway through, he had uttered words that had made Sasuke for the first time. Act on his anger.

'What would Uzumaki do? If he saw what you do to me Sasuke? How would he react to seeing his tutor as nothing more than a dirty little faggot?'

'Fucking original...' Sasuke had thought in between Kabuto's painfully dry thrusts. But it wasn't the slurs that Kabuto had said that set him off. It was purely the fact that Kabuto had mentioned Naruto at all. As far as Kabtuo knew, there was nothing going on with Sasuke and Naruto. So why was he continuing to torment him with the blond? Was it because it was obvious that Sasuke cared for Naruto? Did he know about the fact that the two spent practically every other day fucking in Sasuke's dorm? Did he know of what had happened to them in the past? And if he did... why?

Why was he so cruel and heartless?

And why did Sasuke react?

"Okay, but you don't need to pay, I have money don't worry!" Naruto said as he took a final sip of his coffee and tossed it into a trash can that definitely needed to be emptied. Sasuke smiled at that. Did he really want to pay for Sasuke's wishes? Drinks? "Wanna sit down, you look kinda cold..."

"Oh, sure, that'd be great,"

'Don't fall Sasuke.'

The bench they sat on was... nice looking. But it was also sticky on the armrest and the boards creaked if one was to shift even slightly in their place. But it was relaxing on Sasuke's legs, for walking had been slightly painful for him considering that he had been once again struck by Kabuto. But he blushed when he heard Naruto groan with relief as he sat down on the bench. It had been the same noise he made when he...

"How's soccer going?"

"Not too bad," Naruto responded, his voice was relaxed and normal sounding. Not forced or fake. "I have my final game tomorrow..."

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Sasuke asked gently. He knew that sports majors were always supposed to rest before their games.

"No I'll be okay, I haven't had any major injuries this year so I don't have to worry too much, what about you? I'm sure your busy with studying for Midterms!"

"No, not really, you don't really need to study much for a music exam," Sasuke stated with a laugh.

"What do you guys have to do?"

"We're gonna be given a difficult piece that we have to learn perfectly and memorize. And our class connects with literature, so after we play we have to write a report on the meaning of the piece, then I just have normal exams..."

"We just get our final results from the games we play, so I probably didn't do too good this year," Naruto said, sounding somewhat ashamed.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke questioned. "Have you been feeling down?"

"It's... too hard to explain Sasuke, can we talk about something else?" The blond asked slowly. Sasuke blinked at that. Why was Naruto not going to do well? Was it something that Sasuke did? But he couldn't think it out anymore, for Naruto's unexpected words came through his skull. "'Hey... There... Delilah...'"

"Huh?"

"I heard you... singing once... you were singing 'Hey There Delilah', weren't you?"

The raven was stunned. So it was Naruto that had heard him that day. It was Naruto who had been attacked by Kabuto for standing outside the music room, where the two were supposed to meet. His face went red. Oh god... Naruto had heard him sing... in English... did he know what the song meant? How much did he hear? Did he translate it? Did he start asking for English tutoring because of what he had heard? Did he think that Sasuke was an awful singer? Had he brought it up to mock Sasuke? Oh god, what was he supposed to say? He had to answer him!

"Uh, yeah, that was me... sorry..."

"Why are you sorry? You have a beautiful voice!"

'Don't... fall'

"Um, thanks, Naruto," Sasuke said, flattered of course. His cheeks felt hotter than his hand that had burned by the tea.

"Why aren't you in the choir or something? I mean your an amazing guitarist! But why not choir? You'd be amazing!" Naruto asked as he turned to face him, Sasuke, however, looked away in pure embarrassment. "Sorry, I'm acting weird aren't I?"  
"Oh, no, you're being really sweet, and thank you for the compliment!" Sasuke said quickly. "And well, singing is just a hobby of mine. And you can't really make much of a career off of it... whether it's here in Japan or in America. Singers are really the only people who have enough money to spend on shitty charity, autotune for their already perfect voices, and themselves. Plus they also need to be strikingly beautiful. And they need to be-!"

"You're already all of those things Sasuke!" Naruto snapped as he placed his hand on the bench, close to Sasuke's thigh.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke said as he tried to scoot away from the blond in embarrassment.

"Sasuke, you have a great voice!"

'Don't fall.'

"You tutor me! That's practically charity!"

'Don't fall.'

"And you don't need money if you have a voice like you do!"

'Don't fucking fall.'

"And you're a really attractive person, I mean, I'm straight and I can see that!"

'Don't fall!'

"Sasuke, you're an amazing person, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself all the time. You know that right?"

"You're an amazing person to Naruto..." Sasuke whispered, his voice faded with discomfort from all the compliments he had just received. He felt as though he needed to suddenly say a thousand things. He felt as though he needed to suddenly tell the blond everything. Everything he knew about him. Everything he saw in him. Everything he...

...loved about him.

"You're smarter than you think you are. You're funny and social. Your fast, and brave. And your so fucking special to so many people."

"Sasuke?"

"Naruto... I'm... I'm sorry that you're having sex with me..."

"What do you mean?"

"Your straight Naruto, I shouldn't be having sex with a straight man," Sasuke responded, not even caring that he had just confessed his sexuality to his old friend. "And I'm sorry that, you're not doing well in soccer," He forced out, his entire body trembling from the cold.

"I-It's okay, it's not your fault..." Naruto said gently, for his blue eyes had traveled to Sasuke's body, which had begun to tremble more in the frigid night. "Sasuke... can I hug you? I know you don't like to be touched, but your shaking, so is that alright?"

"Mhm..." Sasuke hummed as he tried to regain his composer. Only to let it all go when he felt Naruto wrap his arms around him. His body felt so warm against Sasuke shaking cold one, which only wore a pair of faded ripped jeans and a shirt the Naruto had only given him days ago. Naruto's breath was warm against Sasuke's cheek, and his calm breathing felt long overdue.

"Sasuke..." Naruto whispered, his voice gentle but also unknowing. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself either, not when you're already so... so much better than what you tell yourself you are..."

'Don't fall Sasuke-!'

'Shut up.' He thought. 'Just shut the fuck up...

...and let me have this...'

And as he thought those words, a gust of wind struck him. Wind so powerful that it felt like it could knock over a skyscraper. Wind so cold and warm that it felt like ice turning to fire in Sasuke's skin pores. The feeling he felt other than pain and pleasure he felt crawling over his pale skin? It was a true and pure feeling of happiness, but hopelessness at the same time. His brain felt devastated in away as it came to the realization that his heart had already come to a long time ago. His mind hated it. It hated it so much. It hated the fact that the heart had gotten above it, had taken control over what it could feel, and control. But Sasuke's heart had chosen to fall. To run through a spraying machine gun shooting bullets faster than a blink of an eye. Bullets that had caused Sasuke's body and mind to weaken and flail out of control.

But those bullets felt so good against Sasuke's touch-deprived skin. Altho they sliced him to pieces. Altho they hurt so much. Sasuke loved them so much, for he knew that it was Naruto that was controlling the gun. Maybe misfiring, maybe not. But those bullets meant something to Sasuke. They were being shot at him. They were giving him pain, pain that was from Naruto. As fucked up as it sounded. His mind hated it so much. Sasuke had never wanted to be a weak person, he had never wanted to be one to lay below someone's boot voluntarily. He had always told himself that he would fight to stand strong. Like Itachi had, as Karmin had.

But he was so weak against Naruto's bullets.

Bullets of love and affection?

Of course not.

But as Sasuke hit the freezing cold water below him. Water that made his lungs close and contract, choking his own body, he felt warm as he felt the blood from his bullet wounds warm him. Almost mistaking his own sorrow and pain and ruin... as affection from Naruto... love from the person who he had once kissed. Love from the person he used to call Dummy. Love from the person who had been the goofiest person he had ever met. The bot who strayed so far from the real world. Only living on his own with Sasuke. Who he had asked to get married to...

Sasuke thought about that memory as the cold water around him finally became cold again, for the warm blood around him had also gone cold. What if he had yes? What if he and Naruto could get married? What if they could love each other, and what if they could have what a man and woman could? That would be so nice... Sasuke thought as he and Naruto left the park in silence after Naruto broke the hug that he had created. What if he could wear a ring around his finger and be able to call Naruto his husband? And what if Naruto could be able to call Sasuke his wife? Without them getting stared at or shammed. What if the world didn't turn their heads at the thought of him and Naruto? What if the University didn't turn up their lips when they saw the sports major and the art student kiss?

What if... Naruto loved him back?

'Me?' Sasuke thought as his body sank down to the bottom of the sea. 'What a stupid dream... only in a perfect universe would that happen...'

What else would be in that fantasy world? His parents? His brother? God? Angels?

No, it was a childish dream. To even think about something like that. It wasn't some movie that Sasuke was living in. The reality of the situation was the fact that... no matter how much Sasuke tried to get Naruto to dive into the water for him. No matter how much his brain prayed for it. Naruto would not jump after Sasuke. He would not foolishly fall. He would only move on with a shrug of his shoulders. He didn't care. Sasuke and he weren't friends. And that was the end of the story. Nothing held them together, and a single flick could pull them apart. It was only Sasuke's foolishness that kept them together.

And his foolishness had two ingredients.

Stupidity...

And...

The phrase that he repeated over and over under his breath that night.

"I love you..." Sasuke whispered over and over again. He kept repeating it until his throat went dry and cold, and his lungs froze with ice from the water that had overfilled inside them. And even as life continued to leave his body. He still mouthed it. As he drowned in his own mistake.

His mistake being, wanting Naruto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i used to take french and there was this word i saw in my text book once 'Lo Douleur Equise' i looked it up recently and it means 'the excruciating pain experienced when wanting someone you cannot have'
> 
> i thought about it when writing this chapter because in reality the chances of two people actually fall for one another and loving each other forever, are so unbelievably low
> 
> kinda shocking if you ask me
> 
> anyways im sorry about the late update!! ive been trying for longer chapters!!


	17. ~Chapter 16~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex. 
> 
> And cutoffs.

Naruto slammed Sasuke down onto his own bed, which caused the springs to squeak and contract before reforming once again and then only to be slammed around again. Sasuke was shirtless before he could even take a breath of air on the blond's bed, and his body was so hot to the touch that Naruto's fingers felt feverish as they ran the length of the raven body. And as they grazed his stomach, his muscles went tight and hard, retracting at the touch of Naruto's fingers. Which were cold from the beer bottle that he had been holding on to only a minute or two prior. 

They were both intoxicated in the highest setting that wasn't yet alcohol poisoning. Naruto knew that he reeked of cheap beer, but Sasuke's body tasted of sweat and cheap vodka, that he had spilled all over himself. His body was so warm and full to Naruto's touch, he seemed to be burning with blush and maybe even a slight fever. But Naruto couldn't care at all. For his cock was rock hard, and Sasuke's was too, and in his drunk emotionally starved mind, that was the only thing that was worth giving a damn about. 

Sasuke's hands were in Naruto's hair, pulling it hard enough for it to be painful but sexy at the same time. But his grip only tightened as Naruto began to rub his tongue against Sasuke's chest, sucking and kissing his pale skin like a dog in heat. But what made it different that time, was the fact that as Naruto's hand wove around Sasuke's cock, he sank his teeth, lightly, into Sasuke's hardened nipples. It made the raven nearly shriek in shock and surprise. It hurt, and it tickled in a way, but Sasuke felt as though every word he spoke was utter jibberish to Naruto's ears. So he could only moan as the sharp hit of pain he took turned to pure bliss as Naruto began to suck on his nipples and stroke his dick at the same time.

Naruto felt so very restricted by his jeans as they rubbed up against his painfully sore erection. And as moan and plea's for 'More' spilled from Sasuke's mouth, he paused himself for a moment and he ripped off his own jean. Sending them flying up against whatever wall they hit. And he hardly paid mind to the crashing sound that came from the other side of his bed as the bed began to furiously slid back and forth. As Naruto continued to bite Sasuke's and stroke himself and the raven at the same time. 

Sasuke's dick was so swollen and red, and... rather small compared to Naruto's. But it was all the more arousing to the blond as he felt the raven throb against himself. Going crazy in its own little world of pure pleasure that had been given to it by the man in front of him. Naruto lifted his face of Sasuke's chest after he felt Sasuke's fingernails sink into his shoulder, a little too in control for Naruto's drunken liking. He seized hold of the raven's fragile little wrist, pinning them above his head with no effort at all. 

Sasuke's face was so red that even in the dark of the room, Naruto could see it. And drool was running down his chin, and the corners of his lips were spread wide, and his tongue even stuck out of his mouth a little bit. His lips looked so appetizing and perfect in the heat of that moment. His mouth was pretty to look at, and Naruto felt as though he was losing his mind as he continued to stare at it. He wanted to kiss Sasuke Uchiha. Why? Because he just wanted to know what it was like. To kiss a boy, as beautiful and attractive as Sasuke. But even though he was so drunk, he snapped his head away from Sasuke's trembling wet lips. And to further avoid his desires, he released his hold on his member, and Sasuke's as well as he flipped Sasuke over. The raven seemed to know instantly why, for as soon as he had been flipped, he stuck his rear out to the blond. Presenting himself in a way to Naruto. His hole was flushed and red, twitching as Naruto continued to look at it. It looked to be as desperate as Sasuke's cock. Which was so aroused and hard that it nearly touched the raven's arched stomach for it stood so tall. Pre-come was dripping from it in tiny beads, falling onto Naruto's bedsheets like lewd rain. 

Naruto leaned forward towards Sasuke's ass, as his hands ran up and down the raven's smooth shaved cheeks, which tightened at his touch. Naruto smirked as he saw Sasuke's hands snake into the blankets of the bed, gripping onto them for dear life after he had felt a single touch of Naruto's tongue. But the blond didn't hold back as he pressed his tongue against Sasuke's entrance. Rubbing and licking his hole, which had reacted so it would clench itself in pure embarrassment. But Naruto knew that Sasuke was enjoying it. For even though he had tried to silence his moans, he was no iron wall. So when Naruto managed to push his tongue into Sasuke's hole, the raven nearly screamed with pleasure as he felt Naruto's hot, moving tongue lick and touch his inside walls. 

"Agh... Nar... Naruto-! Ah!" Sasuke moaned as he felt Naruto remove his tongue, which made him squirm and kick in response to begin once again empty. "W-Why did you...! Agh!"

Naruto slammed his tip into Sasuke, which made the raven clench around him so hard that Naruto felt pre-come squeeze out of him. Sasuke gasped for air, for his intoxicated mind had just come to realize that Naruto felt much bigger than usual. And he knew that could take it, it was just a matter of how long it would take for him to fall into oblivion. Naruto clenched his teeth hard as he began to push himself into Sasuke, who responded by tightening up more. It made things difficult, but Naruto would be crazy to say that it didn't feel amazing as he slipped further into Sasuke's ass. Which was hot and moist inside against his cock, and so tight that it felt like Naruto's member was being chocked, but in an arousing good way. 

"Shh, you're gonna wake up the whole... dorm," Naruto groaned as he finally pushed his full length inside Sasuke. Who threw his pressed his face deep into the blankets of Naruto's bed to stifle his mews and moan, which had immediately come after he had adjusted to Naruto's rock-hard member which remained still inside of him for only a second or two more. 

He pushed himself out to the tip, before sliding quickly back in. It was tight inside Sasuke, but Naruto could still move for his own pleasure and Sasuke's. And as he continued to push and thrust inside the raven, he felt his body involuntarily lean over Sasuke's. One of his hands gripping the boy's ass, and his other resting on the bedsheets. Which he had to seemingly strangle to steady himself to not touch Sasuke's shoulders or hair. Which were both sweaty and pink in the heat of the moment, but they were also flexed and beautiful in the way that made Naruto want to flip Sasuke around and sit him in his lap, only for him to continue to fuck him, to watch his eyes roll back in his head with pleasure and agony. 

Naruto's stomach went hard and warm as he thought about his fantasy, and he hadn't even noticed how he had begun to furiously slam into Sasuke. Pounding his hole like some sort of wild animal. He could almost hear the pre-come from Sasuke's dick falling onto the bedsheets. But every sound that the blond squeezed out could not even compare to the sounds that came from Sasuke. Which were all gasping and heavy. His own moans of pleasure seemed to be choking him, as he and the blond both neared their climaxes. 

Naruto himself was on the edge of it all, for he knew that he could either hold it in more for a greater release, but some sain part of him knew that that would be harder for Sasuke, who had already been denied the opportunity of coming several times. But as Naruto thrusted harder and sloppier, he felt his cock twitch and jerk and nearly release when he heard Sasuke moan:

"N-Naruto! P...Please let me... come!" 

At that, Naruto felt something shoot through his body. A desire to completely control Sasuke's orgasms and his own. He instantly grabbed hold of Sasuke's member, pounding him in the back and stroking him at the same time. He went so tight in the back as Naruto did that, and in a flash of a second, Naruto felt Sasuke explode into his hand. Spraying white thick come all over his hand and onto the bedsheet, and Naruto himself came into Sasuke after Sasuke had once again cried out his name. He felt his load spray into Sasuke as spots in his vision went white and clouded. His dick was burning and throbbing inside the raven's sloppy and loose hole. And as he pulled out of Sasuke and let go of his ass and the bedsheets. Sasuke fell on his side, his face looking so worn out and sleepy that he looked like a baby that had been denied a nap. Gasping for air with quick and sharp inhales which gave him nothing but more trouble. 

Naruto heaved as he fell back onto his pillows, next to Sasuke's feet. Which were twitching in the night from the scale of his climax, so Naruto quickly flicked the lamp on his nightstand to see if Sasuke was alright. As the light filled the room, Naruto flinched greatly as he looked down at Sasuke. Who lay like some sort of overused voodoo doll on the sheets of the bed. His body was covered in sweat, and his skin was warm to the touch, and his member was limp and dripping with come that he had just let out. His face was flushed, and a line of spit had run down the side of his mouth. But what made Naruto lift Sasuke from the sheets was the fact that his eyes were dripping with tears. Thin warm tears that had streaked down his face and had maybe also fallen onto the sheets. But tears none the less. Why had he been crying? Had it hurt him too much? Why hadn't he said anything about it? Had he been too drunk?

Naruto was about to shake Sasuke awake, but when he felt something warm begin to pool on his leg, he stopped himself. Sasuke was a drunken mess. And Naruto knew that he needed to get him back to his own dorm. Hanging out with Sasuke was already a risk, but having him stay over the house just felt stupid. But Naruto also knew that it would be rude and stupid to leave Sasuke in his dorm covered in sweat and come. So he threw a blanket over Sasuke's naked body as softly called out for Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru! Can you come here! And be quiet!" 

"You can't tell me something like that!" Shikamaru hissed as he pushed open the door and removed the disposable earplugs from his ears. But he went pale as his eyes fell on the covered Sasuke. "He asleep?"

"Yeah, can you start the bath for me? I'm gonna clean him and then I'll take him home," Naruto said as he rested Sasuke's limp head on his shoulder. Rubbing his back to keep him asleep. 

"Naruto..." Shikamaru whispered as he reached forward and placed his hand on Sasuke's forehead. "He's really tired... I think you should just let him stay here... I can take the couch-"

"No he has to go home," Naruto snapped quickly as he swatted Shikamaru's hand off Sasuke's forehead. "You know what he is."

"What he studies should not dictate anything! And since when did you care about those stupid rules?" Shikamaru demanded, as he stormed out of the room and began to turn on the bath. "Are you embarrassed by him staying over or something?"

"What's wrong if I am?"

"Um, you just had sex with him! You've been having sex with him! What's wrong with just letting stay over? He's tired! You two went out in the cold all night! Then we all drank and you just pounded him! Just clean him up and let him rest here!" 

"No!"

"Why? Why not!"

"Just go to the fucking car!" Naruto barked as he carried Sasuke into the bathroom. His frail body was so light in Naruto's arms. He sat down on the tiled floor, which was a bit cold against his bare ass, but it became warm soon enough after a second or two. Naruto rested Sasuke's head on his right shoulder, as he continued to rub his back with his sweaty sore hands. Sasuke was still trembling a bit, and as Naruto once again placed his hand on Sasuke's forehead, he clenched his teeth as he noticed his slight temperature. Maybe it was the cold going around campus? Or was it the fact that he had been so cold when they had walked around? Whatever it was, Naruto made a mental note to remember to leave fever medication on Sasuke's nightstand for him to take. 

Naruto dipped his hand into the growing pool of water in the tub, it was warm but not too hot. So Naruto retracted his hand from the water and pulled the blanket off of Sasuke's sleeping body and stepped into the tub, still holding the raven close to his body. The water felt enclosing around the two boys, but only up to Naruto's high waist, and only up to Sasuke's shoulders. The blond stared out into space for a moment or two, lost in a daze, questioning his response towards Shikamaru. Was he embarrassed by Sasuke? Well, it would sound wrong to say yes, for the two were sitting in the bath together. But why did Naruto really want to have Sasuke go back to his own place?

Maybe embarrassed wasn't the word... maybe the word was... confused.

Oh yeah... he was very confused. Confused on why Sasuke had been so red in the face during their walk in town. Confused about why he had broken down in his arms once again. Confused about why he so bashful about the compliments he had given him. Confused about why he had told him that he shouldn't be having sex with a straight man. Was Sasuke gay? Was that why he was so embarrassed around Naruto? No... that wasn't enough to explain it...

Sasuke shifted on Naruto's shoulder as the blond continued to think. His face had become more flushed, and his hair had begun to stick to the sides of his face. This signaled Naruto to grab the bottle of shower body wash, which was the cheapest one in the store. It smelt of clean sheets and the original plain scent of cleanliness. Naruto poured a few blobs of wash into his free hand before he lifted Sasuke slightly and began to rub him as clean as possible with it. He cleaned his underarms and chest carefully, and he washed his feet gently, and then he came to his private region. 

Naruto bit the inside of his reddened cheeks as he poured more soap into his hand, before carefully rubbing it all over Sasuke's penis until all the white liquid had come off. It was an odd thing to do and feel. But Naruto had once been young and he knew that sleeping with what remained of your orgasm on your stomach was nothing short of a reason to commit suicide. Naruto knew that his own cock was going hard as he cleaned Sasuke's pale thin beautiful body. But he ignored it as he turned the raven around completely, so his back would face the faucet. The blond lathered his hands up with more soap as he took a deep breath and reached down into the water and found his hands around Sasuke's cheeks. And he, very carefully, pushed his finger inside of Sasuke. Who's hole was loose from sex, and exhaustion. He then gently pressed a second finger inside of the raven, who stiffened at that, but after Naruto quickly rubbed his back, he settled once again. And for a minute or two, Naruto turned his red face away from the sleeping raven as he felt his own warm semen slowly trickle out of Sasuke's hole. It was stupid of him not to use a condom, how low was he getting? It was only fair that he would be the one to clean Sasuke. Even though Naruto knew that he carried nothing dangerous in his body, he knew that it would be rude never the less. 

After he finished off with Sasuke's butt, he turned him around once again and rested him on his chest. As he reached over the side of the tub a grabbed a facecloth from the basket next to the shower. Praying to god that they had been washed. He sniffed it just to be sure, and it smelt of the only brand of cheap detergent that he and Shikamaru could afford. He dipped it in the water and poured some face soap onto it, before gently sponging it over Sasuke's face, careful to avoid his eyes. But he managed to rub off the dried spit and tears, well enough for Sasuke's face to look just a bit more peaceful. 

He then found himself delaying the end of the bath as he began to wash Sasuke's raven blue-black hair, scrubbing his scalp and running conditioner in his hair slowly and carefully, not letting a single sud enter Sasuke's resting eyes. And after everything was done, Naruto carefully stood, still cradling Sasuke in his arms as he dried him off with the cleanest towel he could find. And as he pulled Sasuke's clothes on him, he felt his forehead once again, and he felt a pit in his stomach grow with concern for Sasuke's head was much hotter than before. So he quickly wrapped him in a blanket, covering his face as he exited his dorm in case he was to run into any of his peers. And when he stepped out into the midnight air, he too shivered like Sasuke had when they had walked together only hours ago. He dashed to Shikamaru's waiting car, throwing open the passenger seat door, and as he sat down, he placed Sasuke so he would be able to ride in the car safely and comfortably.

"You look like you're holding a baby..." Shikamaru murmured as he started his engine and exited the sports division's parking lot. "Has his temperature gone down at all?"

"No, it's gotten worse, so hurry- wait! Stop at Bee's! I need to buy him some stuff!" Shikamaru nodded as he took a left instead of a right, quickly turning into the parking lot of the convenience store. And after a second of careful fiddling, Naruto was able to set Sasuke down on his seat, facing Shikamaru. "I'll be right back, make sure he stays asleep!"

"Fine!" Shikamaru called back as Naruto dashed into the store, which was remarkably still completely lit up, even in the dead of night.

"Naruto! What'cha doing up so late, huh?" Bee asked as he handed a hooded figure a bag of stuff, the person seemed to flinch at the mention of Naruto's name, and he quickly left the shop.

"Hey Bee, I'm sorry to just burst in, but where do you keep the meds? Fever stuff?" Naruto asked, as his eyes silently followed the man in the hood before they found Bee's energetic ones. 

"Hmm, row three-second shelf! Read the damn labels!" Bee responded as Naruto sprinted to the back of the store, skidding to a halt in front of the medication bottles. They were all labeled differently. And some were hard tables, others were capsules, but Naruto's eyes hunted quickly for chewable tablets. But no matter how many times he scanned the bottles, he found nothing of the sort. 

"Hey Bee! Do you have any chewable stuff?" Naruto called as he pulled out some of the bottles, checking behind them in case they had been tucked away. 

"Just sold my last one! The kid before you needed them," Bee said as Naruto sighed and grabbed a normal bottle of Tylenol, and made his way back up to the counter. "5000 yen kid, get some sleep okay? You look stressed."

"My final games tomorrow, it's nothing," Naruto said calmly as he paid for Sasuke's medicine, and took the bottle in his hand. "See you soon Bee!"

"Good luck kid!"

"Thanks again!"

.~.

"You're fucking mentally ill, aren't you?"

"Don't fucking say that Shikamaru," Naruto snapped as he rummaged through the junk drawer in the car, hunting for a mask to wear, and maybe even a hat. "Where do you keep the-"

"How are you even gonna get into the dorm? What if he has a roommate?"

"I know the code already, and he lives alone," Naruto responded as he pulled a medical mask over his face, along with a black hat that smelt of unfiltered beer. "I'll be back soon, stay here okay?" Naruto said as he wrapped the blanket around Sasuke's hot body tighter, and flung open the car door with his foot. Pressing the raven close to his chest with care and the same confusion that had consumed him nearly up to his neck. 

"Naruto!" Shikamaru called out before Naruto had reached the door. "Give him two okay!?"

"Alright!" Naruto yelled back as he pushed open the door and began to walk through the lobby of the dorm building. Which was warm against the blond's chilled skin, and colorful to his eyes. Many pictures and paintings covered the walls. And orange leave paintings covered the ceiling in celebration of the autumn season. Cinnamon scents also filled the air. It called Naruto slightly, for the scent was good and sweet against his nose, which had grown accustomed to the typical smell of sweat and unclean soccer balls. But as Naruto climbed the stairs, he felt Sasuke's forehead once again and began to run. 

Sasuke was burning with fever, and as Naruto dashed up the stairs and threw open the door of Sasuke's room. The raven was coughing lightly in his sleep, dry coughs which would burn his throat and make it sore. Naruto felt around for a light switch in the door, and when he did find one, no matter how many times he flipped the switch up and down. The room remained pitch black. Had Sasuke not gotten new lightbulbs? Naruto stumbled around in the apartment in the dark until he found his way to Sasuke's room, which was cold. And as he placed Sasuke onto his bed, and felt around for another blanket to wrap him in. But the only thing that he could find, was a blanket as thin as tissue paper. Naruto was puzzled by this, why didn't Sasuke have more coverings? Winter was coming up! And the dorm's heating was terrible, so why didn't he have anything to cover himself with? 

Naruto fumbled around with Sasuke's blanket and his own, wrapping him tightly in both things so he could stay warm. He felt around on Sasuke's bedside table for some source of light that he could use to see, but all he could find was a short stubby candle and a nearly empty box of matches. Naruto struck one of the matches, and instantly a warm yellow glow filled the whole room, and as he lit the candle, a light scent of an unfamiliar flower filled the room. Naruto then sank on the floor beside Sasuke's bed and struggled for a moment or two to open the bottle, but as he popped it open and poured two pills in his hand. He came to realize how big the tablets really were. He really did not want to walk Sasuke up, but he knew that he needed to, or he would just get sicker. But then a froze before trying to shake Sasuke awake because his mind had just reminded itself. 

Sasuke had had quite a bit of alcohol that night.

Was it okay for him to have medicine? 'Some adult I am...' Naruto thought as he searched the back of the bottle for information. But it was too dark in the room for him to make anything out. Shikamaru had told him to give him two. And Shikamaru's I.Q was higher than Naruto's extreme sense of stupidity in Neji's words. So Naruto poured two pills into his hand, screwed the cap shut and grabbed the candle from the bedside table, and headed over to Sasuke's kitchen, looking for water. Sasuke's kitchen was spotless and empty as anything. There was only one plate, one fork, one spoon, one pair of chopsticks, one bowl, and one glass. All laid out perfectly on the countertop like some sort of prison. But Naruto turned his head away, knowing that what Sasuke was going through was none of his business. And as he carried the candle and the water glass back into the room, the shadows of the light cast onto the wall of the dorm, which had a spot in it that had seemingly been punched in. But it wasn't his business, and he was already too damn confused to take in any more information. 

"Sasuke..." Naruto whispered gently as he shook the raven's hand, who stirred and groaned at the words. "Sasuke, you have to take some medicine... open your eyes for a second..."

"Hmm," Sasuke hummed as he groggily sat up, rubbing his hand over his face, his cheeks even more flushed than before. He still had the drunken look in his eye, so Naruto knew that he was disorientated. So he quietly passed Sasuke the water glass and the pills, which he took slowly, but after he did, he shakily handed Naruto the glass and fell back down on his pillow. He seemed too tired to even pull the covers over himself. So Naruto gently covered Sasuke in the two blankets once again. Not really caring that he himself wouldn't have a blanket, for he was supposed to be up and ready to play soccer in five hours anyway. But Sasuke still shivered despite being under all the blankets. "I'm c-cold..."

"I know... I'm sorry Sasuke, you should go buy another blanket tomorrow...okay?"

"Noooo... I don't have any money..."

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked curiously. "You paid for drinks tonight..."

"I stole that stuff, my stuff, back from... him..."

"What do you mean, Sasuke, stole the money from who?"

He gave a small whine as he lazily grabbed Naruto's hand. Who pulled his back quickly due to the sudden move. Instantly he regretted it as he caught sight of Sasuke's face. Which had gone still and crushed in seconds, and his eyes, they looked so crestfallen, so broken-hearted at Naruto's rejection. But before Naruto could apologize, Sasuke curled in on himself, burying his head under the blankets and nuzzling them so his own face could not be seen. Naruto felt his stomach churn and drink at that motion. What had he done to Sasuke? To make him so hateful of him? To make him so fragile and weak? 

"I'm sorry... for leaving..."

"Sasuke what are you-"

"I didn't want to go... I never wanted to go Naruto..." Sasuke whispered, in a hollow somber voice, which echoed through Sasuke's empty dorm. With pale white punched in walls. With barely enough table wear for one person. With a thin ragged blanket. With nothing else in it but one boy that Naruto just could not understand. So why was he so captivated by him? Why did he want to know more about this boy? Why did his heart feel like Sasuke was the answer? And why was he so... familiar... why was the sense of deja vu so strong? Had they met before? Why was Sasuke so damn sorry? Why did he only ever apologize to Naruto? He never wanted 'I'm sorry' he just wanted answers. That was all he wanted. He wanted that distracting feeling of longing to know to go the hell away. But he never got any damn answers, so why did he keep searching? For more damn answers that he would never even get. It was the idea in the back of his head that maybe he could be relieved to know the answers to his questions about Sasuke. But would he really be relieved? Or would he just be rewarded with more distracting new ideas? No... he couldn't... distraction wasn't an option anymore. He needed to focus. For once in his life, he needed to look around his social problems, and think about something other than Sasuke. 

And that was final. 

So he stood, blew out the candle, and walked from Sasuke's dorm. Not even bothering to put on his mask or hat.

He couldn't be distracted anymore. Not by Sasuke, not by sex, not by drugs, or friends. He needed to think about soccer, and that was all. Nothing else could matter until soccer was off the table. He decided that as he slammed the door on Shikamaru's car. Who was on the phone, with pursed lips. "What's wrong?"

"It's Neji, he saw you at the store..."

"Fuck," Naruto whispered as he took the phone from Shikamaru's hand. "Neji?"

"I saw you carrying someone into the art divisions building, don't deny it Naruto."

"Okay yeah, I found him drunk outside and-!"

"Don't give me that crap!" Neji roared. "You need to pull your head out of your ass Naruto! We have finals tomorrow and we need you in the game! So cut the bullshit off for one morning and help us get through this okay? Answer me now damnit!"

"I'm not letting you guys down Neji! This game impacts me too! So stop fucking yelling and go to sleep! I'll be there first thing!"

"... I'll keep your secret about the art division, but if you don't put anything into tomorrow's game, and if we don't win, or at least come close to winning, I'm telling Kiba. And we both know what happens when he's given a secret."

"Shut up, it won't even cross your mind to tell him that," Naruto spat as he slammed his thumb down on the hangup button, nearly cracking Shikamaru's phone screen with anger. "Damnit! God fucking damnit!"

"God fucking damnit indeed," Shikamaru whispered as he lit his last cigarette in the pack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the comments!!


	18. ~Chapter 17~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels a gaze on the back of his head.
> 
> And it brings him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ending is all set and planned out!! the chapter count is above!!!

The locker room stank. More than normal that was. Sure it smelt of the normal unwashed clothes. But there was an added scent of fear in the air. And that one was stronger than the sweat stink. Everyone stood at their lockers, some pulling on gear, others pressing their heads against the locker door. Some also were getting rid of their pre-game jitters by drinking their water weight in sports drinks, only to instantly run to the bathroom. Kiba was wrapping his fingers in red rubber strips, which were supposed to keep his fingers still, and also to retrain him from needlessly tackling someone on the field. Shikamaru was fighting his ponytail in the mirror on his locker door. Taking swings of energy drinks as he slicked back his hair. Neji was pulling his hair back as well, brushing all the extra strands back into an unnaturally tall hairdo for himself. But he needed to see everything, and there had been several times where the other team had pulled Neji down by his long hair to interrupt the system that the team had created. And every time they had suffered the consequences from Kiba's fists. 

Naruto was hungover, tired, and above all angry. The dark circles under his eyes seeming more like tattoos from his continued abandonment of sleep. 

He pulled up his socks with a tug so hard that he heard the stitches rip. Which made him curse under his breath so loud that he didn't hear Shikamaru come up behind him. "You good?"

"Do you have anymore Advil? I need to calm down," Naruto responded as he began to hastily wrap the rubber protection tape around his fingers. 

"You've already had three, no more Naruto," Shikamaru hissed as he handed his friend his knee pads. "What the hell's going on with you? Why do you look so damn tired?"

"I couldn't fucking sleep!" Naruto yelled out, which made the entire team turn their heads in confusion. And only did they turn around again when Shikamaru motioned for them to turn away. 

"What do you mean? You took melatonin! And you had the whole fucking dorm shaking from you and Sasuke's sexy times! So why didn't you sleep, huh?" 

"I was worried about him!" Naruto hissed as he pressed his hand to his forehead. As if that was going to stop the thoughts from last night from entering his head. "I was worried about his fever... like... what if it got worse or something?" 

Shikamaru stared blankly at his friend. 'Oh god...' He thought miserably. 'Oh dear fucking god...' Shikamaru repeated over and over in his head and he absent-mindedly slapped his friend's shoulder and told him that Sasuke would be okay as he walked away from Naruto. To lost in thoughts to even look back at his friend as he opened his locker and slipped a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. Walking slowly to the exit of the locker room, acting on his heavy urge to smoke, due to the sudden dump truck of information he had just received. And as he pulled out his lighter and lit his cigarette. His breathing steadied as he felt the burning smoke enter his lungs. 

"So he's stuck in his head, huh?" Shikamaru said out loud lazily, which signaled his typical smoking buddy to rise from the trash can that he had seated himself on. A cigarette also dangling from his lips. 

"Catch me up will you, I haven't been able to observe much recently..." Sai said calmly as he leaned against the wall with Shikamaru. 

"They hooked up last night, after their 'Hang out'," Shikamaru said, putting quite a bit of emphasis on the 'Hang out' part. 

"Did they?" 

"Hmm, and Uchiha must have caught a fever or something, because he started burning up, and Naruto insisted that we had to take him back." 

"Didn't want to sleep in the same bed as him for one damn night? Cruel indeed," Sai whispered as he began to ponder on the information. 

"Stayed up in his fucking dorm for half an hour, I thought that they had hooked up again, but it was just Naruto finally coming to to the conclusion that Uchiha is not a good person to dwell on, that is if he wants to focus on school..." 

"He's labeled him as a distraction?" 

"Who wouldn't?" 

"If what you said about their childhood is true, then they must share some sort of bond." 

"Bonds aren't shit when you're an adult Sai, you're not dumb enough to believe in them." 

"I do consider them sometimes..." 

"How so?" 

"A bond is like a string in my opinion. And even though a string might seemingly go on forever, that's simply not the case. For everything must come to an end at some point. In my mind, there will always be a bond between two soulmates, and truly it's just a matter of how long it will take for the ends of the strings to touch. And or reconnect, after being stretched that is." Sai stated simply, which made the burnet snort as he took another puff of his cigarette. Which was nearly down to the butt. "Why are you laughing?"

"Now you're talking about soulmates? Come on Sai, you're a psychology major! Not some fucking tarot card reader!" 

"I believe soulmates exist, I believe they exist as much as bonds do." 

"So remind me what that has to do with those two idiots!" Shikamaru snapped, growing impatient with Sai's unleading words. 

"Uchiha seems to want to reconnect with Uzumaki, from what I can see, he was hesitant at first. But now he's not thinking with his mind. But the most unreliable thing in the body. The heart. Uchiha's fallen for Uzumaki, and if what you say is true, he's never experienced something like this. Let alone something like this on one of his old friends. This is confusing to him, and he's not thinking right anymore. And if your right about Naruto labeling Sasuke as a distraction, well, something really bad is about to go down." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Uzumaki's probably gonna ice Uchiha out. And since Uchiha's heart is out of control. He's gonna get desperate and angry, and eventually, he's gonna explode," Sai said emotionlessly as he threw his cigarette to the concrete and stomped it out with his boot. "And honestly Nara, that's all I can think off for now. I don't know enough about Uzumaki's head to say how he might react... so I would just try and keep him calm... or away from Uchiha... they're already on opposite sides, to begin with. Plus Uzumaki doesn't even remember Uchiha. So if something does happen, all I'm saying is, it will be pretty fucking ugly." 

.~. 

>Dear Sasuke Uchiha, 

As you know, band/instrumental midterms have finally come around! We hope that you are up to date with all the steps and processes for our testing. If not please email your teacher for further explanation. 

Your chosen song that you are required to perform for us in the next 48 hours, with or without vocals will be 'I took a pill in Ibiza'. There are no changes allowed, for this is your teacher's final decision. And please be prepared to write a connection essay on the piece for your English midterm. Wishing you luck and hard work! 

-V.H.L University Musical Divison Staff

>> Dear V.H.L Musical Divison Staff,

Thank you for selecting such a good song for me to perform, and write. I would however like to make a request. Recently I've come down with a fever, and I worry that this may interfere with my preformed grade. So I would like to ask if it would be alright to submit my essay in the time that it takes for me to recover from my illness. I will be able to perform immediately after I recover, and I will even sing for extra points. Would this request be acceptable?

-Sasuke Uchiha

>>>(No Reply)

Dear Sasuke Uchiha,

We wish you a speedy recovery from your fever, and we kindly accept your request. Please submit your essay as soon as possible, and please email us as soon as you are recovered so your performance time can be arranged. 

-V.H.L University Musical Divison Staff

.~.

"Illegal move!" The referee cried out at his slow stupid eyes finally caught the offensive superhuman player slamming his cleat spikes into Kiba's calves. Which were bruised after taking multiple spikes. "Number 32! Take a seat for this round! Home team! Two minutes!"

Naruto clenched his left hand hard and shot the opposing side a sharp glare as he sprinted over to his team's bench. It was a nasty grey day, and the air smelt of rain on the horizon. The soccer field however smelt of fresh spraypaint, sweat, and tension. The soccer players of the Unvistery Hidden in the Sound were seemingly unbearable compared to all the team's past competition. They were all pale and short-faced, and short with sympathy the most. All the team members were slick in the way that they could break every rule in the game. Spiking, touching the ball with their hands, and everything in between the lines. But no only were they, dirty cheaters, they were also intelligent outside of their foul moves. For after two rounds, they had already cracked the system of hand signs that they were the team's source of points. They had figured out in mere rounds that if Shikamaru was to make a peace sign, it meant that he was going to send the ball to Neji, who would then give angel hand signs to Naruto with his left hand, and he would also provide extra instructions to Kiba with verbal communication. But when Kiba's ankles began to bruise, and when both teams realized that the fight for points had become so intense, the opposing team slipped up. And so the time out was called. 

"Those dick heads are destroying us Kakashi! And their cheating! Even you can see that!" Neji whispered yelled as Kiba hissed at pain as Shikamaru tried his best to place a cold pack down on his friend's leg. But even after Akamaru (Kiba's beloved dog) hopped up next to him, the brunet still felt no relief from his injuries.

"I know what they're doing Neji," Kakashi said, with a voice wavering on composure. "But I'm not the referee, so I can't call them out! And if I offer advice on how to observe the match to the referee we could very well be removed from the field."

"That's horse shit! They've figured out our hand signs and communication! They've used their hands! Spiked Kiba! You have to report them!"

"Neji, calm down man! I can still play!"

"No Kiba, you're a young athlete, I will not allow it, Gai!"

"You called Kakashi?" Gai cried as he stood from his place on the bench and ran over to his friend. 

"Keep Kiba on this bench, he's injured."

"Will do!" Gai said as he sat down next to Kiba, who had his mouth open with protest, but he quickly silenced himself upon seeing how serious Kakashi was. "Kiba! Those ankles of yours are one hit away from being useless! Stay still and keep the ice on!"

"Neji, who's our back up offenses?"

"No one! Everyone else on the team needs to stay on offense! They're taking points from us like it's nothing! We need all the protection possible!" Shikamaru snapped frustratedly, as he began to re-tie his hair as a calming strategy.

"Choji, what's been going on with you? Normally a three-point score is rare for the other team with you around!"

"You think I'm not tryin' or somethin'?" Choji barked as he finished stuffing a granola bar into his mouth, due to his own upcoming wave of stress. "They've got good shooters! I may be a good blocker, but they've figured out my blind spots super fast. I need all the defense you guys can give!"

"Naruto needs defense!"

"We don't have anyone to give, Shikamaru!"

"Then we're gonna lose!"

"Maybe we are if we don't get-!"

"Shut it!" Naruto yelled as he spun around with pure anger coursing through his head and heart. "I don't need a babysitter! I need you all just to defend the net and let me and everyone else on offense score! Neji! Shikamaru! Use the second set of hand signs you two have! Confuse them for a few damn seconds! That's long enough for me or someone else to score! If we want to win this we have to prove that we can adapt to changes on the field! We can't just be fucking crying about it! Okay?"

Silence filled the air, well excluding the fact that there was snort coming from audience members over Naruto's speech. But the silence broke when the sound of Kakashi patting Naruto's shoulder with a smile on his masked face. "Naruto is correct team, we need to show the examiners that we are an adaptable team. They need to see that we aren't just a one-trick pony team. Neji, Shikamaru, your first set of hand signs can be altered! Defense! You guys can help out! Even if your not star players! Choji! You're doing a wonderful job, but push more! And Naruto! If you can defend yourself without getting distracted, then win this game, to prove it."

"Teams come back in!" The referee called out, which signaled everyone to drop their water bottles to the ground and dash onto the field once again. Both sides shooting each other murderous glares for the level of competition that had grown in the last two minutes. "Guest team, the penalty for spiking, Home Team is awarded one point. Continued the match in..."

"5..."

'3. R. N.' Shikmaru motioned, his a pattern much different than the normal one. 

"4..."

'O. K.' Neji signed. 'D. I. E. A. G.'

"3..."

'Score. 12:11.' Kiba motioned.

"2..."

'Keep your head in fucking game, Uzumaki.'

"Play!"

Shikamaru slammed his foot into the ball so hard that the other team swore that they could hear the air leave it. He had kicked it perfectly at a three o'clock angel, shooting it to the right to Neji who seemingly caught it with his feet as though it was his hand. Launching it over to Naruto, so it hit into the curve of his foot. And before the other team could even react, they caught a glimpse of the ball shooting across the field, going in between the goalie's legs so effortlessly that it seemed fake in a way. And only after the whistle blew, and the scoreboard changed, did the enemy team flip their heads to face their celebrating completion. Their faces set in smirks and glares at the same time. Now they had really gotten fired up, for the other team had taken a step forward. But they knew that they needed to leap. 

"Return! Guest Team! Home Team is awarded one point! The score is 13:11! The winning team must possess 15 points! On my mark, play!"

But Naruto felt pressure on his back as the referee continued to ramble on. Not from the ache in his back that had formed from carrying Sasuke's around the previous night. Not even the pressure of the game. It was almost as if... someone's gaze was on him. Not a mean gaze from the other team, or a worried gaze from his coach or his teammates. A gaze from the audience. It was just a feeling that Naruto had of course. And he knew that it would be foolish to look back and try and find the owner of the gaze. But it made him shiver in the fall air. In the heat of the game that could determine his future as a soccer player. It felt soft and loving, but distracting and confusing at the same time. Confusing in the sense that it felt like Naruto was getting stabbed with eyes of pain as he continued to feel the gaze. He couldn't ignore it. It felt so real. This hurt longing gaze.

'No! Concentrate!' Naruto thought as he faintly heard the whistle blow out, dashing around the clump of players the tried to attack him. Catching Neji's hand sign of '12. R. U' Which signaled him to lock eyes with his teammate who wore the number 12 on his back. He was to the right of Naruto and he knew what was going on as he then recovered the ball from Neji, quickly shooting it over to Naruto who dashed over to it, still feeling the shiver of the gaze down his spine. He blinked for a moment, but when he opened his eyes to kick the ball, there was no ball near his feet. He felt himself skid to a halt on his cleat which curved in on itself. And as he fell to the ground, he gave a death glare to the boy who had a plain face and muscled body that had stolen the ball from him. He wore a number 16 on his back. 

"Bastard!" Naruto hissed as he spang to his feet and dashed after the boy, ignoring the twang of pain that traveled throughout his body as he ran across the smooth grass soon to be joined by Neji, who wore an expression with pure anger laced throughout it. "Where did he come from?"

"Don't know! But he's good! Watch out for him!" Neji reponed hiding the exhaustion in his voice as he threw some hand signs at Shikamaru who nodded and ran to the other side of the field. He then turned his hand around to Naruto's blinking slightly distracted eyes, signing 'K. M. S. U. C.' Which made Naruto nod, still feeling heavy with the eyes of the person on this back but he forced himself to run backward as he watched Neji take a ground hitting dive as he foot struck the ball out from 16's feet. Shooting over to Shikamaru's foot, which slammed into the ball with ease directing it perfectly to Naruto who caught it with the inside of his foot. And as he dashed down the field dribbling the ball in between his feet but as he raised his foot to kick shoot it into the net, but he once again found himself kicking the air. For the ball had once again been stolen out from under his feet, as he nearly flung his head around he caught sight of the ball sailing into his own team's net. And as Choji lept into the air in an attempt to stop the ball, Naruto tried to yell out for him to stop for it was pointless. But his yell never reached him, for the ball hit the back of the net as Choji hit the ground painfully. And number 16 laughed at that as he picked up his pace once again as he ran back to his own team, who were gleefully celebrating. 

"Choji!" Naruto yelled as he ran over to his friend who had just stood from the dirt. Rubbing his side. "You good?"

"I'm good, don't worry, just a little bump!"

"You sure?"

"Naruto get back over there! 16's probably as good as you are! You gotta keep your game up!"

"Point is awarded to Guest Team! The score is 13:12! Continue!"

.~.

"Tie break off! 10 minutes!"

"Fuck!" Kiba roared as he slammed his fist into the metal bench. "What the hell are those fuckers on? And where did they fucking come from?"

"Shut it!" Shikamaru yelled as he pushed Naruto onto the bench, forcing his friend to lift his ankle. "That number 16 got Naruto!"

"You fucking shut it! I'm fine! He only got me once!"

"Once was enough Naruto! You're out!"

"I'm not out! I can still play!" Naruto snapped as he grabbed a roll of ace bandages and began to steadily wrap them around his ankle, which had been caught in a sneaky spike during the fight for the tieing point. Naruto had won for his team purely because he kicked the ball even though bottom plastic pieces had been slammed into the back of his ankle, where his ankle guards did not protect him, just like Kiba. It was a dirty move, but he knew better than to let it happen, for if he had backed out then, he would have let his team lose the game. "Come on! Where's my water?"

"Sit down Naruto! You're not playing!" Kakashi yelled. Which made Naruto flinch for a moment, but he shook his head at his coach and insisted once more. "No Naruto, if you run on an injury you can cause permanent damage!"

"Please Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto yelled as he stood from his seat and bowed his head to his coach. "I can do it! Look! I'll run for you right now!" Kakashi pursed his lips as Naruto took off sprinting across the field. Running with his normal perfect pace and straight form. He knew it was risky to do, and he knew that it was a stupid choice. But his whole team was falling apart upon meeting their new rivals, and he was already down his best offensive player, and his goalie looked just as shaken up. And the score was dangerously close. One point would determine the winner, and Kakashi had never known a scorer better than Naruto. And Kakashi had also never seen Naruto so fired up. And so desperate to win. So when the blond returned to the bench, Kakashi told him to wrap his ankles tight and win the game if his life depended on it. 

"Teams Come Back!" the referee cried out as he blew into his whistle. Which signaled everyone to dash over to the center of the perfectly cut field. Which had become rougher and more scratched and dug up over the course of that game. Dirt and grass stuck up from every cleat stab it took. But it would have to survive one more round to determine the winner. Both teams were trying to hide their nerves under harsh glares. But they knew it was anyone game. Even though the home team wasn't in the best shape, they had found a stronger and scarier desire to win just to say that they had beaten their opposing team in difficult conditions. "Line up!"

Naruto shifted himself towards the back of the formation by Neji's hand signs command. But he had almost missed the signs, for his mind was so distracted and absent. For he could still feel that gaze on his back. That hurt and longing gaze, that he wanted nothing more to cut off. It was so annoying, and he didn't even know who's it was. 'Stop looking asshole.' Naruto thought as he watched the referee place the soccer ball on the ground, in between Shikamaru and the team captain of their rival's team. 'God stop fucking looking at me!' Naruto nearly shouted as he watched the referee raised his whistle to his lips. Naruto's eyes twitched with longing suddenly as he felt the gaze on the back of his head go softer and warmer, also as if it was trying to send luck through to him. But it wasn't luck he felt, it was fear. He wanted to turn around for just one second to see who it was, but he kept his gaze locked on the other side of the field. Where the other team's goalie stood ready for the final battle. He had to score this point. For he knew that it meant everything for him and his team. It meant so much. And he knew that he needed to focus, and be ready for the worst to come. But it was so damn difficult. For the stare was not leaving him. It felt like a bolder. 'Fuck.' he thought as he took off sprinting towards the other side of the field hearing the thumping footsteps of 16 behind him. And as he ran, he turned his head to face Neji, who gave the hand signs that he had only used in emergencies. 

'D. S. U. I. S.'

'Don't shoot unless it's safe'

He saw the ball coming from his right. He reacted in a second catching the ball in between his ankles and dribbling it so close to his body that he felt his bruised ankle cramp and freeze. But he ignored it, for he needed to get in range, he needed to score. He needed to get it over with before 16 even got the chance to steal the ball away. But as he raised his leg to kick, he felt a shiver shoot down his spine as the stare on his head became so strong and mind blanking. That it took him two seconds to see that 16 had stolen the ball from him and he was making his way across the field. Shooting past anyone in his path, dashing towards Choji who had his hand up ready to defend with everything he had. 'No...' Naruto thought as he flung his body around and made a dash towards his enemy. Ignoring the stabbing pain in his ankle which had traveled up to his calf in his breakout sprint. 

Why hadn't he just kicked the fucking ball? Why had he allowed himself to get sidetracked by the stare? Who the hell was even-? 

His eyes turned involuntarily at that thought as he was only a foot away from 16. He tried to turn them back instantly, but they locked on as he continued to run becoming mindless as he did. Sasuke... it was Sasuke. Sitting in the cold of the morning with his arms wrapped around his body which was covered in the same pair of ripped old jeans. And the shirt that Naruto had given him, along with the hat and the mask that Naruto had left in his room the previous night. His face was red, even under the mask and his body was still trembling and sickly. But he was still outside. Instead of at his dorm resting from his cold. Why had he come? And why had his eyes attached themselves to Naruto? His dull grey eyes? 

'Why...?' Naruto thought as he felt his ankle give way. 'Why are you here...?' He thought as he felt his body collapse onto the grass as number 16 sent the ball flying into his team's net. Shooting it in a way that it would get past Choji's hands and feet. 'Why are you so obsessed with me?' He thought as the ball slammed into the back of the net and as he heard the whistle blow.

"Goal! Guest Team Wins!"

"No..." He whispered as he tried to stand up on his busted ankle. "No... no..."

"Naruto! Don't stand up!" Kakashi cried as he rushed over to his student and pulled off his ankle guards. Reveling the blond's swollen red ankle which had become bruised and rubbed dry. "Neji! Help him back!"

"Yes sir!"

"No..."

"Naruto! Come on you gotta lean on me!" Neji cried as he helped his friend onto his shoulder, worry, and fear in his voice. "You shouldn't have kept playing! You're fucking ankle's busted!"

"Sorry..." 

"What?!"

"I'm sorry that we lost... Neji..." Naruto whispered as he heard the happy cries of the opposite team sound out at their victory, and as he felt Sasuke's gaze on his back grow harder and sadder. 

The Hyuga was at a loss of words. He couldn't speak at the sound of pure regret in his friend's voice. Was his sense of humility that high? He was at a disadvantage with his injury! He was stressed and overworked! How could he be so regretful about the loss? The fact that they had even tied at the end was enough to prove the team's worth! Was it because of the deal? Neji had thought that Naruto wasn't gonna take it seriously, for he never took anything seriously. But why the threat against his relationship with that boy he carried in the previous night? Did Naruto really believe that Neji would say such a thing about his friend if they were to fail? Was he really that desperate?

"Naruto... do you understand how well you just did? You carried the whole fucking game for us!"

"But I didn't win it... did I?"

"Those guys were on a whole separate level from where we are! That 16's a fucking senior! Naruto! You can't be so hard on yourself! Not after what you did for the team! So don't say you're sorry! I shouldn't have said something like that to you! I was never gonna say something like that! You know that!"

"Nothing matters unless the team wins!" Naruto yelled. "Damnit Neji! You fucking know that! Don't screw around and pretend like we did something great! We lost! Why can't you just say that? And we lost poorly! And that's that! Now go shake hands with the other team to show that we're not sore losers too!"

"Naruto-!"

"Just go! Why can't any of you guys just leave me the fuck alone for once?!"

"What are you-!"

"Fuck off!" Naruto yelled as he stood from the bench and stormed off from Neji. Who's distant calls behind him faded away as the blond continued to limp away from the field. A cloud of anger over his head. He had lost because he had turned his head to face Sasuke. God, why had Sasuke been there? And why did he have to stare at him like he was in love with him? Why was Sasuke sticking to him like gum on his fucking shoe? Why couldn't he just go away? Was it so hard to do even that? 

He was...

... so annoying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait!!


	19. ~Chapter 18~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exams. 
> 
> Fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully, the longest chapter i've ever written?????

Sasuke watched Naruto storm off the field, with so much anger and loss in his eyes that it made the raven shiver through his fever. He had seen him. Of course, he had fucking seen him. He had been staring at him throughout the whole match, he would have been stupid to not notice that something was off about the eyes that followed him. But how had he recognized him so fast? And why had it caused him to fall so quickly? Was he really that put off? Why was he? It was only Sasuke. Plain old boring Sasuke. Had he maybe said something while they drank? He couldn't have. For he could clearly remember the sex, and the bath, and the car ride to the store, and what Shikamaru had whispered into his ear.

"Be careful, Sasuke. Naruto's not the same as he was when you were kids."

'No shit sherlock,' he thought as he stood shakily from the bleachers, washing down the urge to cough with a swig from a plastic water bottle. 'He wasn't typically as damn forgetful.' But as he thought that he slapped himself mentally. Why was he insulting Naruto? He had no right at all! Well, maybe he did, actually, he did, but he didn't at the same time. Yeah, Naruto had caused him some pain, actually a lot, but Sasuke was just as bad. And he knew he was only making it worse by not coming clean to Naruto, and also by practically stalking him he had just cost Naruto his game. Oh fuck... Naruto's team had just lost the game...

Had he really been so selfish and obsessed that he had not even considered what might happen? The team had lost. By only one point, and really only because Naruto had fallen in pursuit of the ball. Because he had glanced to his side only to see Sasuke... it was... his fault. Sasuke nearly fell as he came to that conclusion, for he knew that it was his selfishness and desire that had caused Naruto to fall and loose. But he couldn't help it! No one could! It wasn't Sasuke's fault that he wanted to see Naruto! It wasn't Sasuke's fault that he had fallen in love with Naruto. It wasn't Sasuke's fault that Naruto couldn't remember him. 

But it was... wasn't it?

Had he not forced himself on Naruto, would he have maybe not fallen for him? He couldn't say for sure. But what he could say, with the cold logical side of his mind, was that; He was in love with Naruto, and His love and desire to see him was not only bringing him to ruin. But Naruto as well. He knew he had to apologize, not only for costing the blond his game but also for all the trouble he had caused him over the past days. He knew it was the right thing to do. But how was he supposed to do it? And where was he supposed to do it?

Tutoring!

How stupid was he! English mid-terms were right around the corner! Naruto would need help studying! Sasuke could see him normally, and apologize there! It was perfect! And he could do it! They had always gotten along well in that little library room! That smelt like books and pencil, and soft memories that Sasuke bathed in as his eyes fell upon Naruto while he worked on his horrible grammar. Those little moments that the two shared... why had Sasuke disregarded them so quickly? When they were all so special and precious... Like how Naruto could never figure out which 'There' was it, or how his leg bounced as Sasuke looked over his work. How his eyes widened with surprise when he got something right that he had never expected to. He remembered how Naruto had once told him that he was a good teacher. And how he said it without a lie present in his voice. Did he think that? Was it really true?

'Mine's super thin!'

'That's not a good thing, Dummy!'

'Yes it is Stinky Sasuke!'

"Stinky Sasuke..." Sasuke whispered as he looked out his bedroom window staring at the campus below him. He saw many couples. Some he had seen before but others looked to be new, or old maybe to his eye. But they all looked happy. He felt jealous upon seeing that, and perhaps rightfully so. There he was, a hundred miles away from the thing that looked to be the most comfortable feeling in the world. The people below him looked to be so warmed by each other's embrace. While Sasuke himself felt so cold on that window sill. With nothing but guilt and his one-sided feelings wrapped around him. Were they nice coverings on that cold autumn day? They could hardly even be considered wrappings. 

'We're gonna catch colds!'

'Not if we don't get caught by it!'

"Dummy..." Sasuke whispered. "You're such a Dummy... Naruto..."

He pressed his forehead to the glass at that, feeling the chill of its pane on his pale skin as he only pressed harder trying to ease the pain that had begun to fall upon his head. It had really just hit him how tired and hungover he was, and how sick he was getting, and how behind he was on the work he was supposed to be done with. Sasuke bit his lip realizing that he hadn't called his mother in so long either, or for an even scarier matter. Seen Kabuto. Had he finally moved on from him? No... he wasn't that easy, and Sasuke knew how much he enjoyed toying with people. Just as he had toyed with Sakura as she had told him over the phone that morning. She had admitted that the real reason that she quit tutoring people, was because when she was asked to tutor Kabuto, he would always try and lay his hands on her. Rub her back or even her chest, and when he tried to kiss her and grab her privates. She lost it and broke his nose in all the places possible, and he had given her a mild concussion. 

'There was... never enough evidence to prove that Kabuto touched me,' she had said over the phone, holding back tears as she did. 'S-So Sasuke... if he's doing anything to you... please report him... okay? And just... be careful...'

'Sakura... it's okay-'

'I-I have to go... Sasuke... I'm sorry!'

"I can't..." Sasuke whispered as he pressed his head into the glass so hard that he felt as though it was cracking under the pressure, just as he was. "I'm sorry Sakura... he'd... he'd..."

'Sasuke... you know I'm proud of you angel?'

"Don't be... Mom..." Sasuke whispered. "You would take that back if you saw me now..." 'Such a pitiful boy. With dull grey eyes and no personality whatsoever. Just a silly little lovesick boy, with no friends. And nowhere to go but an empty dorm room. But not even that's empty. Because so many people haunt his room.' Sasuke thought as he reached for his old little guitar. The strings were so loose on it, and the neck was too short for Sasuke to even extend his arm, just by a little bit. He needed to play something. Anything that could describe how he was feeling. But nothing was coming to mind, not even a simple melody, only a song he had once heard when he was 13 or maybe 12. 'Sweet Connection' was the name of it, if he remembered correctly, some girl wrote it on youtube. For people who were struggling to understand their feelings for a person. Was he really that unsure? He liked Naruto! That was easy to see! But what about Naruto did he like? Kindness? He hadn't any idea's at all as he began to strum the rough melody of the song. Hitting the cords so they wrang low and sad, like the original song. And as he said, his voice was rough with sickness and fever, but it felt good to sing and play as he loved to. 

"Misty morning  
Please don't leave yet  
You've got your shoes  
At the edge of my bed  
And the neighbors  
Aren't awake yet  
You lost your keys  
Cause you always forget  
Oh oh oh oh  
Last night we both were  
Awake 'til five  
Telling each other stories  
Of our past lives  
We had to whisper  
We told no lies  
You up and left before the hour of nine  
Oh oh oh oh  
You're a sweet connection  
And I'm waiting for the time that we will meet up again  
And I crave your affection  
I'll try to keep myself away but I don't think I can  
Tired eyes and  
My tired mind  
I left for work though I  
Feel far from fine  
All of the people  
That pass-through  
They're all alright  
But they aren't you  
Oh oh oh oh  
You're a sweet connection  
And I'm waiting for the time that we will meet up again  
And I crave your affection  
I'll try to keep myself away but I don't think I can  
I can't seem to get you off my mind  
I think about you like all the time  
You're a sweet connection  
And I'm waiting for the time that we will meet up again  
And I crave your affection  
I'll try to keep myself away but I don't think I can"

'Do you love Naruto, little brother?'

"Yes Nii-San, your stupid little brother has fallen for Naruto, stupid huh?" Sasuke said with a laugh as he threw his guitar on his bed, and curled himself into a little ball on the window sill. "I'm so stupid, Nii-San. I'm talking to you for fucks sake... your dead Nii-San... and Naruto doesn't love me... he doesn't even remember me... and he's losing everything because of me! Because I'm so stupid..."

'Stinky Sasuke!'

'Noisy Naruto!'

"I'm sorry..." Sasuke said as he felt his arms release their tight hold around his body, for they had grown so tired of protecting him, just like everyone had. "I'm sorry..."

'Just sorry?'

"I'm always sorry, Dummy..."

.~.

Math mid-terms were always the hardest to focus on. The equations on the sheets made less and less sense to the blond as he continued to fill out those stupid little bubbles on the sheet. But when he finally slammed his testing packet shut and handed it to the teacher, he felt like a mere pebble had been removed from his back. For it was only the second day of mid-terms and he still had to complete his literature, biology, history, and English mid-terms all in the span of one week. And he only had enough money that week to buy twelve-packs of ramen, how the hell was he supposed to even survive?

"You're complaining too much," Shikamaru said as he blew smoke from his noes, filling the dorms air with the familiar scent of pot. Which had become unusually absent over the last few days. The two friends were lounging on the couch smoking and watching anime as usual, but Naruto himself had practically laid himself out like a sleeping bag. "Text Gaara thanks for me, okay?"

"Mmm." 

"Don't tell me that you're still fucking bitching about the game! Kakashi sent out the results today dipshit! The judges said we did an excellent job! Those guys are at the top of the scoreboards in all Japanese universities! We put up a great fight! And we scored higher than them because of that time they spiked Kiba!"

"Mmm."

"Don't fucking 'Mmm' Naruto, get off your high horse and smoke with me!" Shikamaru snapped as he slapped his friend's ass in a playful way to get him to sit up. 

"Don't do that idiot!" Naruto groaned as he lightly threw a punch at his friend. "M' fucking tired! Let me sleep!"

"If you wanna sleep go to the room!" Shikamaru retorted as he stood moodily from the couch and stalked off. 

"Dick head! Help me study for History!"

"No!"

"Why?"

"Because you're being an ass!"

"Speak for yourself..." Naruto murmured as he slammed his head back into the couch pillow, and listened to the sounds of an anime girl complaining about how no one would ever love her. "Hey, Dickhead!"

"What now?"

"Wanna go out?"

"Not gay like you!"

"Shut it! I'll buy you Chinese..." He heard a scramble and a few slamming doors before Shikamaru tumbled out of the bedroom with his hair in a messy ponytail, and his chest clothed. "You have to pay tax."

"Works for me, I need some different damn food, we've been eating the same thing for days," the burnet said as he and the blond both pulled on their shoes and jackets. "Also, I've been meaning to talk to you about something,"

"Hm? What's up? Get someone pregnant or something?"

"Shut it, but it is about a girl," Shikamaru said as his noes went a bit red. "I've been dating her for a while, her names Temari,"

"Congrats dude! I'm happy for you!" Naruto said as he thumped his friend on the back, but when he saw his friend's worried expression, he took hold of his shoulder. "Shikamaru, is everything okay?"

"Remember how Gaara dropped out with his three friends?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well, Temari was an art major in her old school, and she only got to study for a year, but when Gaara got kicked out she realized how poor the school's art program actually was. So she left with him and Kankuro, and once she got her life together again she came back to school. And that's why I've been so defensive of the art program lately. I mean the whole conflict is just stupid! And she agrees! But she doesn't want to be shunned... she doesn't have a lot of friends, I mean Kankuro and Gaara are practically her little brothers. And I wanted to tell you... but I know you've been super stressed, and well, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you in the first place," Shikamaru finished with a sigh as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel of the car. 

"... Do you have a picture with her?"

"Uh, yeah, here,"

Shikamaru extended his arm to show Naruto the picture, and that alone, even in all the stress, made Naruto smile. Temari was a beautiful young woman, with a well-framed face and sandy blond hair. She had sharp but soft dark jade eyes, full eyelashes, and a soft and sweet smile on her face. Shikamaru looked handsome and groomed. And the two were together in a simple-looking cat cafe. Temari held a black kitten in her arms and Shikamaru was the pillow for both of them. The selfie was at an awkward angle sure, but it was a nice picture never the less. 

"She likes cats?" Naruto asked as he handed his friend back his phone.

"Loves them. I was thinking of getting her one for her birthday,"

"Shikamaru, don't worry about the sports division or the art division's competition, and just, stick with what you two have until you guys feel ready," Naruto said as he fastened his seatbelt. "You're lucky dude, she seems like a really good person for you. I would just be happy with that!"

'Speak for yourself, idiot.' Shikamaru thought as the two friends exited the car outside the familiar Chinese restaurant. Which smelt of rice and stirfry, but also green tea and winter coming air. Shikamaru sighed as he watched Naruto enter the restaurant before him, for as he did the brunet saw and remembered how Naruto carried Sasuke around that night. Not even caring what Shikamaru may have thought about it. Seemingly not caring about what the world thought about it. So then why was he so hyper fixated on it? Was it because he had decided that Sasuke was a liability? Was it because he wanted Sasuke to go away? Or was it something else? 

No... 

Shikamaru could say with complete confidence that Naruto didn't like Sasuke. The blond had not only stated it multiple times, but his behavior seemed to mimic nothing more than a concerned friend. But hadn't Naruto also said that he didn't want to be Sasuke's friend? What was Sasuke to Naruto? Did Naruto even know? If Shikamaru didn't... well neither did Naruto by obvious comparison. But the more important question was...

... what did Sasuke want from Naruto?

Love? Comfort? Friendship? Sex? What did he want? Or what did he need? 

What did Sasuke need?

And if he even needed something...

... could Naruto, even give it? 

And if he couldn't give... what would Sasuke do?

"Oh god," Shikamaru whispered out loud as he covered his mouth with his hand as the worst possible image crawled into his head. 

"Something wrong?" Naruto asked as he looked up from the menu. 

"No..." Shikamaru whispered as he took a long drink of his water. Which was clearly tap, but irrelevant. Would Sasuke really do that? No. He had never seemed the like kind of person to attempt something like that! But... the pieces would make sense if he did... his parents had abandoned him and his brother when he was a baby. He had been torn from his brother and best friend and sent to a foreign place. And then his brother had died. And now he was in a horrible position with Naruto. For he was both in love with the idea of a relationship and love, as well as in love. Everything was fucking wrong. Sasuke's life was so very wrong. But what could Shikamaru say to Sasuke about it? What could anyone? 

'He must be so hurt...'

"Nothings wrong..."

"Good, you scared me for a second."

.~.

Naruto slammed his computer into his bookbag as they bell wrang, finally signaling him that his Mid-terms had come to an end, well at least the easy ones. He had crossed off math, biology, history, and literature, and those classes had always come easy to Naruto, so he expected to score in the higher eighties range. But it was predicted that he was going to completely and absolutely fail his English test. But he knew well enough that he had no way of getting out of it, so he chose to just try and look smart while taking the test. So as he walked into the classroom, he did his best to appear confident as collected, and he did try his best to try and hide his embarrassment when his seat squeaked as he sat down. Everyone was talking among themselves, mainly about either sentence review or maybe even some extra spelling. While Naruto had pulled out his phone to look over the same email he had sent over and over again. An email of him saying that he no longer required tutoring. 

Which was approved without his former tutor getting a word in. 

"Good afternoon students!" a kind voice called out which made Naruto exit his thoughts to look upwards at Kakashi. "Long day of tests?"

Everyone groaned. 

"Well, I know you all put a lot into those tests so I hope you all did well," Kakashi said as he set down his coffee cup and began to distribute thick packets of testing material. "Now I know these look bad but don't worry they're not as bad as they seem," Kakashi said as he placed a packet in front of Naruto, who quickly began to flip through the pages, letting out a quiet sigh of air seeing that it was only a two-question test. "'For this test, I have provided you with your own quote or poem in English that I would like you to translate for me. All the poems and quotes are different, so cheating will hopefully be impossible. After you finish translating the piece you are to write at least two paragraphs in your best English describing what this poem means, in your mind. This is not in informal or argumentative response, this is purely your opinion stated in English. You will have one hour to complete the test, pencils must be put down at that hour mark. Cheating in any form is forbidden and will result in a zero grade if caught or suspected. Good luck, and remember to write your name, in English if you please!"' Kakashi read off in a robotic tone as he pressed the stopwatch button on his watch which signaled everyone to lift their pencils and begin. 

Naruto scribbled down his name and the date at the top of the paper, and then turned the page quietly but quickly and smiled seeing how short his quote was. But his smile slowly faded as he felt his brain fry in a split second of looking at it. 

'Sitting all alone  
With a broken heart  
Broken hopes  
Broken spirit  
Everything is broken  
Why did you ruin everything?  
What did I do wrong?  
I wanted to gain your love  
But all I did  
Was lose my best friend  
And everything I love

-Unknown'

Suddenly translation seemed easy to Naruto as he scribbled down the final characters in the pace below the quote. But as soon as he did, he came to realize that he had to write two damn paragraphs about 11 small little lines. How the hell was that possible? He could barely write a damn sentence! So how was he supposed to write two large long perfectly written paragraphs about a quote he could hardly understand? But he squeezed his pencil knowing that he wasn't going to get anywhere if he just whined in his head, so he turned over a sheet of scrap paper and slowly began to dissect the piece, starting from the bottom and going to the top. Idiotically.

'Lost best friend, the best friend being the person that they were in love with,' Naruto jotted down as he began to write the opening sentence for his open response with his right hand, for he had been given the gift of being ambidextrous. But after he finished the obvious direction of the piece, he found himself at a momentary loss. He had the information, and he had the basic and very rough understanding of English, so why wasn't his pencil moving? Why wasn't the tip of the led even touching the paper? He felt as though he was frozen in time as a gear seemed to click and turn in his head. Why did the quote sound... like it was going to be spoken? Or why did it sound like it was a pre-set script, that was meant to be read very very soon? 

'But by who?' Naruto thought as he felt his hand mindlessly running across his open response. 'Who would ready something like this? It's so fucking depressing... depressing... how do you spell that? But seriously who would say something like this, it's like an overdramatic poem, but it kinda...' 

Hurts.

Naruto would be lying if he said that he didn't feel a shiver up his spine as he read the piece. But not a shiver filled with discomfort, more of a sense of pre-deja-vu. His spine shook at thought of being read something like that entered his mind. It would be so humiliating and harsh. But he hadn't done anything to anyone to deserve such a painfilled letter. So why had his masked professor given him this poem? Was it to make him feel worse about losing the soccer game? No. Kakashi wasn't a cruel man, he was in fact, a very nice one. So why this piece? A piece that felt like a prophecy of sorts, or maybe even a fortune. Or a warning to Naruto. What was it supposed to mean? 

And why did it sound like the same tone Sasuke used when he cried?

'No! Don't think about him! Don't you fucking dare!'

"One minute!" Kakashi called out which made Naruto nearly fall out of his seat. "Review your work! Make it look pretty!"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Naruto hissed as he frantically looked over his jumble of words, which looked to all be misspelled or miswritten in some way or another. He made as many corrections to the spelling as he could with his nearly broken pencil and nubby eraser. But as he began to finally re-read over his response. He gasped realizing what he had written.

'The passage with no name written by an unknown author consists of only 11 simple lines. But these lines tell a story, or maybe a look into someone's mind. In my opinion, this passage seems to almost resemble a note of plea, or maybe even departure from a person. The speaker of the poem is the one who is losing things and pleading for them to stay. Who is the speaker though? I could maybe describe someone who seems to be desperate, and also starved of their so-called 'Best friend.' However, I don't think that they were starved all at once, I believe that they were starved over long periods of time. And when they were sometimes given love or affection by their friend, they turned a blind eye to being starved in the first place. And this most likely continued for a while until their old friend did something that made them die of their starvation with them only realizing it at the end. Which explains the line, "Why did you ruin everything?" 

The lines that say things like "I wanted to gain your love/But all I did/ Was lose my best friend/ And everything I loved." Show the speaker realizing that they were nothing but a tool to their friend. And upon realizing this, they come to realize that they never had a friend in the first place. And the memories that they used to have of them and their friend, the things they loved. Were nothing. This seems to leave the speaker in a hollow state, which makes them state the words in this quote. Does it reach the speaker? I couldn't say. Does this quote seem to have an impact on the reader of the poem?

It does, Sasuke.'

'No! Why the fuck did I write his fucking name-!'

"Pencils down! Time is up! If I see you doing anything to your piece, you will receive an automatic zero!" Kakashi called out as he started to swiftly walk around his classroom, taking papers into his hands quickly. So fast that by the time he reached Naruto, the blond couldn't even beg for an extra five seconds. "Class dismissed! Have a wonderful day!"

"Fuck!" Naruto whispered pitifully as his head fell on his desk. Never had he felt so humiliated before. Why had he written down Sasuke's name at the end? How much did Sasuke have to distract him before he had him fucking failing out of school? It was ridiculous! Why couldn't the raven just get the hell out of Naruto's life? Why did he even leave America in the first place? What was so fucking important to him that he needed to come back and completely screw up Naruto's life? That was probably why everyone reacted so strongly why Sasuke was mentioned! He probably bullied Naruto when he was younger! Or something messed up like that! 

Now he felt glad that he had fired Sasuke. He was a piece of shit after all. Hooking up with any man that entered a bathroom. Messing around with someone like Kabuto. Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto finally had a definition for him. A piece of trash that loves to manipulate people into thinking that he's some weak defenseless foreigner when in reality he's just a sex hungry dick that toys with people enough to get them to hook up with him whenever he blushes. Naruto felt stupid for comforting him all those times. He should have just listened to his gut and left him alone in the first place. For what Kiba said was true. All art majors are the same.

"Please stop!"

He kept walking.

"Naruto I need to talk to you!"

He just needed to get back to his dorm.

"I know you can hear me, Dummy!" Sasuke cried as he dashed after Naruto. His voice strained and exhausted, and his tiny guitar case bumping up and down on his back. "Naruto! Please turn around-!"

"What? What could you possibly want now Uchiha?" Naruto hollered as he flung himself around to face Sasuke with his arms spread out dramatically. "Come to try and fuck me for the millionth time?"

Sasuke didn't take in air as he heard those words. Naruto was beyond angry at him. What had he done? But he needed to talk to him. It wasn't an option anymore for Sasuke not to discuss what had happened. "Why did you stop tutoring?"

"Because I don't need it."

"You still need help on your grammar-"

"Then I'll get a new tutor! If you and the old man are worried about me, then maybe I should just-"

"No!"

"Huh? Why not Uchiha?"

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. He was going in too far now. Why had he blurted something like that out? Something so revealing and embarrassing. If he was to keep going at this screaming match, surely Kabuto would come. Hell, the whole school would probably come. But he needed to say it. He needed to tell Naruto who he was/ He had decided on it as he had sung his song to the judges. He just needed to say it. He knew it must have been so hard for Naruto to understand why he was the way he was. He knew Naruto probably thought of him as insane. But he just wanted to tell him why. 

"B-Because, I know how to teach you."

"That's your reason? A bet a hundred teachers could say the same Uchiha, what's so special about you?"

"I'm your friend," Sasuke said, even though it felt wrong to say. "We're best friends, you big Dummy."

"Excuse me?"

"We're friends!" Sasuke screamed out, which caused everyone within a hundred-yard radius to turn their heads. "We're fucking friends!"

"We are not friends Sasuke!" Naruto yelled back.

"Yes. We. Are." Sasuke spat. "We've been friends since we were seven!"

"Okay, now your fucking stretching it Sasuke!" Naruto yelled furiously. "Just say you wanna fuck me already! You can skip all this 'We're besties' bullshit!"

"You... you think that's all I want?!" Sasuke cried as he felt his eyes prickle and his guitar case slide off his shoulder, hitting the grass with a clang. But as he blinked back the sting in his eyes, he felt them again as he for a moment saw Kabuto, standing in Naruto's place. 'You dirty whore.' "You think I enjoy that?"

"Well obviously! You made it pretty clear every time to tried to come close to me!"

"That's..."

'Man-whore'

"Fuck with as many guys as you want Sasuke! But don't you dare fucking mess with me! I was insane to think you were just some helpless baby. You're nothing but a sex-crazed asshole!" Naruto spat as he turned from Sasuke's pale wheezing body. Which was trembling with fear and sadness. And as Naruto tried to walk away, through the crowd of people that had gathered around them. His heart almost turned his whole body around upon hearing the sound of Sasuke's haggard rough breathing, which seemed to still be rough from his singing and fever. He sounded so tired and lost, and so desperate to hold on. Just like the speaker in the poem that had felt like deja-vu-

"I love you..." Sasuke wheezed through a cough, with closed eyes and clenched teeth. "Can't you fucking... see that...?"

'Turn around! Listen to him! Go help him!' His heart screamed as it banged against his tight rib cage. The statement had stopped him dead in his tracks, and every bone in his body wanted to turn, and every dull numbed emotion in Naruto's body wanted to listen to his heart and believe the raven. But he couldn't believe him, he was just a lair... who wanted to do nothing more than fuck any man with a big dick. 

"...Going that far, huh?" Naruto whispered as he forced his feet and knees to move forward. Walking away from the crying raven. Who in his mind was nothing more than a lair. Nothing more than that. Nothing at all. And as he walked out of the courtyard, he failed to notice something in the corner of his eye, something that would lead to one of the damaging things that Naruto had would ever experience. 

It was Kabuto.

Dragging Sasuke away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be very graphic rape scenes and also very shown suicide scenes!! please be careful in the next chapter!!!


	20. ~Chapter 19~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !DISTURBING CONTENT AND GRAPHICS! 
> 
> !SUICIDE!
> 
> !VERY STRONG LANGUAGE!

Sasuke felt pain.

Pain so bad that even thinking the word pain seemed to be laughable. 

Dry and uncut pain. Physical pain. Mental torment. Mental agony was a better word to describe it. He knew he was sobbing, even though he said he wouldn't cry in front of Kabuto. Even though he told himself to be strong. He couldn't help but cry in pain as he felt Kabuto push a glass bottle into him, for not only was it worse than any pain Sasuke had experienced. No matter how much he squeezed his own eyes shut, the pain wouldn't go away. He cried out over and over for Kabuto to stop. Begged him even, he tried to kiss his neck to get him to stop, for only a second even. 

"Seducing me Sasuke? It won't work. You disobeyed me, you deserve every second of this-"

"Take it out!" Sasuke sobbed as he struggled against Kabuto's hands. "It... it hurts! Stop! Take it o-out!"

Kabuto gave a laugh at Sasuke's agony as the raven continued to thrash against his hold. "No." 

"Please! Kabuto I'm sorry please- AGH!" Sasuke screamed out as he felt his body ripple with the pain of knowing that the bottle's tip had cracked inside the raven's deepest point. Fear came upon him as he began to kick and scratch every inch of Kabuto's skin, for he knew that the territory he had just been in, had exploded and he knew that at any second the bottle could crack, enter his bloodstream, and maybe kill him. 

But when he felt Kabuto's fist slam into his face. He tried to sink away in fear, he hated being hit and he hated the way it reminded him of his old adopted father. And how he would hit him for no reason at all. But as Sasuke continued to cry, Kabuto continued to hit, screaming and cursing him, and all the raven could do was try to squeeze his mussels in pure fear and the mole-rat continued to strike him. "You're fucking crazy! Who the fuck do you think you are? You're the one whos landed yourself in this whole fucking situation! If you had just listened and obeyed me for once and stayed away from him! We wouldn't fucking be here you retarded whore! Cry all you fucking want Sasuke! But I'm not even close to fucking done-!"

"...help me..."

"...What did you just say?"

"H-Help me... help me... Naruto..."

"Ha!" Kabuto laughed as he pulled Sasuke's red tear-soaked face up to his own. "Crying for him now? He's not coming you, idiot! Didn't you listen to him? He hates you Sasuke! Are you blind enough to not see it? He doesn't love you! Who could ever love you Sasuke? If they saw who you really were, they would be doing what I'm doing right fucking now!"

"...help... me..."

"You just won't shut the fuck up will you?" Kabuto whispered as he began to unbuckle his belt, and at that sound, Sasuke gave another cry of apologies, but it was no help as Kabuto flipped the poor boy over. He held his legs down with his knees and his hands down with his own body. 

And well... it's hard to even describe what he did to him.

.~.

Now you are probably thinking.

Why does he love him? He is not kind nor is he affectionate. And he touches him when he is moaning his name and that is all. He doesn't offer any advice on how he feels. He only gives him the standard words of a man who does not understand. He doesn't kiss him or hold his hand. He doesn't take him on dates unless they are outings to pay off debt. And he doesn't clean up after his mistakes, and only says sorry when he knows it's absolute to his victories. But he doesn't want hurt when he can't understand, for he truly can't understand. For he knows that he doesn't feel enough for him to say 'I understand, and I'll try and help you'. And that's where he falls under the bus of one-sided love. He wants to believe that he can make him feel again. He wants to believe that the love he can give him will fix him for not feeling like he does. He can see that he is in love with a stringless puppet, and that's why he tries to create his own strings for the puppet so he can be able to... not manipulate or control the puppet, he wants the puppet to feel again. Smile and laugh like he used to.

But the problem is.

Sasuke Uchiha cannot control his own puppet.

When he himself is a puppet. 

Unloved and only used to entertain another.

Until he falls to the ground by the command of his puppet master...

...to shatter into a pile of rubble...

.~.

Kabuto pulled on his jacket and shirt with a laugh as he heard the crunch of glass under his boot. He felt a sting of pain on his arm as he laughed, however, but he smirked at that as he examined the scratch marks on his arms and wrists. He thought it pathetic almost, that a few scratch marks were all Sasuke could put on Kabuto. "Couldn't give it more effort than that Sasuke?"

Silence.

Kabuto had to clutch his stomach with the pain from his laugher. "I wish my phone hadn't died! Your face is worth a damn picture!"

Silence.

"Your lungs to damn worn out?"

Silence.

"Fine, be like that," Kabuto hissed as he walked over to Sasuke's bag and began to rummage inside it, and when his hand closed around a small box, he tossed them at Sasuke's back. The small rattle of the blades inside echoing through the room, accompanied by the older male's laugher. "By tomorrow you'll be lucky to even have a place in this school's society! I have the perfect idea for the message to spread around! 'Sasuke Uchiha, secretly a dirty faggot, who not only rejects every girl he sees but has also fallen for a sports major! What a perfect damn story! I've played my part Sasuke, so I'll offer you some free advice before I leave...

...those razor blades are sharp and ready to go for you, I'd use them as soon as I can if I were you..."

Sasuke's face didn't move as he heard those words, for it was too swollen to even do so. His under eyes were near twice their original size, and his nose dripped red with snot and blood, his left eye was swollen from the punches, and his neck was cover in bite marks and dark, unlovingly placed hickeys. His wrists were raw and red from being clutched so hard, and his rear was so bruised and whipped that it was yellow and purple at every strike mark. His hole was torn and bleeding onto his bedsheets, and his penis was purple with a lack of blood flow. His hair was messy and full of blood and spit, and his normally pale cheeks were so swollen and bruised that he looked to be unrecognizable. But it was his eyes that could make anyone cry.

They were lifeless and so so hurt and empty. And they had seemingly gone black from all the pain. His eyebrows also were lurched upwards in one set position. An expression that seemed to ask, 'Why?' or 'What did I do wrong?'. But his eyes were so stained with tears, which had poured from his eyes and collected in his wounds and bruised lips. And as they dripped onto his mattress and into the boy's ears, he found his right hand, shakily reach behind him for the box of razor blades. Mindlessly, but with every right in the world. And as he slid open the little box, memories of lonely nights in middle school came pouring into his mind. The scars on his hips had faded, but Sasuke knew at that moment that soon there would be scars on his wrists, but those ones would be the ones that he would fall asleep with. For he felt the urge to rest, not for an hour or a day, but forever. 

It hurt so much. 

As he pulled on his clothes though and placed his ticket out of hell into his pocket, he glanced at his phone, which lay cracked on his nightstand. 'Mom...' He thought as he picked it up, not even caring that his thumb had been shattered. 'Sakura...' His finger stopped over their contacts, which he had not clicked on in so long. And he found himself mindlessly clicking on his mother's phone contact, lifting his phone to his ear with his nearly broken wrist listening to the ring of the phone before he heard a click and then his mother's voice. 

"Sasuke?! Baby! How are you, sweetie? Oh, you haven't called in so long! How's school been? Mid-terms? I bet all the boys on campus are being super sweet-!"

"I love you." Sasuke said, with a voice so dry and strained. "I love you, Mom." 

"Sasuke?!" she cried, instantly recognizing his tone and what he was considering. "No sweetie! Talk to me okay? Sasuke! Sasuke? Sasuke baby please answer me! Sasuke! Sasuke don't do it! I'm coming! I'll come and help you! Sasuke baby I love you! You don't-!"

He had already pulled his hood over his head by the time he had left his dorm, for what he hoped to be the last time. Now one would ask, why? Why was he choosing to die? Why did he want to just leave the earth? Well he seeming had a lot of reasons to do so, for he had wanted to for quite some time, and considering that he had just been rejected, raped, and above all, it was in the end, the desire. Sasuke wanted to die. He didn't want to explain it, he just had the impulse, or the urge to leave the world. The world that would soon hate him in twenty or so minutes. No, the world had always hated Sasuke, just as he hated it back. So the world took from Sasuke, it took his brother, his parents, his home, his beloved friend, his chance at normal love, his everything.

His Dummy...

"No..." Sasuke whispered as he walked alongside the road, towards the town he used to call his home. The town that he used to hate for it was always too quiet and sad, but with the blond, it was loud and warm. But as Sasuke walked throughout the streets of the boring old town, he saw the old convenience store he used to go to with Naruto and Itachi. It had always smelt of cat litter and cheap mochi. But it wasn't even there anymore, it was a construction zone for the millionth apartment complex in the world. 

He had always gotten lemon popsicles there, while Naruto had always reached for the cherry or blue raspberry flavor. And Itachi would always stare at the Dango with hunger in his eyes. But Itachi would never buy himself anything from the store, only for his precious little brother and his beloved Dummy. Sasuke thought of Itachi has he walked through the old park, dragging his feet to try and lessen the pain, Sasuke was never considered the kindest person. It was Itachi who was that person. His eyes were always tired but he always managed to play the fool and love his brother like nothing in the world mattered. He would always hold him close when he was sick with the cold, and he would help him blow out his birthday candles even when his own lungs were rotting away. Itachi... what if he had lived? For only a week or two more? Could Sasuke have been able to save him if so? Would he have been able to rush him to a hospital and help his lungs? Sasuke started to cry at that, even though he thought he had no tears left. How did Itachi suffer before he died? All alone in that dumpster? Did he have a friend there to hold his hand when he did die? Sasuke had no idea, he had only been handed a wooden urn per his arrival in Japan. No details at all. There was no will, no witnesses. Just the ashes of the person that had loved Sasuke more than air and land. But what ate at Sasuke's heart as he approached the old swing his Nii-San had once built him, was the fact that he hadn't done anything with Itachi's ashes. He had only sent them off into the ocean per all the stereotypes. And as he did, he could do nothing but cry. Cry 'I'm sorry'.

Was that all he could really say? 

Yes. It was all he could say to people. He couldn't stand up for himself even if he had a gun to his head. He would only beg forgiveness. He only could apologize. No wonder people hated him. They couldn't even understand him through all the apologies. But it wasn't really what he had wanted to say. He wanted to say, 'Why didn't you just fucking call me?' to Itachi. He wanted to say, 'Why didn't you fight to put him down?' to Sakura. He wanted to say, 'Why do you pity me?' to Kushina and Minato. He wanted to say to the whole world, 'Why am I at fault? What did I ever do? All I did was try and live!'

And Naruto...?

He wanted to say a billion things. He wanted to tell him that brushing his hair down every once in a while wasn't a death sentence. He wanted to tell him that he missed how he used to draw the six little whiskers on his face. He wanted to tell him that smoking weed every day wasn't going to help him much if he was to continue to play soccer. He wanted to tell him that he never gave himself enough credit for being such an amazing player. He wanted to tell him that he wasn't really that much of a Dummy. He wanted to tell him that his eyes were more beautiful than any blue diamond in the world. He wanted to tell him that he was lucky to have a friend like Shikamaru, and Neji, and even that idiot Kiba. He wanted to tell him that he knew how far he could go in this world. He wanted to tell him that even though he didn't know how, he held Sasuke, by just being the reminder that he was still there. He wanted to tell him how thankful he was for the hours he spent waiting in the park for him when he was still so young and foolish. He wanted to tell him why he had cried that night at the party. He wanted to tell him why he refused to be kissed by him. He wanted to tell him that he was the most stunning person he had ever met. He wanted to tell him how he had started to sing to remember him. He wanted to tell him that if he ever did love him back, he would hold on to him tight, and make sure that he could feel again. He wanted to tell him about the ice pops they used to share on those warm summer days. He wanted to tell him about the movie they watched under the blankets together. He wanted to tell him about how his first kiss was given to him, and only to him. He wanted to tell him why he had left him all alone. He wanted to tell him, a million times, that he loved him to the end of the galaxy and back.

And...

...he wanted to tell him that he was so sorry...

...for cutting open his wrist and leaving him without telling him all those things...

"Naruto..." Sasuke whispered as the razor bland fell to the woodchips below their 'Special' swing. His wrist gushed in the darkness of the night, dripping his warm crimson blood onto the swing seat, covering the rope and soaking his jeans. It didn't hurt. It felt like the stinging of a paper cut on his cuts. Sasuke leaned himself against the rope of the swing and he felt his heartbeat a million miles an hour, and his arms grown seemingly lighter. He felt so tired suddenly. And his brain seemingly was begging for him to close his empty black eyes. He wanted to fall asleep peacefully though, so he shut them halfway and let more memories of Naruto's beautiful face cascade across his eyes. He knew his mother would be crying when she got the news, but she was strong, and he knew damn well that she would move forward. But he was still sorry to leave her, even after all the kindness she gave. Sakura would cry too, but altho she maybe was not as strong as Karmin, she was not weak, and Sasuke closed his eyes a little more knowing that she would probably pursue being a nurse as a result. That was yet another happy thing to die with knowing. What would he do though? He probably wouldn't know how to react per say. Not that Sasuke really cared. Naruto wasn't his to command, and he shouldn't feel fault in the matter, for it was Sasuke's choice. Even if it was stupid to Naruto. Sasuke knew that was enough, for Naruto would have thought something of it, something of his death. Naruto would think to call Sasuke's death stupid, right? "That's nice..." He whispered as he felt his body fall from the swing and onto the woodchips. He considered himself lucky as he felt his eyes close knowing that Naruto would think of him, his love would think of him. That was a nice thing to ponder on as Sasuke felt a single tear slip from his eye. He wasn't regretting anything, he was ready to die with these thoughts of his, he was going to die at some point or another, so why drag his miserable lonely out more. No, he was ready to die happy knowing that he loved someone, someone, who in maybe another lifetime would perhaps love him back. But Sasuke was ready to die in that one, loving him alone, for he had never truly wanted anything out of life. He only lived to love Naruto as his breathing came to a slowing pace. He loved Naruto. Oh, how he wished to say it again, so he did, even though Naruto did not hear him, he used the last bit of his strength to utter it out, hoping that maybe some day, it would reach him. Or maybe Sasuke in whatever place he would go next. 

"...I... love you... Naru... to..." he groaned as his body became slack. And his hearing cut out before he could hear the heart lurching scream of Sakura.

"SASUKE!" she screamed as she tore her shirt away and ripped it to pieces and began to tie it around the ravens gushing wrists. Which had been cut open vertically along his main veins, and the pink-haired-girl, instantly knew that it wasn't an accident at all. But she knew it wasn't going to be good in the first place when she had received a call from Sasuke's adopted mother. Who was screaming through tears that Sasuke was going to attempt. And that was all it took for the girl to take off running to her friend, for she would never forgive herself if she was to let someone like Sasuke take his own life. But as she tied his wrist with the cloth of her shirt, and placed his arms to they would hang in a way that would make his blood flow slow in his hands and wrists. And as she called for an ambulance, she heard the dry calling of her co-worker coming from the raven's bruised lips. And as she hung up on the operator who assured her that help was on the way, she placed her hands on Sasuke's beautiful face, which was so wet with tears it made her cry more. 

"Naru..."

"Shhh, it's okay..." she whispered as she brushed his bangs from his face as she sent a simple text to her co-worker that she had come to hate but also understand.

'Get ur ass to the hospital'

'Sasuke's slit his wrists'

"He's coming Sasuke, please don't cry," Sakura cooed as she heard the wail of the ambulance behind her. 

"Sakura... why didn't..."

"You're not dying yet Sasuke, not on my fucking watch."

.~.

Naruto didn't have clue what made him run so fast as soon as he saw the text pop up on his screen. But he didn't even have enough time to care as he screamed for Shikamaru to get the fucking car ready, he barley even told him about the hospital, he just said simply. 'Get me to the fucking hospital.' And that was seemingly enough for Shikamaru to understand that something had happened and that something most likely had to do with Sasuke's mother fucking Uchiha.

"Go faster," Naruto spat at his friend as the two boys zoomed up the hill that led to the hospital. 

"I'm going as fast I fucking can Dickface," Shikamaru hissed as he pressed his foot even harder into the gas pedal, not even caring that his gas bill would be up by fifty of so percent. "And why the fucking attitude fuck head-?"

"I just got the fucking news that someone slit their wrists asshole! So stop fucking talking and drive!"

"Don't you fucking swear at me you shit bag! You fucking got in a fight today! You told him to stay the fuck away! So why are you so stressed! You clearly don't fucking care about him!" 

"I never said that-!"

"J-Just! Just get out of the car Naruto! We're here- Hey wait get your coat!"

But he seemingly didn't care about getting sick from the frigid night air, as he rushed through the doors of the hospital. And as he did, he nearly lost his breath at the amount of rubbing alcohol in the air. And also the small amount of death in the air, but as he ran to the front desk he decided it would extremely impolite to think such thoughts. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah, um do you have a Sasuke Uchiha here?"

The nurse's smile faded. And he face went oatmeal pale and lump with the shock of the question. "Yes, he was brought here a little while ago. I'll take you to the trama bay right away, but I'll have to warn you that as far as I know his condition is very serious... Mr. ....?"

"Um, Naruto? Listen, his um, f-friend called me and she said it was serious, so can we please?"

"Of course, please take the visitor pass and follow me," she said as she handed him a laminated pass as began to escort him through a door that radiated a greater scent of death. And as he passed by the makeshift rooms were people seemed to be dropping like flies. He looked away from the sobbing mothers, for he knew it was not his place to stare. And as he and the nurse approached the last curtains on the room full of sadness, she turned to him a final time, and opened her mouth once, before closing it and poking her head through the curtains. And after a moment of conversation, she pulled them aside and saw Naruto in. 

And before he could even glance at Sasuke, he only saw the palm of Sakura's hand before the sharp sting came.

"Ms. Haruno, please don't get violent-!" A nurse cried as she tried to place Sakura back down in a chair. But she fought off the woman's hands as she pinned Naruto against the wall. "Ms. Haruno-!"

"Crying your fucking name!" she screamed as she pointed to the occupied bed. "He was crying your fucking name as he was fucking bleeding out you piece of shit-!"

"Ms. Haruno!" a loud voice sounded out, which caused her to instantly drop Naruto to the ground to allow herself to drop into a deep bow to face the doctor. And as Naruto tried to find himself on his feet again, he caught hold of his knees as he caught sight of Sasuke. Who looked to be in worse condition than any horror movie victim the blond had ever seen. His face was swollen and bruised and bloody, and his arms and neck were also bruised and swollen and fat finger marks around his neck signaled to him that it wasn't a bad fall down the stairs in the slightest. But as he found his eyes on Sasuke's wrists, he felt the urge to vomit. For they had been wrapped and messily stitched to stop the bleeding, but they still looked horrific. So bad that Naruto had to turn his eyes away in dare he says it pity, to look at anything else, than his own faults. 

"Doctor, please, tell me that he'll make it-"

"Ms. Haruno, please try to steady yourself," the doctor said in her calmest tone, as she placed a warm hand on Sakura's trembling shoulder. "Sasuke is in critical condition, but I assure you that he will be alright, but I would like to discuss something with you, something we found during the full-body exam. Now as I tell you these things, I must ask for you to remain calm, for as soon as I finish telling you everything, I assure you that we will be calling the police."

"Police? Why would you need to?" Naruto asked blankly. 

"Sasuke has three broken fingers, a broken nose, two cracked ribs, a sprained ankle, and two slit wrists. And those injuries are the ones that we can easily treat," the doctor said with a saddened and professional tone. "Now, those are the injures that are part of the reason that we must contact the authorities, but the main injure that concerns me is this. Sasuke's anus and prostate had suffered sustainable damage, and there has also been very hard looking anal tearing, from what we presume to be from forced sexual activity, and also forced penetration of foreign objects. This does fall under the category of rape, and sexual assault, so that is why the police must be contacted. And I would also like to mention this to you, Sasuke requires a surgy on his anal walls, while we were examining him, we found pieces of shattered glass inside him. If these are to enter his bloodstream they could be very fatal. The surgeons are prepping now, we will take him off in a moment. Please try and comfort him in the meantime, and if you two have any idea who might have done this to your friend. I'm begging for you to come forward. This is by far the worst case of sexual I have ever seen, and it only is a hair away from my worst abuse case, so please, try and think..."

Raped...?

Sasuke was... raped... and... abused...?

No, that couldn't be true! Sasuke would not have allowed it, he would have fought! Naruto thought as he fell into a chair beside Sasuke. Sakura too followed with tears cascading down her face, sobbing into her hands and nearly choking on her own gasps and cries. Naruto felt his eyes burn and tremble as he heard her cries, but as his own eyes betrayed him in order to find Sasuke's body once again, he saw that his fingers were twitching. Instantly Naruto grabbed hold of them, for he feared that Sasuke's stitches would come undone. But when he saw the raven's hand jerk away from his. He felt anger boil in his stomach, for even in sleep, Sasuke felt dear, even seemingly at the touch of the person he loved. 

Naruto did not try to touch him again as he realized that. So he only looked with his eyes at the raven, like some boy in a museum. Looking at a painting of a dying man. No, Sasuke wasn't going to die! It was more the fact of... the person who had done the things to Sasuke deserved to die. They deserved to be lying in that hospital bed, no, not even in a bed, they deserved the dirt, the rocks, the bottoms of fucking hell. Hey, Naruto may have been awful, and inconsiderate, but he was no rapist. He would never even think to stoop that low. 

So when Sakura muttered the name Kabuto under her breath, Naruto blinked. "It was Kabuto Naruto..." Sakura wheezed as she rose to her feet with shaky knees. "He had dragged him away after your argument- Naruto?!"

He ran. Faster than he had in any soccer game. Faster than he had ever gone in his entire life. His lungs were weak from all the pot, and his legs were weak from being slammed into the wall. And the commands to stop were loud in his ears, but as he threw open the hospital doors and ran to Shikamaru's car, and screamed for his friend to step on it. He felt a feeling, at such a size, that it was hard to even label at first, but when Kabuto's ugly face flashed before his eyes as his friend pulled up to the main part of campus. He remembered what this full-scale feeling was called.

It was rage.

A pure unfiltered rage that seemingly baffled and suppressed all other thoughts and notions in the whole world to Naruto as he sprang from the car. Tuning out his friend's cries of questions as he sprinted to the left and ran past the bundles of string couples. Who either giggled or glared at Naruto after they had noticed his furious look, or bring blond hair. Did he care? He didn't have enough energy too as he zoomed down the walkway to the second building, after seeing the glow of the yellow light in room number 256. And as he tore open the door to the building and ran over to the door, faster than seemingly time and space. His ears caught the sound of Kabuto's ratty voice, as he conversed with Orochimaru. Who's eyes shot up as Naruto flung open the door of his classroom, which caused such a sound that it caused statues to tumble off counters and shelves.

"Hm, ah! You're the Uzumaki's soccer boy, Kabuto, do you know him?"

"Why yes, I do Senpai, he and I are actually really good friends-!"

But before he could even utter out the finishing words to his sentence, he was punched in the face so hard that his left molar sprang free from its gum base. And as it pattered to the floor, Kabuto hit the floor himself under Naruto's fists. Which rose and fell down on his body like a baker punching dough. But unlike dough which could not feel, Kabuto screamed out as he felt his glasses shatter and ugly nose break in three joints. 

"YOU DIRTY PIECE OF COW SHIT!" Naruto screamed as grabbed hold of Kabuto's throat and continued to punch his face left to right. "YOU RAPIST! YOU RETARDED FUCKING SHIT SUCKING CUNT! YOU NEARLY FUCKING KILLED HIM! SO I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOUR SICK ASS! YOU FUCKING SON OF BITCH!"

It took three teachers to pull Naruto off of Kabuto.

And it took six hours to remove all the glass from Sasuke's prostate and rectum.

And about ten buckets of tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays guys!!


	21. ~Chapter 20~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suspensions.
> 
> And learning.

"Did you hear?"

"'Bout what?"

"That Uzumaki guy!"

"The blond guy?"

"Yeah him!"

"What about him?"

"He nearly put Kabuto six-feet under!"

"Oh shut up! That's not true!"

"He choked him until he passed out! Beat the living shit outta his face too! I saw the ambulance taking him to the hospital!"

"You're always seeing things, dude."

"I'm dead serious!"

"Okay, then why did he do it? For fun?"

"You know Uchiha?"

"The idiot who associated with Uzumaki? Didn't he say he loved him or something stupid like that?"

"Apparently Kabuto beat the shit outta him after he did! Rumor has it that even... raped him!"

"Now your really fucking stretching it."

"Dude it was all over the papers! Kabuto was charged with rape allegations, and assault ones too! They've found him guilty! He's facing jail time!" 

"So... Uzumaki came after Kabuto because he found out what was happening to Uchiha?"

"Exactly!"

"But I thought Uzumaki hated Uchiha! Didn't he basically tell him to fuck off when they had the fight?"

"Now that's what's been confusing me, why did he treat Uchiha like that? And then go beat up Kabuto?"

"I bet he couldn't stand the idea of his little fuck buddy gettin' used by another dude-!"

"Shut up!" Sakura screamed as she jumped forward and slammed her fist across the talkative art major's face. "You shut the fuck up!"

.~.

"Naruto, after careful consideration of your faults and files, I have chosen not to expel you from this University," Tsunade said as she pushed her light gold hair behind her ear. "However, I will say this, you are not out of the woods. Now I know what Kabuto did, and I know that I would have probably done the same, but you nearly strangled him to death. And this has left permanent damage on his face, the damage that he could demand money to fix. So in order to protect you from those things, I have chosen, as your form of punishment, to suspend you from this school until the final month of school comes. All your schoolwork will be sent home, and you will be expected to complete it, and I will allow you to attend soccer practices. But you are forbidden to stay after practice for more than an hour. And I would like for you to please stay out of trouble. Do not speak to Kabuto's lawyers, or the media if they come after you. Do you understand Naruto? I sticking my neck out for you so you better say thank you and yes."

"Yes, Tsunade-Sama, thank you," Naruto said as he bowed his head and picked up his bookbag, which Shikamaru had filled with all his necessities from the dorm. And as Tsunade waved him out, Naruto cringed in pain as his knuckles accidentally brushed the armrest of the chair. His knuckles had been wrapped in many layers of gaws and protective tape, but they had been so bruised by slamming into Kabuto's skull, that the slightest sensation hurt like hell. "Dad, we can go."

"Alright," Minato whispered as he took his son's bag off his shoulder and flung it over his own. "Straight home Naruto, your mother is waiting."

Naruto and his father remained in silence as they stepped into the car, and as Minato started the engine, he cleared his throat. "Naruto... Sasuke's plane flew out today."

"Mmm..."

"He should be landing soon, so maybe you could give him a call when he lands?"

"No, Dad," Naruto whispered as he stared at the scenery that whizzed past his eyes. "I don't think that we should talk... for a while."

"Naruto, I know that you're..." Minato tried to say, but his words came out blank as his son ignored him and walked into the house, pulling off his shoes slowly, and climbing the stairs quickly. And as the father himself walked into the house, pulling off his shoes as well, he saw his wife sitting in front of the T.V in the living room, watching an American Drama with a glass of wine in her hands. "It's a bit early isn't it?"

"What did Tsunade-Sama say?"

"Four-month suspension."

"Hmm," Kushina hummed as she placed the wine glass down and stood from the couch. "Is he going to stay up there for the whole time?" she asked as she motioned to her son's bedroom door. 

"I suppose so, want me to get him out?"

"No let him stay up there," Kushina said as she grabbed her husband's hand and walked him into the kitchen where she placed a glass of wine into her husband's hands. Kissing him on the cheek before she whispered. "He needs to think."

.~.

Lazy Receding Hairline: 'Naruto, just wanted to let you know that; Kakashi's out sick with a cool, practice is canceled, and that you need to turn in your math project by tomorrow. Text me, dude? Miss you here.

Dog Breath: 'hey Dickhead, just wanted to see how ur doing at home, we miss you here, and we're still celebrating how u took down mole-rat and rejected someone from their fucking division in the same day!! ur not missing much tho so don't worry, give us a ring okay?

Choji (Don't mention 'It' to him): 'What kinds of ramen do u recommend?'

Fuckin' Neji: 'Naruto, we all know that you're ignoring us.'

'No fucking shit,' Naruto thought as he cleared the final messages that had been left unread in his phone, for his first month of suspension. And as he threw his phone back on his mattress before he got up and stretch and grabbed one mountain of plates. He caught himself in the air after tripping over his pile of laundry. Swearing as he stumbled down the stairs with Kurama following behind him.

.~.

Hinata The Goddess: 'Hello Naruto-Kun! I hope you've been doing well in school during your break! I'm just texting to let you know that if you are to skip out on work again you will be let go! I know you really don't want to but please come in? I and Sakura-Chan really miss you! So please text me back so I can tell the boss that you're coming!'

Go work? The thought of going to work hadn't crossed the blond's mind in two months. And during those two months, Naruto had only left for three things and three things only. Food, bathroom breaks, and dumping his shit out. And what did he do in his room? He either busied himself with either school work, video games, or staring at the little guitar that sat in the corner of his room, like a bad omen or even a curse upon his secluded and boring life. 

It was Sasuke's guitar obviously. And it had been dumped on him when they came to clear out his apartment. If there was anything to actually clear out, only a few blankets and bottles, and then it was as if Sasuke had been erased from the dorm. Erased from the very school, erased from Japan it seemed to some. But even though he had been unenrolled from the school, the nasty rumors still remained. Naruto heard his mom talking about them with his father from all the way up on the second floor. The remarks they made, saying that he probably enjoyed the rape, for it was in his nature. It made Naruto feel hollow and useless, even though he knew that what people said was not under his control. And even though he knew that Sasuke would probably never be able to hear those comments, he still felt at fault. For if he had just avoided the fight that day... Sasuke wouldn't have said those words to him, and gotten himself caught by Kabuto. Would he have been spared if that was the case? 

He could never know or say. So when he texted Hinata that he could come to work, he did it in an absent state of mind, he also set his early alarm in the same mindset. So when he woke up the next morning with his alarm sounding in his ear, he nearly broke his phone from punching it too hard. But nevertheless, he still pulled on a pair of black denim jeans with a white t-shirt after a long hot shower. And when his mother saw him downstairs in something other than sweatpants on a Friday morning, she instantly began to question her son, so much so that she stood from the small photo album book that she had been seemingly working on for months. 

"Going somewhere?"

"Work," Naruto responded as he grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, before placing it back down as he noticed a large bruise on it. A dark one likes the ones that had been scattered across Sasuke's neck... "Want me to bring anything home?"

"No that's fine sweetheart, just apologize to your boss, I'm sure he heard-"

"Mom. Can we not?"

"Just like your father," she groaned as she pulled on her shoes and walked with her son to the end of their driveway. "Work hard okay?"

"Of course," Naruto said as he nearly flinched at the touch of his mother's warm hand to his cheek. "Mom... what's um, what's that scrapbook you've been working on for?"

"None of your business," Kushina said playfully as she tapped her son on the nose. "Stay out of my stuff Naruto! Now get going!"

But as she watched her son walk around the corner of the driveway, and turn the corner as if it was nothing to the naked eye. She covered her mouth and rushed back inside to hide the tears of joy and sadness she had. So felt happy knowing that he was moving forward, forward in the way that he was getting out once again. Rather than hiding himself up in his room with the door locked and sealed. But she cried in sadness as she glanced at the picture that lay on the coffee table, a picture that reminded her of her old little baby, that used to talk with emotion, and smile with meaning. 

The baby that had a friend.

.~.

When Naruto clocked in on the computer, he almost forgot his password as he did, but it came to him soon enough as he heard the ring of the doorbell. And as he lifted his head, he gave a wave to Hinata as he smiled sweetly at him and hung her coat. "Naruto-Kun, t-thanks for coming in!"

"Sure Hinata," Naruto said as he began to set up the coffee machine. "How's school been?"

"I-It's been quiet, t-the sports division and the art division are in cold war a-at the moment," Hinata said as she flipped the closed side over to open. "Can you s-start the e-eggs for me? Sakura's running a b-bit late."

"Sure," Naruto said as he pulled a dozen eggs from the mini-fridge below the counter, along with a stick of butter and a frying pan. And as he began to cook the eggs, he made small talk with Hinata, who did not ask any questions about what had happened. Which he was thankful for, but he still felt the urge to ask her about what she thought, but he knew better than to put her on the stool like that. But when the first customers came in, and Sakura didn't, Naruto looked to Hinata after she had handed a young man his latte. "Hinata, wheres Sakura?"

"S-she's-"

"Sorry I'm late," a voice said in that instant. And Naruto turned to see Sakura pulling her hair into a ponytail and tieing her apron at the same time. "I needed to talk to my professor."

But as she turned around Naruto felt his stomach hit the floor. Her cheek was red and her eye looked to be in the middle of healing itself. But when Naruto tried to meet the girl's green eyes, he turned away as he felt them say, 'Later Blondie'. So he continued to make breakfast sandwiches and pile whipped cream on top of hot chocolates. And when the clock struck its early afternoon closing time, Hinata left early for a date with Kiba, and Sakura and Naruto sat down on the bar stools and faced the window with drinks in their hands. They didn't say anything to one another for ten minutes, and as the time continued to tick by, Naruto began to impatiently shift in his stool. And at some point, he became so zoned out that when Sakura really did speak, he tried not to jump out of his skin.

"My eye."

"What... um... happened to it?"

"Two fuckers were talking shit on Sasuke, said he probably liked what Kabuto did to him," she spat as she placed her hand on her forehead to hide her frustration. "I got them good but, they got me a bit too."

Naruto didn't know what to say. What was he supposed to say? He would have done the same? He probably wouldn't have. "Sakura, you can't charge into every battle you see..."

"God actually go fuck yourself Naruto," Sakura hissed. "Do you even fucking care about what they say? Or did your heroic deeds only go as far as beating up someone you already had problems with?"

"Shut up, of course, I care."

"Then why don't you react?"

"Because... Sasuke wouldn't have wanted for you to get hurt on his account," Naruto said as he folded his hands infront of himself, before resting his forehead on them in exhaustion. 

"You don't know anything about what he did and didn't want," Sakura spat, in her tone that was so biased it seemed painfully unfair. "Do you really think all he wanted from you was sex? While he was being forced into sex?"

"I didn't know."

"You never fucking know," Sakura said coldly as she pushed back her stool, and flung her jacket around her shoulders. And as she threw her cup into the sink with a small crash, and took a bag of pastries she had saved for her parents under her arm. She turned back to Naruto when she reached the door, wearing an expression that wanted to hate Naruto but also wanted to hug him at the same time. 

"Sakura..." Naruto whispered. "I never... wanted him... to feel forced... and I never wanted him to be hurt... he was always so kind to me. Even though I never knew him, he was just always a good fucking person. And I never wanted him to... end up liking me... that was the last thing I ever wanted. And I never wanted to say what I said in the way that I did. I want to go back and say no, but I can't Sakura. So... stay angry all you want, but I can't turn back time, and Sasuke's probably gonna stay in America for... hopefully, long enough for me to get out of this fucking town, and out of his life. So... is that enough for you?"

"... He's not just gonna... forget about you blondie..." Sakura said with a hint of a laugh in her voice. "He's remembered you for years, you think he's just gonna stop now?"

"Wait, what do mean?"

"Mop the floors blondie."

.~.

Naruto always hated walking home at the end of the winter. His jacket was always either too hot or too thin, and his scarf that his mother had made him while pregnant always made him sneeze. But as a child, he had always hated the dying winter because of the dripping icicles that would drip water on his hair and make it frizzy and messy. But then as an adult, he only had a bitter attitude about the walk home. And also the fact that the wonderful mystery of Sasuke and him knowing each other before college, ah, that was certainly something that made him bitter as he walked home. 

So bitter than when he pulled off his shoes at the landing of the house, he didn't even flinch at the scent of pork drifting through the house. The idea was so distracting to him, that he didn't even walk up to his room, rather he walked to the TV room where his mother was watching her typical American dramas. And she seemed to be so immersed in them she didn't even realize her son sitting down beside her and zoning out with her. 

The show was subtitled in Japanese, but Naruto could see enough in the ugly but still beautiful women's actions to know what was going on. Someone started a fight over someone's sideman, and blamed it on someone else, and so on. "You idiot! It's obvious that she's starting drama to get back at you for borrowing her credit card!" Kushina cried out in English as she pointed at the screen as though it could hear her. Naruto himself flinched realizing that it had been Sasuke who had helped him learn those words. But he looked back up at the screen where the women had begun to pull each other's hair, and but the time they had resorted to using their own fake nails against one another, Kushina stood with a shout and rushed into the kitchen to go tell her husband everything. And Naruto sighed knowing that his father would listen to her whole story for he simply adored to hear his wife's voice.

But as Naruto threw his head backward on the couch, he felt his hand brush against something that felt like a book. Or more a photobook. And as he looked down at his hand, he realized that the book he held was no ordinary photo book. It was the one that his mother had been working on for seemingly forever. And it felt thick in his hands, and heavy as well, in fact, it felt more like a scrapbook. 'Stay out of my stuff!' she had told him, but he assumed that it was probably baby pictures or something silly like that. So when he peeled open the book's front cover, which was sticky with glue, his eyes went wide when he saw his own face on the first page. 

The picture quality wasn't as clear and crisp as the photos one could take with a phone, but the first picture in the book was clear enough for Naruto to recognize his seven-year-old self. He was wearing a swimsuit and his hair had been soaked to a different color from the garden hose that he had been holding in his own hand. He seemed to be running after someone with the hose, someone who was fully clothed in a navy t-shirt and shorts. The boy that Naruto had been chasing after was pale and looked to be laughing as he ran from Naruto, who's frustrated face was understandable. But as Naruto looked closer at the boy, something seemed familiar about his raven black blue hair... and charcoal black eyes... and his face looked to be a younger version of...

...Sasuke's...

'We've been friends since we were seven!'

"No..." Naruto whispered as he flipped the page over only to see the next picture. Of him and Sasuke trying to do their own two-person kick line. Arms around each other's shoulders and kicking in opposite directions. But what made Naruto shiver, was the fact that the boy with him in those pictures, looked more and more like Sasuke as he continued to turn the pages. Even when the boy wore cat ears and whiskers like Naruto for Halloween, he still looked like Sasuke. Even when the two were under a blanket together watching a movie, in the glow of the screen, he still looked like Sasuke. And as Naruto continued to feverishly turn the pages of the photo book, seeing his own face grow bit by bit, and acting glimpses of his parents and older boy he had never seen before, when he came to the last page of the book, he felt nauseous.

It was a picture that looked to be taken on the ground, facing upwards to be angled at a swing. Where Naruto and Sasuke sat, sleeping with their heads on top of each other. Leaves were falling from the tree above, and they seemed to form a sort of curtain around the two boys. Who seemed to be hidden in their own little world of their own needs and desires. And they looked to be at peace in each other's indirect embrace. And as Naruto looked closer at the picture, he saw his own had wrapped around Sasuke's own. And as Naruto looked closer into Sasuke's face. He came to realize that he wasn't sleeping, for his cheeks were so red from knowing that Naruto was holding his hand.

"So you went in my stuff?" Kushina whispered, which startled Naruto so much that the photobook flew out of his hands. And he reacted instantly to seeing it out of his hands, grabbing it mid-air like a thrown child. 

"I..." Naruto said, trying to sound innocent, but suddenly he felt a surge of confusion. Did he really think that the person in the picture was really Sasuke? No! Sasuke couldn't have really been his friend back then! He never remembered having any friends back then! So what the hell was going on-?

"Itachi sent us those..." Kushina said as she turned off the TV and turned to face her son. 

"Itachi?"

"Sasuke's brother," Kushina said as she placed her hand over her face. "He was a good boy, always taking care of you and Sasuke at the same time. You and Sasuke loved him, and you would both fall asleep on his back after he would take you two out of ice cream."

"Mom..." Naruto whispered as he felt his face go livid and pale. "Is that other boy in these pictures... Sasuke?"

Kushina turned to face Naruto. Her expression was unreadable and somber. "Yes, it is."

He felt crushed as he heard that. Oh god. It was Sasuke. Sasuke who was holding his hand, and dressing up with him. Sasuke was sleeping on his shoulder and under a blanket with him. Sasuke... who hadn't lied about what he had said. Sasuke really had known him before. And it seemed as though, he knew him better than anyone else. Was that why it was so easy for him to teach Naruto? Comfort him? Make him feel the things he felt around him?

"You two were so close, if you were even a part for a day you two would cry about it the whole time," Kushina said with a laugh as she took the photobook from Naruto's hands and began to flip through it. "He bought you ramen for your birthday, and you got him tomatoes for his. And he pushed your head into the cake as a result. You were never the same Naruto... when he left for America..."

"Why did he...?"

"Sasuke's parents abandoned him and Itachi as soon as his mother was done nursing Sasuke. I don't know why they would leave such kind children, but for whatever reason, they just packed up, gave Itachi a share of the money, and left," Kushina said, clenching her fist as she did. "And as Sasuke got older, Itachi started to run out of money. He tried everything to try and find his parents, everything but ask for help, of course, he was a humble child. But around the time that you and Sasuke met, Itachi began to sell things in the house to pay the mortgage and for himself and Sasuke. But when he ran out of things to sell, he started to steal, silly little things like rice balls and instant curry. And soon enough, he was caught in the act, the took him to the station and put him into state care, a prison for the lesser of the Japanese streets," she spat. "And I suppose he was going to try and call us to get us to take Sasuke in, so he would stay out of the foster system. But by the time he got his phone call, those bastards raided their house and found Sasuke crying in the closet. There was a hearing for Sasuke's case, me and your father tried everything to try and take Sasuke in. But the court refused and placed him in foster care, he was adopted quickly thank the lord but... when they sent him over to America... your father and me... couldn't bear to tell you that Sasuke had left. I never wanted to explain to my sunshine that his best friend was gone for good. And since we didn't tell you, you only thought that he was sick, so you waited in the park where you two met for him. Every single day you would wait there until I or Minato came to get you. And even then we had to drag you by the foot to get you back home."

'I'm sorry... for leaving...'

"And one night, after I had put you to bed, I came up to get your dirty clothes. But as I was leaving your room, I heard you say something under your breath, I suppose you were having a bad dream. 'Maybe Sasuke... didn't like me...' you said, and when you said that, Naruto it... it broke my heart. I wanted to shake you awake and tell you that it wasn't true, tell you that Sasuke loved you so much and that he never wanted to leave you. But, would you believe me if I said that? Would anything change? I was so conflicted that when you went to your doctor's appointment the next day, I asked the doctor about it, and he consulted me to a child therapist, and when I spoke to her, she told me that you would heal with time. And I wish sometimes that I didn't listen to her. Because you did heal sweetie, and you're a great kid, but, you never smile as you used to when you were with Sasuke. You used to have such smiley eyes, but now you just look so tired, and I'm sure Sasuke noticed that, and I know he felt guilt. But I was so lost for words when I saw him again, that I didn't even ask him how he felt. How he really felt. But... Naruto... Sasuke wasn't lying when he said that he loved you. He was crazy about you when you were kids, and I suppose you were too young to see it, but he really loved you. And I don't think he understands it either, but that's okay. Sasuke's had a hard time Naruto, but I know that he was at his best when he was with you. You are his protector, whether you know it or not. You are his sunshine, and everything that comes with it."

Naruto was absent-minded, how was he supposed to feel? Honored? Angry? Sad? Regretful? He had completely forgotten how to even breathe. Sasuke wasn't lying about what he had said? He really loved Naruto? And Naruto had a hard time with emotions because he... lost Sasuke without any explanation. Was that why he struggled to feel things such as anger, or sadness? Was that why the fear of losing anything seemed to crush him when he tried to accomplish anything? How? He didn't understand why one stupid person affected him so much. Think of something else he tried to scream! But he couldn't! 

"What happened to his... brother?"

"He was found dead in an ally way, just around the time you graduated," Kushina whispered, her voice full of sorrow. "No one knows how he died, or if anyone was there with him, he was cremated as soon as he was found. And his ashes were most likely sent to Sasuke-"

"Why didn't he tell me?" Naruto yelled out, as he curled himself into a tight ball. 

Kushina sighed. "Would you have told him? If you were in his shoes, his position Naruto, would you tell him?"

No. "Yes."

"Naruto, you can't be angry at Sasuke-"

"I have every right to be angry at him! H-He walked out of my fucking life-"

'I never wanted to go Naruto...'

"He seduced me-"

'I'm sorry that you're having sex with me..."

"He... he... HE TRIED TO FUCKING KILL HIMSELF!"

"Why did he try to do that Naruto!" Kushina screamed back as she shot up to her feet, her hair seemingly rising with her rage. "Why did he want to die? Why did he want to end it all? Because he had nothing left to live for in his eyes! I've heard the rumors! You rejected him that day didn't you?!"

"I-I don't love him! I don't even like him! Mom, I don't know anything about him!"

"You didn't need to love him Naruto!" Kushina cried as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. "You just needed to be there for him! It's not all about romance! The reason you two worked back then was because you two loved each other but you were blind to it! Now the only thing relevant today is romance and sex! You two didn't need that when you were young! And Sasuke wasn't sure if you would ever be the same as you were when you were young! So he tried to approach you in the only way that people see how these days! Naruto! Don't you lie to me! You're telling me that you don't care about Sasuke at all?! Then why did you attack that Kabuto? Was it for fun? Or was it to avenge Sasuke because deep down you really do still care about him and as you learn more about him your starting to fall for him?"

"No!" Naruto yelled out as he turned on his heels and dashed up the stairs, slamming his door shut behind him, and throwing himself down on his bed so hard that he felt the springs split below him. He covered his face with his hand to muffle his yell of anger as he kicked his legs in the air like a baby. He didn't fucking care about Sasuke! Him and his stupid pretty face! Sasuke was the reason for Naruto's problems! He was a distraction! Who only wanted sex! They had never been friends! And he wasn't in love with him! He wasn't that stupid! He would be an idiot to fall for Sasuke's perfect face and kindness! A man...

As Naruto continued to yell into his hands, he stopped as he heard to ring of guitar strings. He looked to the side to see Kurama brushing his head against the little guitar in the corner of the room, Sasuke's guitar. 'I-I started learning how to play when I was in the third grade.' The guitar was very light in Naruto's hands. And it was scratched all over, and when the blond gave it a little shake as he sat down on his bed, a small piece of plastic fell onto his palm. It was engraved with Sasuke's name and age. It looked as old as the guitar, and it seemed to be bent to fit Sasuke's tight grip on it. 'Why the fuck am I touching this...' Naruto thought as he turned the pick over in his hand. 'I'm supposed to be angry!' But it was maybe the curious side of his brain that made him place his fingers on the neck of Sasuke's guitar, fiddling with the nobs above it like an idiot. Before he grew impatient and raised the pick, before sliding it down the strings of Sasuke's guitar. The sound was high pitched and horrible. But the vibrations down his fingertips made Naruto shiver as his mind formed the image of Sasuke. 

Sasuke...

With his dull and tired eyes. And skinny body. 

He moved the pick up and down again mindlessly as those mental pictures of Sasuke flashed across his eyes. And the memories of the sounds that he produced. How perfectly he played the guitar. How beautiful his voice was when he struck the keys on the piano. How stupid he was to not see what was right in front of him. Dummy... how did he remember that? Well because he was one. Nothing but a blond stupid Dummy. 

He could not say that he was in love with Sasuke. No, that certainly wasn't what those feeling were, he convinced himself as he sat down at his desk and began to search up videos on how to master playing the guitar. But maybe he did care about Sasuke. Not love, of course, Naruto was straight, and he would always be straight. But he knew that even straight people had to own up to their own mistakes. 'The way to a music lover's heart is to break through it with melody' a man said to Naruto once after he had dropped some coins into the street performer's hat. He had to say sorry to Sasuke, for what he had done that day. When Sasuke needed help, or maybe even support, Naruto had always just reached for sex, instead of trying to understand. 

'Breakthrough it with a melody'

"Fuck you..." Naruto whispered as he clicked the link to the tutorial video on youtube. "Fuck you Stinky Sasuke..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck.... thank you guys so much for all the hits and comments!!! You guys are so sweet!!! I love how you guys can easily understand the characters!! It makes me happy knowing that you guys see what I'm going for!!


	22. ~Chapter 21~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to mom. 
> 
> Recover, Sasuke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I greatly apologize for the late update! I had everything ready on Saturday until my wonderful father decided to delete my chapter because he didn't like the topics, so I had to re-write it for you guys!! A million apologies!!! 
> 
> Recommended songs to listen to while reading this!!  
> -When She Loved Me  
> -Man of The World (Orginal Cover is better in my opinion!!)  
> -Loneliness (Piano cover or the original piece from Naruto)  
> -Before You Go ((Please please listen to this at the end!!!)))

Everything about flying was a bad idea in Sasuke's mind. The idea of flying in a small creation of iron, thousands of feet in the air, with the possibility of anything being able to happen, was in no way appealing to him. But since Sakura had paid at least three thousand yen for one direct flight back to Sasuke's hometown of Roscoe, he was in no position to refuse her. And when she also mentioned to him, as they left the hospital carrying bags and bags of medication and references for doctors in the U.S, that his mother planned to meet him in the airport, Sasuke knew he couldn't refuse. Karmin hadn't been able to reach Sasuke's phone, for he was always either asleep on the hospital's wonderful supply of drugs, or he was in appointments with the doctors, but she mainly couldn't reach her adopted son for he himself was too ashamed to even speak to her. What the hell was he supposed to say? 'Hey mom, sorry for trying to kill myself! Definitely won't consider it again! Even though my life has become a living hell and I have no hope in finding happiness for my only reason for living hates me. But anyways how are you?' No... he couldn't say that to her, he couldn't even stand the idea of facing her.

"You sure you don't want any water before you get on?" Sakura asked as she walked beside her friend, her worried hand's inches from reaching out to grab his backpack that he held with one of his still healing wrists. "Maybe a snack?"

"I'm fine Sakura, really," Sasuke said as he placed the bag down through security and walked through it quickly, Sakura herself entering because she had been registered to take Sasuke to the gate of the plane. "You don't have to walk me to the door, I'm all set on meds, and I feel alright. So go back to the dorm! Didn't you say you and Ino are doing something tonight?"

"Sasuke, it's just a little dinner together-"

"Don't say that Sakura, it's a date. That she asked you out on," Sasuke whispered as he pulled his backpack on. "I think she really likes you, Sakura."

"Stop it," Sakura said with a twitch of a smile and a spread of blush. "She was probably just kidding around, it's not really a date."

"If you say so," Sasuke murmured, trying to hide the hint of jealousy that had come to rise in his voice. But before he could say anything more, the intercom announced the boarding of economy plus passengers. "Well, that's me so-"

"Get over here Sasuke, don't you dare leave without a hug," Sakura demanded in a way as she pulled her friend back around to face her. And as she did pull him close to her, he could feel her heart beat through his hands on her delicate back. It was slow and somber to his touch. And it made him frown as he tried to hug his friend tighter, but that only made it grow sadder by every beat seemingly. And he nearly gasped when she opened her mouth and spoke in a voice so low and sad that it made his own senses quiver. "Promise me you'll talk to someone when you get home..."

"What do you mean?"

"A therapist Sasuke, a real therapist, it's either that or the psych ward, and from what I've read online..." she shivered. "Your moms probably already called someone, so, please don't refuse..."

He waned too. He didn't want to talk to someone like that. Someone who had studied for years just to bore themselves by listening to someone else's problems, and then judge them in the nicest way possible. But Sasuke couldn't shake his head at Sakura. Not after all the nights that she had spent in the hospital with him. Sleeping in chairs, and asking all the questions that he never cared to ask. While he was looking out the window she was always looking at his charts and healing wounds. But that didn't change his opinion on therapy. But he already was in the gutter, and the psych ward never really did appeal to the raven. So he nodded his head and whispered. "Alright, I'll go."

"Thank you," Sakura whispered as she kissed her friend on the cheek and let go of him. And instantly Sasuke felt colder as he walked away from her, waving. But as he bored the plane, and the smell of the plane hit his noes, his ears never did hear Sakura's parting words to him. 

"Come back soon... Sasuke..." she had said. With her voice so soft and sad. But the sadness in her voice was understandable. For her friend seemed to always be leaving her at some point, or hiding away from her and the world as well. Sakura knew she had to right to be angry at Sasuke for leaving, for he needed to get home, to heal and fix himself. But the anger she felt was at Naruto, and maybe even herself. She cursed herself for not seeing what was happening to Sasuke, even though Sasuke had told her she couldn't have even if she tried. However, she still felt shivers of anger on her spine when she thought of Sasuke's words that night. 'I love you Naruto' he had said, but did Naruto deserve Sasuke's love? No, to Sakura he really didn't at all. But Sasuke loved him regardless, and that was what made her so angry as she left the airport. The idea that someone as oblivious and emotionless and Naruto had won Sasuke's damaged and broken heart. 

It was infuriating.

And so so sad.

.~. 

The food on the plane was stale and overpackaged. But Sasuke didn't mind, for he knew better than to waste. He laughed to himself sometimes about the memories he had of Itachi chasing him down with a plate full of onigiri's, demanding for him to sit back down and finish his meals. But he didn't have the energy to laugh on that plane. He didn't have the energy to do seemingly anything. Sitting down was the only thing he could do, every small task took all the wind out of his lungs, and his doctors had reminded him not to push it. So he turned his head to the side and shakily pushed his earbuds into his ears. And clicked the screen of his phone until sound filled his ears. The sound of violent strings came to his ears first, followed by the deep sound of the piano. Ah, so it was that song. Perfect for his already depressed mood.

'When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives within my heart'

The air was heavy in the plane, and it felt fake and improvised as it entered Sasuke's nostrils and exited through his pursed lips. Which were closed tight for him to stop himself from humming along with the song. And maybe even singing along with the beautiful voice. 

'And when she was sad  
I was there to dry her tears  
And when was happy so was I  
When she loved me

Through the summer and the fall  
We had each other, that was all  
Just she and I together  
Like it was meant to be'

There was a mother next to Sasuke, and she had begun to nurse her child to prevent him from crying. The baby was ugly from the corner of Sasuke's grey eyes, but the mother smiled down fondly at it as she rocked the baby slightly as she continued to nurse him. 

'And when she was lonely  
I was there to comfort her  
And I knew that she loved me

So the years went by  
I stayed the same  
But she began to drift away'

The moon seemed to reflect down on the pacific ocean. And if Sasuke tilted his head up enough, he could see the stars in the sky and the moon as well. 

'I was left alone'

'You're like the moon Sasuke,' Itachi had told him once, after he had laid him down on his little puffy futon, with a big blue blanket over him. Sasuke had asked his brother before he had left his room. 'Because you're always there above the clouds.' No, he wasn't the moon that was above the clouds. He was the lonely little moon, the one that was merely a smaller reflection of the big bright sun, that never wanted to be reflected in the first place. He was stupid to have believed his brother's words. For they were simply just words of pity. He hated pity. Who actually liked it in the first place?

'Still, I waited for the day  
When she'd say, "I will always love you"'

Lonely and forgotten  
Never thought she'd look my way  
And she smiled at me and held me  
Just like she used to do'

Sasuke was so tired of forcing himself to listen to sad music. He knew it only made his moods worse, but he seemingly couldn't stop himself from pressing play on his stupid depression playlists. Playlists that he had made in the days after Itachi's death to remind himself of the life he used to live, the life that was of course, worth living. His current life was worth as much as the American penny. So dull and molding to the point that it should just end. But there was seemingly so many stupid people that just wouldn't let its life end. Sakura was that person, who should have been late that day. And Sasuke stood by that. He wished with everything he had that she hadn't picked up her phone at that moment. Because if she just hadn't answered the call, he wouldn't have been saved. And Naruto would have been saved from his suspension. And maybe his guilt. 

'Like she loved me

When she loved me'

"Sweetheart?" the woman beside him whispered as he placed her free hand on Sasuke's trembling shoulder. "The planes landed honey... are you okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am thank you," Sasuke gasped out as he whipped his eyes free of their tears which stung like fire, and as he stood wobbly from his seat. He heard the woman baby cry. A cry full of sadness from seeing it's TravelMate crying, but Sasuke turned from its fat ugly face as he walked off the plane. The cold air of the world hitting his face from the cracks of the bridge. And he shivered for it was still winter in America, and as he walked queasily through the unloading gates of the airport, he blinked in surprise to see how bright it was there despite it being the middle of the night outside. And as he walked forward, out of the boarding zone, he felt a jolt of nostalgia upon seeing all the familiar things in the airport. English signs met his eyes, and for a second, the language felt foreign, but when he read Dunkin Doughnuts on the sign, his stomach growled. But before he could pull out his wallet to see if he could exchange any yen. He heard a cry echo out through the airport, and before he could turn his head fully, he was slammed to the ground in his mother's hug. Which seemed to re-crack his ribs. 

'When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives within my heart'

"Sasuke!" Karmin sobbed, her hands were so cold, and her hair was tied into a loose ponytail. Her face was bare of makeup, and her clothes weren't ironed. She was a mess, but she looked like she could give less of a damn as he kissed her son all over the face. Checking his wounds for any signs of infection, and brushing back his bangs to check for a fever. "Baby... you scared me so much... Sasuke..." she cried as she pulled her son closer to her fast-beating heart. She blubbered the same things over and over again as she rubbed his back like and overgrown baby. The sensation made him shiver as the memory of Naruto rubbing his back came to his mind, that day, when everything started to fall apart. "Angel... don't ever leave me... never... Sasuke..." Karmin whispered as he lifted her son's chin and kissed him on the nose with tears still pattering down his face. 

"Mmm," he choked out before he threw his own face into her shoulder and let out a sob. He tried to say sorry through his tears but the words refused to come out for he did feel sorry for his mother. For making her worry so very much, for making her sob at night.

But...

... he wasn't sorry for trying to die because...

...he still wanted to...

'...When she loved me...'

.~.

Sasuke had a theory that every medical place either smelt of medical equipment, or a poor simulation of the beach. But his theory was proven to be false as he walked into Dr. Senju's office, which smelt like the suffocating scent of wood... Dr. Senju himself was actually a man who was proven to have little patience, zero tolerance for lies, and just Sasuke in general. His brother was a kinder man, but he was more of a child's therapist, and Sasuke was an adult as Dr. Senju repeated over and over again. "You think that your stories sway my heart? They don't, they don't even make it flutter Sasuke Uchiha. Your problem is simple to me, just as it should be to you!"

"Okay then, tell me what it is so I can leave," Sasuke spat angrily, for seeing Tobirama every day for that month was beginning to hurt his head. It felt like the same thing every day, countless requests to explain his life, every detail of it. Even the ones that Sasuke didn't want to be touched. 

"You're getting snippy? Have I touched a cord?"

"You've touched every fucking cord possible!" Sasuke snapped as he raised his head in anger. "And when you do you don't even tell me why you do it! You realize that it's not easy for me to remember this stuff! These things hurt me! But you don't give a damn! Are you like this to everyone! You-You mess with their feelings! Break them down! And then what! What comes next?! Huh?"

"Maybe you'll find out if you sit down," Tobirama whispered coldly as he stared into Sasuke's cold grey eyes. It made Sasuke flinch with embarrassment, and also shame for losing his temper so much. Was he even really that angry? Tobirama was really just asking him questions, maybe they were intrusive, but they were just questions. And didn't every therapist ask questions? Maybe it was more frustration rather than anger. Sasuke perhaps felt this frustration because things weren't changing, it had been a month since his stay at the hospital. And seemingly time had slowed down to seconds feeling like minutes, and days feel like years. Which only seemed to drag his thoughts out more, thoughts of failure and regret that hurt when he took his steps towards the place that was supposedly supposed to help him. "Have you ever had an outburst like that?"

"With the mole-rat..." Sasuke murmured as he began to play with a hangnail. Tobirama had told Sasuke from the first appointment to use comfortable names for the people in his life. 

"And why did you get angry at him?" Tobirama asked as he snapped his fingers to stop Sasuke's growing habit of nail picking. 

"Because he... he um... he was asking about the Dummy-"

"Why do you call him that?"

"Huh?"

"You said you called him that when the two of you were children, so why do you call him 'Dummy' here? Is it for a source of say... nostalgia?"

"Sure..."

"Why did you try to kill yourself that night?" Tobirama stated plainly, as though the topic was just a normal conversation starter. "And don't say, 'Because I wanted to'."

"That's my answer sir, I wanted to be done with it all, I told you that already," Sasuke responded. 

"Why Sasuke? Was it because Kabuto raped you? Was it because he treated to expose your sexuality? Or was it because Naruto called you a lair for loving him? You were frustrated by that, weren't you? Sad yes, but also frustrated. You're frustrated now aren't you? Seeing me every day. And not having any change. But you aren't just hiddenly frustrated, are you? What are you Sasuke? What do you wish to be in life? A boy who lives only for an immature man who will never love him? Is that all you'll be Sasuke? Answer me now!" Tobirama demanded, his words slicing through Sasuke's last strand of control as he sprang from his seat, rage pumping through his veins like hot oil.

"Why is it my damn fault for loving him? I just wanted to be friends with him! It was never my fault that my feeling changed! And yeah I probably always will be that kid! The idiot that fucking lives for nothing! That's why I wanted to fucking die that day! Because I realized how fucking useless it is to live for no reason at all! I have no reason to live! So why am I not allowed to die? Why can't I choose? Why does it always have to be decided for me? It's not fair and I know it and that's why I'm fucking here! To try and find a reason to live! And you've given me none! So why the hell am I here? Why can't you guys just-!"

"Why did Naruto attack Kabuto that night Sasuke?"

"Because he was angry! Frustrated! Wh-What the hell does that have to do with anything-!"

"What did you feel when you cut open your wrist, Sasuke?" Tobirama whispered, not missing a beat.

"... relife..."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I chose what I could do..."

"You don't choose, Sasuke. That's your problem. You make decisions sure, but you think from the person's perspective, the one that you want to help. You can't think for yourself, you're the opposite of selfish but at the same time you are selfish. Because when you don't think, you have this belief that obeying whoever you want, or thinking how they want, will get you somewhere with them. You thought that if you pretended enough with Naruto he would love you back. You thought that if you tried to stay out of Sakura's way you would protect her from the shame you carry. You thought that if you just buried your brother quick enough the memories of him would leave you. And you've been doing this for forever Sasuke, haven't you? I know your parents leaving you hurt. How old were you when Itachi had to sit you down and tell you that your parents were never going to come back? You try and hide what you don't wish to see Sasuke! Your brainwashed!"

"I'M NOT!"

"BY YOURSELF!"

"Stop!" he cried, as he grabbed hold of his hair, covering his ears so he could try and block out the sound. "Stop! You're wrong! That's not true!"

Tobirama raised his eyebrows at Sasuke's reaction to his analysis. Not that it wasn't a difficult thing to hear. Hearing that for your life you have just been manipulating yourself to bend to what you think someone's will would be. So the therapist sighed and told Sasuke to take a tissue and a mint, and he then asked him to sit outside and he then called the boy's mother in to give pointers and tips as well. And when he had suggested everything he could think of, he sent Karmin off as well and walked over to his window watching the two leave with a laugh under his tongue. It had been obvious from the beginning to him of course, it was simply the struggle of getting Sasuke to understand. The boy was stubborn under the disguise of weakness. Not that he hadn't dealt with it before, but he was gentler with Sasuke. For he did actually feel sorry for the boy.

He had to hide his sympathy however, in the attempt to remain professional. 

.~.

Roscoe was a place that could be both cold and warm in the summer, however, it was seemingly always cold in the spring, but the sun that rose every day over the dewy grass made it warmer in the slightest bit. But Sasuke liked the cold that the spring bought him, especially when he wore a warm tight turtle neck, which protected him from the breeze of the morning. Which would enter his nose instead of the pores in his skin, and he would breathe in the freshest air. Air that smelt of new life and spring, but also a distraction from reality. A reality that was getting warmer for Sasuke, but the chill of winter still seemed to remain, even as he tried to pass on into the spring. 

"Sasuke!" Karmin called out to her son, who was standing lonesomely outside in the morning air. It was late February, and sometimes snow still sprinkled down upon the green mountain grass of Sasuke's backyard. But it always seemed to melt before moring, and then freeze once again. "Breakfast Angel! I made eggs!"

Ah yes, dead chicken fetus for breakfast. But Sasuke pushed aside his complaints for his stomach was empty and he was supposed to be getting better. So he nodded to his mother and began to climb up the small hill again. And as he entered the back door of his house and walked up the stairs to the first floor, the smell of eggs and ham filled his nose. And Karmin was already sitting down at the table, sipping coffee with too much cream. Sasuke laughed to himself about that as he helped himself to two sunnyside up eggs and a slice of thick-cut ham. And as he buttered a corn muffin, his mother poured him a cup of coffee and handed him a letter. "What's this?"

"I'm having a hard time translating the name, but it was at the bottom of the mailbox, and it has the stamp for Japan on it. Did Sakura send it?"

"No she would just call, she hates wasting paper," Sasuke responded as he tore open the letter, and blink in confusion at first as he saw the seemingly unfamiliar kanji characters before his eyes. But after a second his eyes readjusted for the writing, and he saw what the letter said clearly. "Someone named Kisame wants to... meet me... he says he was friends with... Itachi!"

"What?" Karmin exclaimed as she reached for the letter and looked it over. And after a minute or two, she sighed and handed Sasuke the letter. "Do you... want to meet him?"

"Yeah..." Not really. 

"Sasuke... he might tell you things, that will be very hard to hear. And after all, that's happened, and all Dr. Senju has said, about your mental state. Are you positive? Because it's okay to say no..." Karmin whispered as she walked to her son's side and placed her hand on his shoulder. Sasuke could easily hear the worry in her voice, and he clenched his fist knowing that she was worried about what the information might do to him. But he felt as though he deserved to know in a way. He didn't really want to know, but he wanted to chose to know what had happened. He felt called to make that choice, not for anyone's sake, maybe a bit for his sure, but he wanted to hear it. By his own accord. Because Tobirama had said it himself;

No one could fix a person when they themselves lack the parts to do so.

Or something like that. 

"Mom, should I send an email or a letter?" Sasuke asked later that day, as he put away the broom after sweeping clumps of cat hair from his room. Which had caused his nose to go read even though he was being given daily medicine. But he knew his mother loved her cat, who's name was Sadara, an all-black clingy thing. That seemed to love Karmin more than anything, but every time she saw Sasukem she seemingly flipped personalities. Turning her tail up with a pout. 

"A letter Sasuke!" Karmin said as she continued to rub Sadara's head. "My goodness! The man reached out to you! It's polite to respond to a letter with a letter! What do they teach these days! It's etiquett Angel! Simple etiquette-!"

"Okay okay!" Sasuke said with a laugh as he held his hands up in defense. Sadara gave a meow at that, before she hopped of Karmin's lap, brushing against Sasuke's leg in a shockingly friendly way as she walked to her water bowl. 

"You know it also etiquette to serve your hardworking mother a drink Sasuke!"

"No, it's not you made that up!"

"Baby, your mommy wants blackberry lemonade right now!"

"Okay fine!" Sasuke groaned as he threw open the freezer, shivering at the chill of the thing as he thought out what to say to the man. And what he would say to him if they were to meet. And discuss the death of Itachi. 

.~.

Kisame turned out to be the complete opposite of what Sasuke ever expected him to be. His skin was grey and pale but also shaded blue at the same time. His cheekbones were defined and cut clean, and he had three odd tattoos on each cheek. His hair was brownish and stylised upward. And his nails were painted a dark navy blue, and his teeth were sharper than say, normal humans should be. And when he first spoke, Sasuke nearly laughed at how deep and rusted his voice was. But he introduced himself kindly to Sasuke and Karmin, who invited him in for scones, but he said he didn't have much time in New York, and he also said that he just wanted to get straight to the point with Sasuke. So Sasuke nodded and took the man to the porch, and the two sat down in chairs across from one another. Kisame was the first to speak. "You look almost identical."

"Me and Itachi?"

"Mmm, just without the black hair and eye bags," he motioned to his under eyes. 

"Eye bags?"

"Had 'em bad Itachi did, they only got worse as he grew up," Kisame then handed Sasuke a photo, which was curled slightly around the edges. And it felt fragile as Sasuke turned it over, but he gasped as he did. 

It seemed to be a group photo of multiple people. Who all looked to be as different as fire and ice. The group members seemed to all be separated slightly by pairs. There was a pair of two boys, one who had dark green eyes, and dark skin, which was covered by a mask. The boy next to him was grey-haired and slightly tanned, and he wore a pendant around his neck and had his arm playfully around his partner's sholder, who seemed angered and flustered by it. "Kakuzu and Hidan, they were the smart and dumb do, I bet you can guess who was who!" Kisame said with a laugh. The next pair was another pair of boys, who sat on the floor of the street seemingly. The duo consisted of a long-haired blond, with blue eyes which were rounded with black eyeliner. His partner was pretty faced and had flaming pink-red hair, with brown-grey eyes. "They were the first to become a couple those two, as soon as they met they just clicked with each other..." There were three people grouped in the middle, a boy with bright orange hair and kind brown eyes. To his right, kissing his cheek, a beautiful girl, with lilac hair and golden orange eyes. To the left was a more awkward looking fellow, who had pure red hair and his hand up in a peace sign. His skin was healthy pale but he looked to be warm around his trio. "They were friends since they were kids, not surprised at least two of 'em got together." But the final duo was the one that made Sasuke's stomach clench. 

Itachi and Kisame stood together. Itachi flashing a small smile at the camera as Kisame was flashing a full smirking grin at it. His brother's hair was long and tied in a loose ponytail like he used to wear it. And his skin was pale, and his body was skinny. And his face looked so tired, with stress lines halfway down his face. But with Kisame's arm around his shoulder, he seemed to be calm, rather than stressed at the moment. "Kisame... when was this taken? And who are all these people?"

"We called ourselves 'The Akasuki', we were all so young back then, maybe fourteen or something. All kids with no parents and no personal law. Running from the cops or our own damn troubles. We were all just dumb kids when we started the group, it was just a street gang basically. Full of kids who just stole from stores and picked shit off, tourists. But we were same together in that old little warehouse. Always had a fire going and a sense of the families we were all starved of. At first, none of us trusted each other, and we weren't a team or a functioning gang at all. Everyone hated each other, especially Itachi."

"What did he do?"

"They all saw him as cocky, or too reserved, and suspicious. Thought he was gonna sell us all out. But I approached him because I knew the face he wore."

"Face?"

"He was missin' something, his little brother he told me after a year," Kisame said with a sigh as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, looking to Sasuke for a yes, which was given, and as he lit the head of it, he spoke again. "Said his baby brother got taken from him when he was busted and thrown to the dump. I asked him if he was gonna look for him. He told me he had to wait until he turned eighteen. So he could get a job and find him with the money. Told me he was only hanging around here because every other place he stayed he either ended up gettin' raped or beat half to death. Cruel world huh?"

Sasuke was quiet.

"Well I told him that night that he'd find his brother soon, but then I asked him if he wanted some company while he waited. He didn't answer, but that night we slept on the same futon, and like that we were partners in the group. It helped his reputation around the guys. Started getting calmer around them, and around that time to people started to partner up. So everything started to cool off. And we all grew up together in that rat-infested place. Celebrated birthdays together, holidays, and everything else in between. But..."

"But?" Sasuke asked worriedly.

"People grow up Sasuke," Kisame breathed. "We all had to eventually, Kohan and Yahiko were first, of course, they were so in love with each other, and they could go far outside stealing. So they left after Kohan turned eighteen, Nagato left a bit later, to hunt for a job. Sasori and Deidara left next because Sasori promised Deidara a wedding at an art studio. And after we thought Kakuzu and Hidan were sticking around, they hit the road too. Searching for their own reason to live. And that left me and your brother. And that was the first night we spent alone together, without Hidan stupid snoring or Nagato's sleep talkin'. The next day I found your brother in the shower barrel. 'What'cha doing?' I asked. 'Job interview, you too Kisame, we're getting an apartment. Kakuzu's not here to hunt off the rats, and I would hate to get rabies.' Mouthly son of a bitch your brother was, always had a way with words. Got on my nerves sometimes, but he was smart. So I took a bath too and we went to the hiring store with your brother, and we had to beg for a job. But we got it eventually. Started making money, for the first time. Itachi always got tips, cause he was the pretty boy. But we got enough after a month to rent a one-room apartment, in the shitty part of town. But it was the first place we had ever lived in with both heating and A.C, so it was worth every coin. But when Itachi turned twenty, and everything was going well. He started to cough."

"Cough?" Sasuke said, his voice breaking at the syllables.

"It wasn't the seasonal cold anything like that. It was more of 'holding my chest because I can't breathe', cough. He waved it off at first, but when he woke up choking in his sleep and becoming so anxious that he could hardly stand work, I knew something was wrong. I weighed him once and oh my god, I will never forget how skinny he was. Eighty pounds, that was when I snapped. I told him it was time to go see a doctor, but he kept saying it was fine. So when he had a flare-up that night, I ran him over to the hospital, and got him an I.V and told the doctor everything. He asked about how we lived as kids, and when I told him, his face went cold, and he rushed Itachi's blood work to the labs. And when he came back, he gave Itachi the diagnoses."

"W-What was it...?" Sasuke stuttered, not even wanting to know himself. 

"Pulmonary fibrouses, in the severe stage. His lungs were failing, and the doctor had to look a twenty-year-old kid in the eye that day and tell him he probably had less than a year to live," Kisame whispered, as he coughed, clearly trying to compose himself. "The doctor gave treatment options, and recommended a therapist for Itachi, but when the hospital manager came in and told us to get out. The doctor just looked at Itachi with pity, and pulled his I.V out, and wish me and him luck. And slipped a cremation place pamflet in my pocket as I carried my only friend out of the hospital."

Sasuke didn't want it to continue.

"I looked in every library book I could find. But every untreated case just ended in, 'Early Death'. Itachi of course was calm about the whole thing. And by calm I mean, he um, didn't say anything. Fell into a depression like a hat drop. He stopped sleeping for three days at a time, and he could barely hold down soup. He started livin' off crackers and water. And I just couldn't keep up with work, I wanted to stay by him every second, I didn't want him alone when he suffered. Because no friend lets another one suffer alone. After four-month though, we were kicked out of our apartment, for not paying rent. And all I had then was a few thousand yen, a thick blanket, and a friend dying in my arms. We lived in the back alley, near the pipe that admitted hot steam so I could keep him warm. He stayed in my lap all day and night, and he stopped sleeping for a week once. He started talking again after he started coughing blood.

'I'm such a shitty brother, huh?'

'What?'

'Sasuke... he'd be so disappointed in me Kisame...'

'Don't say shit like that Itachi, your sick, I'm sure he would be worried, not disappointed.'

'I found out where they put him, he's in America Kisame, isn't that crazy? He always wanted to go there, when he was younger. Did I ever tell you that he had this best friend? Oh, he was such a baby, and they loved each other. And I tore them apart. I'm awful...'

'Don't fucking talk like that! Just try to rest Itachi! You need to sleep!'

'My chest hurt so much though...'

'You won't feel pain if you try and close your eyes!'

'My eyes are closed.'

'Just try and sleep Itachi...! I know you're in pain, but I'll figure it out! Okay? Do you maybe want some food?'

'Dango...'

'Okay, let's go pick some up!'

So I took him to the little corner shop. They all looked at us weird, but I knew that they couldn't understand what he was goin' through, so bought him the best dango I could find. And I had to spoon-feed him it because he was too tired to even lift his arms. But he smiled when he finished, and after that, he finally fell asleep for the first time in four days. When I was sure he was asleep though, I started sobbing like a two-year-old. Because it was getting so hard for him to breathe. And I knew that his time was coming. But I just couldn't accept it. I rocked him all night long. Prayed to every god I could think of, to save him, told 'em that he didn't deserve to go yet. Because he hadn't seen his little brother yet, and because he hadn't done so many things. Told them that I'd always be a do-nothing, told them to pass it on to me instead, and let him go farther than me. But I tired myself out so much from cryin' that I fell asleep with him still in my arms. And when I woke up the next day... he had... he had moved on Sasuke..."

Sasuke let out a sob. 

"I found... a-a note in his pocket to me... he told me to leave him because I would be arrested if I was seen with him. And on the bottom of the note, he told me, i-if I was to ever find you, Sasuke, to tell you, this, 'I'm sorry Sasuke, I'm just sorry',"

Sasuke ran off the porch at that point. For he couldn't bear it anymore. It was too much. Too much to feel at once. He thought he could do it. Handel the truth. But what he had learned crushed him more than anything, anything other than Naruto's words that day. It hurt so much to know the truth. Especially when the truth ended in an apology that one could never say, 'It's okay' too. Itachi had died in his friend's arms. From a diease that he couldn't even afford to treat. On the streets, drowning in depression and fatigue. It seemed too painful to Sasuke as he sobbed into his hands on his bed. Why was Itachi always sorry? Why did he feel guilt for Sasuke even in his last moments? It was never Itachi's fault. Sasuke cursed his parents at that moment, he hoped they died knowing that they were the people who caused so much pain to such innocent people. But who was Sasuke to curse? He knew it would do nothing but make him hate the world more and more. And he knew Itachi would never want him to hate. Itachi always said peace was the answer, but in peace does hate disappear. Sasuke couldn't say as he cried into his hands. His heart was slamming against his chest and he wanted to choke himself to death. 'Why were you always sorry?' Sasuke screamed inside. The question smacking his breaking heart like a baseball bat. 

Sadara walked in at the moment, for the sound of the raven's tears had filled the house. She must have felt bad for Sasuke, for she didn't turn away like normal. She walked up to him softly and hoped on his bed, and walked onto his lap. Sasuke's lip trembled at the notion of kindness. So he pulled her close and sobbed into her soft black fur. And she purred softly, despite hating water. And not a minute later did Karmin rush in, to her precious angel's side. She held him close to her heart as he cried, just as she died when he first received the news of his brother's death. Just as she had when he had returned that day. Just as she always would.

But sometimes, she wished that she could have done the same for Itachi as well.

.~.

Sasuke tried to get in the habit of calling Sakura every day. Even if it was just to chat. But the most important thing about those calls to him was the fact that it was Sasuke who picked up the phone first and pressed her contact with no worry in his fingertips. It had been four months since Sasuke had left Japan, and it had been two since he had learned about his brother's death. Which had taken all the will power and energy for him to move on from. He had to look himself in the mirror every day since that day and just say over and over again that his brothers suffering had ended. And that he had already let him go before he knew the truth of what had happened, so it wasn't fair of him to keep him rooted down once again with selfish guilt. 

Sakura had cried over the phone many times, just by hearing Sasuke's voice tell her about how his brother had died. And Sasuke himself nearly cried when Sakura told him that she had been accepted into medical school. And he remembered the joy he had felt when she had told him about the fact that she and Ino had become a couple. She even sent pictures of them on dates with each other. Sasuke had never seen her look so happy, and it made him happy as well knowing that his friend was happy.

"I miss you," Sasuke said compulsively one day as he sat outside in the fading spring air. 

"Me too Sasuke, do you have any plans to come back to Japan?" she asked. 

"I was considering coming to the graduation, but mainly just to wish you off," Sasuke sighed, as he thought about the cost of a ticket. 

"Nah don't just come for that Sasuke! The student councils throwing a little party soon, it's supposed to be kinda like a peace treaty for the art and sports kids. But it's just gonna end in a competition. But it should still be fun! Me and Ino are gonna bring snacks, and the band should be performing! If you wore a hoodie you might be able to come in with us!"

"Come on Sakura, I can't just fly to Japan to see a college talent show!" Sasuke groaned, trying not to take his friend's words to heart. 

"Please Sasuke! I haven't seen you in so long! And I know you're supposed to be recovering in America, and I'm so fucking happy that you are. You sound so much better than the last time we spoke in person. But I miss you like hell, and you can stay at my place if you're worried about going on campus for too long. So can you please think about it?"

Ugh, it was such a good ploy. "I'll think about it Sakura, but don't get your hopes up, okay?"

"Mhm!" Sakura cried from the other side of the line. "Call me later okay? Don't you forget!" 

.~.

"You want to fly back to Japan in order to attend a college talent show?"

"It's... supposed to get interesting..." Sasuke murmured as he crossed his legs over one another and looked sheepishly out the window. This made Tobirama raise his eyebrows, but it only took the man seconds to see and uncover the real reason that Sasuke wished to return to Japan. He sighed at the thought as he closed his notebook and folded his hands. Feeling disappointed in himself for not seeing it in the first place.

"You want to go back to see Naruto, don't you?" 

"Of course not."

"Please don't lie to me Sasuke, I thought we had already passed that point," Tobirama sighed. 

"I don't want to spend five hundred dollars to see him, I want to go to see my friends," Sasuke explained as he continued to avoid Tobirama's piercingly deceiving gaze. 

"Do you think seeing Naruto will spark a change in you? Do you think him seeing you will change him?"

"I don't think anything because I would never just go back to Japan for him!" Sasuke snapped. 

"You would less than a year ago," he whispered. Which made the raven freeze and sink back into his chair. "You've changed Sasuke, but have you changed enough to not let yourself be pulled in by Naruto? You said you could last time, and you nearly died. What will happen this time? What will he do if he sees you? What will you say to him if you are pushed together in the crowd? 'Hi'? You know he won't take that. And why are you even bringing this up in a way like I can stop you? You know that I can only offer you advice Sasuke. You are an adult now, and you need to grow up and stop acting like a therapist can just fix every problem you throw at them," Tobirama said cooly but calmly. And then the conversation ended as well as the session, and Sasuke walked to the car. And pulled out his phone for any texts from Sakura, and when he found none, he started the car and drove to the nearest chain ice cream shop. He bought himself a dark chocolate ice cream dipped and dribbled with strawberry liquid. And after he took one lick he threw the ice cream cone out the window and drove in a straight line until he somehow returned to his little house. Where he saw his mother outside on the porch watering the wild lilies that she grew every spring. She would always pick them after they had died, and she would then hang them around her bedroom and kitchen. In little bundles that she said added life and meaning to the house, but Sasuke had come to recently notice that Sadara had been giving them a secret meaning as she chewed up the little purple buds and spit them out in the spare bedroom. 

"You look confused, did Dr. Senju say something to you at therapy?" Karmin asked as she placed a plate of chicken and rice in front of Sasuke, who gratefully took three huge bites. "Is it about what Sakura offered?"

"He didn't say anything actually..." Sasuke murmured as he felt Sadara jump up next to him, taking a nibble of the chicken that was left on his plate. "He told me that I had to decide for myself and that I can't just lie to myself about not wanting to see Naruto."

"You do want to go to see him baby?" the mother asked as she crossed her legs and placed her head on the back cushions of the couch. And as she watched her son nod his head from the corner of her eye, she gave a huff and took a sip of her drink before she turned to her son fully and spoke her mind. "I think you should go back baby, I think it would help you."

"Really?" Sasuke said, shocked, to say the least.

"Yes, I think it would be good for you to see your friends, and to spend some more time in Japan before you make your choice about school after this," Karmin said honestly, but after a pause, she cleared her throat and continued to speak. "And I think it would be good for you to see Naruto, Sasuke. And I know you're still conflicted about your feelings for him, but I do think that it would be good for him to see you as well. He must be worried about you, even if he doesn't feel the same way. I'm sure if you two talked to each other for a little bit, calmly, you two could resolve the fight you two had."

Sasuke pushed the rice on his plate into a small mountain as his mother explained her take on the situation. Which felt more optimistic than he would ever consider it. But he felt impelled to listen to her point of view because it made more sense than his embarrassed and sheltered way of thinking. But he knew better as well. If he were to go back to Japan, even if it was for two days, what could happen in two days? What could happen in one hour with Naruto? Who he had not seen in so very long. What would Naruto say to him? And what about Sakura? She had a girlfriend now and, that left him vulnerable. But he couldn't pull her away from Ino. She had been accepted into a school for nursing that was far away, and Sasuke had no knowledge of how Sakura and Ino would stay together. But he feared going back on campus. What if people saw him? 

But what if they didn't? 

And what if he had a good time with Sakura and Ino?

And what if he and Naruto resolved with one another? Would that really be so bad? He did love... he loved Naruto after all...

"You've decided haven't you?" Karmin whispered as she pulled her son into her lap and began to rub his face. Kissing his forehead in the tender way that she had always had in her. "Hmm, angel?"

"Yeah... I have."

.~.

"I just booked the flight."

"HOLY SHIT YOUR COMING?! INO HE'S FUCKING COMING BACK!"

.~.

Sasuke went to the concert dressed in a pair of knee ripped jeans, with a small fake sliver chain dangling off his belt loops. He wore a black shirt with an expensive-looking symbol sewn over the chest pocket. Sakura had covered Sasuke's hair in products that he could not even fathom to understand, and Ino had placed two or three bobby pins in as well. And his under eyes were smudged ever so slightly with black and navy eyeliner, which made his eyes pop and sparkle under the bright lights of the concert hall. But his eyes were shielded slightly with the black zip-up that was unzipped but open around his torso. He was sweating under the lights and as he and Sakura and Ino continued to laugh to each other about someone smelling like shit. But as the acts began the drama began to start. Screams were heard and Sasuke was almost positive that he saw someone get thrown. But it was good undeniable fun. And when Sasuke saw his old band put on a performance of an original piece, he applauded them and the most non-suspicious way he could. But as he looked over at Sakura and Ino walking over with a plate of Dango we smiled seeing Ino plop a few into Sakura's mouth. And he was so momentarily distracted that he didn't even notice the wave of silence that had fallen over the hall. 

All eyes were on the stage and as Sasuke curiously turned his head, the water bottle he held in his hand hit the ground with a seemingly deafening smack. 

Naruto.

Naruto in all his fucking glory was up on the that little raised stage with no expression on his pale and drained face. His cheeks were colorless even under the blinding hot lights. And his blue eyes were circled grey underneath, and his smile lines, even the fake ones had disappeared. He wore a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and nothing more than that. His hair had grown into a sort of mullet, and he had tied a chunk of it back with a small elastic. But in his hands, he was holding tuning an object that Sasuke had thought to have been thrown away. His little guitar. Which was probably older than anything Sasuke had ever owned, still covered in the same stickers, and still holding the same old rusty strings that gave the strings a rusty but good sound. Naruto was holding it... did he learn how to play? Why wasn't he using his own guitar? Why was he given Sasuke's? And why had a mic been placed in front of his face. Almost as if he was going too...

He raised the same pick that Sasuke had always had hidden in the stomach of his instrument as Sasuke covered his mouth with the realization of what his old friend was about to do.

And as he stumed the first three cords, and opened his mouth, Sasuke nearly gasped louder than the crowd. 

"I fell by the wayside, like everyone else"

'He's singing in English...'

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you"

'My guitar... the words I taught you... is it for me? Do you hate me Naruto?'

"But I was just kidding myself  
Our every moment, I start to replace"

'Have you finally remembered? You big Dummy?'

"'Cause now that they're gone  
All I hear are the words that I needed to say"

'Say...?'

"When you hurt under the surface  
Like troubled water running cold  
Well, time can heal but this won't"

'No... but it should heal well enough...'

"So, before you go"

'Go?'

"Was there something I could've said  
To make your heartbeat better?"

'A million fucking things.'

"If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make it all stop hurting?"

'Well, 'I'm Here' might have been good...'

"It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go"

'I had to go Dummy, I know you see that now.'

"Was never the right time, whenever you called  
Went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all"

'Was there anything in the first place?'

"Our every moment, I start to replay  
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face"

'You saw it in my eyes didn't you? Now at least...?'

"When you hurt under the surface  
Like troubled water running cold  
Well, time can heal but this won't"

'A bandaids better than nothing...'

"So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make your heartbeat better?"

''You're not just some guy I used to be friends with...' that would have been good.'

"If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make it all stop hurting?"

'How about...'I remember you'?'

"It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go"

'I've always felt worthless Naruto...'

"Would we be better off by now  
If I'd let my walls come down?"

'Of course.'

"Maybe I guess we'll never know  
You know, you know?"

'I don't know, maybe your wrong about that... it's not over yet, right?'

"Before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make your heartbeat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather"

''I'll keep you safe..' or anything like that...'

"So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make it all stop hurting?"

''I love you'... that might have worked, Dummy'

"It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go"

And as the final cord rang out. Hitting every nook in the sound boards. Reaching into every ear of the audience. Sakura covered her mouth and Ino did the same. The entire sports division was still frozen in their tracks, and the art division was as still as the statues that some of them made. But after thirty seconds of silence, Naruto sighed into the microphone, and stood from his chair. He placed the microphone to the side, and squated on the edge of the stage before he hopped off. Walking in a straight line to the back of the hall, the sounds from his rustiling clothes remaining as he closed the hall door behind him after he had waved goodbye to the dumbstruck crowd. And after a minute had passed. Or maybe two more. The door slammed shut again. And as Sasuke walked out in the summer air of Japan, he picked up the pace as he silently followed Naruto through the campus.

Because he could wait an hour or two more.

Because he had decided against going anywhere.

He wasn't quite ready to go yet.

Not even close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest fucking chapter ever....
> 
> get the connection to the name of the story??????
> 
> One more chapter left!!!! Any questions?????? I'd love to answer them!! I'm sorry for the late update!! I love you all!!!
> 
> (I will be re-editing this chapter so apologies for the horrible editing!!!)


	23. ~Chapter 22~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is not miracle medicine...
> 
> But maybe time is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended songs to listen to!!!!
> 
> -Line Without A Hook/ The Scientist  
> -Drivers Licence  
> -Arcade (Slowed+Reverb is better in my opinion!!)
> 
> Near the end!!!  
> -Yellow (The live version is better but you can pick and choose!!)

Sasuke's footsteps were quiet against the pavement and the gravel on the streets. His breathing was calm and quick as he ran at pace with Naruto. Who was walking fast in Sasuke's eyes, but slow in his own mind. Which Sasuke ould not seem to understand or enter as he squatted behind a lamp post and watched Naruto pull a safety pin from his jean rips. Before he finally came to approach the gate of the old park that made Sasuke's heart twitch. A gate had been placed around the park. 'That's new...' Sasuke thought as he saw Naruto throw the guitar over his shoulder, careful to keep it away from the metal gate as Naruto bent over and began to fiddle with the padlock on the gate. The small clicks that came off the lock made Sasuke flinch knowing that the person he loved was breaking an entry. But when the lock did give way, Naruto gently pushed open the gate and walked into the park, the crunch of the woodchips echoing after him. 

Sasuke breathed softly for a second before he rose from the ground and walked over to the gate that had swung open again. He winced at the cracking sound his knees gave and winced again when he heard the gate creak as his sholder brushed against it. But when he ducked to avoid a reactional turn of Naruto's head, the blond didn't notice him in the dull light of the night. So when Naruto turned his head background and resumed his slowed but fast walking, Sasuke stood as well but he did not move as his eyes widened in shock. 

His childhood was being ended before his eyes seemingly. 

The play structure in the park was nearly demolished, only a few pieces of the structure still stood, but it seemed that they too weren't very welcome to stay. A small bulldozer sat ready at the side of the remaining structure. Ready for use. Half of the woodchips had been pushed into a pile, and the sandbox had been taken apart and taken away as well. There was no more water fountain and no more seesaw. The park looked empty and dull in Sasuke's grey cold eyes. It made his stomach ache slightly, knowing that more and more of the things he loved in Japan were disappearing. 

But he flinched upon hearing the creak of a swing. He felt his heart flutter again at that because Naruto had sat down in the swing. And Sasuke felt his feet crunching against the remaining wood chips as he walked further into the park. But he didn't feel forced to come forward to see Naruto. He didn't feel fear as he walked over to the thick tree that still stood strong in the park. He wanted to go forward. He wanted to speak to Naruto. It was odd of course, to want something with his own will and mind. But he felt proud. 

But Naruto looked distant as Sasuke approached him. 

Distant in the way that he looked far off from the world. And he looked very very confused. But when Sasuke took the final steps in his path to standing in front of Naruto at last. Naruto's head turned upwards slowly, and when his pure blue eyes locked with Sasuke's. Sasuke felt his stomach groan with the sensation one felt when they ate something bad. His eyes looked like a different colored reflection of Sasuke. Dull and tired and sad around every curve and dip. There was no shine in them. And Naruto's pupils seemed to dilate and shirnk and then dilate again as he stared into Sasuke's. But after ten blinks and some silent breathing, Sasuke flinched as he saw Naruto's eyes settle into a fully dilated state. 

When someone's eyes were dilated in such a way...

... didn't it mean...?

"You came," Naruto whispered. His voice was lulled and soft at the same. 

"You've ruined your reputation at the school," Sasuke snapped. "Why?"

Naruto's expression didn't falter. "Your firm now, was that part of your treatment?"

"You're talking a lot of shit for someone in your position," Sasuke murmured as he clenched his fist. An unnatural feeling of anger rising in his chest as he did. "I come back for a drink and a party with Sakura, and then all of a sudden your singing, playing my guitar! A-And singing a song in English! And you're not even reacting to seeing me here! Did you know that I was coming?"

"No," Naruto whispered. 

Sasuke felt his chest throb as he heard Naruto's voice remain in the same bored and dull tone. "Why do you sound like that?"

"I just sang in the worst English ever, I'm tired," Naruto whispered as he turned his head down. But before Sasuke could feel anger through his veins as the blond continued to avoid eye contact. He felt a cold but gentle hand lift up his own, and as he felt Naruto brush up his sleeve. He felt warm but cold as the blond's gentle fingers began to brush against the raven's self scarred flesh. Sasuke could feel the fall and bumps in his skin defined as Naruto continued to rub his wrists. It made him hold his breath, and it made him blush in a way. But it also made him feel repulsed. 

"Stop," Sasuke whispered. 

He stopped instantly.

And after Sasuke had pulled down his sleeve again, Naruto spoke.

"Did the surgery go alright?"

Sasuke pursed his lips, angry that Naruto was avoiding his questions. But strangely rational knowing that Naruto was talking at all. "It went fine. I can still have sex and all, but they don't recommend it on a full-time basis. And my scars won't fade well, I'll have them for the rest of my life. But I'll probably just get some bullshit tattoo to cover them up. So yeah, it went alright."

Naruto was silent as his head remained down. But after a moment or two, he gave a huff and stood from the swing. "Wanna sit?"

Sasuke blinked at the question. Why was he offering? But he was tired... and maybe Naruto had to say something to him. So he nodded his head and stiffened when he felt the brush of Naruto's fingers on the top of his hand. But Naruto showed no reaction as he silently lead Sasuke to sit down on the swing, but Sasuke felt his stomach jerk as Naruto's hand fell away from his. What was he planning? Sasuke had no idea as he shifted his position on the wooden swing that his brother had made for him and the boy that stood behind him. But when he felt himself swing forward, in a small playful way. He smiled, as he felt Naruto gently push his back so he would swing forward. The breeze of the night brushing against his cheeks as he fell forward and back. He felt his legs swinging forward with every push from Naruto. And he felt himself laughing as he did sore through the air, and he knew his cheeks were red as he felt the boost of Naruto's fingertips on his back. But he had seen how dialed Naruto's pupils were. And although he didn't want to consider it...

...he that there was a high possibility that it could be true.

But as soon as he shivered with those thoughts, he felt the swing stop in its flight. And when Naruto's hands wrapped around the strands on both sides of Sasuke's head. Sasuke looked to the dying slide to not notice the blisters that had formed over the blond's finger tips. But he nearly lost all of his composure when he felt Naruto's forehead brush against his right shoulder, but then Naruto raised it again. But after a second, he touched it to Sasuke's shoulder once again. And Sasuke's body involuntarily started to slack at the warmth of the blond's skin against his shoulder. And after a minute, Sasuke felt his heart pounding against his rib cage as Naruto relaxed his body to fit his head into the crook of Sasuke's neck. But in the embarrassment, he also felt strong and relaxed as the soft tickle of Naruto hair rested on his skin. And the feeling of having his feet hand above the ground made it seem unreal to Sasuke in away. But he knew it was real. And he knew that soon enough Naruto would come to break the silence with something that he had planned to say from the moment he had locked eyes with Sasuke only minutes previous. 

"... I'm sorry about Itachi..."

Sasuke felt the spit in his mouth go sour. "He... he had a friend with him..."

"How do you-?"

"Why are you asking?" Sasuke snapped. Naruto's hands squeezed tighter around the ropes. Which made Sasuke sigh as he also felt Naruto's forehead muscles pinch into a frown on his neck. "He contacted me, Dummy, told me about what happened, and he was with him when he died, so he wasn't alone like they said."

Naruto relaxed into Sasuke's neck again as he heard that.

Sasuke swallowed. "So you found out..."

"It was easy to see once I opened my fucking eyes," Naruto murmured. 

"...But do you, remember?"

Naruto stopped breathing at that, but when he did again, his voice was growing with the sounds of guilt. "Only the sad bits..."

Sasuke wanted to create. But he didn't want to at the same time. "Sad bits...?"

"You coming to me that day Itachi got taken. The time you yelled at me because of what I said about your parents. How I used to get angry when you called me Dummy, and how we used to bicker," Naruto said, "I don't remember Itachi very well, I remember how you always wanted to please him. I think it got on my nerves. And I remembered how much you loved my parents, and how you told me how yours were on a business, I guess it was pretty fucking extended though. But I remember how you used to be so snippy, and short-tempered. You always hated it when you got embarrassed. And when Itachi poked your forehead in front of me. But I guess you were sensitive too. I remember you hated questions, and you hated sad movies. But you hated when I cried, especially if it wasn't something you couldn't fix. Like when I stubbed my toe or tripped on the sidewalk," Naruto whispered as his hands began to shift downwards to Sasuke's which rested below his own. And Sasuke felt his heart twist and jerk when he felt Naruto's hands curl and encase his. He felt his grip on the rope turn to iron as he felt the sweat and beat of Naruto's skin against his own. And he shivered and blushed when he heard Naruto speak again. But when his mind registered his words, his heart sank to the bottom of the ocean of blood that it swam in. 

"... but I remember the day that I woke up and chose not to go to the park anymore. I remember my parents took me out on a drive. And I remember how I didn't ask for any songs, because I just wanted to stare out the window. And I guess that night... my mom heard me say under my breath, something about you not liking me in the first place... and then I never spoke about you again I suppose... because I thought you hated me so much that you disappeared..." he finished off with a sigh into Sasuke's neck. But Sasuke was struggling not to cry as he heard what Naruto had said. But he pushed his spit down to his lungs, the feeling of sadness mixed with frustration as he did.

"But... why did you care...? ...Do you even care now? ...Naruto?"

He squeezed his hands tight.

Sasuke's stomach flipped around twice. 

"Your eyes are dilated to Naruto..." Sasuke whispered as he turned his head to face downwards slightly, in embarrassment for his upcoming words. "Do you know what that means... Dummy?"

Naruto stayed still.

"People's eyes only go that big, when they look at something they love..." Sasuke whispered as fear and blush filled his face.

Naruto pressed his forehead harder into Sasuke's neck.

"Naruto... are you... are you... in love with me?" Sasuke said, the words ringing out like laugher in a funeral home. Sasuke suddenly felt a feeling of vulnerability that he had not ever felt before in his life. Did he want Naruto to say 'yes' to the question? Was it because he still felt things for the blond? He knew that it would be a mess if he said yes! Yet he wanted to cry at the thought of 'no'. Even though he knew 'no' was the right answer he still wanted to hear 'yes'. So selfishly and so possessively. But when he felt Naruto's grip on his hands go loose. He felt his heart fall from a skyscraper.

"I... I don't know..." Naruto whispered as he stood from the group. His knees cracking with his weight. Sasuke felt himself turn around with no will power left in his body. Naruto leaned his head against the tree, and he looked to be in so much pain as he did. His thoughts must have been so squished and packed together. So much that it must have been worse than any injury from soccer. Sasuke's eyes welled up when he saw his scrunched up beautiful face. That was so confused and lost from the question that Sasuke had selfishly asked. But when Naruto yelled out, Sasuke's heart nearly spilled in two as he heard the pain in his voice. "Damnit Sasuke! You don't just ask questions like that! T-The last time I saw you, y-you were in a fucking hospital bed! On life support! A-After I-I fucking screamed at you! And if I hadn't! T-The mole rat wouldn't have gotten to you! And you wouldn't have t-tried to do it!"

"Don't say that!" Sasuke cried out. He hated this. He hated Naruto taking the blame and fault for his own choices. Even though it was his own fault. Sasuke hated to see Naruto suffering because of it. It made him so sad in every wrong way. 

"No! You know it's true! God! Stop trying to make me happy Sasuke! I-I don't know why you think I'll be happy if you just shut your mouth! And I don't know why you didn't tell me the truth! And I don't know what I fucking feel towards you! I mean Christ! All we ever did was have sex and fight! You know I'm not all bubbly like I used to be! So why do you care about me? Why do you love me! You answer the fucking question first!" Naruto screamed as he pointed at Sasuke who stood on trembling kneecaps and a tear ready face. He didn't know why he wasn't already crying. Every bone in his body wanted to let it out. But it was a million times more painful not to cry as he watched Naruto fall apart at the seams. Naruto slammed his fist into the tree as Sasuke turned his head away in agony. And after the blond left out an ear straining cry, he pressed his forehead into the bark and let out a sniffle as he choked out the words that made Sasuke freeze in his place.

"...You never even let me kiss you..."

"You said you weren't gay." Sasuke whispered as he felt a spark of anger cross into his mess of emotions.

"Don't pull that card," Naruto hissed. "I was sleeping with you every other day. You were really that against a kiss?"

"I kissed you before!" Sasuke snapped. "I kissed you when we were kids! And you had no fucking reaction!" Sasuke screamed, fury and anger overriding his system as he stomped over to Naruto. Who had grown taller than him by only one inch. But still, Sasuke felt so small in his tearful gaze. But he couldn't hold back anymore. Because Naruto was such a fucking idiot. "You're so fucking stupid, you know that? I never kissed you because when I was seven fucking years old I fell in love with you when I kissed you that day! Do you think I wanted to fall for you again? Do you seriously think I enjoy liking you? It fucking hurts Naruto! It hurts so much! And you're not helping at all! You're hurting me! Damnit and I keep running back to you! I don't want to see you like this! I hate seeing you in any fucking way now! Because your not the same kid I fell for that day! But I just keep falling in love with you! And it hurts so much! Because every time I try to avoid my source of pain, I.E you! I know that I'm nothing without you! But you don't see that! You can't understand what I feel Naruto! This feeling your feeling right now? THAT'S WHAT I FEEL EVERY TIME I LOOK INTO YOUR FUCKING DEAD PAN FACE-!"

But before he could scream out another word Naruto closed his mouth over Sasuke's.

Slamming him against the tree and pressing his hands away from his face which he was desperately trying to hideaway. But as the blond and raven wove their lips together in a rhythm, Sasuke's hands flung up to Naruto's neck. And as Naruto pushed his tongue up against Sasuke's lips, squeezing his ass to make the raven moan out just enough to push it inside. Sasuke felt tears fall from his eyes, burning against his red-stained cheeks. And as Sasuke groaned in his throat as he felt Naruto's hot firm tongue rub against his own, he felt his stomach grow hard and his pants wet. He felt the sweat in Naruto's hair, and his nose picked up the scent of sweet cleanliness that he found so attractive. He felt Naruto's hands travel up under his shirt as he tried to desperately keep pace with Naruto's savage tongue. Which moved so fast and pleasurably that Sasuke only moaned louder against his own teeth as he felt Naruto's bulge on his leg as the blond pressed into his own. His hands were so perfectly fit Sasuke's face. Which was hotter than the surface of the sun as Naruto, after a minute or two slowed his pace and disconnected his lips from Sasuke redded plumped ones. A line of spit connecting them for a second or two, before it split in two in front of Sasuke's dazed and cloudy eyes. 

Naruto's arms were on both sides of Sasuke's head as the two boys heaved and gasped in the air. The sweet night air filling their exhausted lungs like a hit of heroin after a round of the finest cocaine. Sasuke wanted to wipe the drool from his lips, he wanted to conceal his obvious erection. But he felt so tired and so dazed, that even attempting it felt like a needless thing. But he snapped back into reality when he felt something warm and cold drop onto his forehead. And he flinched when he looked up and saw Naruto's eyes closed tight, trying to hide the tears cascading down his face. But before Sasuke could gather enough air to speak, Naruto beat him to it in his ragged and tired voice.

"Ask me it again, Sasuke," he heaved, struggling to even stand.

"W-What?"

"Ask me the question again, please," Naruto cried. And as Sasuke came to realize, he found himself crying as well. He knew what the answer was going to be. And he knew it wasn't the right one. Because only a fool would be unable to see that it was not right. The kiss itself proved it. The kiss only had happened because Naruto couldn't bear to hear the truth. And Sasuke had only kissed back because he was desperate. And they both knew it as they cried in that dying park. On separate sides of the world seemingly. 

"A-Are y-you... in l-love with me...? Naruto?" Sasuke whimpered into his hands. Which had become buckets in seconds. 

"Y-Yes..." Naruto sobbed. "I'm in love with you!"

Sasuke sat down on the swing as he heard that. And he was only half-listening to the sound of Naruto's punches on the bark of the tree as he covered his ears and tried to unhear it. Oh god, it was so unfair. He would have given everything he owned and used to make it normal. What he wouldn't do for a normal chance with Naruto. A chance that didn't involve and death, or rape, or hate, or anger, or missing or wrong fitted pieces. He just wanted to love him, and now that he had heard those words, first hand at least. He knew damn well how bad it really was to love. Because it couldn't work. They were both too young and so different. Too apart to be mended again. Naruto wasn't the sunshine anymore. He was a long exploded supernova, that was nothing but dust that needed to leave before Sasuke's allergy to it worsened. 

And Sasuke was no long the sensitive tsundere that Naruto used to wait for until sunset. He was a piece of clay that had been beat and punched to the point that even if he tried to be gentle with it. Even if he managed to make a person out of that clay. It would only crack and fall to pieces with his sloppy and unworthy hands. Because Naruto wasn't a sculpture. He was just a stupid kid. Who didn't know anything about emotions or life. But he knew that it couldn't work. He knew that what he could offer would only break after a month or two. Sasuke was not easy like Naruto had always thought of him as. And Naruto was surprised to see himself so susceptible to the crushing thing that was love. He had always known that it couldn't work. And Sasuke must have known it too judging by his tears and screams into the night.

But Naruto did walk Sasuke back to Sakura's that night.

Or more they walked twelve feet apart from one another. Wiping away their tears as they did. Walking against the wind that seemed to wish to blow them back together again. But Sasuke walked through it the hardest, so hard that it made Naruto's heart split in two. God, why did it hurt to see him make choices with every step he took? Why was a change so painful to see? Naruto clenched the neck of the guitar as he and Sasuke finally reached Sakura's house. Which seemingly felt like a portal of separation. Naruto knew it was time to see him off. He knew that Sasuke had decided on the walk back to Sakura's house. But he didn't want him to say it. He didn't want to hear Sasuke say that he was going home and that he would avoid him at all cost because even though it was hard, it was right.

"...you know why I'm doing this, you see why at least?" Sasuke whispered, as he stood on a step higher than Naruto. Looking to the door of Sakura's house, refusing to meet the eyes of Naruto, who's own desperately wanted to meet his. Even for one more time. Even for a second more. He just wanted to see those grey beautiful things. "Answer me, Naruto... don't make this hard..."

"What will you do?" Naruto whispered as he felt his heart squeeze into jam. 

"Get a job probably, in America, maybe I'll meet someone, but I'll never come back here. I'd just have regrets if I came back," Sasuke stated calmly, trying to hide the shaking sounds in his voice as he continued to look to the house. Or the future. Or at least away from Naruto. "Just, please don't contact me? Your already gonna have a hard time at the university, so don't make things harder on yourself. Got it?"

"Yeah..." Naruto said as he wiped his nose, and tried to stand strong against the wall of pain that was being constructed in front of him, blocking him off from Sasuke in a metaphorical sense. 

"Then, have a good life, okay?" Sasuke choked out, his shoulders tremblings as he felt a fresh surge of tears fall down his face. "D-Don't keep smoking, alright?"

"Alright," Naruto whispered as he felt his lips curl and split as he pressed them together to muffle his cries. "I'll quit..."

"Take care of Shikamaru t-to... h-he's a good friend... and he vouches for you..."

"Okay..." Naruto whimpered.

"A-And don't give up on soccer! Y-Your a great fucking player!"

"Alright...!"

"A-And tell your parents t-that I'm grateful for all they did..." Sasuke gasped, losing control of himself for the millionth time. 

"T-They know, d-don't worry,"

"A-And... Naruto...?"

"...Yeah...?" Naruto wheezed out as he looked up just in time to catch Sasuke's head-turning around. His face. So perfect in every way in the world at that moment. Even though to some it looked to be blotchy and red, to Naruto it looked like an angel who had accidentally chosen the devil's right but wrong path. At that moment he wanted to lunge forward and grab hold of Sasuke and hold onto him until they had turned back time. To that moment when he had hugged him that day Itachi had been taken. What if he had held onto him longer? What if he hugged him all the way home back to his house? Would Sasuke have stayed if that was the case? It was a silly theory that could never be put to the test as Naruto's blue eyes locked with Sasuke cold grey ones, which suddenly had all the sparkle in the whole world. But Naruto was smart enough to make a hypothesis stating that it would have made him stay. Not forever of course, but long enough for him to know that Naruto loved him dear to his heart. 

"Please forget about me again."

But nothing could change the past.

"Don't go..."

And Naruto knew that as he saw Sasuke run inside the house and slam the door behind him without a second glance.

"Please...?"

It just hurt ten times more when Naruto knew it was his own fault that the door was close on his face.

~Five Years Later~

It was winter when Naruto received the message from Sakura. It was in all capital letters and seeming so important that she felt the need to text him a three a.m to announce it. But needless to say, it wasn't like Naruto was getting any sleep in the first place that night, so he sighed and picked up his phone from his nightstand, knocking over his water glass in the process. The clang of the glass hitting the rug made Kurama raise his fat old head up for a moment only to lay it back down on the blankets, and let out a snort of annoyance.

"Shut up," Naruto murmured as he opened his texts, and was nearly blinded with the photo of Sakura wearing a white silver ring around her finger, with a small pink but white diamond on her ring finger. "Holy shit... she's getting fucking married..." The phone then exploded with messages from Sakura, demanding him to call her that instant. So he rolled his eyes, and stood from his specially designed bed, and walked to the window of his one-story house. That was supported on three beams which were somehow hammered into the mountain that the house hung off of. And as he pressed her contacts the moon beans cut into his room, through the wall long windows which sparkled clean against the night air on the other side. 

"Naruto! She proposed! She finally proposed!" Sakura screamed from the other line, her English as flawless as ever. "Oh my god! I'm crying!"

"Calm down Sakura!" Naruto groaned as he turned down the volume on his phone to rub his ear. "It's night here!"

"Naruto I'm getting married! Don't give me that! Oh my goodness you have to come to the wedding!" 

"Wedding?"

"Yes! Ino already talked it all over with her parents! We're gonna have it in Canada! So you won't have to travel far right? You only have to travel for one part of the year, after all, Mr. Olympic player."

"Come on Sakura, don't make me get all dressed up!" Naruto groaned as he walked over to the house's second bathroom and began to change the heater's settings. "Why don't you guys just stay in London and get married there? There some beautiful spots! Canada's too cold for weddings anyway."

"Don't say crap like that blondie, you just hate the idea of seeing everyone happy, when you're still single and lonely!" Sakura said with a laugh from the other line, Naruto decided to ignore the comment however seeing that Sakura was in an unnaturally good mood. "But seriously Naruto, can you please come? As a friend? It would really mean a lot, you know how my parents are about this, and you supported us from the get-go in college. And I want you to get out, it worries me, seeing you only on TV and never even at the grocery store... so please?"

Naruto flipped off the light switch in the bathroom upon hearing Sakura's sentimental words of appreciation and care. He ran a hand through his hair as he considered it, there was always a possibility...

"Naruto?"

But Sakura had put up with Naruto's crap for so long, and it was supposed to be her big day, so he couldn't refuse her.

"Alright fine, email me the information, and pick out a good cake!" Naruto said as he walked back into his bedroom, smiling slightly upon hearing Sakura's cries of joy from the other end of the line. And after she wished him a thank you or two, she hung up in excitement and Naruto placed his phone on his nightstand. He then sat down on his bed with a groan, taking a mental note to do more stretches for his legs in the morning. But after that, he placed his hand on the shoulder of... Harry...? It was seemingly a new one every night, and names blurred together after a while anyway, so he just gave them a random name.

"Hey um, you mentioned getting home early?" Naruto asked gently as he handed the man his glasses and a glass of water. 

"Yeah, thank for waking me up," the man said kindly, as he swung his legs over the bed and took his folded clothes from Naruto with a smile. "Thank you again, for... um, that. It was amazing, but I do..."

"I understand," Naruto said neutrally, as he pulled a robe on and grabbed his car keys off the kitchen counter. "One-time things are never a problem with me."

"Oh, I don't need you to drive me!" the man said quickly as he pulled out his own phone. "I-I'll just call an uber!"

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked politely. "It's no trouble."

"No, um, your cats kinda been starring me down, and um, well it will be less suspicious to my wife if I uber anyway, but thanks! And bye!" he called out as he slammed Naruto's front door with his shirt still unbuttoned and his file down. Naruto stared at the door for a moment, but he sighed after a glance at his wallet, seeing it sufficiently less full. And after a look through it, he quickly called the bank and told them to shut down all his credit cards. And after everything was all set he flopped back down on his bed next to Kurama. 

"Caught another one, huh?" Naruto murmured as he scratched his cat's head. The feline purring back in response. "Sorry he was so loud, I thought I had scored well for once. You clearly saw through him. Idiot me huh?"

Kurama gave a huff at the noise that his owner was making. 

"I hear you," Naruto whispered as he pressed the remote button to shut his shades so he could sleep in the next day. "Are you at least proud of me? I'm going to the wedding..."

Kurama purred.

"I know that... but he's probably married too... no I hope he is..."

Kurama growled.

"Oh shut up, you choke on your own fucking food, you have no right to say anything about who he chooses to date!"

Kurama hissed that tine and gave nip at his owner's hand. 

"Well it's not like we'll talk anyways you Cheeto stain looking furball," Naruto snapped as he threw the hundred dollar blankets over his body and forced his eyes shut. But when he felt a piece of scrap paper flutter down on his face, he sighed already knowing what it said. Sakura had sent it to him, she said that it could help him when he was struggling with how to express himself. He of course had wanted to rip it to atoms when he first read it. But somehow it had survived long enough, to float down on his face. Which made him glare and curse himself as he pulled it from his hair and read it over once again in the cracks of moonlight flowing through his shades. 

'How Strange  
To Dream Of You  
Even When  
I Am Wide Awake.'

"Fucking hell..." Naruto groaned as he covered his face with his hand as he felt the familiar jolt of painful emotions. The ones that he hated with every inch of his body. 

The ones he felt only when he thought of Sasuke...

.~.

"Naruto you can't wear a fucking suit and tie, you have to wear a tux and a tie like you did for ours!" Temari clarified for the millionth time as she tapped Shikamaru in the back of the head for the millionth time as he once again messed up with tieing his friends tie. What a splendid married couple they were. Temari was always a force to be reckoned with, and Shikamaru himself was always too lazy to learn what set her off and what didn't. But all jokes aside, Naruto knew that what they had was special, and wasn't just fights and disagreements. It was the fact that they worked in the grand scheme of things. 

"I can wear whatever I want, Ino said a fine suit. And this is a fine suit," Naruto rebuked as he pulled Shikamaru's hands off the tie and made it work himself. 

"This is Sakura and Ino's big day!" Hinata said enthusiastically as she helped her own husband with his tie. Kiba murmuring to himself about how the tie was choking him. Naruto sighed as he straightened his tie in the mirror, only to be pushed out of the way by Sai who began to push his own into place. And then he himself was shoved aside for the ladies to begin to apply all their makeup to fit and match their elegant blue bridal dresses. Which fell below their ankles and matched them all in their own unique way. 

"Oh, I'm sure they'll both look so pretty!" Temari said with a bashful smile. "Oh Hinata, are you certain that you have Sakura's ring ready for her?"

"P-Positive!" Hinata nodded as she pulled out the little box that cost more than half of Naruto's house. 

"Guys! It's starting in twenty minutes!" Neji called out as he poked his head in through the door. "You all need to get to your seats!"

Naruto thought it all was stupid. Weddings in general that was. They were so expensive and always more about the scale than the actual love part. But he gave Ino points for all she had put together. The wedding took place outside, at night when the stars showed the most in the month. The setup for the wedding was simple, with only a few chairs out for the few guests that didn't ridicule and spit on homosexuals. But the overhang was beautiful, covered in white flowers and made of birch wood. The chairs were foldable white wood and were also covered in white field flowers. Naruto's shoes crunched slightly under the snow as he saw himself down in the second row. But he didn't mind as he saw Ino walk down the aisle, arm, and arm with her own father, who was practically swelling with pride. Ino herself looked to be holding back tears of joy. She wore a tighter lace wedding dress, strapless in her style, and reveling her belly the slightest bit, in her style as said before. She wore her hair down but braided with the same little white flowers. 

But when Naruto heard the gasps of the audience he turned to see Sakura following down the aisle behind her soon to be wife. She wore a puffier wedding dress, with off the shoulder sleeves made of the finest lace. Her hair was much longer than the last time Naruto had seen her. And in her hands, she held a bouquet of light pink roses, with lilies of the field sprinkled in. Their beautiful scent wafting behind her as she walked past Naruto her pink hair blowing the breeze of the later Canada winter. But when Naruto finally looked away from Sakura's beauty, he nearly fell from his chair when he saw the person she was arm and arm with. He felt shivers as he thought of the name him. And he almost couldn't look at him as he heard his footsteps echo over to his seat, which was thankfully on the other side of the chairs. And as all the guests stood, Naruto felt nauseous as he did so. Trying to avoid his eyes so carefully from the back of Sasuke's duck-like raven hair.

He looked skinnier, and his skin was still pale as paper. Even though he had been living in America for the past five years as Naruto had thought. He wore a plain black suit in accordance with the dress code. And as immature as it was, as Naruto stood on his tiptoes to get a good look, Sasuke's ring finger was bare of any gold or silver. And for some reason that made Naruto feel both happy...

...but also very sad.

"Ino Yamanaka, do you take Sakura Haruno to be your wife?" the man said with the typical beaming voice of a man who was wed people. But Naruto felt zoned out entirely as he heard Ino say 'I do'. Sasuke... was there... and seemingly well after all those years. Had he seen Naruto? If he had, what was he thinking? Was he angry to see the blond? Was Naruto himself angry to see Sasuke not angry or sad?

"By the power vested in me, I now bestow, I pronounce you wife and wife, Mrs. Yamanaka, you may kiss you the bride!"

And as Sakura and Ino embraced, at last, Naruto began to mindlessly clap, but only because he saw Sasuke raising his own hand. Which were still small and pale, but also blistered and scabbed. Naruto winced once again as he remembered how painful guitar strings were to play for him. And Sasuke's hands were always like that, even when he was in the hospital...

Naruto felt sick.

.~.

The speeches that everyone from Ino's family gave were even more exhausting to listen to than final exams in Naruto's opinion. It was three hours into the wedding after-party and he had already drunk three large glasses of champagne (Back to back because he was an idiot) and he was already so invested in his little game of, 'Avoiding Sasuke'. That he nearly missed the call for cake. Which he wobbled over to, staying near Neji because he knew well enough that Sasuke despised large crowds and probably Naruto in general. But as the blond was handed his own piece of cake, which was as perfect looking as a piece of pastry could get. But when he did finally turn around after receiving a fork, the universe itself seemed to punch Naruto in the face as he came to face to face with Sasuke, declaring him the loser of his own game.

He had cased his head down, and he looked to be stiff as iron, but also as delicate as the likes draped over the wedding chairs. Time froze for Naruto seemingly at that moment, because he wanted to react, to say something to Sasuke. Even if it was just 'How are you?' or some dry fucking conversation starter like that. He wanted to hear Sasuke's voice. He wanted to fully see the face that he used to touch and hold so carelessly. But he knew it wasn't right, to talk to Sasuke. And even want Sasuke. To dream about him every night. He couldn't help it of course, for every night he dreamed either of nothing at all, or he saw the same image of Sasuke walking away from him. Telling him to forget like he always does. Oh, he hated it with all his heart, to hear those soul-crushing words repeated over and over again. To the point that he heard them everywhere he went.

But before he himself could figure out something to say, Sasuke had already moved past Naruto in his frozen state, asking quietly for a piece of cake, receiving it, and then moving far from Naruto once again. 'Are you serious...?' Naruto thought in annoyance as he huffed to himself and sat back down in the chair. Still feeling tipsy and bored, but at seeing Sasuke, he felt even more sick and bored, and not to mention sad. Sasuke was avoiding him, and he was supposed to pretend that it wasn't affecting him. But he had truly gotten good at hiding his true feeling, well it was required for him often. He was after all an Olympic soccer player. And petty things like emotions were things that were never allowed in matches. But that of course didn't mean that Naruto couldn't feel them. In fact, the day that he and Sasuke parted ways, was actually the first time in years that Naruto felt his feelings seemingly switch on. Well not feelings of happiness of course, god forbid that he ever be happy. But the feelings known as longing and pain. A.K.A the worst ones to feel. 

But as he got older he developed a skill of hiding them. Sakura would always be telling him how proud she was that he was doing better. When in reality he was only getting better in the sense of acting. He never went to any kind of therapist after Sasuke left, he never told his parents about it. He never even told Shikamaru. He only told his cat, and Sakura too, because she was with Sasuke already, so it was fitting that she spoke to him too. But thankfully she was very gentle when it came to talking to Naruto. For she saw him cry of the first time ever when she brought it up. And she herself looked quite pale as she watched her co-worker, and maybe friend suffer on the floor in pain.

But Naruto knew damn well that it was not his place to feel want. Even though he knew fully well that he still loved Sasuke. And it hurt like hell, and he understood for the first time what Sasuke felt when he left for America that day. Naruto understood of course in his own sense, but it hurt. And he had tried to numb the pain with soccer and trips to the gay bar. But his selfish mind just wanted to look upon Sasuke again. To kiss Sasuke like he had that night under the tree. 

But Sasuke didn't feel the same way.

And Naruto had seen enough online to see that he was better off without him. He was a guitarist, he wasn't famous yet, but he was a part of a major band. A band that traveled for concerts all over the world with the lead singer. Who was seemingly adored by all their fans. And Naruto had seen the pictures of the band and their travels. Sasuke was always smiling in those pictures, and he always had an arm around one of his bandmates. Who had red hair and a much kinder face than Naruto ever could force out. But that was good! Right? Sasuke was happy without him! And he was finally successful! And not trying to make Naruto happy! That was good! So why was he so upset...? Why did he hate the fact that Sasuke had seemingly moved on so fine and perfectly? Was it maybe jealousy? Or was it anger?

"Hey..." Sakura whispered as she placed her hand on Naruto's shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, congrats!"

"Thank you..." she whispered as she sat down next to her friend and placed her hand on his. Her diamond ring cold on his skin. "I should have told you."

"He's your best friend Sakura," Naruto said. "You don't have to tell me anything, I get it."

"Naruto, stop lying I can tell you're upset," Sakura snapped. 

"Sakura today's your wedding for god's sake, think about that okay? Aren't you and Ino going to dance soon?"

"Naruto, these feelings you have, it's not healthy to hold them in like this."

"Can we talk about this later?"

"When is later blondie? Huh? You said later when Sasuke left. When is the later this time? I know you're upset! You don't have to hide it! I know you still love him and that's okay! But your gonna need to talk to him at some point Naruto... you two have grown up... it's been five years!"

Naruto huffed out with annoyance. "If Sasuke wants to talk to me, he can approach me."

"You know he wants to talk to you," Sakura whispered.

"Sasuke is happy without me, he shouldn't want to talk to me," Naruto stated as he stood from the chair, brushing off his suit as he did. "Sakura, where's the bathroom?"

She sighed as she stood up, her beautiful hair swishing with the wind as she did. "Anywhere that's away from the flowers blondie, were in the middle of the woods."

"Haha," Naruto laughed sarcastically as he walked past his friend, only letting his smile leave his lips after he had traveled far into the trees. And after he had thrown himself against a birch did he let out a groan of pain. Why was everyone around him ether so oblivious or so damn right? Why did Sakura know what he felt towards Sasuke? And how did she know that Sasuke really wanted to talk to him? Because he didn't, he was completely avoiding him. He probably was with that redhead in the band anyway, that's why he looked so happy in those pictures. But it was still painful for Naruto to see. He felt like a failure, for making Sasuke hurt. And he felt jealousy for the red-head, for he wasn't hurting Sasuke. Unlike Naruo, who nearly brought Sasuke six-feet-under. 

"It's warmer near the heaters," a voice called. It was so familiar and so startling that when Naruto did turn around to see Sasuke standing six feet behind him. He felt his tear-ducts twitch as he locked eyes with the raven. Who was still shorter than him by maybe now half an inch. He wore the wedding attire well with his slim and well-formed body. He must have been working out more when he traveled, because he looked excellent, even if he was a bit too skinny in Naruto's worried eyes. He wore light black eyeliner in his waterlines, which made his already dark eyes pop out more. And his eyes seeming sparkled like jewels in the light of the stars and moon. He was so beautiful. How could he be anything less though? He was both beautiful and kind in the heart, and he was stronger than Naruto in every way possible. And Naruto knew that he was weak compared to him and his hurt but kind heart. "You should come back up-"

"Are you okay?" Naruto blurted out. The question ringing out like a gunshot. 

Sasuke blushed quietly at it. But he spoke calmly as he answered. "I'm fine, Naruto. You don't need to worry about me-"

"How's work? Is everyone good to you? The guy with red hair, is he okay with you?"

"... everyone is very accepting of me. Um, Ray and his girlfriend are both very kind. And I'm okay-"

"Has everything been okay? With your health?"

"Yes, Naruto why are you-?"

"Are you happy-?"

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled as he strode forward and grabbed hold of Naruto's hands which he had been frantically swinging around. "Stop fucking yelling! I'm fine! Okay? You need to calm down!" He trembled as he heard those words. 'Stop...' he thought as he tried to pull himself away from Sasuke. 'Don't let me near you. Get away from me. I've hurt you too much. It can't happen again! You can think that you need to make me happy! I just want you to be happy!' "Naruto... why are you acting like this? You're being stupid! I'm okay! And I'm happy! You don't just ask questions like that! It's been five years! Can't you just say 'Hi'?"

The blond was quiet. So Sasuke swallowed and pulled his old friends into a hug. To maybe slow his breathing, and reduce his shaking. Just as he had unintentionally done that night. 

"Naruto, are you doing okay?" Sasuke whispered. His voice was so full of concern. "You look pale, and your so skinny... have you been sleeping?"

"No..."

"Why?" Sasuke asked. 

"Because I'm always thinking of you."

"You're not sleeping because of... me?" Sasuke questioned with a tight throat, as his nose filled with Naruto's clean scented cologne. His body felt muscled but frail in his arms. Had it only been five years? Had it only taken that long for him to regress into this pitiful lonely state? 

"I never said sorry to you, Sasuke, for the things I said to you..." Naruto whispered as he buried his head back into Sasuke's neck. His smell filling his nose like it had that day that they had kissed and parted. "So... I'm sorry for not seeing what you were going through."

"Naruto you couldn't have seen what was going on, I was trying to hide it from you in the first place," Sasuke whispered as he felt Naruto's arms tighten around him. Encasing him in a hug that made him lose his breath and logic. 

"I shouldn't have yelled at you, the day when we finished finals I mean, because then... Kabuto..."

"Hey..." Sasuke whispered, feeling dense as he said it. "Kabuto is still in prison you big Dummy, he's not getting out for a very very long time, so don't you worry about him. And he's not gonna hurt me Naruto, he can't anymore."

"The fact that he hurt you in the first place... the idea that it could happen to you again..."

"You think I don't worry either? Do you think I like getting updates on his chase every other week? It fucking kills me. Every time I try and forget and move on from what he did. I get a fucking letter in Japanese giving me all his curses and insults that he writes!" Sasuke snapped, he himself feeling angered that Naruto was still wrapped up in the old mess that he was trying to move on from. "And your the same! Kabuto can't get the idea out of his head that what he did was right! And you can't just forget about me and move on! Damnit Naruto why are you still thinking about me? I told you to forget it!"

"I don't know why!" Naruto yelled back as he held Sasuke in his arms tightly to stop him from trashing against him. "I'm older now! I couldn't just forget!"

"Well try harder okay! You know that it can't work between us! I mean look at you know! You have to put me in the fucking chokehold hug just to keep me from having a-a panic attack!" Sasuke cried as he began to struggle against Naruto's grasp. "LET ME GO!"

"No, I'm not letting you go."

"Naruto you have to forget about me! I have to forget about you!" Sasuke cried as he tried to throw small punches at Naruto's back. "IT CAN'T WORK!"

"What if... we tried...?" Naruto whispered as he rubbed the back of Sasuke's head, to slow his fast breathing and heartbeat. 

"No... it won't work..." Sasuke whimpered miserably, as he felt his eyes give into tears. 

"Sasuke... we don't have to jump into it... we can just try...?"

"No... I travel so fucking much for work..." Sasuke sobbed. How much had he changed? What had he done to him?

"I can wait. I can wait... don't worry..." Naruto whispered as he relaxed his arms to press his face into Sasuke's neck as he felt the ravens breathing slow. "You waited for me... so I can wait for you..."

"Why are you acting like this?" Sasuke whispered as he pulled his neck away from Naruto to look him, in those light blue eyes. Which were so dilated and soft around the edges as he stared into them. "Why are you... not mad? I forced you to tell me how you felt about me... and when you kissed me... I told you to forget about me. And then I left. So why are you so worried about me? Why are you acting like I'm the most important thing in the world?"

Naruto at that sentiment gave a laugh. "Do you really need me... to spell it out for you?" Naruto said in between laughs, smiling at Sasuke as he asked the question. 

Sasuke went red. "D-Don't you dare!"

"It's because I-"

"No don't say it!" Sasuke cried with embarrassment as he pressed his hands over Naruto's mouth. Trying to appear angry at him when in reality his heart was melting like ice. Naruto had just laughed... laughed as he used to... when he found money on the street when they were children. Or when Sasuke told him a joke that made no sense. Sasuke felt overjoyed at Naruto showing the emotions that he had seemingly lost so long ago. He was changed. And Sasuke wasn't even close to perfect. He was a mess truly. And a hypocrite. Because he too thought about Naruto at night. And during every love song, he sang to himself during band practice. But even though he also tried to forget, he, just like Naruto, couldn't after all that had happened. So when Sasuke felt Naruto press a small kiss to the inside of his hands. Sasuke let himself meltdown until his forehead rested on Naruto's. 

Could it maybe work? What if they went too fast? Or what if something happened? What if...

What if Sasuke stopped weighing the possibilities...

What if he allowed himself to try again with the person he loved dear to his heart?

"Because I love you..." Naruto whispered as he lifted his own head up and kissed Sasuke after he brushed his bangs up to face the sky. "And I think you love me too... Sasuke..."

The raven blushed down to his collar bones. But he still lifted his eyes. "You... said... we can try... do you mean it?"

Naruto smiled through the tears pouring down his face, as he pulled Sasuke in for the hug that put a start to their game of redemption. Which they played sneakily with one another at first. But after say a year passed, they went up a level or three. Having sex again, and going out to Italian restaurants after Sasuke's concerts. But after a year more of that, Sasuke jumped another level or two when he called Naruto 'Babe' when they took each other into the showers. And Naruto jumped ten when he pulled a silver ring from his pocket one night at a ramen restaurant after his Olympic qualifying game. And they crossed the finish line together of course when they were pronounced husband and husband under the same night sky that Sakura announced to them that they both were going to be godfathers. And Sasuke scored bonus points of course when he turned in the adoption forms. 

But they beat the game never the less.

It just took some time.

"Of course I fucking mean in, you big stinky..." Naruto had said when the game started. 

"Don't call me stinky..." Sasuke had whispered with a laugh under his breath. 

"I only call you that because I love you..." Naruto said as felt his heartbeat sync with Sasukes on that cold winter-spring night. Feeling happy in the form of pure joy in a way that could only be described as heavily as he held the man he loved in his arms. Never wanting to let go again.

"Well, I love you too, Dummy..." Sasuke whispered.

They could figure it out.

And they did.

Pretty well, if I say so myself.

~ The End ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And um... that's it!!!! 
> 
> Yeah, um that's all, there won't be any squeals, and please look out for my other upcoming fics!!! Pretty soon I should have a highlight on my Instagram (alyss_weeb_543) for all the art I made while writing this story!! So you can check that out!!
> 
> But what did you guys think???? I'll definitely come back and edit this if you guys want me to. Also, this is the happy ending I gave you, I was thinking about killing off Naruto after Sasuke left. But I decided against it last minute!! A lot of time has passed since I started, and my grammar got a little bit better as the chapter went on too!! 
> 
> Thank you all for your kudos and comments!! Reading them made me so happy!! And every time I was losing motivation for writing I just went back to the thing you guys wrote and suddenly I was back in the game. Thank you also for being so patient with me!! This is my first big fic on a03 and I probably should have written differently because you guys are a different audience!! Sorry about that!!!
> 
> But once again thank you to all my readers and supports while writing this!! I had a really fun time writing my top into a story of my own design, and I'm glad that people enjoyed it as much as me!!!
> 
> I love you guys to death!! Thank you so much once again!!
> 
> -alyss


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